diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues.epub b/TheHomestuckEpilogues.epub index 51e821a..2624987 100644 Binary files a/TheHomestuckEpilogues.epub and b/TheHomestuckEpilogues.epub differ diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Fonts/Homestuck-Regular.ttf b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Fonts/Homestuck-Regular.ttf new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6d6b189 Binary files /dev/null and b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Fonts/Homestuck-Regular.ttf differ diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Styles/ebook.css b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Styles/ebook.css index d777dbf..d8d4c43 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Styles/ebook.css +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Styles/ebook.css @@ -1,7 +1,4 @@ -body { - font-size: medium; -} - +/* defaults */ blockquote { font-style: italic; border-left: 3px solid black; @@ -31,6 +28,96 @@ pre { font-size: 75%; } +/* general hs imported styles */ + +body { + font-family:adobe-garamond-pro, serif; + font-weight:normal +} +span.opener { + float:left; + font-family:'Homestuck-Regular', monospace; + line-height:0.825 +} +div.chat { + margin:15px 0px 15px 25px; + font-family:"courier-std", courier, monospace +} +div.chat p { + text-indent:0px; + font-weight:bold +} +p.Command { + text-indent:0px; + margin:15px 0px 15px 25px; + font-family:Verdana, sans-serif +} + +.type-xxl { +font-size:74px +} +.type-hs-opener-rg { +font-size:65px +} +.type-xl { +font-size:56px +} +.type-hs-opener-sm { +font-size:51px +} +.type-lg { +font-size:39px +} +.type-md { +font-size:28px +} +.type-hs-header { +font-size:32px +} +.type-hs-copy { +font-size:24px +} +.type-rg { +font-size:20px +} +.type-hs-rg { +font-size:18px +} +.type-sm { +font-size:16px +} +.type-hs-small { +font-size:14px +} +.type-bs { +font-size:12px +} +.type-hs-button { +font-size:11px +} +.type-hs-bottom { +font-size:10px +} +.type-center { +text-align:center +} +.type-left { +text-align:left +} +.type-right { +text-align:right +} + +p.no-indent { + text-indent:0px +} + +.weight-bold { + font-weight:700 +} + +/* character styles */ + .aranea { color:#005682 } @@ -122,9 +209,4 @@ pre { } .vriska { color:#005682 -} -p.Command { - text-indent:0px; - margin:15px 0px 15px 25px; - font-family:Verdana, sans-serif } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy1.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy1.xhtml index 52e575c..cd643f0 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy1.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy1.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 1

-
-

Candy was +

+

Candy was definitely the right choice, John thinks, as he munches thoughtfully on a strawberry swirl mint. It cracks to splinters between his teeth. Incredibly tasty splinters, the consistency of @@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ fatalistic mood that he’s been walking around with all day seems somewhat... melodramatic. Embarrassing, even! Who has time for nihilism when it’s such a beautiful day.

-
+

JOHN: you know what?

ROXY: ...

JOHN: maybe i’ll stay after all.

@@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ when he thinks about it. Superficial. And a bit sappy toward his friends. So what if he wants to make an insubstantial, superficial, and sappy decision?

-
+

CALLIOPE: are you absolUtely sUre aboUt this, john?

@@ -101,7 +101,7 @@ tree, not to the world, not even to the leaf itself. He flicks the delicate green metaphor away with a flourish of disdain, and sudden conviction.

-
+

JOHN: yeah. actually, i don’t think i’ve ever been so sure of anything in my life.

@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ sexist way to describe it. It’s definitely a girly noise, though, and not what John was expecting. Without warning, she launches herself into his arms.

-
+

ROXY: omg john

ROXY: thats...

ROXY: AMAZING!

@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ were just waiting for him to pick up the phone, or to come along and hug them.

Roxy pulls back and claps excitedly.

-
+

ROXY: this is gonna be so effing AWESOME

CALLIOPE: yes. i think that yoU have made an excellent choice, john!

@@ -161,19 +161,19 @@ makes it so that she dips into shadow. The sharp recesses of her skeletal face turn those shadows black. For a moment, her voice sounds the way wind does when it howls through a narrow chasm.

-
+

CALLIOPE: yoU mUst free the bard from his prison.

JOHN: ???

Did he hear her right? He can’t imagine she could possibly mean...

-
+

CALLIOPE: gamzee.

Calliope puts her hands together and pulls back, smiling sweetly. Her voice is sugar-sweet again.

-
+

CALLIOPE: let poor gamzee oUt of the fridge, john.

CALLIOPE: the time has come. u_u

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy10.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy10.xhtml index 60a3fa2..707985f 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy10.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy10.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 10

-
-
+
+

TEREZI: WH3R3 3V3N 4R3 YOU

TEREZI: 4ND WHY H4V3N’T YOU SL1C3D M4K4R4 1N H4LF Y3T

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ contact with him, and Gamzee gives him a thumbs-up. A chill runs down John’s spine, so he goes back to his conversation with Terezi.

-
+

TEREZI: 1M W41T1NG

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: ...

@@ -179,7 +179,7 @@ looking at him that makes him glad he got out of bed today. It makes him, for the first time in years, excited about the idea that the future is a thing that exists.

-
+

ROXY: sorry for takin so long had to reapply the face u kno how it is

ROXY: actually u probably dont but let me tell u @@ -247,7 +247,7 @@ because they’re sitting so very close. Her lashes look about twice as long in the low, pale light. They shadow her eyes so that he can’t read her expression.

-
+

ROXY: ya know i didnt even know any adults when i was a kid

ROXY: so i got nothin except the legends of how my @@ -280,7 +280,7 @@ actually humors him. The glasses clink together clumsily, and water gets all over the complimentary breadsticks. She starts laughing harder.

-
+

ROXY: oh john

ROXY: why didnt we do this SOONER

ROXY: i love spendin time with you

@@ -298,7 +298,7 @@ can’t tell what Roxy is thinking. She’s so warm and open and inviting, but when John looks into her eyes... it’s almost like staring into a voi—

-
+

ROXY: oh

ROXY: wtf look behind you

@@ -316,7 +316,7 @@ angles a look at John through the panels of his shades. It looks like he hasn’t slept, but it’s hard to tell with Dave. He’s out of breath.

-
+

DAVE: hey dude

DAVE: and roxy

DAVE: uh rather...

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy11.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy11.xhtml index c0ec858..195e66c 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy11.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy11.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 11

-
-

Dave grabs +

+

Dave grabs the sleeve of John’s tux in his sweaty palm, and the two of them fly to the top of the nearest tower. John glances at him en route, and the look on Dave’s face strikes him as that of a man condemned @@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ even in the middle of the city.

Dave cups his hands over his knees and stares straight ahead.

-
+

DAVE: yo john what do you think about me and karkat

JOHN: um...

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@

Dave says this so neutrally that John has no idea how to read it, despite having years of practice reading Dave’s many neutral tones.

-
+

JOHN: er... yes.

JOHN: that’s exactly what i mean.

DAVE: why

@@ -136,7 +136,7 @@

Dave makes a couple truly useless hand gestures.

-
+

DAVE: in the greater fabric of our weird incestuous social group

DAVE: it might be the wrong move i think

@@ -150,14 +150,14 @@ developed a bad habit of sometimes approaching delicate social situations with all the grace of an elephant stumbling around in a dark room.

-
+

JOHN: right.

JOHN: i almost managed to forget that she was trying to fuck you and karkat.

Dave snaps his head around to stare at John in shock.

-
+

DAVE: wait you knew about that

JOHN: uh, yeah?

JOHN: did you not?

@@ -182,7 +182,7 @@ with his elbows crossed over his thighs. The angle he’s at gives John a good look at his eyes, which are boring a deep, miserable hole to the center of the Earth right now.

-
+

DAVE: thats why i think that i should

DAVE: give it a try i guess

JOHN: give what a try? dating jade?

@@ -204,7 +204,7 @@

Dave doesn’t answer. His silence says a lot, John thinks.

-
+

JOHN: ...are you in love with karkat?

DAVE: thats

DAVE: thats a big fucking question

@@ -250,7 +250,7 @@

He tilts his face so that he can give John a look. The corner of his lip quirks ambiguously.

-
+

DAVE: have you been talking to terezi

JOHN: um...

DAVE: damn i thought she ghosted everyone

@@ -267,7 +267,7 @@ catches John’s gaze and makes a rolling gesture with his hand, miming the way a practiced magician would flick a coin over their thumb.

-
+

DAVE: do you know what a coin flip is

DAVE: like universally i mean in the grand scale of all this time space infinite string theory bullshit were always @@ -316,7 +316,7 @@ is essential, true, and relevant. He remembers those three words, but no other contextual remarks which bind them. That conversation seems so very long ago now.

-
+

JOHN: i mean... it doesn’t sound...

JOHN: *canon*?

DAVE: ugh not you too

@@ -326,7 +326,7 @@

Dave sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

-
+

DAVE: doing the right thing

DAVE: i guess

JOHN: this doesn’t seem hard to me at all, @@ -349,7 +349,7 @@ isn’t easy for him, though. John guesses this is what it means to be a friend. It means being the guy who understands when easy isn’t actually that easy.

-
+

DAVE: i have to... talk to dirk i think

JOHN: uh, ok?

@@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ lingers between the two of them. Before John can fill it with some stupid words, he hears Roxy calling up to him from below. He pops his head over the roof and waves at her.

-
+

JOHN: what’s up?

ROXY: yo boys not to interrupt but we got kicked outta the restaurant for not ordering

@@ -391,14 +391,14 @@ more, like this whole conversation was sand running through his fingers. It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life.

-
+

JOHN: i’m... sorry i couldn’t help.

DAVE: nah dude its not your fault

Dave gives him a light bro-punch in the arm and tries to smile.

-
-

DAVE:enjoy your date

+
+

DAVE: enjoy your date

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy12.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy12.xhtml index 5f6f027..74b92e6 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy12.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy12.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 12

-
-

Jake wakes +

+

Jake wakes up to the unfamiliar feeling of a cheek on his chest and a thigh slung over his stomach.

Not that waking up to limbs entwined with some fleeting @@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ worst fears.

But his worst fears are confirmed for him without him having to do anything, unfortunately, which seems par for the course.

-
+

JANE: Good morning.

Jane sits up in the bed and stretches her arms @@ -58,13 +58,13 @@ sight of her. It’s not her attractiveness that was ever in question. It’s everything else about this situation which is the problem.

-
+

JAKE: Jane.....

JAKE: What in the blazes happened!?

She turns to face him, giggling into her hand.

-
+

JANE: Why Jake, I would imagine that you are practiced enough at sexual congress at this point that I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.

@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@

Jane blinks and touches a hand to her collarbone, like she doesn’t quite recognize herself.

-
+

JANE: Oh dear, did you hear what I just said?

JAKE: Lighten up?

JANE: It’s been quite a while since I’ve thought @@ -97,7 +97,7 @@ Lollipop on his bedside table. It sits, like evidence at a murder scene, beneath an empty bottle of vodka and far more sets of underwear than the number of people accounted for in the room.

-
+

JAKE: Um...

...Jake says, but Jane shuts him up with a @@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ several objections, but Jane is plucking all his strings quite mercilessly. He feels like a snake about to be necked by a mongoose.

-
+

JAKE: Wh... whats the meaning of the lollipop? I thought we agreed never to use trickster mode when we were... er.

@@ -133,7 +133,7 @@

Jane’s expression falls. She’d been feeling quite buoyed after a night of jolly—if inebriated—fun, but Jake does not seem to share her enthusiasm.

-
+

JANE: Dear me... was that innuendo a bit too much? I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this.

JAKE: No its not that. Jane... i...

@@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ words leave his mouth. Jane looks absolutely crushed. Devastated. Like Jake just ripped the rug out from underneath her entire universe.

-
+

JANE: What?

JANE: Are you saying everything we did...

JANE: It...

@@ -158,11 +158,11 @@

Jane stares up at him, her eyes so bright they’re practically clear, like tropical water on a sunny day. She looks like girls do right before they’re about to cry.

-
+

JANE: Jake...

Oh, how could he deny her anything?

-
+

JAKE: What was i even saying? Im being terribly foolish.

JAKE: Sure we may have er. Overdone it a bit on the @@ -179,7 +179,7 @@

It’s not the most rousing speech Jake has ever given, but it seems satisfactory enough for Jane. He releases a tremendously relieved sigh when Jane breaks into a smile.

-
+

JANE: Oh, Jake!

He flails when she kisses him. But this time, diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy13.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy13.xhtml index 99b67b5..b6911f2 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy13.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy13.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 13

-
-

Dave and +

+

Dave and Dirk don’t talk that much about the heavy stuff. They don’t need to. Dave can hear his brother’s voice in his head.

Not, like, literally. That would be insane. But Dave knows what @@ -52,7 +52,7 @@

Dave knocks on the door, loud, but there’s no answer. Nothing when he calls out Dirk’s name either. Then he tries the knob, and the door swings right open.

-
+

DAVE: uh

DAVE: hey

DAVE: bro

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@

Still no answer. Dave lets himself in. It’s not like his bro would actually mind. They’re family, after all.

-
+

DAVE: bro

DAVE: hey

@@ -69,14 +69,14 @@ flitting from room to room, checking for any signs of Dirk.

This is strange. The guy doesn’t usually go out to do things, unless those things are actively being televised.

-
+

DAVE: dude are you like gone i have something i really need to talk to you ab–

Dave all but jumps out of his skin with a shriek when he turns to find the last individual in the world he ever expected or wanted to see.

-
+

GAMZEE: HoNk.

DAVE: jesus FUCK

GAMZEE: HeY wHaTs ShAkInG mY mAn :O)

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy14.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy14.xhtml index 3e1c2f3..e32d3aa 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy14.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy14.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 14

-
-

Your name +

+

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you know what you must do.

The decision was made the moment John chose his course. This world has been set on a path that you cannot tread.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy15.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy15.xhtml index 720d4f7..e084cf0 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy15.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy15.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 15

-
-

The rain is +

+

The rain is coming down in sheets. It rains just seldom enough on this idyllic world that most of its inhabitants are conditioned to leave their homes without umbrellas, and today they’re paying for it. The press @@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ comes time to set it down in the cathedral, upsets the balance of the whole thing, and sends it careening down so hard that the nose of it crashes right through the stage.

-
+

GAMZEE: OoOpS mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

JOHN: oops???

ROXY: its fine gamz

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ inside, past the barrier of reporters. Jane drags Jake off by the wrist to deal with them as Roxy approaches the pulpit, looking miserably ghostlike in her violet mourning clothes.

-
+

ROXY: um

ROXY: hey thx everyone for joining me today

@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ back a whole mouthful of snot. The sound is very much in contrast with the delicate, feminine manner with which she tugs a tissue out of her modest cleavage in order to dab at her eyes.

-
+

ROXY: wow now that im up here its like

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i have no idea what to say

@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@

Of course she doesn’t. Dirk was her first BFF, her first love, and at one time, the only other human being left on Earth. She rolls the wet tissue between her fingers.

-
+

ROXY: and i guess thats cuz there IS nothing to say

ROXY: theres no words to describe how i felt about @@ -113,7 +113,7 @@ on his camera as quietly as possible.

It takes Dave a moment to gather himself when he reaches the lectern, but when he speaks his voice is steady and even.

-
+

DAVE: hey guys

DAVE: wanna apologize in advance cuz this is about to get a lil real

@@ -153,7 +153,7 @@

Dave hesitates. His voice might be cracking, but it’s subtle.

-
+

DAVE: he was just an absolute bastard no offense to the dead

DAVE: yeah ok sure he taught me a ton of shit that @@ -247,7 +247,7 @@

Dave takes a deep, shuddering breath and actually takes off his shades to wipe away the tears that are pooling on his eyelashes.

-
+

DAVE: i guess thats all i got to say about that

Jake is openly weeping by the time the speech @@ -257,7 +257,7 @@ suit. Dave leaves the stage, face turned away from the glare of the camera lights, and Roxy takes her place at the pulpit once again.

-
+

ROXY: anyone else have a eulogy theyd like to give

ROXY: i think the best way we can honor dirks @@ -279,7 +279,7 @@ room immediately to escape the stench emanating from this smiling clown. Suddenly, his expression distorts, to become something which can only be described as a leer.

-
+

GAMZEE: WhAt’S uP oN tHiS mOsT rIgHtEoUs AnD fRoWnY Of DaYs My BiTcHeS. :’o(

KARKAT: OH MY GOD

@@ -293,7 +293,7 @@

Gamzee clears his throat quite loudly and abruptly, sending ear-shattering echoes throughout the church. It sounds like someone just threw a toilet in a woodchipper.

-
+

GAMZEE: NiNjAs AnD gEnTlEhOeS!

GAMZEE: We GaThEr Up At ThIs ShRiNe Of WoRsHiP tO wHaTeVeR fAlSe IdOlS oR mEsSiAhS tHeSe HoMiEs GeT tHeIr DeVoTiOn On @@ -334,7 +334,7 @@ retrieves a piece of paper, crumpled and soaked from the rain outside, and attempts to smooth it out over the lectern. The wet paper breaks apart immediately beneath his oafish clown paws.

-
+

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!

@@ -343,7 +343,7 @@ Dirk had apparently handed down to Gamzee to be passed on. John can’t seem to find that optimism himself.

Gamzee draws a big, fat breath, and begins his speech.

-
+

GAMZEE: YoU eVeR wAkE uP aNd SiT dOwN tO dRoP a FaT oNe In ThE lOaD gApEr, BuT yOuR fLeSh BoDy JuSt AiN’t ReAdY tO gO aNd DoOk It OuT yEt?

@@ -352,7 +352,7 @@ scans the crowd, silent for a uncomfortable while, as if his question weren’t rhetorical and he were expecting an answer that will never come.

-
+

GAMZEE: tHaT’s WhAt LiFe WaS lIkE fOr ThE d-MaN.

GAMZEE: A mAn BoRn WiTh A pUrPoSe. A pLaN.

@@ -379,7 +379,7 @@ or two mercifully concluding remarks. Roxy stands up and begins clapping loudly to bring a heroic end to the elocutionary horror show.

-
+

ROXY: WOW WASNT THAT GREAT FOLKS!

ROXY: WOW JUST WOW I KNEW THIS GUY WOULDNT LET US DOWN

@@ -393,7 +393,7 @@

GAMZEE: hOoOoOoOoOnK.

She nudges Jake.

-
+

ROXY: (hey dude can u get up there and say somethin as like...)

ROXY: (a palate cleanser?)

@@ -431,7 +431,7 @@

John sneezes.

Dave and Karkat jump apart like opposing magnets.

Oops.

-
+

JOHN: uhh, hi guys!

John waves dopily and hopes that he doesn’t @@ -439,7 +439,7 @@ still staring at each other from the corners of their eyes, warily. Something silent and tense passes between them.

They make a quick recovery.

-
+

DAVE: hey

KARKAT: I SEE THAT EVEN YOU COULDN’T BEAR GAMZEE’S ASININE, BRUTAL AND 100% NONCONSENSUAL ASSAULT ON YOUR @@ -456,7 +456,7 @@

Dave glances at Karkat again. He... smiles. It’s a sad smile, but it’s there.

-
+

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: well no

DAVE: but its ok to not be ok about this specific @@ -478,11 +478,11 @@ down at his hands. Now that he’s paused to think a little, what he’s about to offer is a pretty weird way to console a friend after the death of a loved one.

-
+

JOHN: do you... want me to go back?

Dave quirks an eyebrow.

-
+

DAVE: go

DAVE: back??

JOHN: with my retcon powers.

@@ -491,7 +491,7 @@

Dave says at the same time that Karkat shouts:

-
+

KARKAT: JOHN!

JOHN: what!

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT HAVE AN INCH OF GODDAMN SENSE @@ -511,7 +511,7 @@

Dave makes a wavy hand gesture that implies he’s about to jump into a rant about causality or whatever. John cuts him off.

-
+

JOHN: but!

JOHN: if i retcon it...

JOHN: then it’s like it never even happened!

@@ -533,7 +533,7 @@

John frowns. Dave opens his mouth to say something else, but he’s cut off by Jade poking her head out of the church window.

-
+

JADE: dave!!! roxys wondering where you are

DAVE: oh yeah be right there

JADE: what about you karkat? you coming??

@@ -554,7 +554,7 @@

Karkat stomps back toward the church, bickering with Jade his way across the graveyard. Dave adjusts his shades and puts a hand on John’s shoulder.

-
+

DAVE: john

DAVE: i get what you were trying to do

DAVE: but

@@ -575,7 +575,7 @@

Do the... retcon thing? He thinks much, much harder than he thought about doing the last thing.

Still nothing.

-
+

JOHN: that’s weird...

JOHN: it was working just the other day.

@@ -583,21 +583,21 @@ starts to hurt. So hard that he doesn’t hear the footsteps sloshing through the wet grass behind him. When Roxy taps him on the shoulder he yelps and shoots six feet up into the air.

-
+

ROXY: lmao john its just me

John spins around to greet her. He hides his hands behind his back like he was doing something bad with them. Which he guesses he was, kind of. Roxy shields her eyes against the rain and laughs.

-
+

ROXY: doin ok up there b?

JOHN: i’m fine!!!

JOHN: wait. b?

John lands softly, close enough to Roxy that she can slide a hand up his arm.

-
+

ROXY: yea like short for babe

ROXY: cuz ur my babe b

JOHN: oh, haha. right.

@@ -607,7 +607,7 @@ affection in public places like this. He slips a hand into the small of Roxy’s back and feels a pang of guilt about what he saw transpire between Dave and Karkat earlier.

-
+

ROXY: is dave ok?

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: ...

@@ -617,7 +617,7 @@

Her gaze gets distant as she stares at something over John’s shoulder. Whatever she’s thinking about, it tugs a soft smile across her face.

-
+

ROXY: yea

ROXY: actually

ROXY: im more than ok

@@ -626,12 +626,12 @@

Roxy starts dancing her fingers up John’s chest.

-
+

ROXY: about you n me

ROXY: and this

She bops him on the nose.

-
+

ROXY: hey john

ROXY: we should get hitched

JOHN: ummmmmm...

@@ -639,7 +639,7 @@

John stares at where Roxy’s finger is still pressing down on his nose and goes a little cross-eyed as his brain tries to process what she just said.

-
+

JOHN: um...

JOHN: ...what???

ROXY: um what WHAT?

@@ -648,7 +648,7 @@

JOHN: like...

John looks around the graveyard nervously.

-
+

JOHN: right NOW?

ROXY: lmao totes

ROXY: were already at the church n everything

@@ -660,7 +660,7 @@

Roxy starts laughing so hard she has to wipe away a tear. She leans in to give John a quick, chaste kiss on the lips.

-
+

ROXY: no LOL

ROXY: john u take everything so literally

ROXY: its fuckin adorbs

@@ -689,7 +689,7 @@ gut. He goes breathless with shock; adrenaline pumping through him, his blood rushing in his ears. When he speaks, his voice is hoarse.

-
+

JOHN: you...

JOHN: LOVE me??

ROXY: yea john i love you

@@ -722,13 +722,13 @@ pirouettes. His hands come up around Roxy’s shoulders, and keep going until he’s cupping her face in both hands. He starts giggling.

-
+

JOHN: i...

JOHN: ok.

JOHN: ok, let’s... let’s do it!

Roxy waggles her eyebrows.

-
+

ROXY: ooo u want to do it??

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: er... i mean...

@@ -743,7 +743,7 @@ and laughing against her lips. She kisses him until they’re both breathless, then pulls back so that she can gaze at him with glittering eyes.

-
+

ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy16.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy16.xhtml index 8e6f19f..0ebdca4 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy16.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy16.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 16

-
-
+
+

JOHN: hey terezi, guess where i am right now?

TEREZI: YOUR HUM4N W3DD1NG

JOHN: considering that humans are the only species @@ -221,8 +221,8 @@

JOHN: yeah, ok. take care of yourself terezi.

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS DO

-

-
+
+

JOHN: hey terezi, i have something to tell you and you’re not going to believe it!

TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY H34RD 4BOUT HOW J4N3 1S D4T1NG diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy17.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy17.xhtml index 9de50c6..56ac20c 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy17.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy17.xhtml @@ -25,15 +25,15 @@

Chapter 17

-
-

Three +

+

Three months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation with Terezi. It’s kind of impossible not to, when Rose and Kanaya keep saying the name “Vriska” every five minutes. He really thought they were done with hearing about Vriska all the time, but apparently Rose and Kanaya were intent on breathing new life into that tradition.

-
+

ROSE: Vriska, don’t chew on your chair’s dinner tray.

KANAYA: Darling She Is Only A Grub She Hasnt Yet @@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ sign of movement.

She lifts her head to speak. He’s like Houdini with that phone.

-
+

ROXY: damn i still cant believe dirks gone tho

ROSE: Yes, it was so sudden.

ROSE: But the best we can do to honor him is simply @@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ cradles Vriska in one arm, and begins to unbutton the top of her shirt with the other. John instinctively finds something else to look at. Anything. His fidgeting hands will do.

-
+

KANAYA: Have You Two Thought About What To Name Your Grubs

ROXY: its just one grub lol

@@ -142,7 +142,7 @@

Kanaya gives John an inquisitive, wide-eyed look. As if there could be no conceivable reason for someone to ask this question.

-
+

KANAYA: Yes Of Course

ROSE: Why would we change her name when she’s nearly a year old?

@@ -166,7 +166,7 @@ dragging his heels on for months. Back when Roxy first got pregnant it was all they talked about it, but now that she’s so close to the due date, all the subject does is make his pulse go shaky.

-
+

JOHN: um...

ROXY: harry anderson egbert

JOHN: roxy! we hadn’t...

@@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own. Rose stops breastfeeding Vriska, and hands her off to Kanaya. She comes to sit beside John, setting a hand on his knee. She speaks kindly.

-
+

ROSE: Wasn’t that the guy from Night Court?

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: which was...

@@ -199,13 +199,13 @@ the planet turning under his feet. He whips his head up to look at Rose intently. She seems alert. Her gaze is precise. She doesn’t seem ill, or off, or confused at all.

-
+

JOHN: no she... didn’t?

JOHN: vriska didn’t defeat lord english.

Rose doesn’t say anything. No one says anything.

-
+

JOHN: rose, no one knows what happened to lord english.

ROSE: Of course we do. Vriska used the juju and her @@ -242,7 +242,7 @@

John swivels around to point a finger at his wife. It comes across as more accusatory than he means it to be.

-
+

JOHN: roxy, you and calliope told me that i had a choice!

JOHN: and i MADE my choice, which is why i ended up @@ -262,7 +262,7 @@ big deal at the time, and then suddenly it felt like nothing at all. Why?

Roxy leans over and sets a cool hand on John’s forehead.

-
+

ROXY: u doin ok there babe

JOHN: i’m fine!

@@ -271,7 +271,7 @@ than he already looks. He brushes Roxy’s hand away and stands abruptly, looking woozy and sweating at the temples. His skin is tight and clammy, too hot and too cold all at once.

-
+

JOHN: i just... need some fresh air.

ROXY: want me to come with u

JOHN: no!

@@ -288,7 +288,7 @@ over the treeline and out of the troll suburb that Kanaya and Rose have made their home in. Furiously, he begins typing on his phone.

-
+

JOHN: terezi. i know that you’ve got important stuff to do out there in paradox space, but i really need to hear from you.

@@ -303,7 +303,7 @@ deep breath. The breeze that rattles over the forest seems foul, somehow. Stale, like air that’s been recycled multiple times over.

-
+

JOHN: they’re not great.

JOHN: i mean, on the surface everything is fantastic! everyone’s so happy and it finally seems like we’re all @@ -361,7 +361,7 @@ the bottom corner of the screen. It’s an indication that someone is typing.

He stops breathing until the text actually appears.

-
+

TEREZI: OK4Y LOS3R, T3LL M3 WH4T H4PP3N3D TH1S T1M3

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy18.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy18.xhtml index 489dae7..bab0c0e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy18.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy18.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 18

-
-

Jane may +

+

Jane may have stepped away from her pursuit of public office, but it’s important for any educated businesswoman to stay abreast of the political goings-on of her nation.

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ languorously in front of her television. She remembers her father doing the same all the time. Well, without the luxurious silk robe and eighty-inch TV screen.

-
+

JANE: I admit I had second thoughts about calling off my presidential bid after what happened with Dirk, but...

JANE: You know what, I’m surprised to say that this @@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ the day. When she asks for a fresh pen, he fishes one out of his codpiece and hands it to her, but he looks uncharacteristically disquieted.

-
+

GaMzEe: WhOa. ArE yOu ReAlLy AlL uP aNd SuPpOrTiNg ThAt StIcKy ShIzZ, mY wOmAn?

JANE: Excuse me? That... what?

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@

Jane chuckles at Gamzee’s jape. But the strange expression persists on his clownish face.

-
+

GAMZEE: ThIs Be WiCkEd SeRiOuS bOo.

GAMZEE: YaLl ReAlLy DoWn WiTh SuBjUgGlAtInG mY nInJaS?

@@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ hand is that one’s wrist is bound to get a bit sore, and it’s left her short on patience for the tiresome ordeal of explaining the basic functioning of a political system to an ignorant farceur.

-
+

JANE: Gamzee, please.

JANE: I’m not down with doing anything of the sort.

@@ -105,7 +105,7 @@ ShOe It MiGhT bE aLl RiGhT mAnG.

Jane has to pause to huff in exasperation.

-
+

JANE: No, Gamzee!

JANE: Everyone needs shoes that fit the size of their feet!

@@ -187,7 +187,7 @@ as willfully loathsome as Makara could be this dense. What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

-
+

JANE: I just explained: it’s essential that these regulations remain in place so that the human and troll populations can remain proportionate.

@@ -215,7 +215,7 @@

And just like that, she falls right into his trap. There’s no turning back now. The salacious ritual is imminent.

-
+

JANE: Excuse me, I’m sorry. “Canceled”?

JANE: Are you even hearing yourself?

JANE: Who in the world gave a literal @@ -264,7 +264,7 @@

As soon as Jane starts screaming, the baby does too. Jake, sitting approximately six feet away, bounces the infant a little to calm him down.

-
+

JAKE: I say would you mind keeping it down for tavros?

JAKE: He was sleeping and to be honest i think @@ -274,7 +274,7 @@ she’d forgotten that Jake was there at all—she scrambles to cover herself properly the moment his voice cuts through the din of sloppy, moist honking.

-
+

JANE: Jake! Darling.

JANE: Don’t worry. Th-there’s plenty of attention to go around, my love.

@@ -301,14 +301,14 @@

Jake’s heart is racing so hard he loses focus. He doesn’t notice that Gamzee is offering him the bottle until Jane’s angry voice wrenches him back to his senses.

-
+

JANE: Gamzee! That’s been on the ground! Get him a clean one.

Gamzee shrugs, and squirrels away the half-spilled bottle in his codpiece. He walks off and returns with a fresh bottle from the fridge, then hands it over to Jake.

-
+

JAKE: Haha thanks ill just be going now. See ya.

@@ -323,7 +323,7 @@ skull like a gunshot.

As Jake gently bounces the baby in one arm, he takes out his phone to text an old friend.

-
+

JAKE: Jade are you there?

JADE: yep!

JADE: whats up?

@@ -335,7 +335,7 @@ voice. It’s something to focus on besides the—

OHHHH! HONK!

Jake winces.

-
+

JADE: jake!!! its been a while since you called!

JADE: is everything ok?

@@ -351,7 +351,7 @@ to stand. So Jake shuts himself into the first empty room he comes across and lets himself slide to the ground against the closed door.

-
+

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going?

JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy19.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy19.xhtml index 098c6b3..3f28448 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy19.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy19.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 19

-
-
+
+

JADE: how cute do you guys think johns baby is going to be

JADE: like on a scale of 1-11???

@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ Alternian mushrooms that flare up at night with a sick, green bioluminescence, and from above by the soft glow of his social media accounts.

-
+

DAVE: i dunno

DAVE: i still havent come to terms with the fact that johns gonna be a dad

@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ Instead, he’s seriously considering Dave’s question. He picks a leg off one of his beetles and flicks it over Jade so that it lands on Dave’s forehead.

-
+

KARKAT: BELOW ME BUT ABOVE YOU.

DAVE: yeah exactly

DAVE: now hes all married and pregnant and hes got @@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ immature. Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

-
+

JADE: well...

JADE: ive actually been thinking lately about how since rose and kanaya had a kid and jane and jake had a kid and @@ -104,7 +104,7 @@

Karkat starts laughing. Jade flicks him in the forehead.

-
+

JADE: no stupid all three of us!

DAVE: uhhh

JADE: what??

@@ -144,7 +144,7 @@

Dave puts away his phone and rolls up so that he’s braced on his elbow. He meets Karkat’s gaze over the rise of Jade’s chest and smiles at him.

-
+

DAVE: yeah dude i know

DAVE: youre probably like closet dad of the fuckin year

@@ -195,7 +195,7 @@ in the fridge more than once in his life. Jade and Karkat exchange a private look they’ve also given each other more than once in Dave’s presence.

-
+

DAVE: yeah so anyway im gonna stick to hot pockets i think

JADE: dave

@@ -238,7 +238,7 @@

Jade sits up and wraps her arms around her knees. Her ears go flat as she chews her lip.

-
+

JADE: ...its not like i dont know that

JADE: john never shuts up about it

JADE: i mean, he and jane used to be close back @@ -291,13 +291,13 @@ ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

-
+

JADE: its...

JADE: ME???

Karkat and Dave stick their heads over the edge of the pit.

-
+

DAVE: holy shit

KARKAT: WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING FUCK?

DAVE: uh

@@ -315,7 +315,7 @@

Karkat watches as Jade stands over her own younger corpse. He notices the way her shoulders are slanted. It’s clear even from a distance that she’s shaking.

-
+

KARKAT: JADE?

KARKAT: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON HERE??

@@ -328,7 +328,7 @@ gruesome, yet also... peaceful, somehow.

Dave slides down the ridge of the crater and grabs her by the shoulder.

-
+

DAVE: hey jade you hear us

Jade wipes a hand across her cheek and looks @@ -336,13 +336,13 @@ massless shards from the sky must have nicked her in the face. Her eyes go wide and she feels the breath go out of her for a moment. She looks directly upward. Where did this body come from?

-
+

DAVE: jade???

JADE: yes dave i heard you

Still staring at the body, Jade digs her phone out of her pocket.

-
+

JADE: i need to talk to jane

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy2.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy2.xhtml index a349bf8..dbdce93 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy2.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy2.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 2

-
-

John zaps +

+

John zaps back to the quietest point in the fridge’s impressively storied timeline that he can pinpoint, which is on The Land of Tombs and Krypton, T-minus about half an hour before his final battle against @@ -61,7 +61,7 @@ fridge back to Earth C. He zaps himself and the fridge back to the same picnic grounds he departed from, while cleverly leaving the chains wrapping the fridge behind on LOTAK.

-
+

JOHN: so uh...

JOHN: i’m back.

JOHN: everyone get ready for THIS fucking guy, i @@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ smelling like socks that have been worn continuously for two weeks straight. John rears back and pinches his nose shut. Calliope shoots John a sharp look, like a stern teacher would.

-
+

GAMZEE: HOOOOOOOOOOOONK.

GAMZEE: cough COUGH cough CHOKE honk CHOKE!

GAMZEE: wheeeeeeeeeze HONK cough HONK choke @@ -106,7 +106,7 @@

Calliope nods knowingly, and pats him on the back.

-
+

GAMZEE: i Up AnD dOnE sOmE mOtHeRfUcKeRs RaW.

GAMZEE: ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs MoSt Of AlL wHo I cAlLeD aS mY fRiEnDs.

@@ -142,7 +142,7 @@ own sobs does she steal a glance at her phone, tipping the fact that she too wouldn’t mind if this redemptive soliloquy could hurry itself along.

-
+

GAMZEE: ThEsE rEdEmPtiVe FuCkIn EuReKa ThUnDeRcLaPs AlL bAnGiNg At My ThInK pAn...

GAMZEE: GeTtInG mE tO gO aLl LiKe, BoO hOo, I’m @@ -201,7 +201,7 @@ tiptoes a few yards away from the group and slips his phone out of his pocket. There’s only one person in the universe who can truly understand what John’s going through right now.

-
+

JOHN: hey terezi, you around?

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU W4NT

JOHN: you wouldn’t believe what’s happening just @@ -213,7 +213,7 @@

John discreetly holds his phone over his shoulder and takes a snapchat of Gamzee sobbing in Calliope’s arms. Roxy is beside them, nodding along solemnly.

-
+

TEREZI: HOLY SH1T

JOHN: i know, right?

TEREZI: H3S CRY1NG L1K3 4 L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R

@@ -293,7 +293,7 @@ repentance.

Calliope comes to stand with John, her hands folded behind her back and her expression peaceful.

-
+

CALLIOPE: thank yoU for this, john.

JOHN: um...

JOHN: you’re welcome?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy20.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy20.xhtml index ae58652..1de0d56 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy20.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy20.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 20

-
-
+
+

KARKAT: WOW, SURE FEELS WEIRD TO JUST BE HANGING OUT WITH ALL THESE ASSHOLES WE WERE TOTALLY GOSSIPING ABOUT JUST TWENTY MINUTES AGO.

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@

Karkat is loudly whispering to Dave, leaning a bit too intimately into the curve of his chest for two dudes who are dating the same girl, but not each other.

-
+

DAVE: i always knew our gossip sins would catch up with us eventually

JADE: SHH both of you!!!

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ confusing day.

John hangs back with Karkat and Dave while the girls go upstairs.

-
+

JOHN: uh, hey. how are you guys doing?

DAVE: oh you know just enjoying a nice night out with our girlfriend when another teen version of our girlfriend @@ -115,13 +115,13 @@ Makara-Crocker is at her side, serving as her ever-faithful shadow, holding her arm to steady her as she tries to revive teen-Jade’s corpse.

-
+

JANE: Jake!

Vitriol leaks from every letter of his name. John and Dave exchange a knowing look: who’s supposed to be the kismesis here, again?

-
+

JANE: Would you take Tavros out of here? Please?

JAKE: Well golly jane i just thought it would be @@ -143,7 +143,7 @@

Jane wipes perspiration off her face and sighs.

-
+

JANE: I... I don’t know.

JANE: I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately, trying to run my business, raise a child, and manage the political @@ -160,13 +160,13 @@ go by. Quite sorry blokes, he whispers as he takes his leave.

Jane clutches her hands around teen-Jade’s thin shoulders, looking the corpse over with an expression of absolute sorrow.

-
+

JANE: I don’t know why, but I’m having an extremely difficult time reviving her.

JANE: Where did she even come from?

The living Jade shakes her head.

-
+

JADE: we have no idea

JADE: its like the sky just opened up!

KANAYA: Well Obviously She Is From Another @@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ moment to respond. Her fingers close around the neckline of her dress as her gaze sweeps across the room. She looks over each person present, but avoids making eye contact.

-
+

ROSE: I...

ROSE: I haven’t the faintest clue.

ROSE: It could be anything.

@@ -186,7 +186,7 @@

John quirks an eyebrow at her. She doesn’t sound confident. Not like she did a month earlier when she claimed that Vriska had defeated Lord English.

-
+

JANE: Well, something is blocking my Life powers.

JANE: It’s as if she has... a sort of poison in @@ -223,7 +223,7 @@

Roxy places her hand on Jade’s head and gives her a little scritch between the ears.

-
+

ROXY: i thiiiink that janey was just bein melodramatic jade

ROXY: its not ur fault

@@ -233,11 +233,11 @@ godlike in her abilities, and on the verge of fighting a battle that could change everything. She can’t believe how young she looks.

-
+

JADE: what should we do with her?

Roxy claps her hands together.

-
+

ROXY: well

ROXY: hate to be the one who says what were all thinkin but...

@@ -256,7 +256,7 @@

Roxy looks around the room searchingly with a big, bright grin. Karkat snorts from the far corner of the room where he’s been pouting the whole time.

-
+

KARKAT: I’M SORRY, WAS THAT A RHETORICAL FUCKING QUESTION OR WERE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE WITH IT?

ROXY: it was not rhetorical at all

@@ -278,11 +278,11 @@ are standing shoulder to shoulder, very much in stable, devoted, interspecies Love. Kanaya catches that gaze, and holds it, for a very long, tense moment.

-
+

JANE: Um. Roxy...

Kanaya interrupts, tone clipped and dry.

-
+

KANAYA: Perhaps We Should Not Talk About That Particular Subject

KANAYA: If Your Concern Here Is That We All @@ -293,7 +293,7 @@

KARKAT: UH, EASY FOR YOU TO FUCKING SAY.

Jade interjects, tiredly.

-
+

JADE: karkat... lets not ok?

JADE: i mean, not now?

KARKAT: LET’S NOT WHAT?

@@ -319,7 +319,7 @@

Karkat pushes off from the wall, furious, practically spitting flames. He points at Jane, his whole arm quivering.

-
+

KARKAT: I LISTEN TO THE FUCKING NEWS, YOU KNOW. I’VE HEARD ALL THE ARGUMENTS, THE ONES BASED ON THE POLICY ADVICE YOUR CORPORATE THINK TANK FEEDS THE PRESIDENT.

@@ -335,7 +335,7 @@

Jane folds her hands in her lap. Her voice is ice-cold, and varnished to a shine.

-
+

JANE: Is this meant to be a threat of future violence, Mr. Vantas?

JANE: I’m not sure menacing me is making the most @@ -353,7 +353,7 @@

Gamzee steps out from behind Jane, putting himself between her and Karkat. He raises his hands in a calming gesture

-
+

GAMZEE: hEy BrOtHeR cHiLl OuT

KARKAT: FUCK OFF GAMZEE.

GAMZEE: wOaH wOaH, kArKaT mY DUDE wHy ArE yOu AlL @@ -387,7 +387,7 @@

Gamzee gets up from where he had been crawling across the floor in preparation for some righteous attritional toe sucking. He looks positively crestfallen.

-
+

GAMZEE: kArKaT... yO tHeRe’S gOtTa Be SoMeThInG i CaN dO.

KARKAT: NO.

@@ -413,7 +413,7 @@

Karkat points at Jane again, then at Roxy, and then at Gamzee.

-
+

KARKAT: FUCK YOU, AND YOU, AND ESPECIALLY YOU.

KARKAT: IN FACT, FUCK ALL OF YOU. I’M @@ -424,7 +424,7 @@ under his gentle grip, hissing. He jabs Dave hard in the clavicle, hard enough that Dave is forced to take a shocked half-step backwards.

-
+

DAVE: dude

KARKAT: WHAT PART OF “ALL OF YOU” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, STRIDER?

@@ -434,7 +434,7 @@

Dave folds out of the way, stunned and compliant. Jade gapes at her stunned boyfriend, and the empty space in the doorway left by her other boyfriend.

-
+

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

DAVE: uh

@@ -451,7 +451,7 @@ interrupted by Jake looking all toothsome and fatherly with Tavros asleep in his arms, and a placated Vriska riding his broad shoulders.

-
+

JAKE: By jove chaps what was all that commotion?

JANE: It was nothing, Jake. Go back to the @@ -501,7 +501,7 @@

Jane pushes up her spectacles so that she can pinch the bridge of her nose.

-
+

JANE: How is it that no matter how hard I try to keep the foolishness in my life confined exclusively to my romantic partners...

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy21.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy21.xhtml index 33496b2..edc44a9 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy21.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy21.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 21

-
-

It’s +

+

It’s raining again, coming down in a frigid torrent. John is a pallbearer this time around. Teen-Jade is so light, he and Jake alone carry the coffin with ease. Together, they trudge through the @@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ behind her, spreads her arms and begins to speechify. She practically has to shout to be heard over the roar of the rainstorm outside.

-
+

ROXY: thx everyone for joining us today

ROXY: we are gathered here to honor the memory of alternate universe jade

@@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ he waxed his mustache in the mirror. But its better for a man to just let his wife do whatever she wants. I promise youll experience less pain that way old boy.

-
+

CALLIOPE: pUrple roses traditionally represent love at first sight, however these roses are actUally red roses that we prepared Using a blUe dye.

@@ -107,7 +107,7 @@ holds it.

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

-
+

ROXY: woah callie thats a beautiful metaphor

CALLIOPE: aw, thank yoU roxy. u_u

ROXY: dont sound so humble it is v v deep

@@ -123,7 +123,7 @@ that paints the walls around her pink and red. Sollux is with her, feeling his way into the church along the grain of the door. He’s soaked head to toe.

-
+

ARADIA: oh no did we miss the entire corpse party

ARADIA: i hope not

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@

Karkat jumps to his feet, eyes so wide they’re practically popping out of his head.

-
+

KARKAT: ARADIA?

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT... SOLLUX?!

SOLLUX: hey l0ser. it’s been a l0ng time.

@@ -186,7 +186,7 @@ eulogy. Aradia glides to the floor and sets her feet on the stone tiling, elfin and weightless. She sidles up to Gamzee and jostles him in the ribs.

-
+

ARADIA: so i see you managed to get out of the fridge

GAMZEE: i DiDn’T jUsT gEt OuT oF tHe FrIdGe, I @@ -223,7 +223,7 @@ lecherous ogle. She observes the bored-looking woman who she recognizes to be Jane. Aradia looks her up and down, and arches an eyebrow in approval.

-
+

ARADIA: its so nice that you believe all that gamzee

ARADIA: i think i can honestly say

@@ -243,7 +243,7 @@

Roxy smacks herself in the forehead, like this is the most obvious thing in the world. Of course, how could she forget the fucking corpse?

-
+

ROXY: oh lol ur right i cant believe that slipped my mind

ROXY: hey jake a lil help?

@@ -255,7 +255,7 @@ He jumps onto the stage and begins unlatching the coffin while Calliope throws more rose petals for some reason. Living-Jade slumps in her seat a bit, beginning to look green.

-
+

JADE: ughhh...

DAVE: yo babe its ok

JADE: easy for you to say! youve got practice with @@ -293,7 +293,7 @@ fashioned her a lovely flower crown. If not for all the blood caked down her front, and her conspicuous impalement, she’d look like she was merely sleeping.

-
+

ARADIA: now this is more like it

JADE: i cant look...

DAVE: oh

@@ -304,7 +304,7 @@ physical contact here for the purpose of getting his cuddle on. Instead of cradling Jade in his arms, he uses his hands to cover her eyes.

-
+

JADE: uhh... what... are you doing??

DAVE: emotional support yo

ROSE: Dave.

@@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ funeral-goers.

Slowly, she lowers her arms, staring at her hands in shock. This time, she whispers:

-
+

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason.

CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end.

@@ -374,7 +374,7 @@

Roxy comes back to the pulpit and wraps an arm around Calliope’s shoulders.

-
+

ROXY: look everyone im not dumb ok even tho i act like it sometimes

ROXY: i know whats goin on here

@@ -431,14 +431,14 @@

Roxy’s voice starts to crack. She staggers off the podium, clutching her bloated stomach.

-
+

CALLIOPE: roxy? are yoU okay?

ROXY: of course im not ok i just WENT INTO FREAKING LABOR

JOHN: oh my god!

John scrambles to his feet.

-
+

JOHN: oh my god!

JOHN: it’s happening, oh my god!!

JOHN: ...

@@ -452,7 +452,7 @@ dutifully standing next to the corpse, who catches Roxy under the armpits when she topples backwards. He passes her off to John, who whips up a cushion of wind for her to recline on.

-
+

JOHN: doing ok there, sweetheart?

ROXY: ugh whyd i let you put this thing inside me

@@ -469,7 +469,7 @@

John swoops his wife up in his arms and starts scrambling down the aisle.

-
+

CALLIOPE: wait! i...

CALLIOPE: i woUld like to be there as well!

JOHN: hurry up then!

@@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ teen-Jade’s peaceful face.

Suddenly, the corpse bolts upright. Calliope yelps and falls on her butt. Adult-Jade screams.

-
+

JADE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

JAKE: By jove!

DAVE: jesus fuck

@@ -491,7 +491,7 @@

Hair veiling her face, teen-Jade sets her hands on her chest and dissolves the shard bisecting her ribcage. The wound does not heal, but it doesn’t bleed either.

-
+

CALLIOPE: jade! yoU...

CALLIOPE: yoU’re alive!

CALLIOPE: or, Um,

@@ -500,7 +500,7 @@

It takes the corpse a while to reply. Everyone waits for her to speak. When the words leave her mouth, they send a chill through the cathedral air.

-
+

JADE: i am not jade.

Slowly, Jade raises her head. The stage makeup @@ -511,7 +511,7 @@ infinite expanse. Meeting her gaze is like peering into a realm where light goes to die. Calliope finds the sensation disturbingly familiar.

-
+

CALLIOPE: then who...

CALLIOPE: who are yoU?

JADE: you know who i am, calliope.

@@ -529,7 +529,7 @@ growing quieter as she recedes into the distance.

Kanaya adjusts the buttons on her very fashionable mourning gloves and sighs.

-
+

KANAYA: This Certainly Is A Turn Of Events

ARADIA: ill say

ARADIA: at first i was underwhelmed with the @@ -548,7 +548,7 @@ has seen in years. It’s as if her glare is passing through the roof of the church and continuing unimpeded through the partitions of this very plane of reality itself.

-
+

JADE: you’re undoubtedly surprised.

JADE: but these events were not unpredictable at all.

@@ -557,7 +557,7 @@

She spreads her arms and speaks in a voice as deep and dark as the void.

-
+

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you,

JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am @@ -565,7 +565,7 @@

Jake meekly raises his hand, now treating the botched funeral as something closer to a classroom setting.

-
+

JAKE: Hey uh.

JAKE: Not to come off as a total idiot here but...

@@ -576,7 +576,7 @@ radiating a sense of disdain for what may very well be the greatest living source of ignorance she has ever encountered in her many eons of existence.

-
+

JADE: my name is calliope.

JADE: i am the muse of space.

JADE: and i have entered this body to diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy22.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy22.xhtml index 75008b1..83f8bf8 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy22.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy22.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 22

-
-
+
+

TEREZI: H3Y JOHN

TEREZI: T1M3 FOR YOUR R3GUL4R CH3CKUP H3H3H3

JOHN: oh. hey.

@@ -121,8 +121,8 @@ M1NUT3S

JOHN: whew. THANK you!

-

-
+
+

TEREZI: OK 1TS F1V3 M1NUT3S L4T3R

TEREZI: DONT T3LL M3 4NOTH3R TWO SW33PS H4V3 P4SS3D

@@ -136,8 +136,8 @@ wild.

JOHN: here wait, let me take a picture.

-

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

-
+
-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --
+

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK

JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began @@ -232,8 +232,8 @@

JOHN: holy shit, hang on. i gotta take another picture.

-

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “PBandJ.jpg” --

-
+
-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “PBandJ.jpg” --
+

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S TH1S?!

JOHN: heheheheh.

@@ -367,7 +367,7 @@ “redeemed” acolytes.

John’s eye wanders toward the center of the crowd’s focus. Looks like a conversion is taking place right now.

-
+

GAMZEE: NoW We wElCoMe iNtO ThE DoPe aRmS Of mOtHeR ReDeMpTiOn tHiS lOwLy PeNiTeNt WhO’s AlL kInDs Of SoRrY aBoUt HiS pAsT dEeDs.

@@ -403,7 +403,7 @@ covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

-
+

GAMZEE: NoW...

GAMZEE: kIsS, mY mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

FEFERI: Ummmm...

@@ -426,12 +426,12 @@ would have been transfixed by the spectacle for longer if his phone didn’t start buzzing in his pocket again. He fumbles it out of his coat and checks.

-

-- TEREZI PYROPE sent JOHN EGBERT the photo “H3R3.JPG” --

+
-- TEREZI PYROPE sent JOHN EGBERT the photo “H3R3.JPG” --

He looks around, then presses “accept,” embarrassed to realize how fast his heart is beating. Before he can look at the photo, a familiar voice breaks through the din of the crowd.

-
+

ROXY: yo john

ROXY: over here hon!

@@ -451,7 +451,7 @@ horrible sight crawling across the sky above them. Calliope clasps her hands together and stares at the ship with a terse expression.

-
+

CALLIOPE: it’s getting less and less UnUsUal to see those in the troll kingdom, isn’t it?

JOHN: yeah.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy23.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy23.xhtml index da2fc73..013a204 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy23.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy23.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 23

-
-
+
+

ROXY: honey u ready to go?

JOHN: yeah, sweetheart... give me a second!

@@ -89,14 +89,14 @@ screwdriver, molding plaster... John’s so focused on finding places in his coat to hide all these things that he doesn’t hear footsteps behind him.

-
+

HARRY ANDERSON: dad... what are you doing?

John spins around, startled. It’s just his kid, though, already looking uncomfortable in his tweed jacket and knee socks. John kicks the closet door closed. He already has everything he needs anyway.

-
+

JOHN: just getting your gifts, harry anderson! it’s your birthday after all.

HARRY ANDERSON: ...but i already opened all the @@ -109,13 +109,13 @@ good father wouldn’t need to keep any secrets from his son. No, a good dad will always let his son in on the joke, no matter how much trouble he might be about to get himself in.

-
+

JOHN: harry anderson, don’t tell your mother but...

JOHN: we’re getting a new addition to the family today!

-

+

It’s little Tavros Crocker who opens the door to Jane’s opulent mansion. He’s still so short that he has to stand up on his toes to reach the knob. He stares up at his visitors with @@ -123,7 +123,7 @@ the size of his pupils so that they look like big, wet, depressing sinkholes. John’s heart wrenches at the sight of him. He’s so young, but he always looks so somber and sad.

-
+

TAVROS: Oh,,, hallo folks,

TAVROS: You’re a mite early don’t you think?

JOHN: um, nope!

@@ -133,7 +133,7 @@ in a pressed red suit, she in a glittering Space dress. They’re both holding gifts wrapped in spare printer paper. Dave adjusts his sunglasses and smirks at Harry Anderson.

-
+

DAVE: you were exactly thirty seconds and like sixty eight nanoseconds early

ROXY: oh eff off dave

@@ -173,7 +173,7 @@ leads everyone inside with a stoic countenance more befitting of a footman than the firstborn son of the planet’s wealthiest family.

-
+

ROXY: sooo

ROXY: wheres ur mom and dad

TAVROS: They’re still in,,, uh,,, auspistice @@ -190,7 +190,7 @@

Roxy sighs loudly through her nose. She hates talking about this shit.

-
+

ROXY: cuz of the political situation

HARRY ANDERSON: what’s... a political situation?

@@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ than a little jarring that this five-year-old kid seems so well educated on the intricacies of xenophobic political policy. But then again, this is Jane’s son, they remind themselves.

-
+

TAVROS: Anyway,,, wh, why would you WANT vriska to be here,,,?

TAVROS: Why ruin a nice birthday party?

@@ -243,7 +243,7 @@ be ordered around. Harry Anderson is opening his gifts from Jade and Dave when a door upstairs slams open so hard it rattles all the crystal glasses arranged on the nearby table.

-
+

JANE: You are such an unbelievable dunce, Jake English!

JANE: I can’t believe that I work so hard and have @@ -255,7 +255,7 @@

Jake’s side of the conversation is too far away to hear, but Gamzee’s unmistakable mush-mouthed voice floats down the hallway between the sharp edges of Jane’s shrieks.

-
+

JANE: And you’re not even... you’re not even proficient in bed anymore!

JANE: What is even the POINT of you if...

@@ -265,7 +265,7 @@

Tavros stares at his feet, wearing a strained expression.

-
+

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

@@ -277,7 +277,7 @@ smiles, looking cordial and perfectly pleasant, fluttering her lashes like there’s nothing in the world more important to her than being an excellent host.

-
+

JANE: Oh. Hello everyone.

JANE: I’m sorry that I was not able to greet you at the door. I had some pre-appointed business to attend to.

@@ -288,7 +288,7 @@

Jane pats him on the head as she goes by, patronizingly, like you’d pet a dog. Or Gamzee.

-
+

JANE: Harry Anderson, my dear!

HARRY ANDERSON: auntie jane!

@@ -299,7 +299,7 @@ sees the queasy face he’s making. Jane is, unfortunately, Harry Anderson’s favorite aunt. She gained his affection the same way she gains everyone’s affection: she fucking bought it.

-
+

JANE: Look at you! You’ve gotten so big and strong since I last saw you!

HARRY ANDERSON: i grew a whole three inches!

@@ -321,7 +321,7 @@ one of those drone thingies for my son.

Jane rises to her feet, huffing.

-
+

JANE: And if I did, John, what would be the problem with that?

JOHN: um...

@@ -337,7 +337,7 @@ her husband. Dave and Jade have also developed a profound interest in the patterns woven into the expensive carpet under their feet.

-
+

ROXY: er

ROXY: well i cant say im comfy with it but

JOHN: but???

@@ -355,7 +355,7 @@ birthday. John has to pinch his nose and practice controlled breathing to keep himself from getting mad for real. Getting in an argument right now would totally fuck up all his plans.

-
+

JOHN: ok. fine. you know what?

JOHN: i don’t care.

ROXY: rly

@@ -407,7 +407,7 @@ all about your dad’s glory days?

Tavros blinks up at John in surprise.

-
+

JANE: Oh, I can take you there, John.

JOHN: NO!

JOHN: i mean... no, that’s fine.

@@ -438,7 +438,7 @@ him out of the room. When they’re upstairs together, far enough away from the party, Tavros wrenches his hands together and asks:

-
+

TAVROS: Uncle john,,, what’s the real reason we’re up here,,,?

JOHN: oh. i could see that you were getting @@ -458,7 +458,7 @@

John grabs Tavros by his chubby wrist and begins dragging him around a corner, from one featureless white hallway into another.

-
+

TAVROS: This isn’t the right way,

JOHN: i know. hey tavros, why don’t we just go to your room for a minute?

@@ -477,7 +477,7 @@ he expecting from this situation, having been led away to a secluded part of the house by an adult? What has he been taught to expect?

-
+

JOHN: tavros...

JOHN: is everything ok?

TAVROS: ,,,

@@ -507,7 +507,7 @@ of his shoe. The floor is sticky here, like the floor of a movie theater. He bends down to touch it, and give it a sniff. Just as he thought. Faygo.

-
+

JOHN: tavros... does gamzee ever come into your room?

TAVROS: Possibly,,,?

@@ -516,7 +516,7 @@

John glances under the bed, then sees it. A half-finished bottle of Faygo.

-
+

JOHN: isn’t that his faygo there??

TAVROS: Oh,,, my, no,

TAVROS: Please, uncle john,,, don’t tell my @@ -529,14 +529,14 @@ everything about the boy’s life it could be implying. He takes a deep breath, and becomes very serious. He places a hand on Tavros’ shoulder, and looks him directly in the eye.

-
+

JOHN: tavros, listen to me.

JOHN: are you... getting... bad touched by your uncle gamzee?

Tavros seems taken aback by the question. Then appears thoughtful.

-
+

TAVROS: Oh,,, uh,,,,

TAVROS: No??

TAVROS: But, yes,,, i can gather how you might @@ -549,7 +549,7 @@

A look of sadness washes over John’s face. A sadness deeper than either kind he could summon for the previous two funerals he’s attended.

-
+

JOHN: what would make you say that?

TAVROS: Well, i think,,,

TAVROS: For the same reason that led you yourself @@ -573,7 +573,7 @@

Tavros sighs again. John makes no effort to disguise his look of grave disapproval and sorrow.

-
+

TAVROS: I don’t want you to worry,,, too much, though,

TAVROS: His occasional sojourns in my room are @@ -593,7 +593,7 @@ arranged stack of papers off the desk. They flutter through the room like dead leaves caught in an autumn storm. Soon the room is howling with his sustained winds.

-
+

JOHN: that’s IT!!!!!

JOHN: tavros, start packing right now.

TAVROS: Packing,,,?

@@ -622,7 +622,7 @@

John produces his screwdriver and a length of wire from the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

-
+

JOHN: we’re leaving through that window, one way or another.

@@ -660,7 +660,7 @@ She looks like a shadow with her dark hair hiding her face. John can’t tell what kind of expression she’s making under there. She speaks softly.

-
+

JADE: john...... what are you doing?

JOHN: um...

JOHN: nothing!

@@ -670,7 +670,7 @@

She twitches her dog-ears and raises her face. Her mouth is a neutral line, but her eyes are burning furiously.

-
+

JADE: i heard everything

The two of them stare at each other for a long @@ -679,13 +679,13 @@ she’s passed him by, just like the rest of the world. Tavros is cowering in his closet, fiddling with the strap on his backpack.

-
+

JOHN: so, what are you going to do?

JOHN: tell jane?

Jade flinches like she’s been hit. She flicks her tail, breaks eye contact.

-
+

JADE: john...

JADE: i wouldnt do that to you

JADE: youd probably end up on jakes stupid @@ -693,7 +693,7 @@

JOHN: then are you gonna help me?

She shakes her head.

-
+

JADE: i cant do that either

JADE: you know that this is just going to make everything worse right???

@@ -720,7 +720,7 @@

Jade sighs in frustration and pushes back her bangs.

-
+

JADE: john, jane is one of the most POWERFUL people on the ENTIRE PLANET!!!

JADE: do you REALLY think that you can keep him @@ -737,7 +737,7 @@

A gust of wind blasts in through the window and blows back Jade’s hair, leaving it all mussed over her shoulders. John points at her.

-
+

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been @@ -788,7 +788,7 @@

The wind in the room picks up. It skates against the walls, dislodges books from the shelf, gets under the bedsheets and balloons them off the mattress.

-
+

JOHN: the jade i used to know was caring and selfless! all you ever wanted was for your friends to be safe!

JOHN: you weren’t this... this SELFISH!

@@ -808,11 +808,11 @@

John and Jade stop. There is another shadow cast in the doorway. A much darker one.

-
+

JANE: Excuse me.

She says in a sugar-sweet voice.

-
+

JANE: But what the FUCK is going on in here?!

TAVROS: Oh,,, no,,,,,

JADE: jane!! haha!!!

@@ -835,7 +835,7 @@ including Jake Crocker himself. They’ve all come upstairs to investigate the noise. Tavros flinches when a book slams against the closet door, two inches from his face.

-
+

ROXY: wats going on

DAVE: oh shit

JOHN: i don’t know, jane. i feel like if i really @@ -897,7 +897,7 @@ the debris spinning in every direction, smashing against the walls and bedposts. John doesn’t seem to notice, encased in his own cyclonic armor.

-
+

DAVE: oh my god i am so sick of all this domestic relationship shit every fucking day

DAVE: can we talk about something else for once

@@ -952,13 +952,13 @@ edge of the door. Everyone else is clustered around the doorway. Jade stares at John with a dark expression. After a beat of silence, Harry Anderson starts crying.

-
+

JOHN: i... i...

Roxy won’t meet his eyes. Dave won’t either. John turns to Tavros, opens his mouth to apologize, but the kid just ducks deeper into the closet, trembling.

-
+

JOHN: i’m sor—

JANE: No one wants to hear it, John.

@@ -986,7 +986,7 @@ frosting in the air as he looks at the screen. The color of the text sends a jolt through his blood. With shaking fingers, he answers the text.

-
+

TEREZI: JOHN

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU TH3R3

TEREZI: 1 R34LLY N33D TO T4LK TO SOM3ON3 R1GHT diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy24.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy24.xhtml index 8d3ce3d..714f4af 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy24.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy24.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 24

-
-
+
+

JADE: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

@@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ to reinstate her corporeal presence, couldn’t care less about her host’s appearance. It is simply serving as a functional vessel for the crucial role she now must play.

-
+

JADE: what would you classify as interesting?

ARADIA: oh the usual

@@ -66,8 +66,8 @@

JADE: very well.

JADE: let’s see.

-

-
+
+

TEREZI: H4H4H4 1 TH1NK 1M DY1NG

JOHN: oh no!

JOHN: what happened?

@@ -140,11 +140,11 @@

TEREZI: 1M SUR3

JOHN: ...

-

+

Aradia leans over and sticks her nose in dead-Jade’s face. She watches how her eyebrows wrinkle at the center, just a little bit.

-
+

ARADIA: so

ARADIA: what do you see

JADE: nothing i would describe as @@ -163,8 +163,8 @@ visi0ns.

ARADIA: ok im sorry im just really curious!

-

-
+
+

JOHN: no sign of her yet?

TEREZI: NO

JOHN: terezi, seriously. it’s been years here.

@@ -196,13 +196,13 @@

JOHN: so why are you still trying so hard?

TEREZI: ...

-

+

Aradia stretches her arms over her head and yawns. She launches from her perch at the edge of the meteor facility with a little somersault, coasting through the air so that she’s level with Sollux’s face. She gives one of his horns a light tap, to affirm her proximity.

-
+

ARADIA: she talks in five word sentences so even im still in the dark about what it is shes really trying to accomplish

@@ -239,13 +239,13 @@

Calliope lets out a long, thin sigh from between the teeth of Jade’s corpse. It’s more for effect than anything, as corpses don’t actually need to breathe.

-
+

JADE: we are the ones fortunate enough to live in a reality that is beyond the influence of the prince.

SOLLUX: wh0 the fuck is the prince?

-

-
+
+

TEREZI: 1V3 N3V3R TOLD 4NYON3 TH1S B3FOR3

TEREZI: W3LL

TEREZI: NOT 4NYON3 WHO C4R3D 3NOUGH TO L1ST3N 4T @@ -349,10 +349,10 @@

TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO G1V3 YOU TH3 COURT3SY OF CLOSUR3

-

+

Dead-Jade’s eyes slowly flutter open. She gets to her feet and brushes down her skirt.

-
+

ARADIA: are you done working for the day

JADE: the work is never finished.

JADE: not until i am able to deal with the @@ -362,7 +362,7 @@

The meteor is passing beyond the fall of night. Dead-Jade, standing half in light, half in darkness, looks up at the sky.

-
+

JADE: not soon enough.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy25.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy25.xhtml index c0e7df2..81fe736 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy25.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy25.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 25

-
-
+
+

KARKAT: SWIFER

KARKAT: SWIFER CAN YOU...

@@ -47,16 +47,16 @@ get used to, living hand-to-mouth inside a cave. It’s that persistent fucking leak directly above his desk that is driving him to distraction.

-
+

KARKAT: SWIFER!

Swifer Eggmop pokes her head into the chamber.

-
+

SWIFER: Aye aye Commander! What’s up?

Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose.

-
+

KARKAT: FOR THE LAST TIME, DON’T CALL ME THAT.

SWIFER: Why not, Commander? Yer the Commander, @@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ the jaunty beat and struggling to knock his knees together with the required vigor. The fact that he is shackled at the wrists doesn’t seem to be helping.

-
+

SWIFER: Poor Cliper.

SWIFER: He could record a stat like nobody’s business but no one ever taught the boy how to dance.

@@ -113,7 +113,7 @@

Swifer frowns and tugs at the kerchief around her neck.

-
+

SWIFER: Golly. Look Commander. That’s a big question that I think you gotta take up with someone more in the know than myself.

@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@

Karkat throws both hands in the air melodramatically. A drop of stale water plops off one of his nubby little horns.

-
+

KARKAT: YOU KNOW, RIGHT ABOVE THE PLACE WHERE WE KEEP ALL OF OUR FRAGILE LOGISTICS EQUIPMENT?

KARKAT: DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO FIX THAT A FUCKING @@ -146,7 +146,7 @@

Karkat gapes at her, open-mouthed. She grins back, unaware of any mistake on her part. The only thing he can do is bury his face in his palms.

-
+

KARKAT: UGH.

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT?

KARKAT: I’M GOING TO GET SOME FRESH AIR.

@@ -173,7 +173,7 @@

As he stomps through the winding tunnels, thinking very hard about this incredibly tragic thing, his speaker crab crackles to life.

-
+

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: That Was A Lot

KARKAT: OH SHIT.

@@ -262,7 +262,7 @@ takes two steps out of her crater before falling flat on her face again. Karkat runs to help her, putting her arm over his shoulders and dragging her out of the dust cloud from the impact.

-
+

KARKAT: MEENAH??

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?

@@ -270,7 +270,7 @@ that seem different to him somehow, but he can’t put his finger on it. He has to admit, it’s been a long time since he saw her. She seems singed, woozy, but mostly undamaged.

-
+

MEENAH: woah shouty mcnubs that you

KARKAT: UH, THAT’S STILL NOT MY NAME. BUT YEAH.

@@ -287,7 +287,7 @@ his eye. A gold ring on her finger. He glances back up to look in her eyes. They aren’t blank, like all the other fallen ghosts’ eyes are.

-
+

KARKAT: WAIT A MINUTE.

KARKAT: ARE YOU...

KARKAT: ALIVE???

@@ -319,7 +319,7 @@

Karkat side-eyes the revived heiress, flinching only slightly at that last pun, before offering a reluctant nod.

-
+

MEENAH: what are you up to?

KARKAT: WELL...

KARKAT: THAT’S LIKE, A WHOLE FUCKING @@ -335,7 +335,7 @@ in this older, battle-hardened version of Karkat impresses her. She starts laughing, big and bright. She slaps him so hard on the shoulder that he nearly falls down.

-
+

KARKAT: ACK.

MEENAH: now thats what im TALKIN about

MEENAH: yeah i could use a new seacond in @@ -387,7 +387,7 @@ has turned into a grimace.

Above them, the sky tears open again, and again. A new wave of ghosts pours in from Meenah’s doomed assault.

-
+

MEENAH: well here comes the caviarlry

KARKAT: THE WHAT?

MEENAH: the cavia—

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy26.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy26.xhtml index 8ec611a..1fdb0e1 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy26.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy26.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 26

-
-

John stares +

+

John stares at his phone for a while, thumb pressed to the space just below the “send message” button. He realizes he’s not dwelling so much on the content he’s hesitating to send—which now that he’s looking at it, diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy27.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy27.xhtml index 96399bc..3e892a2 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy27.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy27.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 27

-
-

Ten years +

+

Ten years have gone by.

Two minutes before midnight, a teenage boy crosses beneath the neon lights of the Trollish slums, stepping quick and sure-footed @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ Anderson and Vriska part, both wet-mouthed and short of breath. Harry Anderson wipes a bit of blood off of his bottom lip. Vriska pokes him in the chest and hisses.

-
+

VRISKA: What took you so long????????

HARRY ANDERSON: hey, give me a break here vris. my auntie has guards breathing down my neck day and night.

@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ parents’ genes, all things considered. He’s got his father’s infectious grin, his mother’s long eyelashes, and his “auntie’s” unusually blue eyes.

-
+

HARRY ANDERSON: fucking gamzee.

HARRY ANDERSON: he was all like:

HARRY ANDERSON: Yo HaRrY mY dAwG, yOu Go OuT aNd @@ -73,7 +73,7 @@ and vaguely lewd posture. Harry Anderson starts giggling too. He can’t help it. She’s so pretty and her laugh is both cruel and infectious.

-
+

HARRY ANDERSON: god! he always makes sure to point out that he’s politically neutral in literally every sentence that comes out of his mouth, even though he’s *definitely* still fucking @@ -88,7 +88,7 @@

Vriska hooks two fingers under the hem of Harry Anderson’s shirt and reels him in close.

-
+

VRISKA: In thaaaaaaaat case...

VRISKA: Why don’t we run aw8y and join the rebellion together, Harry Anderson? Wouldn’t that be Terribly @@ -118,7 +118,7 @@

Vriska shoves Harry Anderson. Not playfully. He hits the bricks behind him with a soft ‘oof,’ then keeps laughing.

-
+

HARRY ANDERON: oh my god, vriska, you always talk so big but you’re not any more of a rebel than i am!

VRISKA: Oh shuuuuuuuut up. You don’t know shit, @@ -139,19 +139,19 @@ over it.

Vriska snorts at him condescendingly.

-
+

VRISKA: Don’t be ridiculous Harry.

She pushes him up against the wall again and kisses him hard.

-
+

VRISKA: If we really do end up absconding from our mediocre Hot Teen Lives to become rebels, then OBVI8USLY I’m going to be the one with the Extremely Dashing And Sexy eyepatch. H8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8!!!!!!!!

-

-
+
+

ARADIA: hmm its getting pretty bad down there

SOLLUX: wh0 cares.

SOLLUX: this is 0fficially s0mething we d0n’t @@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ looked like from the sky as well? Aradia lived far from the city, and that all seems so long ago anyway. Sollux comes to stand by her, popping open a can of fizzy drink.

-
+

ARADIA: karkats really going to fight that war isnt he

SOLLUX: yeah.

@@ -199,7 +199,7 @@

Sollux tosses Aradia a can of fizzy drink. She catches it without looking, cracks it open and takes a long, refreshing sip of the hissing liquid.

-
+

ARADIA: hm

ARADIA: in that case i guess we should keep watching

@@ -266,7 +266,7 @@ horns and distinctive shoulder-hunch. Of course.

John snorts back his tears and jaunts forward with a jolly wave.

-
+

JOHN: hi, karkat!

Karkat blinks and looks up, startled out of @@ -275,14 +275,14 @@ bitchin’ eyepatch, he looks almost imposing. Kind of dashing, actually. When he opens his mouth, however, he’s just the same old Karkat.

-
+

KARKAT: HI AGAIN IDIOT.

JOHN: what are you doing standing out here alone like a creep?

Karkat’s frown gets deeper, and he picks at the red cording that runs down the breastplate of his uniform.

-
+

KARKAT: I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE HERE.

JOHN: why not? you were on the guest list.

KARKAT: OH, HMM, I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE THINK ABOUT @@ -290,7 +290,7 @@

John chews his lip and thinks about it for ten seconds.

-
+

JOHN: i guess this would probably be pretty hard to watch if you were still, you know, all heartbroken about it.

KARKAT: I WOULDN’T SAY THAT I WAS STILL “ALL @@ -301,7 +301,7 @@

John joins him at railing and bumps his shoulder. Karkat groans and runs a hand down his face, obviously still a little “all heartbroken” about it.

-
+

KARKAT: IT’S JUST THAT BREAK UPS ARE HARD, AND OFTEN HAVE UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES THAT CAN LINGER FOR YEARS.

JOHN: you’re telling me. when my wife left me, she @@ -353,7 +353,7 @@ stroke of light over the water, like a blade descending from the night sky to shear the harbor in half. He takes a despondent sip of his champagne and sighs.

-
+

JOHN: i dunno. it doesn’t seem responsible, really... to dedicate my life to something so important when i’m in a place where i can’t even find the energy to think that getting @@ -375,7 +375,7 @@ reflecting the light from the party. He opens his mouth to say something, but is distracted by movement from inside the ballroom.

-
+

KARKAT: OH SHIT.

KARKAT: HERE COMES DAVE. I HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

@@ -386,7 +386,7 @@ elegant bound. John watches him rappel down the cliffside until he disappears beneath the precipice shadows. Wow. Karkat grew up to be kind of cool. Who would have guessed?

-
+

DAVE: no john dont do it

John spins on his heel to see Dave in the @@ -396,7 +396,7 @@ this guy’s almost forty. Jesus Christ, are they seriously almost forty? Yes, they’re technically immortal—that doesn’t mean the encroaching milestone isn’t making him feel dizzy nonetheless.

-
+

JOHN: huh? don’t do what?

DAVE: oh you looked pretty bummed when you left the reception and then i find you staring at the ocean like you just @@ -423,7 +423,7 @@ mention what he was actually doing. And definitely not to mention who just rappelled off the balcony with alarming stealth and grace.

-
+

JOHN: ...appreciating how pretty the view is.

DAVE: hm yeah i love the sight of the military industrial complex destroying the landscape in the evening

@@ -436,7 +436,7 @@ empty glass, looking for another shot of sparkling social lubricant. Dave tops him off before taking a long swig off the bottle himself.

-
+

JOHN: you okay, dude?

DAVE: eh

JOHN: having been married once before, i gotta @@ -447,7 +447,7 @@ this all just feels like

Dave shrugs.

-
+

DAVE: whatever

DAVE: i was sort of hoping that

DAVE: i mean considering that were working together @@ -457,7 +457,7 @@

John looks down and twirls the stem of his glass between two fingers.

-
+

JOHN: so you’re still not... um, over that?

JOHN: the whole karkat thing?

DAVE: i mean will i ever be over it??

@@ -475,7 +475,7 @@ picture is still in his wallet: faded, dog-eared, marred by ragged white lines down the center from being folded and unfolded so many times, deep enough to be called valleys at this point.

-
+

JOHN: right.

DAVE: right

@@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ atmosphere, sipping their booze, contemplating the suckiness of being an adult. Dave lets out a soft laugh and slaps John on the back. John swallows his champagne wrong and starts coughing.

-
+

DAVE: yo dude thanks for being my best man

JOHN: *cough* oh. th-thanks, man. no problem!

DAVE: cuz you are

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy28.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy28.xhtml index d9f40fb..13a97fd 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy28.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy28.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 28

-
-

That being +

+

That being said, it’s very rude, all things considered, for Karkat to start a war on Harry Anderson’s birthday.

John’s floating above the outskirts of the Human Capital, @@ -63,19 +63,19 @@ crater and peers through the smoke.

He recognizes the ghost immediately, because he sees a younger version of her almost every day.

-
+

JOHN: vriska?

Vriska’s face snaps up, eyes blazing. Eyes. Actual eyes, with expression, color, pupils, and everything.

-
+

JOHN: wait. you’re...

JOHN: alive??

John skids down the side of the crater and helps her sit up. He wasn’t imagining it. She’s extremely alive. And extremely wounded. And above all, extremely Vriska.

-
+

JOHN: oh my god. you’re not just “vriska”...

JOHN: you’re *actually* vriska!

JOHN: you’re like, literal, for real, actual @@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ her chest. It appears to be the same material as whatever was piercing the center of teen-Jade’s corpse. She’s bleeding bright blue all down her side, but her expression is wild.

-
+

VRISKA: What the F8CK are you t8lking a8out?

VRISKA: Where am I????????

VRISKA: I c8n’t 8e here! I h8ve to go @@ -102,7 +102,7 @@

She whirls around and grabs John by the shoulders. She starts shaking him, voice cracking with crazed desperation.

-
+

VRISKA: I need to go 8ack!

VRISKA: I need to SEE!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I NEED TO SEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy29.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy29.xhtml index 2ae399b..28ad299 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy29.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy29.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 29

-
-
+
+

JADE: i see him.

ARADIA: ooh is it the prince

SOLLUX: fucking finally.

@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ here, and rouses it from perfect, corpse-like stillness. Dead-Jade unfolds from her meditation pose and pushes to her feet in an elegant sweep.

-
+

JADE: it is the one i have been waiting for all these years.

JADE: we have run along parallel lines for @@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ Jade’s body out into the open air. She casts her pitch-black eyes down to watch the dark clouds of battle beginning to form above the Human Capital below. Sollux frowns.

-
+

SOLLUX: are y0u sure y0u want t0 g0 d0wn there? it seems like it’s ab0ut t0 get wild.

JADE: yes. more than you can possibly diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy3.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy3.xhtml index 2dcc0ac..f876ef7 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy3.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy3.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 3

-
-

Yes, +

+

Yes, something feels very different.

Dirk’s hands begin to shake, so violently that he drops his screwdriver into the chassis of the battle bot he’s working on. It @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ them. He nearly drops his phone while attempting to dramatically autodial Jane’s number through the haze of his trembling, sudorific stupor.

-
+

DIRK: Hey, Jane. Bad news.

DIRK: Cancel everything.

JANE: Excuse me, what?

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@

Jane gasps loudly, without a hint of irony.

-
+

JANE: I don’t understand.

DIRK: Don’t worry about it.

DIRK: Just do what I say.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy30.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy30.xhtml index a9cd10e..9d59e3e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy30.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy30.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 30

-
-

As Jake +

+

As Jake traverses the length of Jane’s ship, he suspects he has never carried more dread in his heart than he does in this moment.

The burden of the call he just received weighs so heavily upon @@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ approaches. He has to conspicuously clear his throat before Jane turns her attention away from Gamzee, and even then she only dignifies Jake’s appearance with a fleeting glance.

-
+

JANE: Do you need something?

JAKE: Well... i have some terrible news i’m afraid.

@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@

Jane’s face twists in annoyance. She is quite a bit shorter than Jake now, but the way she looks down on him makes her seem like she towers ten feet above him.

-
+

JANE: My goodness, Jake! What do you want? Can’t you see I’m right in the middle of something?! Just spit it out already!

@@ -87,7 +87,7 @@

Jake swallows like he’s in a cartoon. It’s a big, loud gulp. A sound that instantly rachets up Jane’s annoyance—like most of Jake’s actions seem to, these days.

-
+

JAKE: I...

JAKE: Well you see...

JAKE: I guess ill come right out and say it @@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ the statement strikes her, sending a jolt of shock through her chest.

It passes quickly, though. She’d almost forgotten.

-
+

JANE: An unfortunate incident, but it’s no matter.

JANE: I’ll simply revive him, and then make sure @@ -114,7 +114,7 @@

JAKE: Theres no body for you to revive at all.

Jane’s eyes widen in disbelief.

-
+

JANE: What?

JANE: What... what happened?

JAKE: It... word from the secret service is that it @@ -143,7 +143,7 @@

Jake’s gaze falls to the floor. Jane’s hand clutches at the front of her suit in an unsteady fist.

-
+

JANE: P... please tell me you’re joking.

JANE: Jake, tell me this is just a prank.

JAKE: Im... im afraid not jane.

@@ -155,7 +155,7 @@ now. She’s come so far.

Jane sniffles and swipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. She won’t cry. But she can be angry instead.

-
+

JANE: UGH!

JANE: That... that fool!!

JANE: I can’t believe that he would do this!

@@ -171,7 +171,7 @@ a wounded animal—pulls her into a hug.

Jane is too dazed to protest. She limply stares past Jake, eyes unfocused.

-
+

JANE: I don’t... no...

JAKE: Shhhh. Shhhh. Everythings going to be ok.

JANE: God. I can’t believe he...

@@ -195,7 +195,7 @@

Gamzee turns to the bridge crew and gestures magnificently with his arms. Rivulets of milk are running down his chin.

-
+

GAMZEE: hOnK iF yOu LoVe ThIs BiG tItTy BiZzNaTcH!

GAMZEE: WhOoP wHoOp!

@@ -213,7 +213,7 @@ to the bridge and takes a forward step, stumbling slightly in her heels. But she catches her balance, fixes her posture, and slips back on a stony mask.

-
+

JANE: All right.

JANE: Jake! Get the president on the phone.

JANE: It’s clear to me now that it’s past time for @@ -240,7 +240,7 @@

Jane is blazing with fury. She marches to the center of the bridge.

-
+

JANE: ALL OF YOU, RETURN TO YOUR STATIONS! WE ARE CHANGING COURSE!

JANE: WE WILL BE GOING DIRECTLY TO MEET WITH THE @@ -253,7 +253,7 @@ navigator adjusts the ship’s destination coordinates, and the comms officer opens a line with the government’s seat of command. Only one man in the room is brave enough to take a stand.

-
+

GAMZEE: hEy.

GAMZEE: Do YoU tHiNk ThAt MiGhT bE a BiT mOtHeRfUcKinG xEnOpHoBiC?

@@ -261,7 +261,7 @@

Jane spins on her heel like a whirlwind, her face twisted into a hideous snarl. She rounds on Gamzee with all the hatred she can muster.

-
+

JANE: XENOPHOBIC?

JANE: I am not fucking xenophobic!

GAMZEE: i’M jUsT sAyInG mY mOsT bOdAcIoUs Of @@ -290,7 +290,7 @@ silent.

Gamzee smiles vacantly down at Jane, unaware of his misstep. When Jane next speaks, it is in a controlled, steady voice.

-
+

JANE: Security.

JANE: Escort this troll off of my ship. Now.

@@ -299,7 +299,7 @@ swarm, grabbing him by his arms. The baby bottle tumbles out of his grasp, busting open when it falls. The remaining milk spills out, pooling in the recessed lighting of the floor.

-
+

GAMZEE: wHoA wHoA wHoA, hOlD uP!

GAMZEE: YoU cAn’T jUsT gO aNd ThRoW mE oFf BoArD, mY mIlKy MaMi.

@@ -308,7 +308,7 @@

The security officers begin to pull Gamzee away, but he makes one final desperate play.

-
+

GAMZEE: wAiT!! jUsT hEaR mE oUt!!

JANE: What?

GAMZEE: iF yOu ThRoW mE oUt I’lL bE aLl LoSt AnD @@ -321,7 +321,7 @@

GAMZEE: It’S aBoUt YoU.

Jane stops.

-
+

JANE: What...?

GAMZEE: i NeEd YoU...

JANE: Are you saying that y—

@@ -337,7 +337,7 @@

Jane sneers. She has no idea why she thought for even a moment that he might have meant anything else.

-
+

JANE: I am so...

JANE: Ugh. Forget it.

JANE: You are despicable.

@@ -350,7 +350,7 @@

Jane’s eyes rake up and down Gamzee’s body, like she’s carefully considering her response. Her face is expressionless when she answers.

-
+

JANE: Begone, clown.

Jane turns, and waves the security away. The diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy31.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy31.xhtml index 78fe2f2..20623a8 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy31.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy31.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 31

-
-
+
+

VRISKA: John, I need to see!

VRISKA: How do I get 8ack!?

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ flying overhead. Aside from the encroaching fleet, the blue sky is seamless and calm. The hole that Vriska came through has already sealed up.

-
+

JOHN: um.

JOHN: i don’t think you *can* go back.

JOHN: i have no idea what the exact scientific @@ -46,7 +46,7 @@

Vriska releases her vice grip on John’s arms so that she can cradle her head between her hands.

-
+

VRISKA: Oh my god!

VRISKA: This is the worst thing that could h8ve possibly h8ppened to me.

@@ -57,7 +57,7 @@

Vriska gestures wordlessly at John’s entire body. Then she leans in closer to study his face, squinting with suspicion.

-
+

VRISKA: John, are you old?

JOHN: um. a little, i guess.

JOHN: i mean, i’m going to live forever apparently, @@ -67,7 +67,7 @@

Vriska runs both hands down her face, leaving long, dark streaks of blood.

-
+

VRISKA: I can’t 8e here.

JOHN: vriska...

JOHN: wait, actually, i guess i shouldn’t call you @@ -105,7 +105,7 @@ flinch at the sound of a sonic cannon blasting off behind her. She slowly peels her hands from her face and glares at John as one of her eyes twitches at the corner.

-
+

(VRISKA): ...

(VRISKA): ...

(VRISKA): That’s...

@@ -126,13 +126,13 @@

(Vriska) paws at her head wound, fingers numb and vision blurry.

-
+

(VRISKA): Wh8tever the fuck it was that hit me in the head!

She sways on her feet. John tries to steady her, but she slaps his hands away.

-
+

JOHN: do you wanna see a doctor for that or something?

(VRISKA): No!!!!!!!!

@@ -184,7 +184,7 @@

John sighs and sweeps an arm across the landscape. The sky darkens as the first of the troll fleet roars onto the frontline.

-
+

JOHN: i don’t know, really.

JOHN: rose explained it all to me once, but i pretty much forgot what she said. i didn’t actually think it was @@ -242,7 +242,7 @@ expletive. Around her, the ground begins to shake as the human fleet of batterpanzers roll out from the edge of the city and take position.

-
+

JOHN: um, so we should probably get out of here soon.

JOHN: or not. we’re both god tier, so as long as we @@ -277,7 +277,7 @@ a8out this! Were you in love with her or something?!

John laughs sadly.

-
+

JOHN: well... i don’t know.

JOHN: what does it even matter!

JOHN: like everything else, it was just some more @@ -293,7 +293,7 @@ than Jane’s, most of them having been scavenged, patchworked, and jury-rigged. But they’re numerous enough to blot out the sun when they coast overhead.

-
+

(VRISKA): I don’t c8re a8out wh8tever the FUCK “c8non” is supposed to 8e!

(VRISKA): I don’t a8out your dum8, unrequited @@ -312,7 +312,7 @@ spaghetti western mouthing a cigar. He tugs the rubber nipple out of his mouth with a pop. The chalky, viscous milk forms a goatee of spittle on his chin.

-
+

GAMZEE: VrIsKa My MaIn BiTcH, lOnG tImE nO sEe.

GAMZEE: YoU SeEm aLl dIsCoMbObUlAtEd tHeRe, @@ -342,7 +342,7 @@ her with the complacency of a man perfectly oblivious to the one-way ticket to the world of shit his big mouth just bought for him.

-
+

(VRISKA): Wh8t the F8CK did you just s8y to me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy32.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy32.xhtml index b5fb4c7..436040d 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy32.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy32.xhtml @@ -25,11 +25,11 @@

Chapter 32

-
-

(Vriska) +

+

(Vriska) grabs Gamzee by the front of his shirt and yanks him down, her hot, furious breath brushing his disgusting face.

-
+

GAMZEE: I sAiD tO yOu YoU gOtTa ChIlL, yO.

GAMZEE: It’S hIgH tImE yOu GoT yOuR rEdEmPtIoN oN.

@@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ malevolence, and then it finally happens.

She just. Plain. Fucking.

SNAPS.

-
+

(VRISKA): Don’t you daaaaaaaare

(Vriska) clenches her fists together and slams @@ -59,7 +59,7 @@ hook. His nose makes a crunching sound like someone just stepped on a pile of crackers. He stumbles backward, cupping his palms over his face to catch the gush of blood.

-
+

(VRISKA): FUCK8NG touch me

(Vriska) grabs him under the armpit and @@ -67,14 +67,14 @@ a wheezy, guttered honk. It comes out slowly, mournfully, like a broken bike horn getting backed over by the rear wheel of a hearse.

-
+

(VRISKA): EVVVVVVVVER

She spins out from under his flailing arm and does a full 360-degree pirouette off the fucking handle to deliver a ruthless Knife Chop straight to the cartilage at the center of his chest, like a veteran butcher getting down to business.

-
+

(VRISKA): AG88888888IN!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: :o(

@@ -99,7 +99,7 @@ shirt. With an impressive maneuver, hard for the eye to follow unless you’re a trained wrestler, she adroitly twists a hand in his hair and Reverse Hangmans him against the tree branch.

-
+

GAMZEE: HONK!!!!

(VRISKA): WHY WON’T YOU JUST

@@ -107,7 +107,7 @@ and again. Each time he lets out a sound like a damaged squeeze toy, his bloated, slimy tongue unspooling like a frog’s as all the air is crushed out of his esophagus.

-
+

(VRISKA): D8EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Shouting like a berserker, (Vriska) @@ -156,7 +156,7 @@

Mercifully, John’s attention is caught by someone calling his name from above. He has never felt so grateful for an excuse to look away from anything in his life.

-
+

ROSE: John, up here!

ROSE: I need to speak with you!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy33.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy33.xhtml index c3f32ab..cd48a5b 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy33.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy33.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 33

-
-

John looks +

+

John looks up to see Rose waving at him while hanging out the hatch of a troll cruiser. John tries to smile at her, but all he can muster is a weird, queasy expression. Rose looks glad to see him anyway. She @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ lack of desire for any physical contact to be made between them), but instead uses his momentum to spin her all the way around so that her back is facing the cursed shrubbery in the distance.

-
+

VRISKA: Whoa! Hey, Old Man.

JOHN: hey vriska, hey rose. nice to see you both!

@@ -49,7 +49,7 @@

John and Rose appear equally surprised themselves when Vriska hauls him in to seal the deal with a crushing hug of her own.

-
+

JOHN: haha. geez! hi vriska!

VRISKA: Hi John!

JOHN: this is great. just great. hey, why don’t we @@ -60,7 +60,7 @@

Rose cocks an eyebrow at him. Behind her, the bush releases a strangled, lusty honk.

-
+

ROSE: Was that...

ROSE: Nevermind.

ROSE: Vriska, why don’t you go and help your mother @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ luminescent cording that matches their blood colors. Rose is wearing it too, John notices, in black and lavender. He gives her a concerned look up and down, then holds out his hands, palms up.

-
+

JOHN: so... i guess this war is really happening?

ROSE: Yes.

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@

JOHN: the circle of stupidity is complete?

Rose laughs.

-
+

ROSE: Don’t be ridiculous John. Nothing is complete.

ROSE: There is no true ending or beginning in this @@ -123,7 +123,7 @@

John strokes his chin and thinks very hard on this. Maybe too long, because Rose sighs and taps the bridge of his spectacles.

-
+

ROSE: “No” is a perfectly valid answer to that question, John.

JOHN: i just didn’t want to make it look like i @@ -151,7 +151,7 @@

Contemplating the vastness of that statement makes John feel suddenly very small and sad. He shuts his eyes and runs a hand through his hair.

-
+

JOHN: oh my god, rose. it’s too early in the day for this.

ROSE: I agree.

@@ -164,7 +164,7 @@ and pulls him gently toward her. He cracks his eyes open to see her face glimmering in the late morning sun. Her eyes are glossy and bright in the gleaming light.

-
+

ROSE: I want to thank you.

JOHN: for... for what?

JOHN: didn’t i fuck everything up by not going to @@ -186,7 +186,7 @@

Rose pauses meaningfully, as if the realization is falling into place as she says it.

-
+

ROSE: I never thought I would actually get to be happy.

JOHN: rose... you weren’t happy before?

@@ -203,11 +203,11 @@ her and raises her head to look at the perfectly blue sky with its perfect sun and its perfect clouds, unmarred by the dark storm brewing on the planet below.

-
+

ROSE: In Complacency of th—

She corrects herself.

-
+

ROSE: In the silly wizard story I wrote when I was a child,

ROSE: The realm most comparable to heaven existed @@ -228,7 +228,7 @@ then after. There are things that he can’t forget. That he won’t forget. Is this the reason he’s felt like this for so many years?

-
+

ROSE: But that isn’t me anymore.

ROSE: I am blind against the veil of this world.

@@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ and honest. Her eyes are perfectly clear. There is no other word that could possibly do justice to her expression. She looks happy.

-
+

ROSE: Thank you.

She comes forward to give him a kiss on the diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy34.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy34.xhtml index 4cfd14d..4719bfe 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy34.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy34.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 34

-
-
+
+

VRISKA: Hey, Harry Anderson, guess where I am!

HARRY ANDERSON: what???

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@

Vriska cups her hand around the receiver of her phone and shouts over the artillery barrage.

-
+

VRISKA: It’s ME, idiot! The HOT 8A8E you’re lucky enough to h8ve gotten to second 8ase with!

HARRY ANDERSON: oh hi vriska!

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ above the post-bombing silence. It’s a sound that she knows from hard-won experience can mean only one thing.

There’s a clown nearby.

-
+

VRISKA: I think I hear...

VRISKA: GAMZEE??

HARRY ANDERSON: gamzee? my auntie jane’s @@ -157,7 +157,7 @@ attention to bear on this curious rhythm of noises coming from nearby, beckoning from the underbrush. She pushes toward it through the thorny shrubbery.

-
+

VRISKA: There’s a bounty out for his arrest! D8mn, they’ll probably put him in front of a tribunal if we can get our hands on him!

@@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ exhibition of unexpected and deeply profane lust. Now that the battle has stilled, he can overhear the vile melody of the blasphemous union.

-
+

ROSE: There’s that noise again.

ROSE: I knew I wasn’t imagining it.

JOHN: oh no.

@@ -197,7 +197,7 @@ tangled black hair, and stunned faces, her expression begins to slowly melt. It then drifts quickly, from phase to phase, to one of wonder, then anguish, and finally, abject horror.

-
+

JOHN: oh god.

Vriska and (Vriska) both start shrieking at a diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy35.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy35.xhtml index 48af69e..90e4268 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy35.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy35.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 35

-
-

While John +

+

While John dealt with the sight by immediately turning and walking away, and the Earth Vriska dove into a nearby bush for safety, Vriska is contending with her predicament through willful denial. She’s @@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ stuck her tongue in the heinous mouth of that frisky, unwashed jester, she began jackhammering through the stubborn concrete of rock bottom like she was digging up the corpse of a mob snitch.

-
+

GAMZEE: HeY (vRiSkA) mY bOoTyLiCiOuS bAbY bItCh.

GAMZEE: YoUr BaD bOnE dAdDy Is GeTtIn To Be A @@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ paradise planet might look like to certain individuals. The small sob she’s been stifling finally comes out. Tears cut through the oily, shining mask of blue, purple, and mud on her face.

-
+

GAMZEE: HeY bEaUtIfUl. :O)

GAMZEE: iS sOmEtHiNg MoThEr FuCkIn ThE mAtTeR?

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ smearing the blood around. She looks at her hands, notices the blood, and continues cleaning her face, using her tears as a solvent and wiping the blood on her shirt.

-
+

(VRISKA): Gamzee...

(VRISKA): Can you just

(VRISKA): Not talk?

@@ -119,7 +119,7 @@ insubordination of a raunchy clown. It’s almost like a smelling salt. She sneers, revealing a fang, and spins on her heel to face him.

-
+

(VRISKA): Did you hear what I F8CKING said????????

@@ -143,14 +143,14 @@ distant row of trees. The rubber nipple remains stuck in his clenched teeth, his face now coated with a good portion of the punted bottle’s milk.

-
+

GAMZEE: Aw MoThEr FuCk SuGaRpUsS. :o(

GAMZEE: mY nAnNa NeCtAr!!!

(Vriska) presses her foot down on his chest and pins his back flush against the grass. He exhales with a startled wheeze at the sudden force.

-
+

(VRISKA): You 8etter fucking listen up, Makara.

(VRISKA): I don’t know what you may have @@ -171,7 +171,7 @@ on his face, slightly lightening the tint of the purple.

She hears a faint digital clicking somewhere. What is that? It seems to be coming from just behind her. She turns around.

-
+

(VRISKA): What the fuck do you think you’re doing????????

@@ -183,7 +183,7 @@ long. Somehow this makes her even more pissed off about it than if he were just broadcasting their snogging fiasco without the use of a typing quirk.

-
+

GAMZEE: I gOtS tO fUcKiN tElL mY nUmBeR oNe InVeRtEbRoThEr AbOuT aLl WhAt JuSt GoT dId.

GAMZEE: hE aNd I aReN’t As TiGhT aS tHe BoYs We @@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ it from either side, and breaks it in half. She then spikes both pieces down at him, missing, but causing him to flinch nonetheless.

-
+

(VRISKA): No selfies, no texts, no N8THING!

(VRISKA): Which fucking part of “you’re not telling anyone” is so hard to understand?!

@@ -237,7 +237,7 @@

Gamzee’s expression changes slightly. He retains his unfortunate aura of amorous placidity, but there’s now a hint of sadness.

-
+

GAMZEE: I dOn’T kNoW aBoUt AlL tHe BuSiNeSs YoU sAiD, hOnEyNiPs.

GAMZEE: i’Ve GoT tO fEeLiNg ThAt WoNdEr In My @@ -250,7 +250,7 @@

GAMZEE: I gOt ThE aDvAnTaGe TaKeN oF mE.

(Vriska)’s face contorts with rage.

-
+

(VRISKA): You son of a 8itch.

(VRISKA): This was C8NSENSUAL!

(VRISKA): If ANYONE didn’t consent to this horror @@ -292,7 +292,7 @@ puts her shaking hands around his neck and grips tight. She positions her face inches from his, hissing hot breath through her clenched teeth.

-
+

(VRISKA): NO ONE IS GOING TO FIND OUT A8OUT THIS YOU FUCKING 8ASTARD.

(VRISKA): NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW, SO HELP ME @@ -315,7 +315,7 @@ backs up a few steps, studying the corpse. If her body language signals any remorse or sadness, the witness in the bushes certainly can’t tell.

-
+

Vriska: (Eep!)

Oh shit. (Vriska) had already forgotten about @@ -323,7 +323,7 @@ witnessed not only the original feat of debauchery, but all the compromising activity which followed as well. (Vriska) would probably need to have a few words with her.

-
+

Vriska: Um...

Vriska stands up slowly from the bush, @@ -333,7 +333,7 @@ given up. (Vriska) doesn’t blame her. She can’t imagine there being anything in anybody’s life that could adequately prepare them to have a snappy response ready for a situation like this.

-
+

Vriska: Hey.

(Vriska): Sup.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy36.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy36.xhtml index 896d578..6a7a6da 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy36.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy36.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 36

-
-

The moment +

+

The moment John caught a proper glance of (Vriska) and Gamzee going at it in the bushes, he was done. He simply had no further capacity to deal with any of it. He just fucked off.

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ dozes off to a lullaby of distant sonic booms.

When next he’s jostled awake, it’s by a figure that looks uncomfortably like—

-
+

JOHN: dad?

As John blinks away the sleep from his eyes, @@ -91,7 +91,7 @@ esoterically bullshit way than the man who used to fill this study with pipes and black licorice. John sits up straight in the chair and rubs at his eyes.

-
+

JOHN: jake?

JOHN: what are you doing here?

JOHN: wh–

@@ -105,7 +105,7 @@ Harry Anderson does when he’s lying. Across the room, Tavros Crocker fumbles his grasp on a particularly hideous fanciful harlequin. One of its pointy shoes snaps off.

-
+

TAVROS: Cripes,,, sorry, uncle john,

TAVROS: I’ll replace it,,,

JOHN: it’s fine. that’s actually just a piece of @@ -114,14 +114,14 @@

John thinks he might still be dreaming. Though if his subconscious were controlling the scene, there would be a few alterations.

-
+

JOHN: aren’t you cold?

JAKE: I am in fact!

JAKE: These old duds...

Jake snaps the elastic on his pair of red underpants. It’s the only thing he’s wearing.

-
+

JAKE: Well you see janey bought all my other clothes.

JAKE: She had a certain way she liked me kipped out @@ -130,11 +130,11 @@

TAVROS: You took me,

Jake winces.

-
+

TAVROS: And,,, you took you,

Jake’s wince deepens.

-
+

JAKE: Then i daresay i made the right choice not rustling the bushes in the making off with inanimate belongings department.

@@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ disappeared up under his bangs, but he doesn’t say anything. He has the air of a boy who has spent all of his life not saying anything.

-
+

JOHN: okay, so, uh...

JOHN: i guess i’m just gonna move past the fact you’re 90% naked in my house.

@@ -169,7 +169,7 @@ drink. Or at least a pair of pants. But all this is is another reminder of how inescapably preposterous every aspect of this reality has become.

-
+

JOHN: so i guess this is the thing that’s currently happening now.

JOHN: what exactly do you want me to do?

@@ -178,7 +178,7 @@

JOHN: help you out?

John produces a dry laugh.

-
+

JOHN: that’s pretty funny.

JOHN: i remember trying to help you for years, and you never seemed that interested back then.

@@ -192,7 +192,7 @@ function of the absurdity of this contorted reality? It’s hard to be sure. Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?

-
+

JAKE: Look here chap sometimes not everything is so simple!

JAKE: It isnt as if i couldve just walked out the @@ -223,7 +223,7 @@ fault, too? Did his reckless decision really author a child, just for it to suffer?

John finds himself feeling a little sick.

-
+

JOHN: are you guys... i don’t know, hungry, or whatever?

JOHN: i think i have a frozen pizza.

@@ -241,7 +241,7 @@ cabinet. Tavros takes one look at the bottle in his father’s hand and heads upstairs. Maybe that’s for the best—it’s getting hard for John to look straight at him.

-
+

JOHN: i’m sorry for being... i don’t know. a bitch.

JOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough forever.

@@ -254,14 +254,14 @@ alcohol tastes just as harsh and bitter as he remembers it. Jake swirls the rocks in his glass, looking queasy despite his proclamation of tolerance.

-
+

JAKE: John.

JAKE: Do you think im a bad person?

That’s certainly not a question John ever expected to hear come out of Jake’s mouth. He hadn’t thought him capable of that degree of introspection.

-
+

JOHN: wait. what?

JAKE: Do you think ive ruined my whole entire life and all of my relationships and especially the most important @@ -289,7 +289,7 @@

Jake grimaces. In the dim kitchen light his five o’clock shadow looks like a bruise.

-
+

JAKE: I wish i could tell you hearing that was a load off my mind john.

JAKE: The me of yesteryear probably would have @@ -330,7 +330,7 @@

The two of them share a moment of obligatory silence for someone long dead and gone.

-
+

JAKE: In a way i think i found all that comforting.

JAKE: Havent you ever wanted to let someone make @@ -346,7 +346,7 @@ influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

-
+

JOHN: maybe. yeah. i dunno.

JAKE: Im starting to think ive been a bit of a fool about it all though.

@@ -363,7 +363,7 @@ wouldn’t do much good to say it, though. It’s not like John wants to torture the guy, whatever the status of his realness attribute.

-
+

JOHN: jake, i guess i actually don’t know you that well, but i think there’s a difference between making excuses and just giving reasons.

@@ -386,7 +386,7 @@

John’s mouth open and closes dumbly. That’s it?

-
+

JOHN: i...

JOHN: thought it would be harder to convince you?

@@ -400,7 +400,7 @@ just forget all his fears and regrets, and forge forward with the honest, dumb conviction that if he just tries hard enough all his problems can be chased away.

-
+

JAKE: Golly john, i–

JAKE: Gee willikers, do you hear that?

@@ -411,7 +411,7 @@ tapping his fingertips on the kitchen countertop, his aura of hope pulsing brighter. Then, with a dignified flourish, he raises an arm.

-
+

JAKE: John.

JOHN: yeah?

JAKE: Take my hand.

@@ -420,7 +420,7 @@

Jake snatches John’s hand and pulls him in, catching him off guard. John floats, an instinctive reaction to when he’s knocked off balance.

-
+

JAKE: Dance with me!

JOHN: oh, jesus christ.

@@ -434,7 +434,7 @@ do end up stepping on each other’s feet, gamboling around like newborn giraffes, who cares? What’s the harm in a little dancing?

-
+

JAKE: Im excited, john! I havent been excited in such a long time.

JAKE: Its just so great to be out on my own! Here @@ -456,7 +456,7 @@

Jake launches into a real doozy of a spin, which John supposes may well have knocked the last of his sense out of him.

-
+

JOHN: sure. why the hell not.

Jake gives John a twirl, which sends him @@ -467,14 +467,14 @@ like being dashed with a bucket of ice water, though. All of John’s gloom and malaise surges back to the fore like air filling a vacuum. He feels hungover.

-
+

JOHN: oof...

John lies immobile on the floor tile. Jake draws up to look down at him in confusion, striking a pose that is both dazzlingly modelesque and doubtlessly completely unintentional.

-
+

JAKE: Eh? What are you looking so glum for there chap?

JOHN: oh, you know. the usual.

@@ -501,7 +501,7 @@ the living room. Jake follows, but John now ensures that’s there’s a healthy enough physical distance between himself and Jake’s black hole of psychic optimism.

-
+

JAKE: You cant rightly go and blame the woman for all your troubles john.

JOHN: i’m not!

@@ -510,7 +510,7 @@

John sighs and drops down onto the couch. He stretches out so Jake can’t take the seat beside him.

-
+

JOHN: that even if i COULD talk to her and try to set things straight...

JOHN: why bother?

@@ -558,7 +558,7 @@ what he knows is true. The allure of the denial—of the anaesthetic hope radiating from Jake’s epically sculpted body—is difficult to turn away from.

-
+

JAKE: My word john. Are you... crying?

JOHN: haha...

JOHN: jake, do you have roxy’s number?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy37.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy37.xhtml index bb3d1e6..839da97 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy37.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy37.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 37

-
-

Because +

+

Because (Vriska) only spent a few minutes on Prospit before her dream self was whisked away to the Battlefield the moment she ascended to her god tier form, she never exactly got to enjoy Prospit life as much @@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ really required is a willingness to let yourself waste the time. A willingness she only just discovered minutes ago, since wringing the life from a libidinous harlequin.

-
+

(VRISKA): I think that one is...

(VRISKA): A sort of snake?

(VRISKA): A snake with a strangely 8ig head.

@@ -101,7 +101,7 @@ entered high school. She shrugs and turns her attention back to the sky. Another nimbus cloud wanders lazily into view, and catches (Vriska)’s eye due to its peculiar shape.

-
+

(VRISKA): That one there.

(VRISKA): That’s... some sort of squat, can-like 8uilding, right?

@@ -148,7 +148,7 @@ her ability to recognize the shapes is beginning to fade. They start to resemble fluffy, amorphous blobs. Was it all just in her imagination?

-
+

(VRISKA): May8e this is just crazy nonsense, actually.

(VRISKA): Seeing shapes in clouds, I mean.

@@ -206,7 +206,7 @@ feels right, natural even, as if he was never meant to serve any purpose other than that of a deceased, soft vehicle for head and neck support between two blossoming friends.

-
+

VRISKA: Hey, can I just ask...

VRISKA: Why were you making out with this Ridiculous Shithead?

@@ -347,7 +347,7 @@

(Vriska) thinks for a while on her next statement. She needs the time to let a thought she’d never had before arrange itself into words.

-
+

(VRISKA): May8e that’s why I h8’d my ghost self so much?

VRISKA: Why?

@@ -409,7 +409,7 @@ near-duplicate of herself who’s easy to confide in, maybe she’s said too much already. Maybe she’s even admitted too much to herself. Moments pass in silence.

-
+

VRISKA: I’m pretty sure Harry’s Dad used to talk to her a lot.

(VRISKA): What?

@@ -439,7 +439,7 @@ decades of use. This is not the device of a man who frequently upgrades his technology. There’s no password to unlock it. (Vriska) scrolls upward on a text exchange for quite some time.

-
+

(VRISKA): How far 8ack does this go??

VRISKA: Not sure. 8efore I was hatched, at least.

@@ -457,7 +457,7 @@

(Vriska) clicks on the reply field. Her thumbs hover over the digital keys.

-
+

(VRISKA): What would I even say?

VRISKA: Tell her you Love Her.

(VRISKA): Oh, shut the fuck up.

@@ -473,7 +473,7 @@ while studying the cloud shapes again, providing (Vriska) with a wide berth for this critical rumination.

Finally, (Vriska) stops pacing, and begins typing.

-
+

(VRISKA): Hey Terezi.

(VRISKA): This isn’t John.

(VRISKA): It’s Vriska.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy38.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy38.xhtml index faef18c..65e5d14 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy38.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy38.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 38

-
-

Roxy tugs +

+

Roxy tugs at a piece of hair behind her ear with one hand as she checks the time on her phone with the other.

John’s not late, but Roxy’s run out of things to do except wait @@ -57,7 +57,7 @@ contrition, and she can only handle so many self-absorbed attempts at communicating remorse before her head starts feeling like it’ll float away from her body.

-
+

ROXY: sup john

ROXY: long time no see

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ would be handy, because that’s really the best angle she’s got.

She mirrors the movement with her own hand and steps aside for him to come in.

-
+

ROXY: well alright then pal

ROXY: i do believe u know the way to the living room

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ her that John always said was “weirdly sexual, for them.” He looks at it now like it’s something from an almost forgotten dream. Roxy sighs.

-
+

JOHN: sorry for staring like an idiot.

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: i just got done with a whole week of feeling @@ -96,7 +96,7 @@ couch a polite distance away. He looks past her, almost through her, like he usually does. She knows him well enough to know what he’s politely not asking.

-
+

ROXY: harry andersons out if u were wonderin

ROXY: hell scoot back home later so if you make it thru round 1 of awkward ex-family convos im happy to say you can be @@ -116,7 +116,7 @@ for real—but she knows by now that it’s not her job to make him happy. That was something she gave up on years ago. But wanting to? That feeling is still as fresh as it always was.

-
+

JOHN: sounds like a plan.

JOHN: so, uh.

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking @@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ isn’t the worst person she could talk to about it. If he’s truly about to be real with her for the first time in forever, she might as well try to meet him halfway.

-
+

ROXY: janey n me havent been super tight of late

JOHN: ah.

@@ -241,7 +241,7 @@ doesn’t need to hear it. She’s not a kid anymore, and she doesn’t have to pretend someone else is right just to keep the peace if she doesn’t want to.

-
+

ROXY: im sorry john ilu but this is some hot steamin horseshit

JOHN: what?!

@@ -250,7 +250,7 @@ her face for maybe the first time since he showed up on her doorstep. Goosebumps trail down her shoulders, but she doesn’t let the closeness of it distract her from her frustration.

-
+

ROXY: its some real jerkoff emoji stuff is all im sayin!!

ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no @@ -284,7 +284,7 @@ He blinks a few times, slow, but he’s still focused completely on her. The corners of his still-open mouth pull themselves up helplessly into a smile.

-
+

ROXY: uh

ROXY: wat r u lookin at me like that for?

JOHN: no, i’m sorry.

@@ -335,7 +335,7 @@ life. But she doesn’t want to twist the knife of blame further into him than it needs to go. So she shrugs, looks her ex-husband in the eyes, and tells him the truth.

-
+

ROXY: i mean i felt... somethin i guess

ROXY: but its not just you

ROXY: youve never been the only player in this game @@ -366,7 +366,7 @@

When she sits back down next to John, he takes the glass wordlessly. After a minute of reflective sipping, which she is grateful for, he speaks.

-
+

JOHN: i just kept wanting to find ways to make everything make sense, you know?

JOHN: but maybe it just fucking doesn’t.

@@ -393,7 +393,7 @@ discovered in the back of the closet is comfortable. Smells mostly musty, but still enough like home to knock you right on your ass.

-
+

JOHN: i’m sorry. it’s just so hard to not feel like a total asshole.

JOHN: maybe i’m not some grand vizier of destroying @@ -425,7 +425,7 @@

Roxy wrinkles her nose. Thinking about all the lives she could have led makes her feel dizzy.

-
+

ROXY: nah dont say that

ROXY: i mean i accept ur apology this time but

ROXY: theres obvs all kinds of ways shit coulda @@ -487,7 +487,7 @@ choice that hang just outside her periphery, and the vertigo grows. She rolls the word “regret” around in her brain; she feels it on her tongue. John waits.

-
+

ROXY: i dont think i can regret anything

ROXY: theres not only one right way to be me imo

@@ -524,7 +524,7 @@ convoluted and personal and she isn’t sure she can do the overwhelming goodness of it justice. But then, Harry Anderson is his, too, so she knows she has to try.

-
+

ROXY: idk this life ive been livin gave me harry anderson

ROXY: that kinda outweighs anything else just for @@ -539,7 +539,7 @@ with words feels bigger than she expected, and tears prick at the backs of her eyes. She shakes her head and laughs before John can start crying, too.

-
+

ROXY: but lmao john were just adults

ROXY: were not dead!

ROXY: idk i mean were only what... barely middle @@ -578,7 +578,7 @@ pressure makes it so, but she doesn’t question it too closely. She doesn’t want to go back to where she’d been with him, but knowing they’d both been there, together, feels like enough.

-
+

JOHN: thank you for trusting me with this personal stuff.

JOHN: i know partly you were telling me all that to @@ -620,14 +620,14 @@ self-imposed suffering and blame loop. Something about the last hour must have done the trick, though. John stands up, brushes his hands on his jeans, and walks, back straight, toward his son.

-
+

JOHN: hey harry anderson.

JOHN: it’s really, really good to see you.

JOHN: do you wanna go for a drive?

The muscle in Harry Anderson’s jaw clenches a few more times, but when he smiles, it is genuine.

-
+

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, dad.

HARRY ANDERSON: that could be cool.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy39.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy39.xhtml index 35f888e..85a1a4f 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy39.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy39.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 39

-
-

On the +

+

On the other side of the continent, somewhere along the border between the Human and Troll Kingdoms, Dave and Jade navigate a densely jungled region. Though they’re high-ranking members of the resistance, they @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ Liberties.

They fly side by side just above the thick jungle canopy, sweeping the horizon with sharp eyes.

-
+

JADE: i think i see another one!

DAVE: oh snap

@@ -57,7 +57,7 @@ to be a large, rusted arm holding a torch, blurred by JPEG artifacts and covered in vines, poking out just above the canopy. It’s two or three miles off to the west.

-
+

DAVE: youre right

DAVE: another shitty liberty

DAVE: good eye jade

@@ -101,7 +101,7 @@ perhaps? No, this structure is different, more compact. More likely a ruined building from an ancient Earth city. It seems to call to him.

-
+

DAVE: yo jade

DAVE: why dont you go ahead and rig that liberty ill be right there

@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ tall man. The radiance of the holographic image diminishes to reveal a man in a suit, with a strikingly recognizable face. Dave draws in a sharp breath and clutches at his chest.

-
+

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider.

OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

@@ -178,13 +178,13 @@

Dave’s jaw hangs open. The legends have been confirmed. As well as several key headcanons of his. Without thinking, he drops to one knee and bows his head.

-
+

DAVE: m... mr president

DAVE: its an honor sir

President Obama laughs amiably and gestures with one hand for Dave to rise.

-
+

OBAMA: Come on now, Dave. We can’t be having that.

OBAMA: I’m nobody’s king. I’m a democratically @@ -197,7 +197,7 @@ respond to such soft-spoken words of wisdom and humility. He idles for a moment, seemingly waiting for Obama to follow through with his promised act of deference.

-
+

OBAMA: Hahaha, I’m not gonna bow, man. I was just pulling your leg.

DAVE: oh ok

@@ -223,7 +223,7 @@ adjusting the cuffs of his holographic suit with the casual manner of a skilled statesman. It’s the body language of a man getting down to business.

-
+

OBAMA: Now, you probably weren’t aware of this. But I’m familiar with the work you’ve done for your country in the past. For the whole planet, actually.

@@ -269,7 +269,7 @@

Dave pauses, pensively fiddling with the pockets of his camo pants. He has so many questions for the ex-president. He braces himself, and presses ahead.

-
+

DAVE: if you dont mind my asking sir

DAVE: i thought you died?

DAVE: well i mean i KNOW you did where im from with @@ -306,7 +306,7 @@ are times when he feels relieved by the lifestyle decision he made as a kid to wear a pair of aviator sunglasses at all times, no matter what.

-
+

DAVE: no

DAVE: but like

DAVE: thats all good and totally inspiring and all @@ -355,7 +355,7 @@ too, with more thoughts than he can keep track of. Thoughts of affirmation, exhilaration. i knew it... i knew it! his brain repeats to itself. The sense of vindication is indescribable.

-
+

OBAMA: Others were there. Kids my age. I made friends that lasted a lifetime.

OBAMA: Over the years, I would return there now @@ -386,7 +386,7 @@ crosses his arms. But on his exhale, a small, choked sob escapes. He seals his lips tight, but his mouth quivers and puckers under the impossible pressures of restraint.

-
+

OBAMA: I know what you’re going through. There’s a lot to be emotional about in these trying times.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we take a walk. You’ll have @@ -400,7 +400,7 @@ solid feet making audible footsteps that echo far ahead into the darkness. The light from Obama himself serves as Dave’s torch. Soon, he feels calm enough to continue the conversation.

-
+

DAVE: mr president

DAVE: you said...

DAVE: i reminded you of the adult dave from your @@ -435,7 +435,7 @@

Obama nods solemnly at this clarification. His expression makes it clear that this is the type of executive decision he understands all too well.

-
+

DAVE: but compared to that guy i apparently turned out to be

DAVE: i dunno

@@ -492,7 +492,7 @@ flickering hand on his shoulder. Dave feels the dense light of the hologram buzzing through the fabric of his clothes, grazing his skin. It tingles, like mild static electricity.

-
+

DAVE: my bro died a long time ago

DAVE: fuckin hung himself for some damn reason

DAVE: for a little while i had a bro

@@ -520,7 +520,7 @@

Dave falls to his knees. He slides his open palms up beneath his shades and covers his face. He weeps quietly as Obama looks down on him, smiling patiently, understandingly.

-
+

DAVE: i think i messed up

DAVE: i didnt do the right thing a long time ago and now

@@ -536,7 +536,7 @@ He has to calm down. This is no way to behave in front of a president. He collects himself, starts breathing steadily, and looks up.

-
+

DAVE: mr president

DAVE: can you keep a secret

OBAMA: Yes I can, Dave.

@@ -546,7 +546,7 @@

He runs a hand through his hair, and looks back down.

-
+

DAVE: i think im gay

Obama purses his lips in that trademark way of @@ -554,7 +554,7 @@ silence grow, as if considering precisely how to deliver the most perfect arrangement of words any man has uttered in human history.

-
+

OBAMA: Over the course of our lives, we all tend to believe we’re a lot of different things.

OBAMA: One year, you’re this. Another, you’re @@ -572,7 +572,7 @@ eyebrows high above his shades. They stare at each other, and in the look they exchange, they seem to say all that needs to be said between two grown men on the matter.

-
+

OBAMA: Identity, sexuality, gender, all that stuff is about as illusory as I am, standing before you here.

OBAMA: Is this the real me? Who can really @@ -603,7 +603,7 @@ The only thing he knows is he needs to listen carefully to every precious syllable. To listen with his ears, his heart, his entire being.

-
+

OBAMA: The truth of oneself can be very specific, if one wills it to be.

OBAMA: Statements such as, I am gay, I am @@ -631,7 +631,7 @@

OBAMA: Oh... we’ve met on a few occasions.

Dave blinks.

-
+

DAVE: thats

DAVE: how is that possible

DAVE: he killed himself

@@ -657,7 +657,7 @@

Obama winks again. Dave has actually lost track of how many times he’s winked so far.

-
+

DAVE: right right

DAVE: so... somehow he met you and uh

DAVE: trained you and stuff

@@ -689,7 +689,7 @@ gleaming, polished silver replica of Dave, but without shades. It stands totally still, unpowered. Dave struggles to make sense of what he’s looking at.

-
+

OBAMA: Now, look.

OBAMA: A human body, even one that’s been elevated to god tier status, cannot withstand the stresses put on it by the @@ -718,7 +718,7 @@ of decision. He understands now that the decision was already made the second he first laid eyes on the former president. He pauses only to savor this perfect moment.

-
+

DAVE: yes

DAVE: absolutely

DAVE: i have never been more ready for anything in @@ -766,7 +766,7 @@ confusion, the insecurities of the man lying here all died along with his body. Davebot smoothly reaches down, lifts the shades off the corpse, and puts them on his face.

-
+

DAVEBOT: its about fuckin time

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy4.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy4.xhtml index e6c5025..68dc31e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy4.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy4.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 4

-
-

Rose’s eyes +

+

Rose’s eyes flutter open to the sound of a heart monitor and the sight of a featureless white ceiling. Fluorescent lights, diaphanous curtains, everything crisp and clean.

@@ -34,13 +34,13 @@

Wait, this doesn’t seem right, she thinks. When she closed her eyes, she was dramatically lingering about her bedroom at home. She’d just taken a handful of pills, and said goodbye to...

-
+

ROSE: John!

She shoots up in bed, tugging the IV taped under her elbow. Kanaya is sitting at her bedside, hemming a sundress. She thins her lips and gives Rose a half-lidded look.

-
+

KANAYA: “John”

KANAYA: I See

KANAYA: Is There Something I Should Know

@@ -51,14 +51,14 @@ plunging into a stagnant pond.

Instinctively, Rose raises her hand to her forehead, but there’s no pain there. Her head is the clearest it’s been in months.

-
+

ROSE: Kanaya, what...

ROSE: What happened?

Kanaya throws her sewing project aside and sweeps in close, wrapping a cool palm around Rose’s arm. Her voice quakes but retains most of its porcelain decorum.

-
+

KANAYA: I Came Home And Found You Passed Out In Front Of The Load Gaper

KANAYA: Your Skin Was Freezing And You Were @@ -75,18 +75,18 @@ fixed on the window at the other end of the room. The night is dying behind the thin, pale curtain. She can barely see the moon.

-
+

ROSE: I feel...

She looks back to Kanaya, eyes wide and bright.

-
+

ROSE: Kanaya, I feel... fine.

It’s been such a long time since she’s felt anywhere in the same ballpark as “fine” that it’s almost an out-of-body experience to say the word. She feels giddy.

-
+

KANAYA: No Headaches

ROSE: No headaches, no visions. Nothing at all. I...

@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ today, for the first time in ages?

When the nurse leaves, Kanaya puts a hand over the wrist that she is so preoccupied with.

-
+

KANAYA: Is Something Wrong

ROSE: It just seems like all of this is happening so quickly.

@@ -141,7 +141,7 @@

Kanaya tips her face away from the light to hide it in the curve of her shoulder. Rose reaches out and takes her wife’s hands in her own. They’re colder than she remembers.

-
+

ROSE: Are you crying?

KANAYA: Since When Have I Been Known To Cry

ROSE: Quite often, actually. But usually because @@ -164,7 +164,7 @@

Kanaya’s lips twitch into a smile and she laughs, sadly. Her laughter forces the tears out. They drip down her perfectly made-up face in thick trails.

-
+

KANAYA: I Really Did Think I Had Lost You

KANAYA: Its Not That I Thought You Would Die

KANAYA: It Was That You Felt So Far Away

@@ -194,7 +194,7 @@ shape.

Rose uses the hem of her hospital gown to wipe the tears off Kanaya’s face.

-
+

ROSE: It really is. Honestly, Kanaya, I’ve never heard such a ridiculous thing in my life.

KANAYA: You Are Talking To Me As If I Am A Pupa @@ -218,7 +218,7 @@

Kanaya presses a snotty, uncharacteristically imperfect kiss to the back of Rose’s hand, right beneath where she wears her wedding ring.

-
+

KANAYA: If You Would Have Me Forever

ROSE: Who else?

ROSE: There’s no one who understands me like you, diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy40.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy40.xhtml index 86c406e..278e238 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy40.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy40.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 40

-
-

From atop +

+

From atop the tallest bell tower in the Carapace Kingdom, the sky looks like something painted by a crazy person. The fierce lights of war on the horizon stain the sunset in unnatural hues: ultraviolet @@ -39,14 +39,14 @@

Aradia glides up to meet her, having left Sollux on the balcony. Above, in the sky, a hole has opened up. One so big it fills the entire radius of her vision.

-
+

ARADIA: oh thats very dramatic

The dead cherub says nothing. Aradia flits in front of her face and looks into her eyes. They’re the same black as the vortex above, so absolutely dark that they reflect no light.

-
+

ARADIA: i think i understand whats going on now

JADE: do you?

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@

Aradia pinches her thumb and forefinger together.

-
+

ARADIA: off about this place

ARADIA: just a little bit

JADE: yes, you would think so.

@@ -177,7 +177,7 @@

The cherub makes a rare physical gesture with her hands to begin framing her next statements. Aradia notes this and strives to listen more closely.

-
+

JADE: physical destruction is one thing.

JADE: obliteration of the entire canvas @@ -254,7 +254,7 @@ but change the way i say it very slightly.

JADE: listen again carefully.

ARADIA: ...

-

JADE: a martyr died and said +

JADE: a martyr died and said fuck.

ARADIA: hmm

ARADIA: yes that was a little different

@@ -273,7 +273,7 @@

ARADIA: yes i think youre right

JADE: but now imagine that i told your story in exactly that way. that i said,

-

JADE: a martyr died and said +

JADE: a martyr died and said fuck.

JADE: but it was the first time you ever heard that story.

@@ -330,7 +330,7 @@

JADE: again, i’d like you to imagine this is the only way you’ve ever known this story.

JADE: but then it continues...

-

JADE: a martyr died and said +

JADE: a martyr died and said fuck.

JADE:

his final howl of profanity reverberated through the ages.

@@ -346,7 +346,7 @@

JADE:

and though his death was gruesome, it opened the world to a feeling of hope.

-

JADE: this hope echoed through +

JADE: this hope echoed through the ages.

JADE:

it gave his disciples the strength to persist as they perished @@ -357,7 +357,7 @@

JADE:

and if you are one so devoted to his teachings, who sees truth in his words,

-

JADE: it may be said with great +

JADE: it may be said with great authority that you are wrong.

JADE: you are foolish to believe his lies. his martyrdom is false, his sacrifice hollow.

@@ -436,7 +436,7 @@

The cherub falls silent. Aradia takes this to mean this lesson of sorts has ended. She ruminates on it all for a while before speaking again.

-
+

ARADIA: thats all pretty neat i guess

ARADIA: so...

ARADIA: does this stuff have anything to do with @@ -448,7 +448,7 @@

Aradia starts giggling. Above, the sky yawns open a little wider. Aradia waits, but gets no response.

-
+

ARADIA: even now when youre being uncharacteristically forthcoming youre still impossible to talk to

@@ -476,14 +476,14 @@ black on the rim of a dying galaxy. Aradia follows behind the cherub, unable to pull her eyes away from the eerie phenomena overhead.

-
+

ARADIA: what will you do when he comes

The cherub is focused on something very small falling from above. The bright object flutters down from the broken sky and lands in her host body’s outstretched hand. It’s a feather, burnt at the edges, flickering orange and green.

-
+

JADE: consume his body.

JADE: absorb his essence.

JADE: and then using this host, i will diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy41.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy41.xhtml index 78264ea..98e4cb4 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy41.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy41.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Postscript

-
-

Elsewhere, +

+

Elsewhere, beyond the horizon...

A spaceship tears across a starfield at warp speed. Each dot of distant light stretches to become a spear, hurtling in the opposite @@ -132,19 +132,19 @@

She holds her thoughts. They can wait, and there’s much to discuss. She taps a button, and lowers her head a little closer to a mic on the panel.

-
+

ROSEBOT: Dirk.

She supplies a courtesy pause, as if waiting for him to reply. He usually doesn’t.

-
+

ROSEBOT: You’re going to want to come see this.

Enough time goes by that she begins to wonder if he’s asleep. But no. It’s just the irritated silence of a man who knows he isn’t currently dressed well enough to attend to something important.

-
+

DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy5.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy5.xhtml index ad68db3..ba580dd 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy5.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy5.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 5

-
-
+
+

JADE: did you hear that john left his house?

JADE: multiple days in a row even!

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY. THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’VE @@ -44,7 +44,7 @@ technically, but there’s domestic evidence of her all over the hive. Her plants, her bass, her clothes slung over the couch where she sleeps for weeks at a time...

-
+

JADE: im being serious dumpass

JADE: i was really worried about him!

KARKAT: I’M BEING SERIOUS TOO. I WAS ACTUALLY @@ -105,7 +105,7 @@

Jade floats over to the couch, shooting her two besties a salacious smile. She taps Karkat on the nose as she passes by.

-
+

JADE: im just enjoying my youth

JADE: you could be enjoying it too hehehehe

@@ -119,13 +119,13 @@ uncomfortably close to sexual thing to be doing in front of other people. Dave and Karkat share a vaguely mortified look. Jade sort of lives here, but she doesn’t that sort of live here.

-
+

JADE: but seriously.... what do you two even do holed up in here together all the time?

Karkat snorts, still pointedly not looking at her.

-
+

KARKAT: OH I’M SORRY, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN DAVE’S ILL BEGOTTEN ART EMPIRE?

KARKAT: HE’S GOT HIS OPPOSABLE DIGITS STUCK IN SO @@ -139,7 +139,7 @@ cheek on the cushion. The look she gives Karkat is just shy of devious. Karkat defensively scuttles to the other end of the couch, where he ends up pressed flush against Dave’s entire left side.

-
+

KARKAT: I UH

JADE: sit around and play video games all day?

KARKAT: HEY! THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING I DO! @@ -157,7 +157,7 @@

Dave puts both hands over Karkat’s mouth and does a stage whisper over his shoulder.

-
+

DAVE: he means that he uses the alchemizer in the basement sometimes

KARKAT: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

@@ -184,7 +184,7 @@ it makes her want to howl at the moon in sorrow.

What she’s planning isn’t a seduction. It’s a public service.

-
+

DAVE: why not dude i think its cute

DAVE: hes on all the major political sites of course but he spends most of his time going after people who leave @@ -224,7 +224,7 @@ his chest. She bounces them there a few times, enjoying the way troll skin is just a bit thicker than human skin, taut like the membrane over a poorly maintained drum.

-
+

JADE: a husband....

She begins walking her fingers up the length @@ -235,14 +235,14 @@ of conversation altogether. If he’d known it would only fan the flames of discussion in this case, he would have kept his mouth shut.

-
+

JADE: a husband is a little like what you both do already

JADE: only with....... certain “benefits” :)

Her fingers reach the hollow of Karkat’s throat just in time to catch him swallow. He starts to sweat.

-
+

KARKAT: WH... WHAT KIND OF BENEFITS

JADE: heheh dont play dumb karkat

DAVE: jade dude cmon

@@ -252,7 +252,7 @@ fingers up under Karkat’s chin so that they can rest on his lips, which are a little chapped. It doesn’t take much work to pop them open and slide both fingers in.

-
+

JADE: if youre really that clueless.... i can show you....

@@ -263,7 +263,7 @@

It would be pretty easy to mistake his reaction for arousal, so it’s understandable that Jade is extremely surprised when Karkat snaps his jaw shut and chomps down on her hand.

-
+

JADE: OW!!!!

She flies back, literally, spiraling up @@ -271,7 +271,7 @@ all tangled in her clothes for a few seconds. She clutches her wounded hand and glares daggers at Karkat, ears flat under her long, dark hair.

-
+

JADE: karkat what the HELL!

KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL??

KARKAT: YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING *ME* WHAT THE @@ -294,7 +294,7 @@ slumps into the dip between cushions while settling even more deeply into one of his better-practiced pouts. Dave clears his throat.

-
+

DAVE: so apropos of nothing

DAVE: just a cool segue into a completely different topic for no reason

@@ -303,7 +303,7 @@ casual motion with his hand. A smooth wrist swivel, like he’s at a turntable scratching one song into the next. That’s the effect he’s going for, at least.

-
+

DAVE: did you guys hear that jane was gonna run for high office

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY

@@ -377,7 +377,7 @@

Jade pinches his ear and twists hard, smiling pleasantly.

-
+

JADE: get fucked karkat

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy6.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy6.xhtml index c165b96..521ba79 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy6.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy6.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 6

-
-

No one is +

+

No one is answering the door to Jake’s mansion, so Jane lets herself in. There is almost no crime on Earth C, and so almost no one locks their door. In fact, most doors do not have locks, which has been @@ -42,7 +42,7 @@ corporate bailouts?

Well, Jane thinks with a heavy sigh, now that she’s not running for president, it doesn’t really matter, does it?

-
+

JANE: Jake?

Jane feels rather like a princess in an @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ unmistakable roar of a rifle firing. She sprints the rest of the staircase and runs down the hall, clack, clack, clack in her expensive—but understated—kitten heels.

-
+

JANE: Jake! Jake, where are you?!

The big oak door at the end of the hallway @@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ dress shirt buttoned up to midsternum. There is a smudge of gunpowder on his cheek. His whole face lights up when he sees Jane.

-
+

JAKE: Oh jane how unexpected!

JANE: Are you alright?!

JAKE: What? Of course! Why wouldnt i be?

@@ -81,7 +81,7 @@

Jake grins and holds up his rifle, which is still smoking from the muzzle.

-
+

JAKE: Just a little morning target practice!

He kicks the door all the way open behind him @@ -90,11 +90,11 @@ hit many times with bullets. There is a battle bot hanging out by the fireplace at the back, holding an armful of bottles and surrounded by a sea of broken glass.

-
+

JANE: You do this... in... inside the house?

He looks at her like she’s the stupid one.

-
+

JAKE: Well of course jane where else would i do it? Bringing this operation outside would only startle the neighbors!

@@ -107,7 +107,7 @@

Instead, she enters the room and takes a seat in one of the ostentatiously cushioned bergère chairs, careful to step around the puddles of cracked glass.

-
+

JAKE: I must ask jane... it seems that you are rather frazzled. Are you sure you arent the one whos not alright?

@@ -115,7 +115,7 @@

Jane rests her temple in her palm. Jake grabs another of his ridiculous fake-Victorian chairs by the back and swivels it around so that he’s sitting across from her.

-
+

JANE: Have you talked to Dirk lately?

JAKE: Er not exactly. I would say that i have been talked *to* by dirk.

@@ -131,7 +131,7 @@ the state of the locksmith industry with the seriousness it deserved.

Jake scoffs and flops a hand. Both actions are dismissive.

-
+

JAKE: I dont see what all the ruckus is. Our good chum dirk fancies himself a dark and tortured soul. Cutting us off is not entirely out of his wheelhouse.

@@ -150,7 +150,7 @@

Jake laughs, all uneven, and runs a hand through his attractively tousled hair.

-
+

JAKE: I must admit i am rather half rats at the moment.

JANE: You’re what?

@@ -162,7 +162,7 @@

He makes a motion like knocking back a bottle. Jane side-eyes the idling battle bot, flush with empty wine bottles, and then side-eyes Jake.

-
+

JANE: First thing in the morning?

JAKE: Well i needed the bottles for my target practice jane i couldnt just pour the wine down the drain! Thatd be @@ -180,7 +180,7 @@ codependently. No matter what he said, this had to be affecting him as well.

Jane lets out a fluttering breath.

-
+

JANE: You know what, Jake?

JANE: You’re right. It really would be a waste!

@@ -193,7 +193,7 @@ years.

She braces herself on the mantle and knocks her head back, taking a long, uninterrupted swig right from the bottle.

-
+

JAKE: Jeepers jane! Slow down!

Jane keeps gulping. She drinks until she can’t @@ -202,7 +202,7 @@ swimming. Spilling a bit of wine on herself, she spins around to stare at the silent battle bot. It’s got its hand out, waiting for her to hand over the bottle.

-
+

JANE: Could you leave us alone, please?

The battle bot tips its head at her with a @@ -214,7 +214,7 @@ Scorched-earth policy. That robot was indeed programmed by Dirk Strider.

Jake is staring at Jane wide-eyed behind his spectacles.

-
+

JAKE: Jane i must ask again... are you quite alright?

JANE: Actually no, I am quite not!

@@ -223,7 +223,7 @@

She staggers back to her seat and takes another swig of disgusting wine.

-
+

JANE: I canceled my presidential bid.

JAKE: What? I was under the impression that you were awfully chuffed about that!

@@ -232,7 +232,7 @@ “cancel everything.” And so...

Jane puts her face in her hand miserably.

-
+

JANE: ...I canceled everything.

JAKE: Why jane do you really need dirk to run for president?

@@ -242,7 +242,7 @@

Jane looks up at Jake from between her fingers and under her bangs.

-
+

JANE: Well yes, I suppose that I could run a successful presidential campaign on my own merits, especially since Dirk and I developed most of our strategy together.

@@ -256,7 +256,7 @@

Jake pries the wine bottle from her hand gently. He takes a drink from it, less gently.

-
+

JAKE: Dirk has that manner about him does he not?

JAKE: A way about him that makes you feel like @@ -265,7 +265,7 @@

He sounds a little... bitter? Jane blinks at him.

-
+

JANE: I hadn’t thought about it that way.

JANE: But yes, ever since I talked to him I have felt... strange.

@@ -275,7 +275,7 @@ isn’t it? Especially since she spends several nights a month drinking much harder and fancier drinks at investor dinners. Jake passes the bottle back and she takes another drink.

-
+

JAKE: Strange how?

JANE: Strange like you just explained... like nothing I do matters. I should be more upset that I’ve spoiled my @@ -299,7 +299,7 @@

Maybe because of the wine, and maybe just because she wants to, Jane reaches out and sets a hand on his thigh. She leans in closer until she can feel his breath on her face.

-
+

JANE: Oh, this is mortifying to admit, but I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’ve been doing the wrong thing with my life.

@@ -331,7 +331,7 @@ though.

Jake is still staring at her, drunk and enraptured. She ventures deeper into his personal space.

-
+

JANE: Well, Jake, it doesn’t always have to be that way.

JANE: Putting business first? Ignoring the good @@ -356,14 +356,14 @@ face. His eyes are so green, and they’re glittering with naked adoration, for her. It’s all for her. He nudges a knuckle under her chin and tips her face towards him.

-
+

JAKE: Jane...

He’s so close that Jane thinks he might kiss her. She shuts her eyes and lets his husky wine-breath wash over her face.

Instead of kissing her, he says:

-
+

JAKE: I say this sincerely as one of your oldest and dearest friends.

JAKE: I hope that you have luck in finding a @@ -378,7 +378,7 @@

But Jake doesn’t register her mortification or frustration either. He just keeps smiling and gazing into her eyes, warm and drunk.

-
+

JANE: Well, then.

With a deep sigh, Jane shoves Jake off of her and stumbles back diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy7.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy7.xhtml index 74b2be6..b639709 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy7.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy7.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 7

-
-

John’s been +

+

John’s been spending a lot of time with Roxy lately. Which also means spending a lot of time with Calliope, which is awkward, but fine. But it also means spending a lot of time with Gamzee, which is awkward, @@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ John still believes him to be.

Roxy and Calliope, however, apparently do not believe him to be full of shit, for some reason.

-
+

CALLIOPE: isn’t that nice?

JOHN: huh?

@@ -59,7 +59,7 @@ words, and incite revolutionary fervor amongst the masses. John tries his best to ignore it and walk ahead, but Roxy loops her arm through his and pulls him back.

-
+

ROXY: were here check it

JOHN: where’s here?

ROXY: me n callies fave cafe!!

@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@ just the mood he’s in. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Calliope insisted on including an unbelievably smelly clown on an otherwise perfectly pleasant stroll.

-
+

JOHN: that’s it? we’re going to a coffee shop?

JOHN: i got out of bed for THIS?

ROXY: lmao

@@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ around her and Gamzee as they stand in the busy street. At high noon, her little body casts almost no shadow on the cobblestone road.

-
+

CALLIOPE: sigh.

GAMZEE: WhAt’S sHaKiN sIs, YoU lOoK bUmMeD aLl ThE fUcK oUt.

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ his mouth lolling open as he contemplates what is transpiring with the closest facsimile to wisdom he can muster. He puts one of his huge hands on Calliope’s narrow shoulder, all comforting-like.

-
+

GAMZEE: Oh YeAh. FoR sUrE yOuR gIrL rOxY iS aLl GlObEs DeEp iN tHaT dUdE’s DaNk NoOk.

CALLIOPE: yes. and while i can’t say i didn’t @@ -146,7 +146,7 @@

Gamzee leans in so that his face is level with Calliope’s. His grin shows every single one of his teeth. Miraculously, his breath smells worse than his body.

-
+

GAMZEE: MOTHERFUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? >:o)

CALLIOPE: no!

@@ -165,7 +165,7 @@

John notices him there, just outside the window, leering at him and Roxy. His expression is serene, vacant. Calliope is nowhere to be seen.

-
+

JOHN: um, hey roxy...

ROXY: wats up

JOHN: gamzee. he’s staring at us, and it’s kind of @@ -182,7 +182,7 @@

Roxy takes a sip of her tea. Her purple lipstick leaves a stain on the fine china.

-
+

ROXY: yeah john its totes sad

ROXY: he never had a chance with the kinda life he had

@@ -198,7 +198,7 @@ of Roxy’s chair and looms over her. Without breaking eye contact with John, Roxy scoops up a spoonful of cheesecake and feeds it to him.

-
+

GAMZEE: HeY rOxItA.

ROXY: hey gamz whats shakin

GAMZEE: CaLlIE wEnT aLl RuNnInG oFf, UgH.

@@ -221,7 +221,7 @@ she doesn’t notice. Instead she puts her fork down, slides her chair out, and springs to her feet with an abundance of this newfound enthusiasm he’s been struggling to understand.

-
+

ROXY: brb!

ROXY: gonna hit the ladies room

ROXY: back in a jiff suckers

@@ -235,7 +235,7 @@ forearms on the table in front of him, folds his hands, and gazes into John’s eyes with what he has come to identify as Gamzee’s signature brand of faux serenity.

-
+

GAMZEE: mY fUcKiN *gUy*. :o)

JOHN: ...

GAMZEE: My DuDe AnD mY nInJa AlIkE.

@@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ service, in the hopes that it will provide a social buffer for the appalling interaction that is presently taking place. But no carapacians seem to be close enough to heed his request.

-
+

GAMZEE: I SeE WhAt’s fUcKiN Up, My gOoD VeRtEbRoThEr.

GAMZEE: AlLs aBoUt i cAn sAy iS GaMe rEcOgNiZe @@ -297,7 +297,7 @@ this lunatic, John nods very slowly as he listens, while taking a secret snap of his ghoulish face to send to Terezi. Before John submits, he tags the photo with a message:

-
+

JOHN: i absolutely fucking hate this.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy8.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy8.xhtml index 9baf54b..05a6b44 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy8.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy8.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 8

-
-
+
+

ROSE: Did you hear that Jane had been intending to run for president?

KANAYA: Yes She In Fact Asked Me To Serve A @@ -42,7 +42,7 @@ an outcropping over the lip of the breeding pit, knitting a series of tiny scarves for the grub clones that she and Kanaya have come to help hatch.

-
+

ROSE: That bad, huh?

KANAYA: She Was Already Talking About Regulating Troll Reproduction

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@ a batch of eggs. Her wife is luminous in the early morning light, her rainbow-drinker skin soaking in the pink light and reflecting it back like the inside of a snail’s shell.

-
+

ROSE: I don’t think Karkat would be such a bad candidate actually. Depending on certain factors I mean.

ROSE: I’m assuming that in this theoretical @@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ well-meaning jade-blooded assistant. She talks a little like a parody of a 1920s newsboy archetype, which Rose can only theorize has to do with Jane’s influence on the culture.

-
+

SWIFER: Just tryin’ to get her nice and clean! I heard the New Prospit Hornographer’s coming by later to scope out some pics!

@@ -103,7 +103,7 @@ on, then twirls the mop over her wrist with a martial flourish that absolutely recalls the fact that she is from a natural-born warrior species. She then gets to work washing the Mother Grub’s horns.

-
+

ROSE: What’s this about the Hornographer?

ROSE: Since when has the press taken in interest in our activities down here?

@@ -152,7 +152,7 @@ of early spring from the mouth of the chasm. Rose closes her eyes for a moment and breathes it in: taken just one minute at a time, a day can be filled with hundreds of perfect moments.

-
+

KANAYA: Well Whatever Inconvenient Party Ruining Opinions Dave and Jane Might Have About The Economic Future Of Our Planet Its All In The Past

@@ -202,7 +202,7 @@ concert.

Swifer is sniffling. She makes the motion of wiping away a tear, somewhat cartoonishly.

-
+

SWIFER: Golly gee oh my. This part always makes me tear up.

@@ -214,7 +214,7 @@ like a rock on the outside, but has a layer beneath like mulched flesh. Kanaya’s hands are soaked blue with bloody yolk when she finally lifts the grub and holds it up to the light.

-
+

KANAYA: Rose Look

Rose looks. All troll grubs appear kind of @@ -222,7 +222,7 @@ horns, one crescent, the other harpoon-like. A mussed mane of hair and a mischievous glint in her beady little eyes. Particularly the one with seven pupils.

-
+

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Vriska?

KANAYA: Pretty Close

@@ -285,7 +285,7 @@ her excitement. She leaps into the pit with Kanaya and runs to embrace her, not caring about the irreversible rainbow-colored stains that she’s smearing into her dress.

-
+

ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.

ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy9.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy9.xhtml index 7a57cad..f0ac38f 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy9.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/candy9.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 9

-
-
+
+

JADE: arent you guys happy to get out of the house for once!!!

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ distance. Karkat is still shielding his eyes against the dying strains of the sunset. His shoulders are scrunched up so high that his cheeks disappear into his turtleneck.

-
+

KARKAT: NO ACTUALLY.

KARKAT: I DON’T GET WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT IT. I CAN SEE THE SAME BULLSHIT FROM THE COMFORT OF MY HOUSE.

@@ -113,7 +113,7 @@ in between them and uses her Space powers to teleport Dave’s phone out from the center of his traumatized palm and into the pocket of her sweater.

-
+

JADE: hey can we focus here?

JADE: jakes ass isnt the one you two should be talking about right now

@@ -129,18 +129,18 @@ longer and sharper than a normal human’s, making her grin seem more predatory in nature, especially when she wants it to be. Karkat shivers at the sight of it.

-
+

JADE: thats NOT what im talking about...

Jade grabs Karkat’s right hand, and then Dave’s left one, and she begins to pull them toward each other. Both boys recoil, but she is much stronger than them.

-
+

DAVE: jade

DAVE: cmon what are you...

She’s doing it. She’s making it hapen.

-
+

JADE: this is a DATE dummies!

KARKAT: NO, STOP!

DAVE: dude

@@ -148,7 +148,7 @@

Karkat makes a fist so tight that his nubby fingernails pinch his skin. Dave does the opposite. He makes a flat palm, and raises it as if to stop traffic.

-
+

JADE: no..... let me.... show you....

JADE: you have to... turn it... flipwise!

@@ -165,7 +165,7 @@ middle of it, and it’s a work of art. Just what she wants the rest of her life to be. After all, where would these two pitiful beta boys be without her?

-
+

JADE: see i dont mind at all!

JADE: i would never try to break up what you two have.... im just trying to make it BETTER!

@@ -175,7 +175,7 @@ Karkat up flush against her. Their fingers remain entwined behind her back. She begins walking them down the ridge of the hill, beaming brighter than the first stars in the sky.

-
+

JADE: see isnt this perfect?

JADE: it could be like this all the time you know... the three of us in every combination

@@ -190,7 +190,7 @@ looking elsewhere that he trips over a rock and is only saved by Jade picking the three of them off the ground as she takes flight. Karkat’s legs flail when his feet go out from under him.

-
+

KARKAT: AUGH! DON’T DO THAT!

KARKAT: YOU KNOW I FUCKING HATE THAT!

@@ -203,7 +203,7 @@ did with their hands. She does a few quick calculations in her head, refusing to give up on her assumption that relationship issues can be solved the same way math problems can.

-
+

JADE: dont worry karkat theres nothing to be scared of...

JADE: well take care of you... right dave?

@@ -213,7 +213,7 @@ cheek. He yelps and leaps away like he’s been scalded by a burning iron, liberating himself from the deeply uncomfortable hug triad.

-
+

KARKAT: OKAY THAT IS IT.

KARKAT: I AM DRAWING A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND RIGHT HERE AND NOW, JADE. YOU WILL CEASE THIS ENDLESS VIOLATION OF @@ -242,13 +242,13 @@

Jade covers her mouth coquettishly and winks.

-
+

JADE: it was.......DAVE!!!!!

Dave turns around, shoulders going rigid, and eyes popping open like he’s just awoken from one of the terrible, sweaty nightmares he was projecting onto his hand earlier.

-
+

DAVE: i what

JADE: you kissed karkat! finally!!!

DAVE: n

@@ -259,7 +259,7 @@

Dave hesitates. Jade is giddy with anticipation. She couldn’t possibly look more pleased by her own handiwork.

-
+

DAVE: i have no idea what youre talking about

DAVE: i would never

DAVE: youre wack jade im not

@@ -291,7 +291,7 @@

Karkat begins hyperventilating, and momentarily forgets his beef with Jade long enough to lean on her to prevent himself from toppling over.

-
+

DAVE: youd have to be really careful to like

DAVE: i mean if you were INTENDING to kiss karkat

@@ -313,13 +313,13 @@

Dave’s mouth hangs open a bit. His gaze flits from Karkat to Jade and back again. His palms are wet, but his mouth is dry.

-
+

DAVE: im not

DAVE: i was never

DAVE: were not

Dave’s mumbling protest slows to a stop.

-
+

DAVE: actually ya know what

DAVE: i dont have time for this

DAVE: peace dudes

@@ -332,7 +332,7 @@ ultraviolet that only she can see. It lingers in the unstable particles between the air.

She huffs and puts her hands on her hips.

-
+

JADE: wow RUDE!

JADE: siiigh. i forget sometimes how immature dave can be

@@ -344,7 +344,7 @@ staring at her slack-jawed. He takes a step back, but isn’t watching where he puts his foot. His heel goes into a dip in the hill and he goes stumbling backwards, feet over head.

-
+

KARKAT: AH!! FUCK!!!

KARKAT: JADE!!

KARKAT: WOULD!

@@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ on his face for at least an entire minute. Then he slowly pulls himself to his feet and brushes the brambles off his pants. He points up the hill at Jade and shouts.

-
+

KARKAT: FOR THE RECORD

KARKAT: JUST SO WE’RE BOTH CLEAR

KARKAT: THIS IS WHY I HATE LEAVING THE *FUCKING @@ -375,7 +375,7 @@ left side of his ass, which unfortunately for him affords nowhere near the level of padding as Jake’s legendary backside. Jade puffs out both of her cheeks and stares after him.

-
+

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone

JADE: *again*!!!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat1.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat1.xhtml index aa485be..d8ded65 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat1.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat1.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 1

-
-

Meat was +

+

Meat was definitely the right choice, you think, as grease drips down your chin. The meat is cold and undercooked, so you have to grab it with both hands while you rend it apart with your incisors. It bursts in @@ -59,7 +59,7 @@ around you and it’s too hot, almost suffocating. You swallow back a mouthful of pungent bile as your eyes swim and lose focus.

> You know what you must do.

-
+

JOHN: i know what i must do.

Of course you know. What kind of guy would you @@ -67,7 +67,7 @@ capable of completing the grim task? A pretty shitty one, who just sneezed up a chunk of raw meat in front of a girl you used to have a gigantic crush on.

-
+

JOHN: i have to go back and kill lord english.

ROXY: u sure?

JOHN: i think so. it will probably be hard. but i @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ as usual. Calliope looks... well, her face is a permanently grinning skull. You’ll be damned if you know what’s on her mind either.

-
+

ROXY: i understand

No one says anything for some time. A pleasant @@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ to stare at you with beady-eyed fascination. The front of your shirt is stained with dark, slimy patches from the meat. Christ, why did you have to eat that meat like such a slob?

-
+

JOHN: so, is that it?

JOHN: should i, uh... get going?

CALLIOPE: if this is yoUr decision, then @@ -100,7 +100,7 @@

Calliope closes up the picnic basket and stands. Roxy follows, taking Calliope’s hand in hers again.

> Say goodbye?

-
+

JOHN: ok then.

JOHN: umm...

JOHN: thanks for inviting me to this picnic.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat10.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat10.xhtml index d7d7780..52b881f 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat10.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat10.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 10

-
-

Jane +

+

Jane Crocker sweeps into her office with grace befitting her station and slams the door shut behind her. The sun cuts through her venetian blinds, painting butter-yellow strips of light all the way from one @@ -132,18 +132,18 @@ thought that used to rule her world and make her so terribly weak. The shameful thought is expressed out loud in the form of a defeated sigh.

-
+

JANE: I need Jake.

She spins around and, still sitting on her desk, presses a familiar entry on her phone’s contact list.

-
+

JAKE: Ahoy ahoy!

Jane has to suck in a hard breath to stop herself from groaning. Why were so many of the finest young minds on this planet slaves to this foolish man’s perky glutes?

-
+

JANE: Jake! Hello, how are you doing?

JAKE: As well as can be i suppose considering that i just woke up in the middle of a mafficking ruckus at the stadium @@ -165,7 +165,7 @@ strategy with Dirk, he seems to be perfectly aware of this feature of Jake’s personality. You can’t be too nice when courting his endorsement, Dirk would say. He doesn’t respond to nice.

-
+

JANE: Be that as it may, Jake, I still do worry about you an awful lot.

JAKE: Well that is...

@@ -174,7 +174,7 @@ followed by a noise that sounds suspiciously like something big and hollow and metal connecting with Jake’s head. When Jake comes back to the phone, he’s yelling into it. Jane grimaces.

-
+

JAKE: ...very sweet of you jane! I appreciate very much that you have called me out of the blue to say such nice things to me with no ulterior motive!

@@ -183,7 +183,7 @@ portentous statement. However, Jane knows that Jake English could not have possibly meant this with anything but the utmost sincerity.

-
+

JANE: Well, you know that I—

JAKE: Because i must note that although i try to stay sporting about what comes at me, i cant say that i am chuffed @@ -205,7 +205,7 @@

Jake is quiet a moment, and Jane can hear the rusty gears turning in his head.

-
+

JANE: You should stop by to see me this evening!

JAKE: Do you mean my evening or yours? Were in @@ -218,7 +218,7 @@ every category that you could possibly love a person, but sometimes talking to him is like trying to build a house of cards while riding a mechanical bull.

-
+

JANE: Mine, of course! I’ll have the best year of your favorite crocodile-made scotch flown in from the Consort Kingdom and we’ll have a little catch-up.

@@ -230,7 +230,7 @@ watch her old friend pretend to sip at the same glass for a couple of hours while prattling on.

And she’s willing to do more than that, too.

-
+

JANE: When’s the last time we’ve done that, just you and I?

JAKE: You know what? Youre quite right. Its been a diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat11.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat11.xhtml index 15aacde..6a55b9e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat11.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat11.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 11

-
-

That’s +

+

That’s that, you think. Your glasses are broken forever, and you totally fucked up and underestimated young Lord English. Rose should have known better than to trust this to you alone.

@@ -40,13 +40,13 @@ around, you realize there is no apparent source to all this bright light, making it hard to tell where the floor ends and the walls begin.

-
+

ROSE: John? John? Are you there?

Her voice is muffled, coming from what you presume to be an adjacent room similar to yours on the other side of the wall.

-
+

JOHN: yeah, i’m here.

ROSE: Oh, thank goodness. Everyone’s accounted for then. Are you okay?

@@ -57,7 +57,7 @@

You can hear a thud from Rose’s corner, like someone slumping against the wall in relief. Well, that’s what you’re doing at least.

-
+

JADE: —ay?

DAVE: yeah im fine too but this is

DAVE: uh

@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@

The noise outside the juju grows. Something sharp and metallic splinters above and rains down on the top of the chest.

-
+

ROSE: What did my future self say it was we had to do?

JOHN: erm... she never rea—

@@ -91,13 +91,13 @@

The metallic noises rain down harder, drowning out Rose’s attempt at being loud.

PLINK, PLINK, SMASH.

-
+

JOHN: NOW I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

JADE: TRY USING LESS WORDS

The length of the silence coming from Rose’s corner communicates just how difficult a task that is for her.

-
+

JOHN: SHE SAID THE JUJU WOULD GET LOADED AND UNLOADED.

ROSE: WHAT?

@@ -191,7 +191,7 @@

Another arbitrary thought hits your brain, completely unrelated to the subject of Terezi, or what you would or wouldn’t tell a bunch of incarcerated teens, or so you think.

-
+

JOHN: am i... depressed??

You ask aloud, quietly enough that your @@ -218,7 +218,7 @@ eagerly greets you again. Like an old friend ready to pat you on the back and say, good try man. I’ll always be here for you, when you fail. Thanks dude, you think.

-
+

JOHN: ROSE WAS RIGHT.

DAVE: WHAT?

JOHN: THE JUJU HAS TO UNLOAD.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat12.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat12.xhtml index 8b84b75..3ffd519 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat12.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat12.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 12

-
-
+
+

DAVE: so we gotta hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures were all agreed on that right

KARKAT: UH HUH.

@@ -95,7 +95,7 @@ JPEG artifacts.

Everyone in this room knows each other way too well, so what happens next goes a little like clockwork.

-
+

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Says Karkat, for like thirty seconds straight @@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ artifacts and all, with the grace and proficiency of a man who has diffused an awkward situation in his own household many times per day, every day, for many years.

-
+

DAVE: anyway we all know the real issue is troll reproduction

DAVE: this election season is gonna be so jacked up @@ -179,7 +179,7 @@ cellophane. He is the only person who can’t see through it.

Jade does some calculations in her head. Two kinds of calculations, in fact: mathematical ones and personal ones.

-
+

JADE: soooooo

JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of @@ -208,7 +208,7 @@ make her eyes look anime-huge. They might literally be glittering, she’s so completely serious about the issue she is trying to stress.

-
+

JADE: so now that thats all out of the way

JADE: its time to get real you two

DAVE: i

@@ -280,14 +280,14 @@

Jade faceplams. She does it a little too hard and slams the bridge of her glasses into her forehead.

-
+

JADE: ow!

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?

Jade drags her hand down the bottom half of her face and sighs.

-
+

JADE: yeah for FUN

JADE: im twenty three dont you think thats a little old to still be dating for fun

@@ -299,13 +299,13 @@

Jade sighs and crawls closer. She takes one of Karkat’s hands in hers.

-
+

JADE: i think wed all work good together

In her other hand, she tries to grab Dave’s wrist, but he flash-steps to the other side of the couch. She pouts at him and keeps holding Karkat’s increasingly sweaty palm.

-
+

JADE: and i think weve been dancing around that for years now

JADE: i wanna try dating for real

@@ -323,7 +323,7 @@ considering the history between them and the sheer level of black flirtation that Karkat accidentally indulged in during his insecure youth. He doesn’t even pull his hand away.

-
+

JADE: ok first of all dont slut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thats what im trying to do @@ -347,7 +347,7 @@ has Jade messing with her glasses again so that she can peer right at him and apply some more of that faulty personal math to his facial expression.

-
+

JADE: dave......

DAVE: what

JADE: is this...........

@@ -409,21 +409,21 @@ permanently sworn off playing board games with them.

The moment Jade brings the paint program up on the television, Karkat stops laughing.

-
+

KARKAT: NO!

He tries to grab the tablet from her, but she’s hovering well above the ground and he simply is not tall enough to reach. With a shit-eating grin and deliberate care, Jade begins to draw a grid.

-
+

JADE: ill put this in terms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWEAR TO...

Karkat jumps and tries to grab her skirt, but she swims through the air with ease, giggling as she doodles.

-
+

KARKAT: YOU BETTER NOT BE DRAWING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE DRAWING!

@@ -433,7 +433,7 @@ room right now. She gives Karkat a pair of fuzzy, angry eyebrows and starts drawing other lines. Sinister lines, with salacious meaning. It’s exactly what Karkat fears: a shipping grid.

-
+

KARKAT: STOP! CEASE! DESIST THIS MOMENT! DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE: oh nooo im drawing a line karkat better stop @@ -444,7 +444,7 @@ tries to wrestle the pen out of her hand, but all he accomplishes is turning the redrom trajectory between her and Dave into a redrom loop-de-loop.

-
+

JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry!

KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID @@ -455,12 +455,12 @@

for his trouble. Jade comes out on top and sits on his back, humming to herself as she crafts her grand design.

-
+

JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice

She says, cheerful and oblivious.

-
+

DAVE: no

JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails

@@ -475,7 +475,7 @@ fills the entire room with red light. Karkat raises his face and stares at it in utterly bereft horror. The sick light makes the bags under his eyes look like divots.

-
+

JADE: in this model..........

JADE: troll quadrants are dumb so we ALL kiss!

JADE: i call this political arrangement:

@@ -486,7 +486,7 @@ Dave has just crossed his arms and pressed his mouth into a thinner line than usual. Jade’s ears flatten and she huffs. It sounds a little like a dog whining.

-
+

JADE: oh come on that was a good one!

JADE: its politically relevant and everything

DAVE: jade im not gonna laugh at your made up ship @@ -497,7 +497,7 @@ catch his very expensive computing device in both arms. The pen bounces off his forehead. Jade dismounts from Karkat’s poor, abused, terribly mortal spine and brushes down her skirt.

-
+

JADE: well ive said what i wanted to say

JADE: its up to you two what you do with it

JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about @@ -515,7 +515,7 @@ both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat needs to verbalize part of his out loud.

-
+

KARKAT: WOW WHAT A CRAZY AND TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WITH OUR BEST FRIEND JADE.

DAVE: y...

@@ -529,7 +529,7 @@ When their palms connect, there’s a moment where something could happen. A little spark of potential. It would be so very easy for something to happen.

-
+

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat13.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat13.xhtml index 427a4c4..a5b966e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat13.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat13.xhtml @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@

Chapter 13

-
+

> Be John again.

It seems as if you’re attempting to be John again, with the expectation that we might spend a little more @@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ apologize to her, o8viously, but in retrospect maybe her accessorizing wasn’t so bad. At least she understood the basics of having a simplified silhouette.

-
+

MEENAH: im goin back fin

MEENAH: you comin vris

VRISKA: Of course!!!!!!!!

@@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ still standing though, and laughing. That’s what you were doing when Lord English put a split in the fabric of reality. You were laughing, not crying. It doesn’t hurt at all.

-
+

TAVROS: vRISKA,,, aRE YOU OKAY?

VRISKA: Shhut up!!!!!!!! I’m... I’m

@@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ the dark maw of infinity. You wipe your bloody hand on the leg of your jeans and sneer with rage. You won’t go down so easily.

Tavros tries to steady you, but you slap his hand away.

-
+

VRISKA: Fuck 8ff!!!!!!!!

TAVROS: uHHH OKAY, iT LOOKS REALLY,,, kINDA,,, eXTREMELY BAD,,,,,,, tHOUGH,

@@ -195,7 +195,7 @@ ending for you—finally you lose all sense of composure. You flail, spin, and flip in helpless little circles like a bloody rag doll, and you begin to scream.

-

+

> JOHN: Emerge from the juju.

The first thing you hear is a tiny scream getting sucked into oblivion. The voice is familiar, but not as @@ -204,7 +204,7 @@

It’s not just a crack in your ears. This crack goes all the way down your spine. You almost don’t react to it because it’s so familiar. Around you, a cacophony rises up like steam.

-
+

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: its really popping off out here

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat14.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat14.xhtml index 440af4b..e7e02c4 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat14.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat14.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 14

-
-

Jake yawns +

+

Jake yawns and knocks on the window to Jane’s office again. For some reason Jane has the shades pulled shut all the way around, so he’s been hovering here for way too long in his best tie and his best pair of @@ -40,12 +40,12 @@ of silk-lined venetian blind to glower at Jake, who is hovering uselessly in the air. Use the front door, she mouths at him. But he responds with his specialty: incomprehension.

-
+

JAKE: Im sorry... what?

The exasperated hand motions Jane tries next work better.

-
+

JAKE: Oh! The front door, of course!

Jake flies down to the street so that he can @@ -67,7 +67,7 @@ hem. Jake’s bow tie practically spins at the sight of it. He freezes on the spot, an animal in the predatorial headlights of this buxom blue businesswoman.

-
+

JANE: Come have a glass of scotch with me Jake. We have so much to discuss.

JAKE: I-indeed.

@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@

He crosses the office and shakily accepts the offered glass of ludicrously expensive fermented barley grain. He raises it to his nose and pretends to sample the scent.

-
+

JAKE: Jane i must say that is a very striking ensemble.

JANE: Oh, you like it? Why don’t you...

@@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ brand-new sexy dress with quite an ungentlemanly fountain of boozy spittle. Jane is lashed both by the scotch in her face and how quickly her plan has fallen apart.

-
+

JANE: Jake!

JAKE: Bejabbers!

JANE: Oh no, all over my new dress...

@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ that is going on right now. Some of Jake’s scotchy slobber is on her glasses, which is not the place she was planning on having it tonight.

-
+

JAKE: Is this why you wanted to see me? To show off uh... this proper bit of frock?

JANE: Oh, no, of course not. I just wanted @@ -120,7 +120,7 @@

Jake doesn’t care about the economy. But he’s an ardent supporter of changing the subject.

-
+

JANE: Ah, it’s doing quite well right now actually.

JAKE: I should hope so!

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@

Jane laughs quite sincerely as he ruffles his jacket through her hair.

-
+

JANE: Oh, Jake, you really have no idea what’s going on, do you?

JAKE: Wait is this...

@@ -146,7 +146,7 @@ directs him to one of the couches that line her office. They stumble there, his jacket and hands still wrapped around her shoulders.

-
+

JANE: I’m sure you’ve had an earful about the election already.

JANE: I apologize. You must understand that my mind @@ -173,7 +173,7 @@ versions of themselves? Jane absently rubs the narrow strap of her dress between two fingers, vainly attempting to sort out her jumbled thoughts.

-
+

JAKE: That’s an earful jane.

JANE: I know. It’s a head-full too.

JANE: I can’t help but worry...

@@ -187,7 +187,7 @@

Jane pulls a leg up beneath her, which slides her bare knee between Jake’s. The couch dips a bit under their weight.

-
+

JAKE: I must admit i never thought of it that way.

JANE: I know.

@@ -197,7 +197,7 @@

Jake blinks, his eyes wet and glossy beneath his spectacles.

-
+

JAKE: Ah. Well... I suppose that i miss you too jane.

@@ -272,13 +272,13 @@ When a heart like that opens up to you, it opens up the whole world as well. A world of increased appreciation for combat, philosophy, life, love...

-
+

JAKE: Yelp!!!

Jake yelps and rolls off the couch in such a panic that he almost takes Jane with him. She flies to her feet, startled, breathing fast, and readjusts her disheveled clothes.

-
+

JANE: Jake?

JANE: Are you... quite okay?

JAKE: I

@@ -291,7 +291,7 @@ kicking open the latch to one of Jane’s giant windows and letting himself out.

He’s got a lot of things to think about, apparently.

-
+

JANE: What the...

JANE: Everliving fuck!

@@ -300,7 +300,7 @@ back over her shoulder. Then she closes the window, sits in her CEO chair and speed-dials the number for her one-man Kitchen Cabinet.

-
+

DIRK: Yo, what up?

JANE: Not Jake, apparently.

DIRK: Wow. Going straight for the double entendre, @@ -325,7 +325,7 @@

Jane squeezes her eyes shut and, very softly and quietly, bumps her head against the edge of her desk.

-
+

JANE: Why do I feel as if we’ve had this exact conversation, almost word for word, before?

DIRK: Because we have. Many times.

@@ -340,7 +340,7 @@ laughs at that. There’s a sardonic twist in Dirk’s voice that intentionally recalls every time he’s ever fucked up. But it satisfies Jane nevertheless. She knows that he won’t fail her.

-
+

JANE: Fine. Please call me later so that we may strategize.

JANE: And also because I could use some emotional @@ -358,7 +358,7 @@ falling across in her face at an angle that bisects her perfectly neutral expression. Dirk sets down his phone and acknowledges her with a nod.

-
+

ROSE: Well,

ROSE: Go on.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat15.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat15.xhtml index 1fe4e3f..d767f61 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat15.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat15.xhtml @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@

Chapter 15

-
+

> John: Fight Lord English.

All around you is pandemonium, a multichromatic cyclone of shrieks and clashing colors, as Meenah’s @@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ distortions behind him that look, if you don’t squint, a lot like JPEG artifacts. Jade’s got her favorite gun cocked and ready, with her ears perked up.

-
+

JADE: lets DO this!!!!

ROSE: Don’t get overconfident.

ROSE: We have to do it exactly like we discussed. @@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ drifting apart like a handful of salt tossed out to sea. You can almost hear the cosmic clock counting down, tick tock, and a chime to accompany her fate: Heroic.

-
+

JADE: rose!!!! no!!!!!!!!

Jade doesn’t wait to fire. Space splinters @@ -153,7 +153,7 @@ gigantic CRUNCH. And then another. And another. It sounds like a cereal commercial is playing outside the periphery of your vision.

-
+

JOHN: dave!

DAVE: what

JOHN: is lord english... eating my hammer?

@@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ ghosts. You land clumsily, palms first, and do an accidental handspring right into a bunch of alternate timeline trolls you don’t recognize.

-
+

JOHN: uh, hey guys. anyone see a pair of glasses down here? it’s pretty important.

@@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ space. Before the leg hits you, a troll leaps into action and blocks the blow. Her trident makes a satisfying ring off the round of the peg and sends it skidding backward.

-
+

JOHN: woah, that was a close one!

MEENAH: shell of time to finally show up

JOHN: sorry, we were kinda busy!

@@ -231,7 +231,7 @@ masticated Wrinklefucker, shrug, and toss it into the hole.

Glancing back down toward your foe, you notice Meenah still appears to be hanging on, clinging to his left suspender.

-
+

MEENAH: yo hold on

MEENAH: goin in for the krill

@@ -253,13 +253,13 @@ hammer-snack, seems to have bought Dave just enough wiggle room to slip out from under the foot, regain his composure, and draw his sword.

-
+

DAVE: john i need a little...

Dave ducks a wide blow from English’s swinging fist. He backs up nervously, holding his sword out in front of him with two shaking hands.

-
+

DAVE: anything

DAVE: i need a little anything right now

DAVE: literally any stupid fucking thing you can @@ -281,26 +281,26 @@ implement, and begin your advance.

However, you’re interrupted by a voice screaming out from behind you. It’s half familiar, half... cat?

-
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < waaaaaaaaaaaait

You whip your head around just in time to see a bolt of orange-and-green energy racing by you like a bullet. It slams into Lord English and sends him stumbling.

-
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im back

Dave stands there with his sword, absolutely agog, his expression perfectly reflecting a blend of horror and the total inability to process who or what he is looking at.

-
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dude i cant believe you dont recognize me

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its me davesprite

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and also nepeta?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < now were called davepetasprite^2

-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we purrmenantly merged forms and worked out all our shit!

+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we purrmenantly merged forms and worked out all our shit!

DAVE: oh

DAVE: well that sounds fucked up but ok

@@ -316,9 +316,9 @@ opening new voids where they land. Above the bedlam, Davepeta is finishing up an inspiring speech. You realize you tuned most of it out due to the surrounding chaos.

-
-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i know it looks pawful right now but we can do it

-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in fact were literally the only ones who can do it

+
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i know it looks pawful right now but we can do it

+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in fact were literally the only ones who can do it

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < after all

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it is our destiny B33

@@ -352,7 +352,7 @@ gluttonous display you won’t soon forget. You realize you seem to be stuck in a cycle and are in serious danger of running out of hammers.

-
+

JOHN: dave...cat sprite thing! help!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < coming bro

@@ -362,7 +362,7 @@ Vrillyhoo undercut to his jaw.

On the snapback, Lord English grabs the head of the hammer in his mouth.

-
+

JOHN: oh no. not again... you...

JOHN: big, ugly oaf!

JOHN: i really, REALLY like this hammer!

@@ -383,7 +383,7 @@ one gulp. Vrillyhoo is in his stomach, and you’re following it down quicker than you can even process. Is this the end? No, you think. This is such an unfairly stupid fucking way to die!

-
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < john!!

Davepeta flashes behind you and hooks their @@ -401,12 +401,12 @@ long it was. But it was long enough for Davepeta to get you out of Lord English’s mouth. You can see their face floating above you. They’re just a smudge of neon swimming in a sea of chaos.

-
+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wrow you almost got vored to death

JOHN: what?

-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im afuraid to say that you look like total shit my dude

-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you should stay here while we wind this bitch down

+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im afuraid to say that you look like total shit my dude

+

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you should stay here while we wind this bitch down

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < purromeows me you wont move

JOHN: i... purromeows?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh hehe

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat16.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat16.xhtml index 1e1162c..d4dce13 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat16.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat16.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 16

-
-
+
+

ROSE: When I was a child, I wrote a novel.

Rose is speaking with her eyes closed. She is @@ -35,14 +35,14 @@ Sawtooth 3.1. The energy humming inside its mechanical heart warms her palms. Dirk snorts, but in a good-natured sort of way. That’s the closest he usually gets to laughing.

-
+

DIRK: Another one of those Lalonde childhood wizard fics, I presume?

He leans his elbow on the table and stares at her over the rims of his shades. The weight of Dirk’s scrutiny is potent. She looks away.

-
+

ROSE: Complacency of the Learned.

DIRK: Ah. The wizard fic, then.

ROSE: Yes.

@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ passes in front of the window. With the sunset behind her she’s a shadow ringed in yellow light that turns white at the tips of her hair.

-
+

ROSE: Though I must say, in defense of Young Rose’s literary integrity,

ROSE: Having carefully studied all volumes of the @@ -76,7 +76,7 @@

DIRK: Hmm.

She turns to look at him.

-
+

ROSE: For all its plainly evident amateurism as the literary product of a child, I’ve come to believe it’s a much stronger work standing alone as a single volume, its meaning and @@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ into a halo that is suspended in the air for a moment, trailing spiderwebs of gold that dissolve into dust. She’s smirking now, just a little.

-
+

ROSE: ...enlightened.

DIRK: That sucked.

ROSE: Yes.

@@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ him—probably without thinking about it, Dirk imagines, because neither of them really “do” that—he doesn’t pull away. If it’s her, it’s all right. He won’t begrudge her a small weakness now.

-
+

DIRK: You describe this as a fact of numerological significance.

DIRK: Which makes it seem you suspect these @@ -167,7 +167,7 @@

Rose looks up to Dirk with the ghost of a smile that she inherited from him. On her face, its blankness is as enigmatic as the Mona Lisa’s.

-
+

ROSE: Could it be that it is you who is smacking of bullshit, dear father?

DIRK: Nah, I smack of many admirable qualities, as @@ -177,7 +177,7 @@ return, but her gaze lingers. She stares into his shades as if convinced she could see past them. Dirk allows their eyes to meet.

-
+

DIRK: I’m just saying it’s all evidence of a grand design. An immortal, metatextual apparatus beyond our ken that we can only catch glimpses of when we’re proverbially shitting our @@ -188,7 +188,7 @@

ROSE: Which is precisely my question.

Her gaze drifts towards the ceiling.

-
+

ROSE: In my story, all twelve of the disciples fell victim to the vagaries of power.

ROSE: They were filled with the light of knowledge @@ -202,7 +202,7 @@

She shoots him a look.

It’s the kind of look Kanaya gives her sometimes.

-
+

ROSE: Only a few?

DIRK: I mean, some of us have stopped using our powers completely. Not a whole lot of need for emergency @@ -221,7 +221,7 @@

ROSE: In that case...

Rose sways suddenly.

-
+

ROSE: In that case, perhaps Terezi had the right idea.

ROSE: Getting away from this place, I mean.

@@ -242,7 +242,7 @@ on the floor to save her energy. She’s mostly composed when she raises her head. There’s bitter laughter at the edge of her words.

-
+

ROSE: How... How are you handling this so well?

ROSE: I assumed it was just that feigned Strider Stoicism, but you seem to be taking this...

@@ -256,7 +256,7 @@ floor. He looks very together. He says the word “crazy” with the same intonation with which he might say “good morning.” It’s hard to believe he means it at all.

-
+

DIRK: But I’ve got more practice at this than you do. I spent most of my life before the game multitasking my entire fucking subconscious. I’ve had several times my age on paper to @@ -270,7 +270,7 @@

Rose wraps her hands around her upper arms like there’s a winter chill rattling through the workshop. She shivers.

-
+

ROSE: It’s not the headaches that concern me most.

ROSE: In fact, I don’t think it’s the expansion of @@ -300,13 +300,13 @@ of her, curls a knuckle under her chin, and lifts her face up to his level. Then, in a deliberate motion, he pulls off his shades.

-
+

DIRK: I understand completely.

Rose’s eyelids flutter, heavy. She meets the intensity of his naked gaze aloofly, like she’s not aware this is the first time he’s ever let her see it.

-
+

ROSE: Hm?

DIRK: I know I sound pretty nonchalant most of the time, but actually I’m scared shitless of myself.

@@ -328,7 +328,7 @@

Rose laughs softly. She’s not scared of this abyss she’s staring into at all. She doesn’t even think to look away.

-
+

ROSE: There’s really not an inch of humility in you, is there.

DIRK: I’ve just spent a lot of time in my own @@ -346,7 +346,7 @@

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

-
+

ROSE: All the pieces in their place.

ROSE: The mechanisms all running smoothly.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat17.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat17.xhtml index 884013e..d898b1b 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat17.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat17.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 17

-
-

None of my +

+

None of my friends have noticed it yet, but you have. You have the ability to read between the lines, to understand that our lives are blighted by this undercurrent of subtext, of narrative diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat18.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat18.xhtml index 3540c97..f7fb6dd 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat18.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat18.xhtml @@ -25,9 +25,9 @@

Chapter 18

-
-

You wake up.

-
+
+

You wake up.

+

JOHN: wh-what?

You open your eyes. Actually, you’re not @@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ like absolute shit right now, my man. In fact, you really should strongly consider issuing an apology for the mess you’re making.

-
+

JOHN: i’m...

JOHN: i’m sorry.

@@ -71,13 +71,13 @@ Cat Dave, and hundreds of ghosts, who all valiantly contributed to a victory which you’re only now beginning to question the functional necessity of.

-
+

JOHN: functional... necessity?

JOHN: that... that doesn’t sound like something i would think.

That’s because it’s not.

-
+

JOHN: what the fuck...

You’ve finally noticed.

@@ -94,7 +94,7 @@ you’ll bleed to death pretty much instantly. On the other hand, the tooth is poisoned. So you’re pretty much fucked either way, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.

-
+

JOHN: sigh.

You sigh in painful resignation, and @@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ singularity. How about Jade though? She could still be out there somewhere, injured, alone, scared. And it’s your fault, isn’t it?

-
+

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: it’s all my fault.

@@ -118,7 +118,7 @@ you feel, you should look around first before you leave. You were the one who dragged her here. You owe her at least that much. Plus, there’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?

-
+

JOHN: ...

You proceed to wander for a long fucking @@ -133,7 +133,7 @@ miss it.

There. Eleven o’clock. Do you see it? It’s that tiny dot floating over there.

-
+

JOHN: huh?

You scramble to catch it before it drifts diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat19.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat19.xhtml index 3befd7e..10afa5b 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat19.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat19.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 19

-
-

Anyway, +

+

Anyway, back to the B Plot.

Right about now, Jade should be wrapping up her political presentation to Roxy and Calliope, using a lot more @@ -36,14 +36,14 @@ flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.

-
+

JADE: so you see janes neoliberal austerity measures—

Roxy groans upon hearing the phrase “neoliberal austerity measures” for no less than the third time in this presentation.

-
+

JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2

JADE: and here in figure a-6

JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i @@ -78,12 +78,12 @@ She spins them around her, gliding her hands through the air like a conductor, before folding the pages together and shrinking them to pocket size.

-
+

JADE: and!!

JADE: that’s my pitch!!!!

Roxy and Calliope exchange a look.

-
+

CALLIOPE: i’m...

CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?

@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ to disguise the fact that she is in fact fleeing. Jade deflates as she watches her go, sensing that her presentation wasn’t the slam dunk she was hoping for.

-
+

JADE: soooo..........

JADE: what do you think?

ROXY: hmmmm

@@ -134,13 +134,13 @@

Jade drifts down to sit cross-legged on the couch beside Roxy. She stares at her with a doggish expression—eyes wide, head lolling to the side—until she gets an answer.

-
+

ROXY: i just dont rly

ROXY: care about politics that much i guess

Roxy turns to face Jade again, smiling apologetically.

-
+

ROXY: also this election is all kinds of personal

ROXY: i mean if i came into ur house and asked u to @@ -166,7 +166,7 @@

Roxy frowns. Jade is being pretty unfair.

-
+

ROXY: *fragile*

ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings

@@ -198,12 +198,12 @@ as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

-
+

ROXY: well janes not perfect

Roxy shrugs and runs a hand through her hair, which has been recently cut shorter than usual.

-
+

ROXY: and idk if shell be a good president

ROXY: but shes not betty crocker

ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her @@ -214,7 +214,7 @@

Calliope returns from the kitchen with three cups, a handmade teapot, and some candied cakes. Jade finally relents.

-
+

JADE: fiiiiine

JADE: i understand

JADE: callie what about you?

@@ -223,7 +223,7 @@ brushes Jade’s skirt aside so she can sit down. She puts a claw to her mouth and makes a facial expression more complicated than you’d think a skull would be capable of.

-
+

CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU.

JADE: :(

@@ -240,13 +240,13 @@ she still can’t believe that she has so many friends. She smiles at Jade, and Jade smiles back. The tea tastes great. The cakes are even better. Callie’s an artist in everything she does.

-
+

JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!

JADE: hehehe roxy youre so lucky to have her

Roxy giggles. Awkwardly. She gives Jade a gentle jostle, an elbow to the ribs, and lowers her voice.

-
+

ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”

JADE: oh

@@ -254,11 +254,11 @@ wide-eyed look to Calliope, who is still smiling politely. She realizes, a bit too late, the profoundly insensitive nature of her social misstep.

-
+

JADE: oh!!!!!!

She grabs one of Calliope’s hands.

-
+

JADE: oh wow!

JADE: im sorry i didnt mean to be uh... culturally insensitive?

@@ -277,7 +277,7 @@

Roxy pauses, even though the lilt of her voice makes the sentence sound unfinished. She stutters the next part out.

-
+

ROXY: m-me too actually

JADE: you??

ROXY: o yeah we are both a “they” household now

@@ -286,7 +286,7 @@

Wait.

What?

-
+

JADE: really?

ROXY: yup

ROXY: well

@@ -312,7 +312,7 @@ insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.

So yeah, I’m gonna allow it.

Carry on.

-
+

ROXY: wow that felt good to say aloud man

ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out

JADE: its ok

@@ -336,7 +336,7 @@ own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

-
+

JADE: so youre uh

JADE: not...... “doing gender” anymore??

ROXY: ya i guess not lmfao

@@ -348,13 +348,13 @@

Calliope takes a teacake between two of her claws and eats it delicately, hyper-aware of the horrible gnashing and snapping her powerful jaw is capable of.

-
+

CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—

SHIT. Between two of their claws. They take a teacake between two of their claws and eats it delicately. Sorry, my bad.

-
+

CALLIOPE: —er were entirely inflUenced by my time watching earth.

CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as @@ -386,7 +386,7 @@ her. Eye-opening, really. Why hadn’t anyone told her this was even an option when she was younger? She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen.

-
+

ROXY: i mean what am i gonna do

ROXY: get married and pop out 100 bbs?

JADE: uh... no???

@@ -411,13 +411,13 @@ certainly didn’t notice.

But there is something wrong. And this time, they’ll notice.

-
+

JADE: i...

JADE: i.........

Jade drops her tea. The cup hits the floor and shatters.

-
+

ROXY: jade?

She takes in a sharp breath. She’s not @@ -426,7 +426,7 @@ circle, burning a hole in her eyes. She tries to stand, but her knees wobble and knock together. Roxy shoots out of her seat and catches her before she hits the floor.

-
+

ROXY: o shit

CALLIOPE: is she okay?

ROXY: idk

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat2.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat2.xhtml index 66f41b5..aafc9a9 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat2.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat2.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 2

-
-
+
+

DAVE: bro

In the heart of the Troll Kingdom’s capital @@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ trollish non-euclidean architecture and bizarre social mores, and Karkat has adjusted his diurnal schedule to, in theory, see the sun.

-
+

DAVE: bro you have got to check this out

Karkat is leaning forward, munching on @@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ watching. The glow from the television highlights the dark bags under his eyes. Dave reaches out and, very gently, pokes Karkat in the cheek. Karkat flinches out of his full-body slouch.

-
+

KARKAT: NOT NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS IS ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogling jakes ass this is important

@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ say, the second option was much less popular.

Karkat gestures at the televised spectacle, a bit helplessly.

-
+

KARKAT: IT’S ALL IN THE WAY IT’S BEING PROGRAMMED BY THE STATION.

KARKAT: IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO NOTICE, BECAUSE @@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ they can both read the news on his phone. Karkat tips his head to the side to get a better view, until it bumps against Dave’s shoulder.

-
+

DAVE: got the announcement right here

KARKAT: YOU MEAN PRESIDENT OF EARTH?

DAVE: yeah

@@ -133,7 +133,7 @@

Karkat, without drastically altering his position on the couch, turns his head so that he can look Dave straight in the sunglasses.

-
+

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED, BUT

KARKAT: A LOT OF HUMANS ARE???

@@ -156,7 +156,7 @@ He reaches for another beetle as his guffaws subside, and eats it in a manner he hopes will convey his casual contempt for Dave’s insinuation.

-
+

KARKAT: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW *RICH* SHE IS?

DAVE: dude were all rich

@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@

Karkat stops chewing his beetle and does a literal spit take right into Dave’s face.

-
+

KARKAT: ME???????????????

DAVE: yeah man

DAVE: its perfect

@@ -231,7 +231,7 @@ movies, eating chips, or talking about the top six hundred stupid things Karkat saw earlier that day because he made his intrepid annual decision to go outside.

-
+

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING FAMOUS?

KARKAT: AND MAYBE THAT’S AS GOOD A FUCKING REASON @@ -267,7 +267,7 @@

Very slowly, Karkat raises his right palm and forcefully unites it with his own face.

-
+

DAVE: he barely even got a chance to prove himself

DAVE: he was sworn into office and it was cool and @@ -366,7 +366,7 @@ Space. Dave pats Karkat’s knee comfortingly, and Karkat lets out a quivering breath of sorrow, of remembrance.

Into this reverent silence, Dave says:

-
+

DAVE: i think he would be totally in favor of my idea btw

DAVE: he loved democracy

@@ -405,7 +405,7 @@

There’s a measure of real concern and passion working its way into Dave’s voice. Karkat, despite his typical front of loud indignation, hangs on every word.

-
+

DAVE: and once rose and kanaya crank out a few more broods in the caverns i guess were supposed to think its all fixed right

@@ -446,7 +446,7 @@ whatever tension Dave’s impassioned appeal was causing to brew inside him. Motherfucker literally just told him to think of the economy.

-
+

DAVE: jane has this reputation for being awesome at business but imo she actually just sucks

DAVE: she doesnt seem to be even remotely aware how @@ -514,7 +514,7 @@

Dave wipes an invisible tear from beneath the rim of his sunglasses.

-
+

DAVE: do it for obama

KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT DAVE.

KARKAT: I DON’T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT @@ -526,7 +526,7 @@

KARKAT: I DO CARE ABOUT YOU.

Dave smiles.

-
+

KARKAT: SO

KARKAT: I’LL DO IT.

KARKAT: WHY NOT.

@@ -562,7 +562,7 @@ bounces off the glass of the framed print of Dave’s “least psychologically revealing SBaHJ strip.” Karkat sighs and rubs the space between his horns.

-
+

KARKAT: CAN’T I JUST

KARKAT: READ A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT YOU WRITE FOR ME OFF A TELEPROMPTER?

@@ -573,7 +573,7 @@ back around and points the pen straight at Karkat. The arc of his arm’s motion is polished and decisive even though it’s been a long time since he’s properly used a sword.

-
+

DAVE: but you also need to be natural and speak from the heart and shit

DAVE: just like

@@ -600,7 +600,7 @@ props his chin on his palms so that he can watch Dave scribble political ambitions directly into the shittiest paint program on his OS.

-
+

DAVE: time to talk some strategy

DAVE: we need to rally as much high profile support to our cause as we can

@@ -642,7 +642,7 @@

They stare at each other. Karkat sighs and Dave raps his pen against the tablet screen in a slow, uneven staccato.

-
+

DAVE: uh

DAVE: i think its fair to say shes going to be on our side

@@ -711,7 +711,7 @@

Jake’s butt flexes on the television, as if in response. Karkat cannot avoid watching it from the corner of his eye.

-
+

KARKAT: OH, FUCK.

DAVE: no this is important

DAVE: jake is a huge wild card here

@@ -758,7 +758,7 @@

KARKAT: WHAT?

Dave fishes his phone out from his lap.

-
+

DAVE: dirks calling me

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT?

DAVE: idk he just calls me out of the blue from @@ -790,7 +790,7 @@

Dave hits the callback button. On the television, Dirk’s phone begins ringing.

-
+

DAVE: sup

DIRK: Hey dude.

@@ -804,7 +804,7 @@ he’s shooting his sparring partner is caught halfway between confused and exasperated.

Karkat looks from Dave to the TV and back again.

-
+

DIRK: Got your sword handy?

DAVE: always

DIRK: Good. See, I’m in sort a bind here.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat20.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat20.xhtml index b8afff1..98acf01 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat20.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat20.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 20

-
-

Jade gasps +

+

Jade gasps awake, and begins to spiral.

Her body vibrates, sending waves of space distortion out in all directions. But there’s nothing to absorb diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat21.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat21.xhtml index 07498f2..76b2b06 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat21.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat21.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 21

-
-
+
+

DAVE: holy shit thats disgusting

KARKAT: DON’T BE A FUCKING XENOPHOBE

DAVE: im not being a xenophobe

@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ shuffles his feet to the edge of the outcropping they’re standing on and stares down at the brood pit, where the Mother Grub of Earth C is squelching out unfertilized jelly.

-
+

DAVE: dude you know im not a xenophobe

No answer. This silence makes Dave @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@

Dave could definitely be handling this situation with a certain measure of restraint or grace. But he’s got my genes, so he decides to handle it a different way than that.

-
+

DAVE: i mean thats what this whole election thing is about

DAVE: having your back when it comes to this @@ -68,7 +68,7 @@

Karkat still doesn’t answer. He’s staring real intently at the jelly.

-
+

DAVE: dude hey

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: yo karkat you listening?

@@ -94,7 +94,7 @@ half in shadow and half in orange light. Dave winces as the grub’s nasty slime chute sputters out a bunch of air bubbles. It’s a gross, gurgling fart that goes on basically forever.

-
+

DAVE: yeah but it is totally disgusting right

KARKAT: I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU

KARKAT: WHAT PART OF THIS IS DISGUSTING?

@@ -129,7 +129,7 @@ she was doing grub science, wiping her hands on a silk cloth. She’s glowing. Her skin, I mean. Her mood can be politely described as pensive. Still, she smiles at the sight of old friends.

-
+

DAVE: whats shaking sis

KANAYA: Must You Always Call Me That

DAVE: nah but it does feel pretty rad to say

@@ -151,7 +151,7 @@ common Davism that involves two hands and a double-wrist swivel. It’s an incredibly good imitation, because he sees this particular bit of body language like ten times a day.

-
+

KARKAT: ...MOTION WITH YOUR HANDS DOESN’T MAKE IT SMOOTH

DAVE: no see the reason its smooth is because i was @@ -182,14 +182,14 @@

Kanaya regards them with a thin-lipped smile that is equal measures patronizing and fond.

-
+

KANAYA: So This Is About The Election

KARKAT: AH.

KARKAT: YES.

KARKAT: YOU’VE ALREADY HEARD.

Kanaya holds up her phone.

-
+

KANAYA: I Do Get The Internet Down Here

KANAYA: I Am Impressed That You Managed To Be Seen In Front Of That Many People Without Spontaneously Bursting @@ -235,7 +235,7 @@ hand there and pulls him a step closer so that she can speak softly to him. Her voice travels high in the empty cavern, but her tone is tender and private.

-
+

KANAYA: While I Know That It Is Difficult For You To Take A Direct Compliment

KANAYA: I Have In The Past Put My Faith In You @@ -247,7 +247,7 @@ more carefully than usual. She takes her hand off Karkat’s head and puts two fingers to her lip. Karkat’s eyes follow the motion, wide and bright as dollar coins.

-
+

KANAYA: *Existential*

KANAYA: Is How I Think I Shall Put It

KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Polite

@@ -255,7 +255,7 @@

Kanaya sighs and starts making her way around the edge of the brood pit.

-
+

KANAYA: How Could I Not Be When It Concerns Me So Directly

@@ -268,7 +268,7 @@ he and I have in common.

We internalize and project the quality in very different ways, however, which is why I’m going to win.

-
+

KANAYA: Jane Has Been Here To Speak With Me Recently In Fact

DAVE: no fucking way

@@ -288,7 +288,7 @@ steps between the puddles of brood jelly and approaches the Mother Grub. She rests an ear against the rise of its massive stomach, then taps the shell with two perfectly manicured fingernails.

-
+

KANAYA: By Which I Mean That Jane Is Perfectly Pleasant And I Believe That She Has Only The Best Of Intentions

KANAYA: But I Cant Shake The Feeling That Deep @@ -313,7 +313,7 @@

When Kanaya is satisfied by whatever she hears churning inside the grotesque insides of the giant bug, she comes back up to the lip of the pit and hoists herself out.

-
+

KANAYA: This Is Why I Trust You Karkat

KANAYA: Because You Listen To Advice From Below And Beside You Not From Above

@@ -323,7 +323,7 @@

DAVE: so weve got your endorsement then

She laughs, not kindly.

-
+

KANAYA: Jane Offered Me “A Seat” On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction”

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DARE SHE!

@@ -377,7 +377,7 @@ construct. It’s pure ego for any of them to believe that their personal interpretation of it will result in the most effective laws.

-
+

DAVE: you know

DAVE: that might be the magic ticket folks need to hear to wake up about this issue

@@ -421,13 +421,13 @@

Dave mimes laying down and taking pills. The look Kanaya gives him is neither fond nor patronizing.

-
+

DAVE: whats up with that anyway

DAVE: are you guys uh

DAVE: grub pregnant

Kanaya keeps staring.

-
+

KARKAT: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK

KANAYA: No

DAVE: its ok if you are we wont tell

@@ -462,7 +462,7 @@ you put a foot in your mouth, shoving it all the way through your intestines and pulling it out your ass is a valid tactic, he seems to believe.

-
+

DAVE: id be cool with it yknow

DAVE: bring on the rosemary combo grubs

KANAYA: Rosemary

@@ -499,23 +499,19 @@ it, because I’m the one holding the phone, and Rose is in absolutely no condition to be having a conversation with anyone. Not even her cherished bride.

-
+

DIRK: Hey,

DIRK: Sorry, but Rose can’t come to the phone right now.

Kanaya’s voice turns sharp right away.

-
+

KANAYA: Excuse Me

She can sense that something’s wrong. - She’s also smart enough, and facile enough

-

in handling questionable men, to understand that she quickly - needs to regulate the

- tone of her voice for - diplomatic purposes. -
+ She’s also smart enough, and facile enough in handling questionable men, to understand that she quickly needs to regulate the tone of her voice for diplomatic purposes.

+

KANAYA: Dirk

KANAYA: Is That You

@@ -523,14 +519,14 @@ distracted by something. She really should chill out, anyway. I’ve got everything under control. Not that she’ll ever be able to fully appreciate this.

-
+

KANAYA: Dirk

KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose

KANAYA: What Is Going On

I don’t have time to explain right now. John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again.

-
+

DIRK: Kanaya, I don’t have time to explain right now.

DIRK: John’s doing something vaguely important to diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat22.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat22.xhtml index 0fbbe37..f926877 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat22.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat22.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 22

-
-

You’ve been +

+

You’ve been drifting so long that you’ve lost the ability to objectively judge time or depth or distance. It’s getting hard to think about yourself as an objectively limited being. The boundaries of your @@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God.

You scrunch up your nerdy face and furrow an eyebrow. It seems you aren’t enjoying this train of thought.

-
+

JOHN: why am i even THINKING about this bullshit??

@@ -46,14 +46,14 @@ right now. I’m having a phenomenological debate in my third ear that’s way more popping than your little hero’s journey into the belly of a quarter-life crisis.

-
+

JOHN: argh!

It turns out you don’t have time to worry about the voice inside your head, because you hear one outside of it. At first you don’t think it’s real. You think it must be an aural mirage. Then it calls you the fuck out.

-
+

MEENAH: yo blue guy

MEENAH: get the shell down here

@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@

She’s clinging to a random server beacon, looking a little the worse for wear but still grinning. You float on down to greet her.

-
+

JOHN: thank god. i was beginning to think that no one else was alive.

MEENAH: im not alive

@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@

She narrows her blank eyes. Her mouth twists into a frown. Not quite a concerned one, but close enough. You’ll take it.

-
+

MEENAH: i gotta say

MEENAH: damn buoy ya look like S)-(IT

JOHN: yeah, i know.

@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ aren’t glad to see Meenah, but you don’t know her, and she’s not who you were really looking for.

That reminds you.

-
+

JOHN: hey, uh...

JOHN: mee...

JOHN: fish?

@@ -115,7 +115,7 @@

This is without a doubt one of the worst conversations you’ve had in many, many years. And you aren’t just thinking that because I’m telling you you are.

-
+

JOHN: well...

JOHN: she’s...

JOHN: i dunno.

@@ -131,7 +131,7 @@

You’ve never been accused of having stellar people-reading skills. But even you can tell the look on her face says it all right now.

-
+

JOHN: wait a minute.

JOHN: do you even know MY name?

MEENAH: uhhh

@@ -153,7 +153,7 @@ pulls out a small, clamshell-shaped accessory kit, and begins to file her nails. She almost dislocates her jaw by yawning the moment you mention Jake.

-
+

JOHN: alright, we’re veering off course.

JOHN: jade is my sister.

JOHN: i think she’s still out here, somewhere.

@@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ person.

You exhale, and just let some stuff off your chest.

-
+

JOHN: man i...

JOHN: i just didn’t expect everything to go to shit so fast.

@@ -184,7 +184,7 @@

There’s another awkward silence. You spend most of it looking at your feet, until something occurs to you.

-
+

JOHN: so what’s your plan now?

MEENAH: plan

JOHN: yeah.

@@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ That’s what she could be thinking, you think. You hope not though, because if true, it would hurt your self-esteem.

She finally appears to make up her mind.

-
+

MEENAH: naaah

JOHN: why not?

MEENAH: ok for one thing genius

@@ -228,12 +228,12 @@

You lean in rather credulously, and bring your ear toward her cupped hand.

-
-

MEENAH: (nerd)

+
+

MEENAH: (nerd)

You pull back, unamused by the prank. What is this, you think. Fucking amateur hour?

-
+

MEENAH: reel cute you wanna be my savior blue boy

MEENAH: but the fact is you already helped me @@ -247,19 +247,19 @@ her.

Oh, shit. I think I know what just happened. You might want to check your pockets.

-
+

JOHN: wait a...

JOHN: minute...

You fruitlessly fumble around in your front hoodie pocket.

-
+

JOHN: wait a fucking MINUTE!

Sure enough, it’s missing. The Ring of Life you stole back from Aranea has been re-stolen. Bitch just picked your pocket. You got played, man.

-
+

JOHN: fuck!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat23.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat23.xhtml index b351c90..3011e31 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat23.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat23.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 23

-
-
+
+

KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose

KANAYA: What Is Going On

DIRK: Why would you think something was going @@ -93,7 +93,7 @@ easy?

Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes what you need is understanding.

-
+

KANAYA: You Are Testing My Patience Sorely Dirk

DIRK: Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at that.

@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@

Rose looks up from where she’s suffering on the floor. The shadows around her are growing. She stares at me with glassy eyes.

-
+

ROSE: Is everything okay?

DIRK: Yeah. Just a telemarketer.

DIRK: You know how those carapacians can be when diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat24.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat24.xhtml index 462d39b..68f64e2 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat24.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat24.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 24

-
-

The server +

+

The server Meenah fled through is a distant speck now. You look back, and can’t even see it anymore. In fact, you’re not even sure you’re looking in the right direction. You are utterly adrift, continuing @@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ suppose.

She waves back. But hearing her voice is what makes it real.

-
+

TEREZI: H3Y LOS3R

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat25.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat25.xhtml index 84ef3a7..2a4407a 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat25.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat25.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 25

-
-
+
+

ROSE: Customarily, we speak in favorable terms about “getting to know each other” as people.

ROSE: Humans, I mean. I doubt trolls are as fixated @@ -67,7 +67,7 @@ faded to light behind her, assuming the shape of a Rose-like apparition. I nod to her, and she continues. When she speaks, it’s almost as if it’s the apparition that’s doing the talking.

-
+

ROSE: But is it really a good idea?

ROSE: To know a person?

ROSE: Know them inside and out, so thoroughly that @@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ of intellectual pablum could pour out of my mouth any second, and she’s not prepared. For all she knows, I’m about to start quoting Kierkegaard.

-
+

ROSE: Please don’t start quoting Kierkegaard.

DIRK: You’ve never even read Kierkegaard, have you.

@@ -187,7 +187,7 @@ attributes it to exhaustion, an all-encompassing sense of weakness due to her condition. Of course, she has been weakened by her condition, and thus she suspects nothing.

-
+

DIRK: Never mind.

DIRK: You shouldn’t be moving around much in your condition, remember?

@@ -202,7 +202,7 @@ To be honest, I don’t even notice myself until I’ve done it. I continue speaking, and she remains rapt. But now even I can’t help but wonder where I’m going with this.

-
+

DIRK: Logically speaking, individuality is a collection of processes and properties, interrelations of matter and experience all bundled together.

@@ -214,7 +214,7 @@ narratively permitted a response. I’m forgetting myself, like a fool. Distracted by the surprise my own actions have caused me. I resolve to stay focused, remain in control. I let her speak.

-
+

ROSE: I don’t understand.

DIRK: You do, though.

DIRK: We’ve been talking about it, but using @@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ concentration speaking to the migraine she must be fighting now. Small beads of sweat appear on her forehead. She won’t respond. And not because I haven’t allowed it.

-
+

DIRK: Rose, stop being a fucking martyr and open your eyes.

@@ -263,7 +263,7 @@ she drifts beyond the torments of her unbundling mind. My words feel like her own intimate thoughts and my distant voice in the room at the same time.

-
+

DIRK: Open your eyes wider.

DIRK: What do you see?

@@ -273,7 +273,7 @@ shuddering breath and runs an invisible pair of hands afforded by her new sight over the narrative whole cloth, and begins smoothing out the wrinkles.

-
+

ROSE: I see... John.

DIRK: Doing exactly what you told him to do, like a good boy.

@@ -301,7 +301,7 @@ yourself, stop what you’re doing, flip the whole thing over, and begin again. I’ll be right here when you get back, waiting. Trust me, no one’s going anywhere.

-
+

DIRK: So, what do you think?

ROSE: It’s difficult to say.

ROSE: I suppose there are negatives and positives. @@ -347,7 +347,7 @@ of micromanaging the inconsistent and confused desires of total imbeciles, wouldn’t it be a relief to have someone by my side who understood me?

-
+

DIRK: You’re almost there.

DIRK: All your eyes are open, Rose.

DIRK: Now all you need to do is take a step off the @@ -380,7 +380,7 @@ either. It’s like the first time you see the Green Sun. Of course it is, because that’s the way I’m describing it. The truth belongs to me. And as of now, so does she.

-
+

ROSE: I see it now.

ROSE: You’re right.

DIRK: Have I ever not been?

@@ -388,13 +388,13 @@

A wrinkle in her brow. It smoothes out quickly. She murmurs to herself, trailing off quietly.

-
+

ROSE: What... time is it...?

I step forward and steady her, hand firm but gentle against her cheek. That’s all she needs: a stable anchor.

-
+

DIRK: Rose, does time even exist?

You already know the answer.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat26.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat26.xhtml index 9c9de26..1761455 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat26.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat26.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 26

-
-

Jade kicks +

+

Jade kicks her shoeless feet behind her slowly, as if she’s swimming with the current of the gravitational waves pulling her ever closer to their source. Her feet aren’t completely bare; they’re still covered by diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat27.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat27.xhtml index 5e0a12a..77bae15 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat27.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat27.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 27

-
-

And then, +

+

And then, she opens her eyes.

not the jade who just returned to me. the jade living on earth c, sleeping on a couch.

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@

she snaps awake. her human hands are clammy. her face, expressive due to the layers of flesh enveloping her skull, appears haunted to her friends.

-
+

ROXY: omg!

ROXY: jade

ROXY: jade u ok?

@@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ So maybe we could stand to dial down the melodrama, just a bit?

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

-
+

ROXY: woah

ROXY: what the actual f...

ROXY: are you

@@ -102,14 +102,14 @@ wails in protest at his imminent narrative impotence. however, there is nothing he can do as long as jade remains in this trance.

-

Nah, I’m being chill as a cucumber about this, considering +

Nah, I’m being chill as a cucumber about this, considering you’re vagueblogging the shit out of my methodological approach to storytelling right where I can see it. Which is to say, directly into my fucking brain, apparently?

calliope emerges from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of cool water and a cloth. jade turns her head to meet the sound of their footsteps.

-
+

CALLIOPE: i came back as fast as i coU—

the bowl of water clatters to @@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ slides off the couch to approach them. but calliope stumbles backward in terror and trips in their desperation to escape. roxy gapes at them.

-
+

ROXY: hey callie

ROXY: whats going on?

CALLIOPE: i...

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@

calliope does not talk to them. roxy looks to calliope, then to jade, sensing that there is dark energy coursing between them.

-
+

ROXY: would one of you just effing say something already?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat28.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat28.xhtml index 01919ea..c9a20da 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat28.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat28.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 28

-
-
+
+

JOHN: uh, how long have you been watching?

TEREZI: LONG 3NOUGH TO SM3LL YOU FL41L1NG 4BOUT L1K3 4 W1GGL3R WH1L3 T4LK1NG TO J4D3S SHO3S

@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@

and he does mean more to her than that. her hesitation isn’t meant to make him feel unwelcome. she’s simply processing what she is “seeing.” something is off about him.

-
+

TEREZI: JOHN DO NOT T4K3 TH1S P3RSON4LLY

TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH 1 DO 4BSOLUT3LY M34N 1T P3RSON4LLY

@@ -59,7 +59,7 @@

she decides to keep her observations to herself, lest she cause this ailing version of john more confusion.

-
+

JOHN: yeah well... you smell like shit too!

TEREZI: 1 4SSUM3 TH4T YOU 4R3 CORR3CT

TEREZI: B31NG TH4T 1V3 B33N OUT H3R3 FOR 4 @@ -72,7 +72,7 @@

john laughs, exposing his two rows of disarmingly dull human teeth, signature characteristics of his smile.

-
+

JOHN: oh this?

JOHN: it’s only a flesh wound, haha.

TEREZI: Y3S JOHN, G3N3R4LLY WOUNDS T3ND TO H4PP3N @@ -121,7 +121,7 @@ between one’s archetypical appearance and idiosyncratic personal attributes. terezi is definitely cute, john decides. the conclusion is now at the forefront of his mind.

-

I don’t fucking believe +

I don’t fucking believe this.

but he still resists, doubts himself. perhaps it’s even weirder to frame it this way, he @@ -133,7 +133,7 @@ entertained by a man of low character. by, perhaps, a scoundrel. his worries are interrupted, as terezi floats over and flicks him on the forehead.

-
+

TEREZI: DONT STR41N YOURS3LF TH1NK1NG TOO H4RD TH3R3 3GB3RT

JOHN: uh, yeah, now that i think about it, that was @@ -160,7 +160,7 @@ compared to humans, trolls have little color to lose. when they feel ill, there is a pallor to them, a dusty quality running deeper than the surface of the skin.

-
+

JOHN: woah! are you ok?

TEREZI: OF COURS3 NOT!

TEREZI: JOHN, 1 4M 1N TH3 PROC3SS OF ST4RV1NG TO @@ -197,7 +197,7 @@ temptation to playfully antagonize john against the virtue of sincere expression. there are times she worries the latter may be more appropriate.

-
+

TEREZI: TH4NKS 3GB3RT

JOHN: no problem. we’re friends, terezi...

JOHN: it’s not like i’m going to let you die out @@ -212,7 +212,7 @@ his ever-prepared father must have captchalogued a second one as a backup. perhaps, as john speculates, in case his primary vehicle got a flat tire.

-
+

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: YOU WH4T JOHN?

JOHN: uh, hold that thought...

@@ -223,7 +223,7 @@ from the dealership. it strikes john as the first bit of good luck he’s had all day.

terezi is less impressed.

-
+

TEREZI: 1S TH1S P4TH3T1C4LLY PR1M1T1V3 FOUR WH33L D3V1C3 3D1BL3, OR 4M 1 M1SUND3RST4ND1NG SOM3TH1NG H3R3

JOHN: no, it’s just that i...

@@ -250,7 +250,7 @@ of the woods. it is confident only in its surety of being unobserved. like this, he does not think she is cute at all. no, she is beautiful. this vision of her is haunting to him.

-
+

TEREZI: 1TS R34LLY 4 M3SS OUT H3R3 1SNT 1T

JOHN: yeah...

@@ -258,7 +258,7 @@ to search for something edible and to take his eyes away from her. objects begin appearing around him as he leafs through the cards. a crumpled fedora. a silk tie. his father’s backup cufflinks.

-
+

JOHN: what are you doing out here anyway?

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1M DO1NG OUT H3R3?

TEREZI: LOOK1NG FOR VR1SK4 OF COURS3

@@ -285,7 +285,7 @@

terezi stares at him with her wide, red eyes.

-
+

TEREZI: Y34RS...

JOHN: yes.

JOHN: oh. a year is about half a sw—

@@ -311,7 +311,7 @@

she leans in close to sniff him carefully.

-
+

TEREZI: HMMM

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL OLD3R

TEREZI: BUT NOT 4S OLD 4S 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3

@@ -323,7 +323,7 @@ quickly snatches something out of the open wallet. it is a can of human shaving cream. she clutches it with covetous desperation, her mouth watering.

-
+

JOHN: terezi, no!

JOHN: that’s not food!!

@@ -341,7 +341,7 @@

but no. it’s just my brother’s tooth, lodged deep in his chest, spreading its poison. it really should be extracted before it’s too late.

-
+

JOHN: um... you feel better?

TEREZI: Y3S

JOHN: that’s good.

@@ -354,7 +354,7 @@

she grabs him by the shirt. her voice begins to waver. he notices desperation in the dark circles under her eyes.

-
+

TEREZI: PL34S3 JOHN

TEREZI: C4N W3 JUST

TEREZI: ST4Y 4 L1TTL3 LONG3R?

@@ -364,7 +364,7 @@ he redoubles his effort to ignore the pain. he fights back tears. she can sense his great struggle but says nothing. with a tilt of his head, he gestures toward the car.

-
+

JOHN: um. ok.

JOHN: we can stay a little longer.

JOHN: why don’t you rest in the back seat, so you diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat29.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat29.xhtml index d8cc0c8..fb9a3cd 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat29.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat29.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 29

-
-

The +

+

The elevator to jane’s office opens, and she stumbles inside. the last traces of trickster mode are bleeding off her aura. the great gift of this sacred boon has run its course for the evening, and though @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ many detractors who claim that the whole thing is “extremely problematic.” i doubt this is true but must also acknowledge it exceeds the scope of my expertise to comment on the subject.

-
+

JANE: Oh my goodness.

JANE: It’s NOT problematic!

@@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ responding to her own inner monologue, which i, admittedly, am presently conducting. she appears to agree with me on this matter. the juju has truly blessed her with great wisdom.

-
+

JANE: I have endured this argument for years, and I honestly cannot see a single thing about it that could be even thinly construed as problematic.

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ could possibly say it myself. it is unusually gratifying to witness a human with such high regard for hallowed cultural artifacts and the unparalleled blessings they bestow upon lesser beings.

-
+

JANE: Wait, who am I talking to?

jane rubs her eyes under her @@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ desk, her legs shaking as if she has just run a great distance.

the moment she sits down, her phone begins to ring.

-
+

JANE: Yes?

DIRK: Yo, don’t spend too much time in Trickster Mode.

@@ -149,7 +149,7 @@ not the type who takes well to having his plans upended, or his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed. my brother wasn’t much that type either.

-
+

DIRK: Oh, fuck off. I’m nothing like that guy.

JANE: Huh?

JANE: What guy?

@@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ examine the firing mechanism.

the prince clearly believes he is a very clever boy. my brother did too.

-
+

DIRK: (Christ.)

DIRK: So, on the Jake issue,

DIRK: Unfortunately, my influence is a @@ -260,7 +260,7 @@ place. he sets the weapon on his shoulder so he can test the view through the scope. the setting sun bounces off the slick, red metal and slices a bar of light across the wall behind him.

-
+

JANE: Sigh.

JANE: Dirk... do you want me to deal with Jake or not? You’ve offered nothing helpful yet, but you’ve shot down all @@ -275,7 +275,7 @@ the mantle. she admires it longingly. piously. she will never relinquish her priceless boon, no matter what reprehensible lies the prince whispers into her ear.

-
+

JANE: Then what do you want me to DO?

DIRK: Play defense for a while. Like I said, I’ve got some cakes in the oven so to speak.

@@ -295,15 +295,15 @@ loaded, but the shot goes off without a hitch.

what do you think you’re up to, prince?

-
-

DIRK: Your +

+

DIRK: Your ass is mine, Jake English.

he speaks under his breath inaudibly, perhaps frustrated, unaccustomed to scheming while others look over his shoulder. it’s possible he is not as bold, or as confident in his own designs as i believed.

-
+

DIRK: I fucking said, your ass is mine, Jake English.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat3.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat3.xhtml index a2e1374..284ff98 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat3.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat3.xhtml @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@

Chapter 3

-
+

> JOHN: Zap.

You zap back into canon. It’s been so long, you’d forgotten what it feels like. The atmosphere smacks @@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ and his codpiece jiggles ominously. Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself. Until she notices you and gapes in bewilderment.

-
+

ARANEA: What are you doing here?!

> Rose was perfectly clear about what to do diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat30.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat30.xhtml index a06c564..47119fa 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat30.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat30.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 30

-
-
+
+

JAKE: Ah chaps dont you love to take a rigorous jaunt about the wilds first thing in the morning, middle thing in the day, and last thing in the evening?

@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ rigorously, as he put it, up the ridge of the mountain behind his mansion. every now and then, he pauses to accommodate the pace of his less limber friends.

-
+

JAKE: By jove karkat that you are so winded by such little activity is truly alarming!

KARKAT: WE’VE BEEN HIKING FOR A FUCKING HOUR, @@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ he sets his companion upright and continues to guide him with his hand on his back as he walks, the way an older human does with a small child who is learning to ride a bicycle.

-
+

DAVE: hey jake were cool on the whole cardio program or whatever

DAVE: karkats not really what id call a kinesthetic @@ -99,7 +99,7 @@

jake spins around in his worn boots. he bites his lip and looks at the ground.

-
+

JAKE: Ah i see. That was your purpose in coming out here.

DAVE: yeah

@@ -135,7 +135,7 @@

a look of sadness sweeps across jake’s face, but he quickly turns it into a glare of indignation.

-
+

JAKE: Ive seen the shit YOUVE been saying about HER!

JAKE: Your poorly optimized billboards about “huge @@ -158,7 +158,7 @@ his presence more than once. in his estimation, there are few individuals on this world who would benefit less from an in-depth discussion of political financing procedure than jake english.

-
+

KARKAT: LOOK, DAVE. JAKE REALLY DOESN’T CARE WHAT A SUPER PAC IS.

KARKAT: I DON’T THINK ANYONE CARES ABOUT FUCKING @@ -179,7 +179,7 @@ mouth, and bumps him away with his hip, so that he may continue saying things he regards as terribly important for others to hear.

-
+

DAVE: ok but thats partially my point

DAVE: were doing all our propaganda in house instead of outsourcing to unscrupulous shadow networks with deep @@ -220,7 +220,7 @@ internally, jake becomes pensive, thoughtful. he kicks a rock over the edge of the trail and watches it bounce down the mountain with a baleful expression.

-
+

JAKE: Willickers dave has anyone ever told you that you have an uncanny talent for cutting straight and incisively to the point without sweating any of the bullshit.

@@ -283,7 +283,7 @@ prince’s grip. an old confidence fills him as he continues to speak, a feeling of inner freedom he hasn’t enjoyed in some time.

-
+

JAKE: Why should i side with either of you?

JAKE: Flattery is all well and good but i hardly think i would bother casting my knickers in with anyones lot based @@ -311,7 +311,7 @@ but he realizes it’s only a tiny insect buzzing about his ear. a gnat-like presence of absolutely no consequence. he simply waves it away.

-
+

DAVE: ok yeah we can do that

DAVE: you mean like

DAVE: an actual pitch?

@@ -335,7 +335,7 @@ with sweeping conviction, and yet create a sense of intimacy when addressing an individual. he has learned to come across as one who was once a leader, and could be again.

-
+

KARKAT: LOOK, JAKE.

KARKAT: I’M NOT GOING TO TRY TO SELL YOU SOME LUDICROUS STORY ABOUT HOW I’M THE BEST CANDIDATE EARTH C HAS EVER @@ -424,7 +424,7 @@

and to whatever extent the prince intends to put jake’s life in jeopardy, for now, his agency remains safely obscured from his sniper sight.

-
+

JAKE: Well dash my wig!

JAKE: Ill do it!

KARKAT: DASH YOUR WHAT?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat31.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat31.xhtml index 4257bf2..e4f67e7 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat31.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat31.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 31

-
-

Terezi is +

+

Terezi is munching her way through another tin of human fatherly tobacco as john crawls into the back seat. this has been their ritual for several days. precisely how many, they couldn’t say. between her @@ -41,7 +41,7 @@ knees up to his chest, unsure how to act around terezi or how much room to give her.

she holds out a handful of tobacco.

-
+

TEREZI: W4NT SOM3 D3L1C1OUS DRY C4NDY SH4V1NGS?

JOHN: ew, no.

@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ off her hand. his eyes can’t help but follow the motion of her tongue. it leaves a trail of faintly teal saliva behind that glistens in the strange light coming through the windows.

-
+

JOHN: it’s like... a poison plant. you’re not supposed to eat it, you’re supposed to put it in a pipe and smoke it.

@@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ look. her thick eyelashes shadow her gaze. he feels anxious without knowing why. it’s as if he’s waiting for something to happen. for something to change.

-
+

TEREZI: WHY JOHN

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU CUR1OUS 4BOUT M3? H3H3H3H3

JOHN: no!

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@

terezi’s expression changes in a subtle way, slowly, like the tide pulling out. she snaps the tobacco tin shut and sets it down on the floor of the car.

-
+

TEREZI: 1...

TEREZI: SUPPOS3 1 C4N B3 PR3TTY D1FF1CULT TO B3 4ROUND

@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@

he unfolds his legs, so he can set a comforting hand on her shoulder. he wonders if he’s allowing it to linger there longer than it should.

-
+

JOHN: look.

JOHN: i’ve been really depressed and antisocial for the last few years.

@@ -129,7 +129,7 @@

he pushes her shoulder, lightly, so that they’re looking at each other.

-
+

JOHN: terezi.

JOHN: i want to have a real conversation with you.

@@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ nose contact with john, in a way that comes across as intently sincere. this arrangement lasts for about ten seconds before her mouth cracks in a grin, and she doubles over laughing.

-
+

TEREZI: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4!

TEREZI: OH MY GOD TH4TS TH3 L4M3ST TH1NG 1V3 H34RD 1N MY 3NT1R3 L1F3

@@ -160,12 +160,12 @@

she pulls her legs up under her. her shoes catch the light and reflect it all over the ceiling in little red dots. john’s heart skips a beat.

-
+

JOHN: you’re wearing jade’s shoes.

terezi frowns, and then her eyes widen as if she’s been caught. her reply is defensive.

-
+

TEREZI: TH3Y W3R3 1N TH3 W4LL3T

JOHN: oh yeah. i guess i put them in there.

TEREZI: 1 L1K3 TH3M

@@ -179,7 +179,7 @@ billions of pieces of debris from several shattered planets. he pictures terezi’s lifeless body as it collapses onto a corpse-shaped chalk outline she drew for herself.

-
+

JOHN: you know what happened, right? the first time we all met up and tried to fight the condesce?

JOHN: we were completely unprepared and basically @@ -211,12 +211,12 @@

suddenly, terezi’s voice is very small.

-
+

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R 4LL TH4T

JOHN: you do?

she nods, smiling grimly.

-
+

TEREZI: TH4TS WHY 1M OUT H3R3

TEREZI: YOU S33...

TEREZI: TH4T DOOM3D T3R3Z1 M1SS3D VR1SK4 *SO* @@ -252,7 +252,7 @@ notices his own palm grazing up the side of her neck to cup her face. the act was made with barely a thought, and his own boldness surprises himself.

-
+

JOHN: you SAVED everyone!

JOHN: you’re the only reason we were able to defeat lord english and win the game at all!

@@ -266,7 +266,7 @@

terezi shrugs out from under his grasp but doesn’t move away.

-
+

TEREZI: S1GH

TEREZI: DONT G3T M3 WRONG

TEREZI: 1M NOT D1SCOUNT1NG TH3 OBJ3CT1V3 V4LU3 OF @@ -301,7 +301,7 @@ reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

-
+

JOHN: ...

JOHN: you’re right. i don’t.

TEREZI: 1F YOUV3 B33N D3PR3SS3D 4ND 4NT1SOC14L @@ -319,7 +319,7 @@ him, patient and sympathetic.

she tips her head to one side, and asks,

-
+

TEREZI: WH4T 3ND3D UP H4PP3N1NG W1TH ROXY?

JOHN: i...

JOHN: dunno.

@@ -340,7 +340,7 @@

JOHN: what makes you say that?

she taps her nose and winks.

-
+

TEREZI: 1 DUNNO

TEREZI: TH4TS WH4T H4V1NG 4 HUNCH FUCK1NG M34NS, N3RD!

@@ -359,12 +359,12 @@ home with him.

he wonders if the time is right. the time to ask.

-
+

JOHN: terezi... come home with me.

she shakes her head. her face is turned against the light so he can’t read her expression.

-
+

TEREZI: 1

TEREZI: 1M NOT R34DY Y3T

JOHN: when WILL you be ready?

@@ -383,7 +383,7 @@ has a smear of shaving cream on the hem of her shirt, crusted over from sitting there for hours. she sniffs at the residue, then lifts her shirt to lick it off, crinkling her nose.

-
+

TEREZI: HMM

TEREZI: YOU COULD B3 ON TO SOM3TH1NG

JOHN: at least let me make a supply run.

@@ -393,12 +393,12 @@ uncontroversial compromise to offer, so he pulls back, preparing to travel back to earth c via his retcon capability. but terezi grabs him by the wrist.

-
+

TEREZI: W41T

her eyes are wide, her voice cracked and desperate.

-
+

TEREZI: DONT GO

TEREZI: PL34S3 JOHN

TEREZI: ST4Y W1TH M3 JUST 4 L1TTL3 LONG3R

@@ -415,7 +415,7 @@

they are silent for a minute. they both stare ahead at the car seats in front of them, sitting close enough to hear the beat of each other’s hearts.

-
+

TEREZI: ...DO YOU

TEREZI: W4NT M3 TO T4K3 4 LOOK 4T YOUR WOUND?

@@ -425,7 +425,7 @@ he dwells on it, he can feel the ache again, both from the tooth piercing his flesh and, more insidiously, from the poison it has been delivering into his bloodstream.

-
+

JOHN: oh, um.

JOHN: yeah, we should probably do something about that.

@@ -439,12 +439,12 @@

he rolls his eyes. terezi produces her cane and unsheathes the blade in one fluid motion. the metal rasps against the grain of its sheath, rather loudly. - I’m sorry, what? No + I’m sorry, what? No it doesn’t. the noise resounds throughout the sealed - interior of the car Actually, drawing a sword is pretty quiet. It only makes that sound in the movies.and rings through john’s skull like a gunshot.

-

Are you seriously manifesting inaccurate physical properties of - swords for the sole purpose of antagojohn reflexively backs up against the door at Oh, fuck this. the sight of the blade.

-
+ interior of the car Actually, drawing a sword is pretty quiet. It only makes that sound in the movies.and rings through john’s skull like a gunshot.

+

Are you seriously manifesting inaccurate physical properties of + swords for the sole purpose of antagojohn reflexively backs up against the door at Oh, fuck this. the sight of the blade.

+

JOHN: woah!

TEREZI: HOLD ST1LL 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO D13 FOR R34L

@@ -461,7 +461,7 @@ edges, bruised all around. his entire torso appears to be a mottled mess of purple and yellow, like a sort of fancy earth cheese. terezi’s blade cuts into it as easily as if it were.

-
+

JOHN: oh FUCK!

JOHN: ow!!!!!

JOHN: could have used some warning there, @@ -486,7 +486,7 @@ lashes brush the ridges of her cheekbones.

her nostrils are flared, assessing the scent of his blood.

-
+

TEREZI: 4R3 W3 DO1NG TH1S OR WH4T?

he presses his eyes shut, and @@ -495,14 +495,14 @@ himself. as his own thoughts struggle to be honest with him, he cannot disguise the truth from me. what he is fighting is an intense desire to kiss her.

-
+

JOHN: g... go for it.

she grinds the sword between two of his ribs. the pain returns instantly, his acclimation erased nearly as quickly. he clenches his jaw hard, and his head spins. terezi’s blade catches against something.

-
+

TEREZI: HMMM

TEREZI: 1TS LODG3D 1N TH3R3 PR3TTY GOOD

TEREZI: BR4C3 YOURS3LF 3GB3RT, TH1S 1S GO1NG TO @@ -517,7 +517,7 @@ the car, in what suddenly strikes john as a fairly unhygienic surgical situation, and grabs his shirt with two clenched, red fists.

-
+

TEREZI: 1 N33D TO STOP TH3 BL33D1NG

TEREZI: JUST FOLLOW MY L34D

@@ -547,7 +547,7 @@ contradict one’s true thoughts and feelings. irrational. unbecoming of an existence governed by free will.

what are you waiting for, john?

-
+

JOHN: um.

TEREZI: FOR FUCKS S4K3 JOHN, DONT S4Y 4NYTH1NG STUP1D R1GHT NOW

@@ -568,7 +568,7 @@ really wants to do, which is ghost his hands all the way up the curve of her spine.

she sighs into his mouth.

-
+

TEREZI: OH MY GOD YOUR BLOOD SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS

JOHN: woah.

JOHN: um, wow.

@@ -580,7 +580,7 @@ snarl and wraps both her hands around his neck. she doesn’t press down, but the weight of her thumbs above his throat makes his heart race.

-
+

TEREZI: D1DNT 1 T3LL YOU

TEREZI: DONT

TEREZI: S4Y

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat32.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat32.xhtml index 9ada124..2406e6e 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat32.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat32.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 32

-
-

Roxy is +

+

Roxy is nervously dialing rose’s number repeatedly. then they try kanaya. considering rose’s failing health, roxy hates to bother her, but they aren’t sure who else to call regarding jade’s unexpected @@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ conversations with dave simply have a reliable habit of straying far from the desired topic for extended periods of time. he picks up on the third ring.

-
+

DAVE: yo

DAVE: love to chat but im kinda in the middle of something

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ jake as he heads toward the podium. he is scheduled to give a speech announcing his official endorsement of karkat vantas in his bid for the presidency.

-
+

ROXY: idk about that

ROXY: in terms of scale and relativity and stuff maybe not

@@ -86,10 +86,10 @@ on dave’s end. the gathered crowd is relaxed by the warmth. many of them partake in the pleasure of a cool treat, such as earth “iced” cream.

-

Jesus fuck, this is +

Jesus fuck, this is excruciating.

-

it isn’t. Yeah it is. no. it is not. - Okay. Whatever the +

it isn’t. Yeah it is. no. it is not. + Okay. Whatever the fuck you say.

the audience is large and diverse. mostly trolls and carapacians, but it is dotted with representation from @@ -97,9 +97,9 @@ certainly, but the very model of diversity compared to the crowds of his opponent. it is a true inspiration to all those who have placed their faith in the vantas ticket.

-

Lord save me from this fake woke +

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare. be quiet. - No. yes. Let me fucking say stuff again. + No. yes. Let me fucking say stuff again. no.

dave stops walking, and cups a hand around his phone in order to hear roxy over the chatter of the @@ -107,7 +107,7 @@ manner which signals to karkat that he should attempt to stall.

You want to keep shutting me down? Fine. But check THIS shit out.

-
+

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

@@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ me? How about we call a truce and end this petty feud. This is your one and only chance to accept.

no.

-
+

ROXY: jakes on ur side then?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: wasnt that hard to convince him after your @@ -252,21 +252,21 @@

yes, is the resounding answer. calliope is beautiful, roxy thinks. and furthermore, they think they should be reminded of this fact every day.

-

Lol.

-
+

Lol.

+

ROXY: you rly believe in him dont u

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: of course i do

DAVE: because i...

-

Love him? Come on, man. Just say +

Love him? Come on, man. Just say it.

roxy listens for a moment after he trails off. they do not speculate or comment on his feelings toward karkat, because it is none of their business.

-

Pussies. I’m surrounded by fucking +

Pussies. I’m surrounded by fucking pussies.

-
+

ROXY: hey before you jet can i ask you another question

ROXY: theres somethin else ive been meanin to ask u @@ -274,7 +274,7 @@

DAVE: uh alright shoot

they take a deep breath.

-
+

ROXY: yea soooo

ROXY: dave how did you come out

DAVE: ...

@@ -312,7 +312,7 @@ now...

That’s because he needs me. He’s suffering without my guidance. If only you’d stop being so cruel and let me help.

-
+

DAVE: anyway uh

DAVE: thats a pretty deep question considering all the shit we have going on right now

@@ -357,7 +357,7 @@ performance of his signature booty-bumping charleston for the crowd’s entertainment, so they will be satiated for another few minutes.

-
+

DAVE: ok so

DAVE: what ive learned is

DAVE: coming to terms with all this bullshit is a @@ -471,7 +471,7 @@ of their gradual gender transformation. how would calliope feel about that? what is it that calliope themself understands or cares about gender?

-
+

DIRK: The Prince opens his fucking mouth, and just literally starts SAYING SHIT, out loud, because he doesn’t think he can take another fucking second listening to a pompous alien virgin @@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ compensate for his feelings of disempowerment. while the strategy he is resorting to has moderate value as an amusement and a nuisance, it will ultimately be of no consequence whatsoever.

-
+

DIRK: No consequence, my ass. You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth. I’m nobody’s fucking puppet.

@@ -492,7 +492,7 @@

DIRK: They’re mine.

whatever you say.

-
+

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

@@ -513,7 +513,7 @@ anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

-
+

DIRK: Yeah, well. Try and stop me then.

DIRK: I fucking dare you.

DIRK: Here I go. I’m walking up the tower stairs @@ -529,7 +529,7 @@ flash through his mind, thoughts of giving up and retiring to his sad little robotics lab so he can continue with his true passion: the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

-
+

DIRK: Argh. Wow, yeah.

DIRK: You’re right. My feet are definitely getting heavy.

@@ -551,7 +551,7 @@ dislodged from its fixture with a loud crack. the huge, multiton bell plummets, crushing the surrounding staircases in its wake as it careens toward a young man consumed by hubris.

-
+

DIRK: The Prince busts out his sword and makes short work of that big old bell.

DIRK: The slicing is accompanied by the @@ -566,14 +566,14 @@ apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

-
+

DIRK: Sure you do.

this foolishness is interrupted as we resume listening to a conversation which we are all considerably more invested in than catering to the inconsequential flailing of a grown man who fancies himself an earth ninja.

-
+

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

@@ -602,14 +602,14 @@ direction. something is off here. a dark feeling brewing in his intuition, which he decides to monitor as he wraps up his call with roxy.

-
+

DIRK: I’m on top of the tower now. I’ve got my long sniper rifle ready and everything.

DIRK: I check to see if it’s loaded. It is. I get in the PERFECT spot for taking aim at this hunky imbecile who’s about to give a speech.

-
+

DAVE: anyway i dont think any of our friends are gonna hold your feet to the flames over dumb shit like this

DAVE: and its not like anyone else is gonna care @@ -660,7 +660,7 @@ about to be an assassination attempt. karkat must be protected. and jake, the intended target, must be obscured from a sniper’s path.

-
+

DAVE: karkat! dude!!!

DAVE: GET DOWN!

KARKAT: WHAT?????

@@ -678,7 +678,7 @@ everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

-
+

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt @@ -691,7 +691,7 @@

and what would those things be?

-
+

DIRK: First of all, this gun is loaded.

DIRK: But not with bullets.

@@ -707,14 +707,14 @@ pull off two tranquilizing shots at dave and then jake in quick succession, before he is stopped. it certainly would be a risk to even try. but as the humans say: no guts, no glory.

-
+

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

-
+

ROXY: hellooooooo

ROXY: dave??

ROXY: whered ya go

@@ -723,7 +723,7 @@ dave continues guarding jake, pausing for a moment their critical discussion of human gender. meanwhile, the prince lowers the rifle, and strongly reconsiders the foolishness he has initiated here.

-
+

DIRK: No, that’s not what he does.

DIRK: He swings the rifle around one hundred eighty degrees, and points the scope toward the large, now-curtainless @@ -737,7 +737,7 @@

his finger tenses up, quite painfully. perhaps it’s a cramp? whatever the malady, it isn’t budging.

-
+

DIRK: Ow!

DIRK: Yeah, you got me. Can’t move it an inch.

DIRK: The only problem is, he doesn’t need to pull @@ -748,12 +748,12 @@

DIRK: All he needs to do is say...

he doesn’t say it.

-

Oh, but he DOES.

-
+

Oh, but he DOES.

+

DIRK: FIRE.

...

-
+

DIRK: I see. So you’re not going to say what happens next?

DIRK: Is that really how it’s gonna be?

@@ -780,21 +780,21 @@

it seems uncalled-for to insult her after this little stunt you just pulled. what did she do that was wrong?

-
+

DIRK: Oh, what’s that? You’re getting a little quiet for some reason.

DIRK: You’re going to have to speak up.

this is not the last you’ll be hearing from me, prince.

-
+

DIRK: Aaand, nope.

DIRK: You’re getting quieter, not louder. You’re gonna need to work on that.

DIRK: Maybe try shouting it?

-

soon, i will be coming for +

soon, i will be coming for you.

-
+

DIRK: Yeah, I didn’t catch that at all.

DIRK: Not even one syllable.

DIRK: Guess that’s it for you? Back to not diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat33.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat33.xhtml index da73cb2..f6f3535 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat33.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat33.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 33

-
-

Speaking of +

+

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in @@ -54,7 +54,7 @@

Terezi doesn’t make eye contact with you when she slithers back into her shirt. She rolls down the window and floats outside.

-
+

JOHN: um.

TEREZI: W3LL? COM3 ON

@@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

-
+

TEREZI: 1 G1V3 UP

JOHN: oh. don’t do that.

JOHN: like, i’m not suddenly going to be ok with @@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ if it was snorting or farting. But for some reason, the little noise gives you palpitations. Holy shit, dude, you’ve got it bad.

-
+

TEREZI: NO 1D1OT

TEREZI: 1 G1V3 UP ON VR1SK4

@@ -92,7 +92,7 @@

But you, John, feel extremely sad. Not for Vriska, but for Terezi. You run a comforting hand up and down her arm.

-
+

JOHN: terezi.

JOHN: come home with me.

TEREZI: C4N W3 3V3N GO HOM3?

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@

Can you? You’re so, so tired.

-
+

JOHN: um, i don’t know actually.

TEREZI: >:?

TEREZI: WH4T

@@ -116,7 +116,7 @@

You wake up, with your back flat on the car trunk, Terezi shaking you and looking genuinely frantic. You didn’t even realize you fell asleep.

-
+

TEREZI: JOHN!

TEREZI: JOHN!!!

JOHN: hey.

@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ glasses. You feel so awful that you didn’t even notice how blurry everything looks without them. You grope for Terezi’s hand and get her thigh instead.

-
+

JOHN: hold on to me, ok.

JOHN: no matter what happens... don’t let go.

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU C4N DO 1T

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat34.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat34.xhtml index 53d4342..18f393a 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat34.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat34.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 34

-
-

Speaking of +

+

Speaking of giving it everything you got, here comes Jake McGee, about to pop his pistols off in front of a whole crowd of Karkat’s progressively prismatic proletarian partisans.

@@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ of his front pocket. I let him read it over one more time even though there’s nothing in the universe that could possibly matter less.

-
+

DAVE: yo

DAVE: sure you still want to do this

KARKAT: YEAH. IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO CALL IT @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ GO HOME.

Dave elbows him.

-
+

KARKAT: OR. YOU KNOW. JUST YOUR SPEECH.

JAKE: Dont be daffy chaps. If i were the sort of man to balk at a bit of hot potato in the evening i wouldnt be @@ -95,14 +95,14 @@

What’s that, Jake? You didn’t notice your hands were sweating until now? Not surprising considering how overtaxed your precious few neurons are at any given time.

-
+

JAKE: I... I... er hallo folks dandy weather were having here isnt it.

Jake’s hands are so sweaty they’ve smeared the words in the speech beyond recognition. He begins to panic.

-
+

JAKE: Er... thank you... everyone for coming out on this benjo of a day to um...

JAKE: Do whatever it is that weve all congregated @@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ nonsexual, intimate close-talking. Jesus, if I have to watch one more minute of this beta-bitch calamity I’m going to fucking dissipate on an atomic level.

-
+

KARKAT: (WHAT IS HE DOING? I SAW HIM REREAD THE SPEECH.)

DAVE: (yeah)

@@ -144,7 +144,7 @@

Jake tugs at collar. It feels tight, suddenly. He’s dripping buckets down under his suspenders. Dark patches are starting to form on his dress shirt.

-
+

JAKE: Rather that is to say,

JAKE: In delicate times such as these,

JAKE: Even though usually its a toffer of a bad @@ -166,7 +166,7 @@ that the crowd can hear it, like the sound of somebody shaking a soda can filled with coins. He goes pale as the depravity of what he’s about to do hits him like an eighteen-wheeler.

-
+

JAKE: Ive... made a terrible mistake.

Hey, Jake. Don’t undersell yourself here. @@ -189,7 +189,7 @@ but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

-
+

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

@@ -245,7 +245,7 @@

Sorry, I’m overdoing it. That should be enough. Dude’s about to pop off. The words erupt from his mouth like a tragic, Dirkthirsty Vesuvius:

-
+

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

@@ -254,7 +254,7 @@ Definitely not sell out his good and dear friend Jane for a loudmouthed pipsqueak who noisily transcends failure even as he redefines it. Do good by her, Jake. Do good by me.

-
+

DAVE: (oh jesus fucking christ)

JAKE: Boy howdy...

JAKE: Umm.

@@ -286,7 +286,7 @@

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

-
+

JAKE: I—

Having said that, it’s not like we’re diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat35.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat35.xhtml index 2bfe7cc..748132d 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat35.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat35.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 35

-
-

You zap +

+

You zap back to Earth C with the last of your energy. And I do mean last. You place your first foot on the ground, stumble forward three steps, and cough up blood. Terezi has to catch you under your arms, @@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ furiously it’s making your veins feel like cords.

Terezi can tell you’re dying. She’s not in great shape herself, but she manages to tug you to your feet.

-
+

TEREZI: JOHN COM3 ON

TEREZI: L3TS G3T YOU TO J4N3

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ it looks like someone nudged the contrast a couple degrees in the wrong direction? How does it look now?

You close your eyes against the light.

-
+

JOHN: i don’t think it...

JOHN: m-matters.

JOHN: i don’t think... this is a wound jane can @@ -99,7 +99,7 @@ the only choice you possibly could have made.

It was, John. This will be the best outcome for everyone. I promise.

-
+

TEREZI: JOHN

JOHN: hey, come here.

@@ -107,7 +107,7 @@ do anything sappy like take your hand, though. Mostly because she knows how this is going to go, and doesn’t want to experience the tactile sensation of feeling your pulse slow under her palm.

-
+

JOHN: i’ve got, um...

JOHN: dying words to say and stuff.

TEREZI: R34LLY

@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@

JOHN: are you... crying?

She wipes her eyes and nods.

-
+

JOHN: i can’t believe it...

TEREZI: 1 R3S3NT TH3 1MPL1C4T1ON TH4T 1 WOULD PR3T3ND TO B3 UN4FF3CT3D BY YOUR D34TH 4FT3R W3 H4D 4N 3MOT1ON4LLY @@ -163,7 +163,7 @@ now. You miss, and lovingly caress the air instead. Your hand lands back on your chest. You feel blood soaking through your shirt. You’re bleeding again.

-
+

JOHN: oh man...

JOHN: now that i’m on the spot... i can’t think of anything significant to say.

@@ -225,7 +225,7 @@ that’s much more important for her to answer.

Terezi, are you seriously just going to leave the body here?

-
+

TEREZI: HUH?

Of course not. Terezi’s a practical girl, diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat36.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat36.xhtml index d2a61fa..a36b547 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat36.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat36.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 36

-
-

So it turns +

+

So it turns out that “home” is an entirely abstract concept. A state of mind, if you will, rather than a literal, physical construct that can make you feel one way or the other. Terezi’s been gone long enough @@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ on the Legacy of Responsibility she is about to inherit, that she mistakes the familiar figure standing in front of the hospital for someone else entirely.

-
+

TEREZI: H3Y COOLK1D

TEREZI: HOWS J4DE DO1NG

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ wants.

Roxy’s whole face lights up when she sees Terezi.

-
+

ROXY: omg terezi i didnt know u were back!

ROXY: what UP???

TEREZI: OH ROXY

@@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ hear any words that remind her of those few hours with John. Her hand goes to her pocket, where she’s keeping the wallet. She traces the contours of it with her thumb and forces a smile.

-
+

TEREZI: 1F YOU S4Y SO

ROXY: um yeah i fuckin DO say so

ROXY: dont make me repeat myself

@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ from inside. Terezi’s head is filled with stories about a different version of Roxy—the polar opposite of the one standing in front of her.

-
+

ROXY: so....

ROXY: ur here to see jade huh??

TEREZI: Y34H

@@ -155,7 +155,7 @@ feeling more like he’s under her skin. She hasn’t told anyone what happened. But at least she knows she can look at him whenever she wants.

-
+

ROXY: yeaaa

ROXY: its lookin grim

ROXY: on one hand shes just layin there so theres @@ -219,13 +219,13 @@ intrigued, but she thinks better of worrying about it. It’d be rude to look at her phone while she’s in the middle of a conversation.

-
+

ROXY: oh that reminds me!

ROXY: have u seen john lately?

Terezi’s heart skips a beat. It’s almost as if Roxy is the one reading her mind.

-
+

TEREZI: WHY DO YOU 4SK

No one else has asked yet.

@@ -235,7 +235,7 @@ impenetrable. Those baller shades aren’t exactly improving my odds of reading her, either. I’ll say again what I’ve always felt about her on some level: some riddles were never meant to be solved.

-
+

ROXY: he went back to the medium a while ago right??

ROXY: i thought

@@ -244,7 +244,7 @@

Terezi does not flinch. Her pleasant expression does not falter. She’s good at the appearance of confidence even when wracked with indecision and grief.

-
+

TEREZI: NO

TEREZI: I H4V3NT S33N H1M

ROXY: oh....

@@ -268,7 +268,7 @@ fixer, and it has been a very difficult lesson for her to learn that some things are simply out of her control. Maybe it’s just that Roxy can hear the bone-deep sorrow in her voice.

-
+

TEREZI: (OMFG)

TEREZI: (1TS “H1M” YOU FUCK1NG O4F!!!)

ROXY: wat

@@ -279,7 +279,7 @@

Oh, my bad. Why not send him my regards? Tell him he makes a kickass him for me. It suits the hell out of him.

-
+

TEREZI: (1M NOT FUCK1NG T3LL1NG H1M TH4T)

Whatever was bothering Roxy, it passes @@ -289,7 +289,7 @@ out.” It’s convincing, actually. Reasonably authentic, and quite masculine. He’s off to a great start exhibiting the mannerisms associated with his chosen gender. I’m genuinely proud of him.

-
+

ROXY: ummm

ROXY: kay well i should get goin

ROXY: was nice catchin up!

@@ -312,11 +312,11 @@ the stuff we can’t even remember, because it technically never even happened to us. We have enough to worry about as it is, right, Terezi?

-
+

TEREZI: UUUUUUUGH

I know you can hear me.

-
+

TEREZI: OF COURS3 1 C4N H3AR YOU!!!

TEREZI: YOUV3 B33N BRO4DC4ST1NG YOUR NONS3NS3 4T M3 NONSTOP S1NC3 JOHN Z4PP3D US B4CK!

@@ -329,12 +329,12 @@

I feel depressed all the time. But I can’t remember ever having the luxury of feeling peaceful about it. Why should it be different for anyone else?

-
+

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU W4NT?!

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

-
+

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T TH3 H3LL DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT WH3R3 1 B3LONG?

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT WH4T 1 @@ -355,14 +355,14 @@ understood.

You know you’ll never be happy here. And neither will I. Because this place isn’t for people like us.

-
+

TEREZI: D1RK, 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT

You’ll see, if you come with us.

Hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t you bring him with you?

-
+

TEREZI: H1M?

Yeah. You saved his body for a reason, diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat37.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat37.xhtml index d8f01e2..aa366ba 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat37.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat37.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 37

-
-

We make a +

+

We make a quick stop back at Rose’s apartment. She understandably wants to pack a few things before we leave this planet forever. Not a whole lot, mind you. It’s not like she’ll be needing many clothes from @@ -37,14 +37,14 @@ survive the absolute realization of her Ultimate Self. The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

-
+

DIRK: Do you really need all of this crap?

Rose is sprawled out on her bed, resting. It’s pretty much all she can bring herself to do these days. But in spite of her physically incapacitated state, her stare tracks me intently as I root through her belongings at her behest.

-
+

ROSE: No, I don’t... I don’t need it.

ROSE: But I’d...

ROSE: I’d like to have it. Some of it.

@@ -63,7 +63,7 @@ her. It frustrates me too. That’s why I want to get out of here as soon as possible.

I let my voice soften.

-
+

DIRK: Rose.

DIRK: Everything is going to be fine.

ROSE: But, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad...

@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@

I don’t get it and I don’t really care to speculate. I sigh, and return to picking through her jewelry. The tactic fucking works on me, I guess.

-
+

DIRK: Is this the thing you were talking about? This...this rock rope?

ROSE: Rock rope?

@@ -87,7 +87,7 @@ see. The effort to do just that seems to take everything out of her. She collapses heavily after she gets a look at what I’m holding up, huffing in annoyance.

-
+

ROSE: F-first of all.

ROSE: That... the word for that object is... a “necklace.”

@@ -118,13 +118,13 @@ doesn’t matter.

When she next speaks, it seems her mind has wandered. Her voice is as distant as her expression.

-
+

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

I slide a drawer shut, and shove whatever it is I’m holding into the bag without looking.

-
+

DIRK: There’s no need to worry about that.

ROSE: How...

ROSE: How will we break it to her?

@@ -205,7 +205,7 @@ focused. You know what you must do now. There is no crisis. There is nothing in which to intervene. Nothing to stop. You tap your phone, and hold it up to your ear.

-
+

KANAYA: Rose?

ROSE: Ka...

KANAYA: Rose

@@ -241,7 +241,7 @@

Rose’s turns her face into the bed, to muffle her sobs. I’m holding the phone up to her ear. I move the phone quickly to follow the movement of her head.

-
+

KANAYA: Its Fine Really Sweet Heart

KANAYA: I Love You

ROSE: I love you too.

@@ -249,7 +249,7 @@

Before Kanaya hangs up, I quickly bring the phone up to my ear to say a few words.

-
+

DIRK: Hey Kanaya. Thanks for getting in touch before we take off.

DIRK: We both really appreciate that.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat38.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat38.xhtml index 5b66688..2655fc3 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat38.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat38.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 38

-
-

But before +

+

But before we get completely out of dodge, there’s one more trifling matter I’d better take care of.

It’s a big day, but not one my dear brotherson and @@ -47,12 +47,12 @@ hatefully at the televised production. He doesn’t look up when Dave walks back into the room, carrying two massive bottles of liquor.

-
+

DAVE: hey

DAVE: want to get drunk

Huh.

-
+

KARKAT: HUH?

DAVE: i went and got all this fucking booze

KARKAT: YOU *GOT* BOOZE?

@@ -96,7 +96,7 @@

Dave sits beside Karkat on the couch, and sets the alcohol down on the table in front of him. He sinks heavily into the cushioning with a sigh.

-
+

KARKAT: HAVE YOU NOW.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: its never too late to develop a substance @@ -148,7 +148,7 @@

Karkat falls into a vacant, thousand-yard stare.

-
+

DAVE: yeah see thats why im an alcoholic now

DAVE: want a drink

@@ -159,7 +159,7 @@ circumstance.

But this was how things had to be. It’s better this way. They know that. At least, Karkat certainly does.

-
+

KARKAT: IF I’M BEING PERFECTLY FUCKING HONEST

KARKAT: I’M GLAD I LOST. I NEVER WANTED TO FUCKING WIN IN THE FIRST PLACE.

@@ -218,7 +218,7 @@ Dave’s efforts mean to him. It’s really welling up inside him now. He’s so emotional about it that he can’t help but say something.

-
+

KARKAT: HEY.

Dave stops with his arm outstretched. His @@ -226,7 +226,7 @@ contact for long. Looking at Dave is like staring straight at the sun. He is awfully handsome, isn’t he? Then again, crawling out of a primo gene pool does have its benefits.

-
+

DAVE: yeah buddy whats up

KARKAT: I JUST...

DAVE: hey dont worry about it

@@ -259,7 +259,7 @@ floor. The slightest of smiles tugs at the corners of his mouth. He feels something warm inside of his chest. It feels right. It’s something he needs to say.

-
+

KARKAT: FOR... EVERYTHING.

KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE TRIED.

@@ -301,7 +301,7 @@

Karkat draws a breath and curls up on himself. His instinct is to pull back, but he’s fighting it now. He needs to see this one through to the end.

-
+

KARKAT: BUT WITH YOU, IT MAKES SENSE. I GUESS.

KARKAT: WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE TO ME, I’M @@ -324,7 +324,7 @@ believes in you

Dave. Please.

-
+

KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?

KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.

DAVE: i know

@@ -335,7 +335,7 @@

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...

Come on. You’re so close.

-
+

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

Oh, for the love of god.

@@ -357,7 +357,7 @@

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

-
+

DAVE: oh

DAVE: same

@@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ body begin to perish in real time. Dave, you cannot actually be that bad at this. How the hell are you walking around with my genes and still acting like this?

-
+

DAVE: so...

Look. Even you can manage to top this @@ -375,7 +375,7 @@

Dave scrunches up his face a little like he’s constipated. Okay, maybe I’m getting a bit worked up. I need to dial it back.

-
+

KARKAT: IS SOMETHING WRONG?

DAVE: huh

DAVE: no

@@ -392,7 +392,7 @@ He just dropped some touching-ass bomb about believing in you believing in him or whatever. You should really get to the root of where this is all coming from.

-
+

DAVE: oh right

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: all that shit you said about us being friends @@ -405,7 +405,7 @@

DAVE: hm.

Go on.

-
+

DAVE: im kind of getting the feeling that... maybe...

DAVE: theres a level to what were thinking that @@ -425,7 +425,7 @@

DAVE: about... that

Well, I guess this is progress?

-
+

KARKAT: THAT???

DAVE: yeah, like

DAVE: how... when you say were friends

@@ -437,7 +437,7 @@

Karkat looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

-
+

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........

KARKAT: B......

@@ -449,7 +449,7 @@ was less unbearable than this. I don’t understand it. I just want you to be happy, man. Why can’t you make anything easy for yourself?

-
+

DAVE: well

DAVE: ok then

@@ -462,7 +462,7 @@ shit is pure and true. A supernova of all your hopes and dreams swirling together like a radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

-
+

KARKAT: D... DAVE?

But you aren’t imagining any peckers @@ -471,14 +471,14 @@ about in years. Suddenly, you can’t even comprehend how it is you’ve gone so long without kissing him. You want to so badly. It would be so easy, and you know he wouldn’t turn you away.

-
+

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: i

You lift a trembling hand and slowly close the scant distance between you to brush your thumb against Karkat’s cheek. He freezes in place, terrified.

-
+

DAVE: i think i

Karkat’s lips part, his breath held. His @@ -488,14 +488,14 @@

You start to lean in. Karkat closes his eyes and relaxes into your hand. He’s ready. It’s happening. It’s FUCKING happening!!!

-
+

DAVE: wait

DAVE: fuck

What? What are you doing? Oh my god. I’m throwing my hands up in the air in the middle of the other shit I’m doing because this sucks just that much.

-
+

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—

DAVE: no

@@ -505,7 +505,7 @@

It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry about it.

-
+

DAVE: what the fuck is going on

DAVE: this feels really off

KARKAT: ????

@@ -518,7 +518,7 @@ not listening to me. This dude has such a titanium grasp on his own born-again virginity that not even the literal hand of God can compel him to kiss his own goddamn boyfriend.

-
+

KARKAT: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

DAVE: i have no idea

DAVE: im sorry

@@ -588,7 +588,7 @@ teeth, and putting both hands up to his temples. Beads of sweat dot his brow. This is so fucking unreal. Holy shit, Dave, if you so much as—

-
+

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

KARKAT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat39.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat39.xhtml index 3e075ff..57b9a10 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat39.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat39.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 39

-
-

I’m inside +

+

I’m inside Jake’s mansion. It’s just as idiotically garish as the last time I saw it. There was once a time I swore I’d never set foot in here again, for various reasons I won’t get into. Jake is the type of @@ -77,7 +77,7 @@ that would hurt his value as priceless sexual commodity. The only thing affected was his brain. It’s a bit like if someone hacked a comments section. Who gives a shit?

-
+

JAKE: DIRK!!!

I glance up the stairs, where he’s @@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ and gives me a huge bro-hug, making my spine pop. God, he’s so fucking strong. I hate that the brief feeling of being crushed by this oaf makes my dick twitch slightly.

-
+

DIRK: Hey Jake.

JAKE: Well isn’t this a heap of shillelaghs and shamrocks!

@@ -115,14 +115,14 @@ now, making no effort to disguise his interest in the contours of my muscles. I use that arm to put a hand on his shoulder in an affable way, so that he’s forced to stop.

-
+

DIRK: Listen, man.

DIRK: You got a spare spaceship lying around?

DIRK: We’re going on a trip.

I nod over in the direction of the couch. Jake’s eyebrows shoot up.

-
+

JAKE: Oh! I didnt even notice rose there.

JAKE: Wow she looks really zonked. Bad hangover i presume?

@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@

I’m gritting my teeth, focusing on breathing steadily.

-
+

DIRK: Yeah, um.

DIRK: I don’t know, dude. Anything, really.

DIRK: Something fast.

@@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ baroque antique cabinet, his ample junk swinging about in his loose boxers free as a jaybird. He opens a small door and rifles through a stack of stray papers and captchalogue cards.

-
+

JAKE: Heres one! Oughta do you splendidly.

DIRK: Thanks bro.

@@ -159,7 +159,7 @@ always is with him. In fact, here it comes. I can smell it a mile away. I know exactly what he’s about to say, and the buoyant obliviousness with which he’ll say it.

-
+

JAKE: So where are we going?

DIRK: Yeah, I thought this misunderstanding might happen.

@@ -179,7 +179,7 @@

Jake falls quiet for a moment as his pitiful pea brain struggles to process the shocking information.

-
+

JAKE: Gadzooks...!

JAKE: Well say no more then.

JAKE: So um... how long will you be away? Does @@ -193,7 +193,7 @@

He shakes his fist to demonstrate whatever bad point he’s making.

-
+

JAKE: There are times let me tell you how i feel like i dodged a bullet by not jumping the matrimonial broom with jane.

@@ -220,13 +220,13 @@

He’s sweating. More nervous than I’ve ever seen him before. Stammering, desperate. I need to be brutally direct with this poor guy. Enough’s enough.

-
+

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

His mouth is hanging open. Not a shred of restraint in his crestfallen posture. But he needs to hear this. All of it.

-
+

JAKE: Like

JAKE: Wait.

JAKE: You arent...

@@ -247,7 +247,7 @@ exquisitely kissable mouth. This is the face he lives for now. A visage that, in mere minutes, will vanish from his life forever. The tears drop. His voice cracks.

-
+

JAKE: Please...

JAKE: Please take me with you dirk.

DIRK: I can’t do that, Jake.

@@ -277,7 +277,7 @@

I almost burst out laughing, but I manage to control myself.

-
+

DIRK: Uh, Jake. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

DIRK: Well, I know Jane sure doesn’t.

@@ -310,7 +310,7 @@

I glance at a clock on the wall. This needs to end soon. There are a lot of important things still to be done, and this sure isn’t one of them.

-
+

DIRK: Time to man up, Jake.

DIRK: This is what your life is now. It’s only bad if you treat it this way.

@@ -344,7 +344,7 @@

He waits a second for a response, but my face doesn’t move a muscle. He won’t dare waste this momentum though. He threw in the penny. Here comes the pound.

-
+

JAKE: Dirk im BEGGING you just take me with you!

JAKE: Its... its fine! You dont have to love @@ -385,7 +385,7 @@

I move my hands up to his face, and with my palms on his wet cheeks, I gently push his head about six inches away from my face, and say:

-
+

DIRK: I’m sorry, Jake.

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat4.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat4.xhtml index a833ecd..9666594 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat4.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat4.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 4

-
-

You arrive +

+

You arrive in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white. A column of brutally hot air blasts up from the lava below and instantly hits your entire body. Luckily, you’re fairly immortal, so the only @@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ is familiar to you, his longtime best buddy. Casual, wandering, verging on droning. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing for a while, and probably already has been.

-
+

DAVE: im serious

DAVE: the thing is

DAVE: being a time guy

@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@

It’s a fair question, which logically should have been directed to the oldest and most knowledgeable John. Nevertheless, one of the younger Johns replies first.

-
+

(JOHN 1): er.

(JOHN 1): i don’t know.

JOHN 3: john, don’t worry about it. i’ll take @@ -124,7 +124,7 @@

The useless Johns zap away. You sincerely hope that they have a beautiful and fulfilling youth.

-
+

DAVE: adult john what the fuck have you done

DAVE: is this some time travel shit

DAVE: please dont tell me youve been spending the @@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being.

-
+

DAVE: oh shit

JADE: what??

JADE: john. he is NOT going to fight lord english just yet

@@ -244,7 +244,7 @@ situation.

The Mayor tips his head at you and fiddles with his sash. God damn, you missed the Mayor.

-
+

DAVE: so what do we do next

JOHN: well, i’ll leave you to hang out with jade for a bit, while i go round up the others.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat40.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat40.xhtml index 982db94..eebb878 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat40.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat40.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 40

-
-

Kanaya +

+

Kanaya Maryam is single and ready to mingle.

Alright, not really. But she’s coping admirably with the sudden departure of her beloved spouse. She’s doing her @@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ talking to Jade? That’s very kind, but she can’t hear you, Roxy. She’ll be able to soon enough though. And when she does, you’ll probably want to be the one listening to what she has to say.

-
+

ROXY: oh hey

KANAYA: Hello

KANAYA: How Is She

@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ a better look. They’re Jade’s same old eyes, playful, intelligent. But they seem different somehow. These are eyes that have seen so much more than they had the last time they were open.

-
+

ROXY: jade!!!

ROXY: omg jade

ROXY: youre awake

@@ -97,7 +97,7 @@ quivers. And then it hits her. She knows exactly why she’s feeling this way.

She bolts upright from her bed, and shouts:

-
+

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat41.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat41.xhtml index 1118624..712e7af 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat41.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat41.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 41

-
-

She’s +

+

She’s right, of course. I do have to be stopped.

Not because I’m really that bad. I mean, I don’t think I am. I’ll understand if there are those who disagree. If my diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat42.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat42.xhtml index 56f2978..1e648c4 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat42.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat42.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 42

-
-
+
+

ROXY: so uhhh

ROXY: dirk needs to be stopped from

ROXY: doin what again?

@@ -164,7 +164,7 @@ prove your worth to her if you really tried. For now, the only thing that really matters is to acknowledge it’s too late for any of that.

-
+

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: I Dont...

KANAYA: Im Confused

@@ -198,13 +198,13 @@ overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me.

-
+

KANAYA: HAVE I LOST MY FUCKING MIND?????????

She’s really pissed. Yikes. Couldn’t pay me to be in that room right now. Not for all the agency in the world.

-
+

KANAYA: WHAT HAS DIRK DONE TO MY WIFE?!

ROXY: whoa

ROXY: what u mean there

@@ -228,7 +228,7 @@ to get answers from her that way. If anything, she’ll cause her to go silent a lot more quickly than she was about to anyway. She’s just wresting the spirit from her slumber.

-
+

KANAYA: TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

KANAYA: WHY DOES DIRK HAVE TO BE STOPPED?! WHAT DOES THAT *MEAN*?!!

@@ -265,7 +265,7 @@ use lingering around here much longer. The cherub is already beginning to drown me out. I can feel it. But this time, I’m ready.

-
+

KANAYA: Jade?

KANAYA: JADE???

ROXY: aw no

@@ -289,7 +289,7 @@ wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. It’s really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.

-
+

ROXY: kanaya pls chill

ROXY: ive seen this before

ROXY: theres no breakin her out of this

@@ -323,7 +323,7 @@ so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

But a bunch of them won’t remain, will they? They won’t be able to help themselves. You know that.

-
+

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

@@ -340,7 +340,7 @@ wanted to, even if you brain-fried them all to become your own personal cherubic puppets and sent them on the warpath to come get me, they’d still never catch me. You still don’t get it yet.

-

I’m +

I’m already gone.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat43.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat43.xhtml index 208d364..aa7885c 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat43.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat43.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 43

-
-

Later that +

+

Later that night, jade has been moved from the hospital to the troll kingdom. she now sits in a wheelchair, remaining in perfect silence with her dark eyes open to maintain my transmission. roxy and kanaya rolled @@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ troubling events.

roxy is using his phone to pursue leads on the whereabouts of the prince.

-
+

ROXY: mm hm

ROXY: mhmm

ROXY: ...

@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@

he hangs up, and sighs dramatically.

-
+

ROXY: poor guy

DAVE: whatd he say

ROXY: a lot of it was hard to make out due to all @@ -82,14 +82,14 @@

she takes roxy’s phone and presses jane’s name in the contact list. she moves to the far side of the room to speak, while the others continue conversing.

-
+

DAVE: so uhhh

DAVE: phewww...

dave makes a noise humans sometimes do, by expelling air through his closed, fleshy lips, creating an impolite flapping effect.

-
+

DAVE: rose and dirk huh

ROXY: YUP

DAVE: rose and fuckin dirk...

@@ -291,7 +291,7 @@ distance between himself and karkat once they’ve collected themselves. dave awkwardly clears his throat. karkat wipes off his cheek. both are looking off in opposite directions.

-
+

ROXY: awwwwwww

ROXY: u boys cute :)

DAVE: hey can you just forget you saw that @@ -308,7 +308,7 @@

kanaya returns to the seating area and hands roxy his phone.

-
+

KANAYA: If Jane Is To Be Trusted Apparently She Didnt Even Know Dirk Was Gone

KANAYA: She Doesnt Know Where He Might Be Headed @@ -376,7 +376,7 @@ corporeal life. they will have their guidance, but my instructions will be minimal. so long as they remain in my conduit’s presence, they will know the way forward.

-
+

KARKAT: UM

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS JADE DOING?

DAVE: huh

@@ -390,7 +390,7 @@

jade has raised her right hand and is pointing upward at an angle of about forty-five degrees. seemingly in a random direction. but it’s far from random.

-
+

DAVE: oh oh

DAVE: i think i know whats up

DAVE: shes tryin to say theres something important @@ -401,7 +401,7 @@

dave walks over and kneels in front of her chair. he looks closely at her. her face, though still expressionless, strikes him as serious and tense.

-
+

DAVE: jade is it john?

DAVE: johns that way right

DAVE: you want us to go in that direction to find @@ -427,14 +427,14 @@

he leans in closer and studies her face carefully. it hasn’t changed.

-
+

DAVE: maybe its not john that way maybe its...

DAVE: jade is it...

DAVE: is that where DIRK went?

it’s barely noticeable, but dave picks up on it. her face relaxes slightly.

-
+

DAVE: THATS IT

DAVE: thats the way dirk went and she wants us to follow

@@ -443,7 +443,7 @@

DAVE: is john safe?

she doesn’t move.

-
+

DAVE: is john...

DAVE: does he have anything to do with whats going on?

@@ -455,7 +455,7 @@

slowly, she lowers her arm, and places her hand back on her lap.

-
+

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT MEAN.

DAVE: it means...

DAVE: i think it means im right

@@ -473,7 +473,7 @@

karkat springs to his feet and easily resumes his well-practiced posture of leadership.

-
+

KARKAT: KANAYA, GET JAKE ENGLISH ON THE PHONE.

KANAYA: Okay

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat44.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat44.xhtml index 2a3506a..882b3bd 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat44.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat44.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Postscript

-
-

Elsewhere, +

+

Elsewhere, below the horizon...

The distant sounds of war travel above the canopy of a forest. The artillery fire fades to a series of muted knocks and thuds as @@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ as if they’re weathering hurricane-force winds. In a moment, calm is restored. She opens her perfectly black eyes again.

Aradia staggers back to her feet and brushes herself off.

-
+

ARADIA: i take it everything went as you hoped

@@ -81,7 +81,7 @@ into its abyss. Her face is expressionless. Her glasses flash white as they reflect the lightning that arcs sporadically inside the wormhole.

-
+

ARADIA: well?

ARADIA: arent you going in

ARADIA: wasnt that the idea or did i not...

@@ -95,7 +95,7 @@ recognizes the gear symbol on his chest, identical to her own. She also recognizes the sunglasses the robot is wearing. She knows who this is.

-
+

ARADIA: dave?

DAVEBOT: sup

@@ -105,14 +105,14 @@ knew this Jade many years ago, but by this point their paths have diverged in ways that he couldn’t begin to describe even if he wanted to.

-
+

DAVEBOT: so we doin this

Jade says nothing, and looks up into the wormhole again. She begins to levitate, gradually picking up speed. Without looking back, she rockets into the vortex, vanishing into the darkness. Davebot turns to Aradia.

-
+

DAVEBOT: how about you

DAVEBOT: wanna come along

ARADIA: i guess so?

@@ -139,7 +139,7 @@ implacably confident. But then, people go through changes. She’s been through more than her share. She cocks an eyebrow, recalling her own stint with a metal body.

-
+

DAVEBOT: hey earth to whats your face

ARADIA: oh

ARADIA: its aradia

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat5.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat5.xhtml index dea5193..d306eb4 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat5.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat5.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 5

-
-

The stands +

+

The stands of the Cantown Memorial Arena are packed front to back with audience members from every kingdom. Presently the crowd is going nuts, enthralled by Jake English’s skillful posing and mollified by @@ -39,7 +39,7 @@

Dave takes a seat on the couch, right in Karkat’s butt groove. He observes his battered ecto-father, who is lying inside a wreath of busted robot limbs like a piece of absolute garbage.

-
+

DAVE: bro im watching you on the tube and i gotta say

DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as @@ -76,7 +76,7 @@ over the crowd. It zooms in on a young crocodile wearing an oversized T-shirt with Jake’s highly marketable ass plastered over it and the phrase “Tally ho” written in big bubble letters.

-
+

DIRK: Dave, there’s such a thing as showmanship.

DIRK: I’m sure I don’t need to explain this to you, @@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ fish-eye lens for some unfathomable reason, giving the whole exchange an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglasses distort and stretch to dominate the entire screen.

-
+

DIRK: Oh.

DIRK: Then yes, I guess that is what I’m doing.

JAKE: Dirk are you going to be much longer with @@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ except for a single carapacian in the front row, who continues to glower at Dirk with an expression of absolute and total contempt.

-
+

DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much

DAVE: its fucked up

@@ -172,7 +172,7 @@

Something flies out of the audience and smacks Dirk in the side of the head before flopping out of view of the camera. He doesn’t react, or make a facial expression at all.

-
+

DAVE: did...

DAVE: did someone just throw a diaper at you

DIRK: There’s gonna be some diapers, yeah.

@@ -244,7 +244,7 @@

Dave opens his mouth to argue, but something else occurs to him.

-
+

DAVE: wait

DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race

@@ -318,7 +318,7 @@ again, who would Dirk be if he weren’t so contentious and imperious? Certainly not someone to inspire such wistful lollygagging, Jake cannot help but observe.

-
+

DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the @@ -342,7 +342,7 @@ the sort you’d give to a dog for performing a trick adequately. Jake responds to the signal like an Olympic athlete hearing the starter pistol. He was born for this.

-
+

JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee!

JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss

@@ -387,7 +387,7 @@ themselves during a live broadcast they have waited two and a half years in line to buy a ticket for.

Dirk’s phone begins going off again.

-
+

JAKE: When the splendid lads and ladies ask me “how do you do?” i -

DIRK: Whoops. Jake, sorry to cut you off...

@@ -402,7 +402,7 @@ up from the crowd like groundwater. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene troll fluid to field yet another very important personal call.

-
+

DIRK: Yo Rose, what’s up?

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat6.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat6.xhtml index 0f86b83..af25e8c 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat6.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat6.xhtml @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@

Chapter 6

-
+

> Look up.

The sky is really blue. But it’s a different kind of blue than Earth C’s sky; it’s less, somehow, like @@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ thing is? Of course not. The fool.

Dave fractures the silence by broaching a subject that’s on everyone’s mind but yours, apparently.

-
+

DAVE: so whats gonna happen to everyone we left in the wrecked time line

JOHN: uh, well.

@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ of shaving at least once per day, even if it isn’t really necessary. You owe at least that much to the memory of your departed father.

-
+

JOHN: let’s chill out for a minute. i’m sure this is all very confusing to all of you.

JOHN: about the time line you’re leaving behind... @@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ looks from the others, all of them may share your assessment of your own oratorical skills, except for one person. She’s perked up at your spiel, regarding you with alert and admiring eyes.

-
+

ROXY: damn

ROXY: john uh

ROXY: i know we just met and all but

@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@

ROXY: lets do this shit

She *wonks* at you.

-
+

JOHN: uh.

You weren’t prepared to get passively hit on @@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ monster girlfriend. You start to sweat, and again the unwelcome odor of undercooked meat emanating from your body makes itself known to your nose.

-
+

JOHN: oh, um. thanks.

JOHN: anyway, we need to make battle plans.

@@ -209,7 +209,7 @@ gavel for adjournment by rocking back a bit too far on your lawn pogo and launching himself over the top of the ride on the next bounce. He face-plants right into the dirt.

-
+

JAKE: Jeepers!

Dirk goes to help your yard clean the Jake off @@ -274,7 +274,7 @@ you tolerate another moment of your self-incriminating reverie. You wait one more minute before breaking it up, but not a second longer.

-
+

JOHN: uh, hey kids...

ROSE: Please, Adult John, don’t do that.

@@ -283,7 +283,7 @@ looking very much like your Rose did when she saw you off that morning. It’s obvious that she’s trying very hard to hide her apprehension.

-
+

ROSE: Is it time to go?

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: i mean...

@@ -296,19 +296,19 @@

After all these years, in the reverse direction, she still has your number.

-
+

JOHN: i guess it’s true that people don’t really change. they just grow up?

Rose gives Roxy a strange look, appearing to silently acknowledge an entire conversation that has been taking place, using a great volume of words that aren’t being spoken.

-
+

ROSE: I guess.

She smiles.

> Get the show on the road.

-
+

JOHN: okay everyone... i’ve never zapped this many people before so let’s all just...

JOHN: uh, hold hands, maybe? in a circle, i mean. diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat7.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat7.xhtml index 6c8cf31..52d3a97 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat7.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat7.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 7

-
-

The boxing +

+

The boxing bell is going off like it’s having a fit. Dirk has to stick a finger in one ear to hear what Rose is saying over the cacophony of boos and buckets being lobbed toward center stage. He considers it @@ -36,7 +36,7 @@

The last standing robot scoops up Jake’s unconscious body and cradles him to its chest before blasting off through the roof.

On the other end of the phone, Rose lets him know what’s up.

-
+

ROSE: It’s not so much “what is up” as “what is down,” the answer to which is, proverbially: Me.

ROSE: I mean that both physically and @@ -77,7 +77,7 @@

Rose adjusts her position on the couch with the body language of one about to dive into the latest gossip about a mutual friend. The mutual in this case: her tortured psyche.

-
+

ROSE: Years of refining my Seer of Light powers have cursed me with what is approaching near infinite prescience. Dwelling in this idyllic post-canon realm has worn down the @@ -108,7 +108,7 @@

Rose is silent on the line for a few moments. Dirk can hear how labored her breathing is, how thin it is. She snorts out a quick, humorless laugh.

-
+

ROSE: Really?

ROSE: That’s the hottest take you can manage?

DIRK: Of course not. They haven’t built the vessel @@ -122,7 +122,7 @@

She allows several rare conversational beats to pass in silence between them, to process the admission.

-
+

ROSE: We are?

DIRK: Sure.

ROSE: It doesn’t sound to me like you’re suffering diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat8.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat8.xhtml index a55ccc8..3eaffe5 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat8.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat8.xhtml @@ -25,10 +25,10 @@

Chapter 8

-
+

> JOHN: Zap to your final destination.

Where the hell are you?

-
+

DAVE: where the hell are we

DAVE: i cant see shit

JADE: shhh!

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ lights out” dark. More like “someone destroyed the concept of light at its very source” dark. It’s a darkness that fills up your skull. Jake puts this more eloquently, as always:

-
+

JAKE: By golly it is indeed dark as fuck.

ROXY: shoosh!!!

@@ -63,7 +63,7 @@ rather, he was waltzing around. He stopped the moment you looked at him.

> Behold your adversary.

-
+

JOHN: ...

CALIBORN: ...

JOHN: ...

@@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ The kind you can’t really teach. Lord English drops the puppet. For a moment he looks shocked, maybe even a little afraid, but it passes quickly. He starts laughing.

-
+

JOHN: uh.

CALIBORN: NEVERMIND. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

CALIBORN: IT WAS FORETOLD. BY THE MASTERPIECE I @@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ unhinging of his jaw reverberates in the empty space. He laughs through the remainder of his nefarious soliloquy, which he has possibly prepared in advance for this moment.

-
+

CALIBORN: BY NOW, SURELY MANY HAVE WITNESSED MY MASTERPIECE.

CALIBORN: AS IT HAS CIRCULATED THROUGH THE @@ -129,7 +129,7 @@ It spikes towards you in waves, distorts and pitches low. He is beyond pleased with himself, and with the line he is about to deliver.

-
+

CALIBORN: FOR YOU ALL TO *BECOME* MY MASTERPIECE!

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat9.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat9.xhtml index d25a532..b629447 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat9.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/meat9.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 9

-
-

If you were +

+

If you were one of the haters and fools who saw Lord English’s masterpiece circulating through the black veins of the dark web, and were rendered agog by its majesty, then you probably have a pretty good diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro1.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro1.xhtml index a83c685..56db6cb 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro1.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro1.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 1

-
-

It starts +

+

It starts with a crack. Everything else rises up from that like steam: a trembling thread that cuts through space in jagged lines, splintering the void into razor-sharp shards of putrefying leptons @@ -87,7 +87,7 @@ number forty-six, which is how many text messages your friend left you while you were sleeping. A bit excessive, even for her.

> Answer the phone.

-
+

ROSE: Since when are you known to operate your telephone?

JOHN: since... i don’t know. has it really been @@ -116,7 +116,7 @@

The silence over the phone is growing awkward. You’ve stalled long enough. You decide to just come out and say it.

-
+

JOHN: i’ve been dreaming in anime again lately.

JOHN: i have no idea what it could mean.

ROSE: I see.

@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ astounding spit bubble. Truly one for the books. Your eyes trace its meandering journey into the sky as you gather your thoughts.

-
+

JOHN: what do you think it all means?

ROSE: What do I think ‘what’ means?

JOHN: what do you think it means that i’ve been @@ -148,7 +148,7 @@ leave a thought unfinished in over ten years of acquaintance. You suppose it’s possible it may have happened one of the times she died. You wouldn’t bet on it though.

-
+

JOHN: rose... are you ok?

ROSE: Not exactly.

JOHN: what’s wrong?

@@ -185,7 +185,7 @@ assume an expression you haven’t practiced in years. It is the look of a man who actually has something to do. Holding the phone directly in front of your face, you speak into the receiver.

-
+

JOHN: ok, i’m on my way. bye, rose.

As you hang up the phone, a familiar feeling diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro2.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro2.xhtml index ede3b53..11f871b 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro2.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro2.xhtml @@ -25,17 +25,17 @@

Chapter 2

-
-

When you +

+

When you arrive at Rose’s apartment, you find her asleep on the couch. You slide the balcony door open, quietly.

-
+

JOHN: rose?

Her eyes flutter open. She looks like a ghost, and not the kind of ghost that looks and acts exactly like an alive person.

-
+

ROSE: How... how long have I been sleeping?

JOHN: i dunno. i just got here.

JOHN: are you ok?

@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@

You watch her rise in stages. Her arm is trembling where she’s bracing it on the couch.

-
+

ROSE: Oh. Yes. The condition itself is not ideal, obviously. And perhaps it does constitute something to worry about, in the context of a different conversation. All I’m trying to say @@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ nothing at all in response to this. You examine Rose’s supine, languid form on the couch, optimistic that she will continue speaking any moment now.

-
+

ROSE: I struggled with substance abuse for a while, years ago. Remember?

JOHN: rose, jesus. i wasn’t going to accuse you of @@ -121,7 +121,7 @@ with a practiced motion, no water. Her vacant stare drills into the countertop as she quietly waits for the medication to take effect.

-
+

JOHN: ...and?

ROSE: And what?

JOHN: what is it about our situation that you @@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ purpose, as if to say, there

. Right there, precisely, is where the green sun would be, if it still existed.

-
+

ROSE: The green sun is gone.

JOHN: what??

ROSE: It has been destroyed. At least, from the @@ -198,7 +198,7 @@ the width of eternity.

You quickly open your eyes again, and pretend to forget what you just saw.

-
+

ROSE: There’s really no route through this expository garden path that will adequately cushion you from the bottom line, John.

@@ -213,7 +213,7 @@ totally convinced that you are approaching this topic with a level of nonchalance that is entirely plausible and genuine. You’re sure of it.

-
+

JOHN: yeah, i had a feeling that was going to come up again someday.

ROSE: I’m sure we all did. That is, even those of @@ -242,7 +242,7 @@

> Take a look around and survey the current status of all life on Earth, which is totally possible to do from the vantage point of a single apartment balcony.

-
+

JOHN: fine?

ROSE: Of course everything is fine here.

ROSE: We’re outside of canon now.

@@ -266,7 +266,7 @@

Rose shoots you an irritated look. You know what that look means. It’s reserved for the sort of bozo who just said “what” once too often.

-
+

ROSE: Any event said to take place inside canon will have nonzero values of relevance and essentiality, while maintaining an absolute foundation in truth, by definition.

@@ -279,7 +279,7 @@

ROSE: Are you still following?

> Say “oh, yeah. totally.”

-
+

JOHN: oh, yeah. totally.

ROSE: So to be clear, everything that’s taken place here on Earth C since we exited canon can be considered completely @@ -301,7 +301,7 @@

You can feel your eyes go wide as the gears in your head slow to a stop. The implications of what Rose is saying are as vast as they are completely incomprehensible. Your mind has just been BLOWN.

-
+

ROSE: John?

ROSE: Are you okay? Your pupils have gone quite wide, thereby facilitating the appearance that your mind has just @@ -375,7 +375,7 @@

> Make a theatrically startled expression.

-
+

JOHN: ok, i guess we don’t want THAT to happen.

JOHN: or... unhappen. whatever.

JOHN: so i just retcon-poof back to english and @@ -431,7 +431,7 @@

Rose looks at her phone. You recognize Kanaya’s distinct typing style in the window. Rose’s thumbs begin to fly across the keypad. She continues to text as she talks.

-
+

JOHN: so if we’re going to go back and kill him in time to “authenticate canon,” i guess we have to get going soon.

@@ -475,7 +475,7 @@

Rose leads you back inside and retrieves a letter from her desk. She hands it over, still typing one-handed on her phone. She sits down and you read the letter.

-
+

JOHN: huh.

ROSE: Is anything confusing about my instructions?

@@ -490,7 +490,7 @@

Rose is ultimately right about that, the way she is about most things. You continue to scan the letter, and grimace slightly.

-
+

JOHN: should i really punch her in the face?

JOHN: i felt kinda bad about it, last time i did that to someone.

@@ -502,7 +502,7 @@ processed the instructions drafted in the polished purple handwriting. You like how Rose still writes in purple, after all these years. Some things never change.

-
+

JOHN: alright. this seems straightforward enough.

JOHN: i mean, aside from the part where we all have @@ -545,7 +545,7 @@ hasn’t changed. She’s still trying to solve the problems you all left behind. You can’t believe how sick she looks. How did this happen to her?

-
+

JOHN: i should probably get going and let you rest.

JOHN: we can talk all about it when i get back. @@ -557,7 +557,7 @@

Rose opens her eyes and looks at you, but she says nothing. Just looks.

-
+

JOHN: i’m not scared, if that’s what you’re worried about.

JOHN: you already said we’re going to defeat him. @@ -567,14 +567,14 @@

Something flickers through her eyes, almost too quick to catch. When she smiles at you, it’s warm and sincere.

-
+

ROSE: You’re going to do great.

Rose slides her arms around you. After a while, she releases you from the embrace and gets up to fetch her bottle of pills. She pauses at the bedroom door to look at you one more time.

-
+

ROSE: Goodbye, John.

She closes the door behind her.

diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro3.xhtml b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro3.xhtml index e56d6fd..aaa8503 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro3.xhtml +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/Text/pro3.xhtml @@ -25,8 +25,8 @@

Chapter 3

-
-

It’s a +

+

It’s a beautiful day in the Carapace Kingdom, just like it was in the Human Kingdom and just like it was in Salamander Village. For whatever faults this paradise you created might have, you sure @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ not to notice that three celebrities are having lunch in the grass nearby. It’s extra polite of them, because you and Roxy are having a very personal conversation.

-
+

JOHN: she looked alright. mostly just tired.

JOHN: at least she seemed to have enough energy to babble at length about philosophical gibberish, and things about @@ -69,7 +69,7 @@

Roxy gives you a serious, sidelong glance.

> Remember that whole totally unprovoked spiel Rose gave you about substance abuse.

-
+

JOHN: she said it wasn’t like that!

JOHN: i mean... she said it was under control.

JOHN: well, what the fuck do i know. the only @@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ thinking about how you hadn’t talked to Rose in ages either. Roxy gives you a quizzical look, but you turn away before she can draw meaning from it.

-
+

ROXY: maryams been keeping her real busy since they got hitched

ROXY: they both vanished down the brooding caverns @@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ haven’t talked to Roxy in ages either. You were having such a nice time ignoring that fact, too.

> Change the subject.

-
+

JOHN: so, are you and callie still living at the same place i last saw? the one near the tower?

@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ can ever navigate your way here flying. Carapace architecture is otherwise identic, a reflection of their functional, collectivist society.

-
+

ROXY: yup

JOHN: that’s cool.

JOHN: it’s a nice place.

@@ -160,7 +160,7 @@ carry, like the dumb kid you were.

> Tactfully avoid saying anything at all about Roxy and Calliope’s weird, ambiguous relationship.

-
+

JOHN: uh, so...

But you can’t stop thinking about it. What @@ -178,7 +178,7 @@

You wonder suddenly, watching her. This version of her, that is. The one with whom you share all these bittersweet memories—will you ever see her again?

-
+

CALLIOPE: ahem.

CALLIOPE: john!

JOHN: what?

@@ -193,7 +193,7 @@

Calliope is smiling brightly, but Roxy’s face has no expression at all.

-
+

JOHN: i was just assuming i had to go.

JOHN: because if i don’t, then...

JOHN: a lot of stuff will stop being real. or i @@ -267,14 +267,14 @@ quiet while you make up your mind. You’re sweating, you realize. Cold sweat. Even worse than the anime nightmare sweat you woke up soaked in this morning.

-
+

ROXY: john u ok?

JOHN: ...

ROXY: looked like you were gonna pass out there for a second

Suddenly, Calliope bolts upright.

-
+

CALLIOPE: of coUrse! what was i thinking.

CALLIOPE: this decision is far too important to be made on an empty stomach.

@@ -282,7 +282,7 @@

She fetches the picnic basket, which naturally has been sitting there on the tablecloth since the moment you arrived.

-
+

CALLIOPE: here, before yoU choose which path yoU’re going to take, yoU shoUld decide what yoU’d like to eat!

CALLIOPE: i have packed a wide variety of diff --git a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/content.opf b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/content.opf index 451715d..ccb14b3 100644 --- a/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/content.opf +++ b/TheHomestuckEpilogues/OEBPS/content.opf @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ - + The Homestuck Epilogues en Andrew Hussie @@ -10,10 +10,10 @@ 2019-04-20 - 2019-10-28 + 2020-03-29 - - ExNdphPEM + + ExNdphPEM @@ -120,6 +120,7 @@ +