Rose’s eyes
flutter open to the sound of a heart monitor and the sight of a
featureless white ceiling. Fluorescent lights, diaphanous curtains,
everything crisp and clean.
A hospital?
Wait, this doesn’t seem right, she thinks. When she closed her
eyes, she was dramatically lingering about her bedroom at home.
She’d just taken a handful of pills, and said goodbye to...
She shoots up in bed, tugging the IV taped
under her elbow. Kanaya is sitting at her bedside, hemming a
sundress. She thins her lips and gives Rose a half-lidded look.
KANAYA: “John”
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: Is There Something I Should Know
This is the sort of joke that would have gone
over better if it had not been made at this exact moment. With all
the distance between them lately, Kanaya’s jab lands like a rock
plunging into a stagnant pond.
Instinctively, Rose raises her hand to her forehead, but there’s
no pain there. Her head is the clearest it’s been in months.
ROSE: Kanaya, what...
ROSE: What happened?
Kanaya throws her sewing project aside and
sweeps in close, wrapping a cool palm around Rose’s arm. Her voice
quakes but retains most of its porcelain decorum.
KANAYA: I Came Home And Found You Passed Out In
Front Of The Load Gaper
KANAYA: Your Skin Was Freezing And You Were
Barely Breathing
ROSE: Oh.
KANAYA: The Doctor Said That Your Heart Rate
Dropped Below Thirty Beats Per Minute
KANAYA: Which As I Understand It Is Somewhat
Dire
ROSE: I see.
KANAYA: How Are You Feeling
Rose considers this for a very long time, eyes
fixed on the window at the other end of the room. The night is
dying behind the thin, pale curtain. She can barely see the
moon.
She looks back to Kanaya, eyes wide and
bright.
ROSE: Kanaya, I feel... fine.
It’s been such a long time since she’s felt
anywhere in the same ballpark as “fine” that it’s almost an
out-of-body experience to say the word. She feels giddy.
KANAYA: No Headaches
ROSE: No headaches, no visions. Nothing at all.
I...
ROSE: Wait.
ROSE: Is John ok?
ROSE: Where is he? Did he leave?
KANAYA: Leave
KANAYA: Oh No Johns Fine
KANAYA: He Didnt Go Anywhere
KANAYA: Except I Suppose To Leave His House For
Once
KANAYA: Multiple Days In A Row Even
Rose shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath.
For some reason, she’s never felt so relieved in her life. She
thinks about what she was about to send John off to do, and her
feelings of grim urgency surrounding the matter. And yet, for the
life of her, she can’t bring herself to care about whatever it was
she felt was so direly important about his decision. All that
matters to her now is that he’s safe, in good health, and spending
time with those he cares about. And apparently, due to a perfectly
inexplicable turn of events, so is she.
The door to the room creaks open, and in slips a smiling
carapacian in blue scrubs. Rose listens to Kanaya ask fretful
questions about her condition. The nurse responds by tapping her
clipboard in a musical rhythm.
Rose opens her eyes. She stares at the knob of her wrist and
frowns. She’s not sure why this sensation should be concerning.
It’s not like her memory is slipping away. She remembers the
conversation she had with John this morning quite clearly. As she
does the previous years of declining health, and troubled,
obsessive thoughts about canon, dissipation, and other such
abstractions. What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any
of it mattered at all. Was she insane to be so consumed by such
lofty concerns, and is she only beginning to experience clarity
today, for the first time in ages?
When the nurse leaves, Kanaya puts a hand over the wrist that
she is so preoccupied with.
KANAYA: Is Something Wrong
ROSE: It just seems like all of this is happening
so quickly.
ROSE: Even... abruptly.
KANAYA: Oh Im Sorry Would You Prefer For Your
Consciousness To Continue To Disintegrate
ROSE: Don’t be ridiculous, Kanaya.
ROSE: What I would prefer...
ROSE: ...is to be here, with you.
ROSE: Really here with you.
ROSE: For the first time in a long time.
Kanaya tips her face away from the light to
hide it in the curve of her shoulder. Rose reaches out and takes
her wife’s hands in her own. They’re colder than she remembers.
ROSE: Are you crying?
KANAYA: Since When Have I Been Known To Cry
ROSE: Quite often, actually. But usually because
you’re angry.
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: Im Not Angry
ROSE: It was hard on you, wasn’t it?
ROSE: My illness? Combined with all your duties to
the Mother Grub, the pressures of the changing political
situation...
ROSE: With all that on your mind, it can’t have
been pleasant to have to come home and take care of me as well.
ROSE: I can see now that it was all terribly unfair
to you.
KANAYA: It Was Nobodys Fault Rose So Please Dont
Take Any Undue Responsibility Onto Your Shoulders
ROSE: Since when have I been known to do such a
thing?
Kanaya’s lips twitch into a smile and she
laughs, sadly. Her laughter forces the tears out. They drip down
her perfectly made-up face in thick trails.
KANAYA: I Really Did Think I Had Lost You
KANAYA: Its Not That I Thought You Would Die
KANAYA: It Was That You Felt So Far Away
KANAYA: What You Were Going Through Was Something
That I Could Not Possibly Understand No Matter How Patient I Was Or
How Deeply I Loved You
KANAYA: There Was A Feeling I Couldnt Shake That
Something Terrible Was Going To Happen To Us
KANAYA: Something That Neither Of Us Could
Stop
KANAYA: A Powerful Outside Force That Would Take
You Away From Me
KANAYA: And I Couldnt Stop Myself From Thinking
That Maybe
KANAYA: Maybe That It Would Be For The Best
ROSE: Kanaya...
KANAYA: I Can Now See That This Is Completely
Ridiculous
Kanaya laughs again. Gaily this time, as if
some terrible, dark weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She
lets out a thin, shaky breath afterward. It’s like the noise fills
the room back up with oxygen. Rose hadn’t realized that she’d held
her breath at all; the shadow hanging over Kanaya’s thoughts was
hanging over hers as well. But now that she’s said it aloud, the
darkness dissipates without ever materializing into its true
shape.
Rose uses the hem of her hospital gown to wipe the tears off
Kanaya’s face.
ROSE: It really is. Honestly, Kanaya, I’ve never
heard such a ridiculous thing in my life.
KANAYA: You Are Talking To Me As If I Am A Pupa
Again
ROSE: I’m sorry.
KANAYA: No Do Not Apologize It Has Been A Very
Long Time Since Youve Had The Energy To Use Such A Condescending
Tone Of Voice
KANAYA: And As You Know Its One Of The Things
About You I Find Most Adorable
ROSE: I can imagine how adorable I’ve been,
drifting around the house like a sweaty, drugged-up ghost.
KANAYA: While You Know How I Feel About The
Careless Imbibing Of Human Intoxicants
KANAYA: You Were Still Very Adorable
KANAYA: Not To Be Trite But There Is Nothing That
Could Make You Not Beautiful To Me
ROSE: What a relief, considering that we are both
going to be young and magically fit literally forever.
Kanaya presses a snotty, uncharacteristically
imperfect kiss to the back of Rose’s hand, right beneath where she
wears her wedding ring.
KANAYA: If You Would Have Me Forever
ROSE: Who else?
ROSE: There’s no one who understands me like you,
Kanaya. No one who looks at me the way you do. No one who brings me
back down to earth with ceaseless, brutal honestly like you.
ROSE: I have no idea what’d I’d do without you.
KANAYA: You Would Probably Do Just Fine
ROSE: Yes, but I’d be very unhappy.
They smile at each other as the first rays of
the sunrise peek through the blinds.