KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose
KANAYA: What Is Going On
DIRK: Why would you think something was going
on?
DIRK: By which I mean, why would you automatically
assume that what’s going on has a sinister overtone.
KANAYA: Did I Say That I Suspected Something
Sinister Was Going On
DIRK: Not with your words, no.
DIRK: But in the grand scheme of things, isn’t
something always “going on”? Why would you even ask “what is going
on” if you didn’t assume that the thing going on was both abnormal
and untoward.
KANAYA: Well Now I Definitely Think That
Something Sinister Is Going On Because You Are Obviously Trying To
Distract Me With Semantics
DIRK: A tactic I’m sure you’re familiar with.
KANAYA: Excuse Me
DIRK: I’m just making an observation. You know your
wife pretty well.
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: You know all of her tricks, all her little
personality quirks. You’re confident that you know everything about
her.
DIRK: But for some reason, you have no idea where
she is right now.
KANAYA: What Are You Getting At
DIRK: Nothing. Just making sure we both have a
clear view of the situation.
DIRK: Laying out the playing field, as it were.
KANAYA: Okay
KANAYA: I Am Going To Give You Another Chance
KANAYA: Why Dont We Start This Conversation Over
Again And You Can Say The Correct Thing This Time
DIRK: Sure.
KANAYA: Hello
KANAYA: Excuse Me But I Would Like To Speak With
My Wife Rose
KANAYA: Whose Phone I Do Believe I Am Calling
KANAYA: As Even These Primitive Human Smartphones
Have Acceptably Accurate Caller ID Technology
DIRK: Sorry, Rose can’t come to the phone right
now.
DIRK: She is otherwise... occupied.
KANAYA: Where Is She
DIRK: She’s at my place.
KANAYA: Im Sorry What
KANAYA: Rose Is Extremely Ill And Should Not Be
Leaving The House Alone
KANAYA: What Is She Doing At Your Place
DIRK: Chillaxing, whilst we discuss the inevitable
heat death of the universe and the unknowable, solitary nature of
human consciousness.
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: If She Is Capable Of Such Abstract
Polemics Why Is It That She Cannot Speak With Me
DIRK: That’s a damned good question.
DIRK: One that will undoubtedly benefit from
further exploration over the course of the next abstract polemic I
have with her.
Yes, I admit. I’m just fucking with her
at this point. But can you blame me, when she’s making it so
easy?
Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t
enough. Sometimes what you need is understanding.
KANAYA: You Are Testing My Patience Sorely
Dirk
DIRK: Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at that.
DIRK: Just ask my fans.
KANAYA: I Am Not Making A Joke
DIRK: Me neither.
DIRK: I don’t really “do” jokes?
KANAYA: Neither Do I
DIRK: I do often make statements which hold varying
degrees of irony, acerbic wit, or dry expressions of amusement.
KANAYA: Yes That Roughly Describes Many Of The
Remarks I Make As Well
DIRK: I knew you’d understand.
KANAYA: However My Commiseration On This Matter
Should Not Be Mistaken For A Gesture Of Friendship Or Camaraderie
At This Moment
DIRK: Then it seems we’re at an impasse.
KANAYA: It Wont Be An Impasse For Very Long
KANAYA: Im Coming Over Immediately
KANAYA: To Retrieve My Wife
DIRK: If that’s what you want.
KANAYA: Tell Her That Im On My Way
DIRK: Sure. I’ll get right on that.
I hang up on her.
Rose looks up from where she’s suffering on the
floor. The shadows around her are growing. She stares at me with
glassy eyes.
ROSE: Is everything okay?
DIRK: Yeah. Just a telemarketer.
DIRK: You know how those carapacians can be when
they want to sell you some chess shit.
DIRK: Impossible to get ’em off the phone.