JOHN: uh, how long have you been watching?
TEREZI: LONG 3NOUGH TO SM3LL YOU FL41L1NG 4BOUT
L1K3 4 W1GGL3R WH1L3 T4LK1NG TO J4D3S SHO3S
JOHN: oh, heh.
JOHN: awkward.
TEREZI: ...
JOHN: ...
she stares at john for some
time, a curious expression on her face. she says nothing for long
enough that john begins to wonder if she has any use for him at
all. will she offer one last barbed jest before vanishing from his
life again, for good this time? he hopes he means more to her than
that, especially after all the trying experiences they’ve
shared.
and he does mean more to her than that.
her hesitation isn’t meant to make him feel unwelcome. she’s simply
processing what she is “seeing.” something is off about him.
TEREZI: JOHN DO NOT T4K3 TH1S P3RSON4LLY
TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH 1 DO 4BSOLUT3LY M34N 1T
P3RSON4LLY
TEREZI: BUT YOU SM3LL L1K3 SH1T
it isn’t his unseemly appearance
she finds surprising. he is gravely wounded, but it’s not that
either. something else is different about him. different, somehow,
from how she thought he’d be when she imagined they’d next meet.
under all the gore, he smells... too fresh.
she decides to keep her observations to
herself, lest she cause this ailing version of john more
confusion.
JOHN: yeah well... you smell like shit too!
TEREZI: 1 4SSUM3 TH4T YOU 4R3 CORR3CT
TEREZI: B31NG TH4T 1V3 B33N OUT H3R3 FOR 4
C3RT41N 4MOUNT of T1M3 W1TH L1M1T3ED ACC3SS TO FOOD 4ND W4T3R
TEREZI: BUT 1 TH1NK TH4T YOUR S1TU4T1ON 1S 4 B1T
MOR3 S3R1OUS TH4N M1N3
TEREZI: 4S YOU S33M TO B3 BL33D1NG TO D34TH FROM
4 TOOTH IN YOUR CH3ST
john laughs, exposing his two
rows of disarmingly dull human teeth, signature characteristics of
his smile.
JOHN: oh this?
JOHN: it’s only a flesh wound, haha.
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN, G3N3R4LLY WOUNDS T3ND TO H4PP3N
TO TH3 FL3SH
JOHN: no, see, it’s a movie reference.
JOHN: there’s this knight and he keeps losing the
fight that he’s in, but he refuses to give up.
JOHN: so when they cut off his arms and legs and
stuff, he keeps acting like it’s no big deal.
JOHN: and to remain defiant, he keeps saying stuff
like “it’s only a flesh wound”... heh.
TEREZI: 1S TH4T TH3 T1TL3 OF TH3 MOV13?
JOHN: no the movie is called monty python.
JOHN: it actually kind of sucks?
JOHN: movies from the 90s are so much better.
JOHN: i don’t even know why i’m quoting this crap?
i must really be in bad shape here...
terezi tips her head to one
side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one
he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his
belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s
both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be
an apt summation of her personality as well.
john pauses, reflecting on the word “cute”
as it passes through his mind. he wonders if this really is what he
thinks of terezi, without influence, without delirium, without
mistaking one emotion for another.
but it is what he thinks of her, quite
truthfully. i have no desire to interject thoughts into others’
minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality
of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind,
however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts
than i am willing to be.
john would be mortified with human
embarrassment if he could understand the clarity and precision with
which i am willing to telegraph his thoughts. but his embarrassment
is irrelevant to me. as always, the truth is paramount. john thinks
terezi is very cute. he always has. he thinks she’s small for how
big she talks, and has a nose that resembles a button. these
qualities he regards as particularly adorable, due to their sharp
contrast with her harsh and incisive demeanor. john recalls the
concept of “gap moe,” a term which the prince, speaking from his
highly self-aggrandized position as a “scholar” of ancient asian
earth lore, once explained to mean a charming, measured discrepancy
between one’s archetypical appearance and idiosyncratic personal
attributes. terezi is definitely cute, john decides. the conclusion
is now at the forefront of his mind.
I don’t fucking believe
this.
but he still resists, doubts
himself. perhaps it’s even weirder to frame it this way, he
wonders. he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of
creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing
the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea
means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.
he is worried that these are the thoughts
entertained by a man of low character. by, perhaps, a scoundrel.
his worries are interrupted, as terezi floats over and flicks him
on the forehead.
TEREZI: DONT STR41N YOURS3LF TH1NK1NG TOO H4RD
TH3R3 3GB3RT
JOHN: uh, yeah, now that i think about it, that was
a dumb metaphor.
JOHN: it’s one of those earth things that’s
probably impossible for an alien to understand.
JOHN: maybe it’s the blood loss... ugh, i’m
probably making a fool of myself here.
TEREZI: JOHN, YOUR MONK3Y PYTHON 4N3CDOT3 W4S
V1NT4G3 3GB3RT-T13R 4DOR4STUP1D. DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: B3S1D3S, ON 4LT3RN14 1T WOULD B3
CONS1D3R3D W31RD FOR SOM3ON3 TO STOP 4 F1GHT JUST FOR LOS1NG 4
L1MB
JOHN: really?
TEREZI: Y34H, 1F SOM3ON3 1N TH3 M1L1T4RY R4N 4W4Y
JUST FOR TH4T TH3YD PROB4BLY G3T CULL3D
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: alternia sucked.
TEREZI: Y34H
suddenly, terezi sways, feeling
woozy. john reaches out to catch her shoulders, steadies her. now
closer, he examines her face in detail. her complexion is chalky.
compared to humans, trolls have little color to lose. when they
feel ill, there is a pallor to them, a dusty quality running deeper
than the surface of the skin.
JOHN: woah! are you ok?
TEREZI: OF COURS3 NOT!
TEREZI: JOHN, 1 4M 1N TH3 PROC3SS OF ST4RV1NG TO
D34TH
TEREZI: D1DNT 1 JUST S4Y 1V3 B33N OUT H3R3 FOR 4
LONG T1M3?!
JOHN: alright! i’m just worried about you,
dumbass!
JOHN: you don’t need to jump down my throat about
every little thing!
TEREZI: ...
TEREZI: 1M SORRY
JOHN: just... how long have you been out here,
terezi?
TEREZI: 1.........
TEREZI: H4V3 NO 1D34
TEREZI: T1M3 P4SS3S D1FF3R3NTLY H3R3
TEREZI: 4ND NOT 4LW4YS 1N 4 STR41GHT L1N3
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S 1T F33LS L1K3 1V3 B33N H3R3 4
HUNDR3D SW33PS
TEREZI: 4ND 1M NOT 3V3N SUR3 TH4TS NOT TRU3
TEREZI: 1TS
TEREZI: H4RD TO ST4Y 4NCHOR3D
JOHN: whew...
JOHN: that’s... pretty heavy?
TEREZI: Y34H
JOHN: here, look.
JOHN: i found my dad’s wallet floating out here,
like, fucking randomly? can you believe that?
TEREZI: >:?
JOHN: let’s see if there’s any food in it.
she hesitates, weighing her
temptation to playfully antagonize john against the virtue of
sincere expression. there are times she worries the latter may be
more appropriate.
TEREZI: TH4NKS 3GB3RT
JOHN: no problem. we’re friends, terezi...
JOHN: it’s not like i’m going to let you die out
here just because we bicker sometimes.
JOHN: you don’t have to be so on guard! actually,
i’m glad to see you.
JOHN: i’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.
i...
when john opens the wallet, the
first thing he sees stored in the capacious modus is a spare car.
his ever-prepared father must have captchalogued a second one as a
backup. perhaps, as john speculates, in case his primary vehicle
got a flat tire.
TEREZI: ...
TEREZI: YOU WH4T JOHN?
JOHN: uh, hold that thought...
JOHN: check this out!
john deploys the spare car. it
looks brand-new, like the day his father brought the other one back
from the dealership. it strikes john as the first bit of good luck
he’s had all day.
terezi is less impressed.
TEREZI: 1S TH1S P4TH3T1C4LLY PR1M1T1V3 FOUR WH33L
D3V1C3 3D1BL3, OR 4M 1 M1SUND3RST4ND1NG SOM3TH1NG H3R3
JOHN: no, it’s just that i...
john’s vision is dark and blurry
around the edges. he is reminded he is not in perfect physical
condition either and could use a moment of rest. he climbs onto the
trunk of the car, assuming a sitting position with his legs
dangling in front of the bumper. he exhales, then turns to look at
terezi.
he pats the place beside him, inviting her
to sit. she looks skeptical but relents, shimmying up next to him
on the chrome. she shrugs out of the straps of her rocket pack.
they sit silently for several minutes, shoulders two inches apart.
the atmosphere is thin and chilly. below their dangling feet, the
black hole looms, watching them. above, the sky seems to stretch on
more infinitely than a typical infinite expanse, without being
boxed in by the properties of space or time. john observes terezi
watching the sky. the light flickers, meteoric, over her sharp
features. it casts pools of shadow beneath her eyes and in the dip
of her neck.
his innocent thoughts continue, with the
cautious yet growing confidence of a skittish animal creeping out
of the woods. it is confident only in its surety of being
unobserved. like this, he does not think she is cute at all. no,
she is beautiful. this vision of her is haunting to him.
TEREZI: 1TS R34LLY 4 M3SS OUT H3R3 1SNT 1T
JOHN: yeah...
he opens the wallet again, both
to search for something edible and to take his eyes away from her.
objects begin appearing around him as he leafs through the cards. a
crumpled fedora. a silk tie. his father’s backup cufflinks.
JOHN: what are you doing out here anyway?
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1M DO1NG OUT H3R3?
TEREZI: LOOK1NG FOR VR1SK4 OF COURS3
JOHN: still?
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N ST1LL
JOHN: well... it’s been years.
JOHN: at least from my perspective it has.
JOHN: what have you seen since you started
looking?
JOHN: there’s just... nothing out here.
JOHN: not anymore.
JOHN: if you haven’t found her yet, i hate to say
it, but...
JOHN: she’s probably not here.
TEREZI: ...
JOHN: i mean, she went to fight lord english,
right?
JOHN: i was just there, and i didn’t see her.
JOHN: and i’m pretty sure everyone who WAS there is
dead now.
JOHN: i...
JOHN: i wouldn’t be surprised if we’re the only two
people left alive out here.
terezi stares at him with her
wide, red eyes.
TEREZI: Y34RS...
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: oh. a year is about half a sw—
TEREZI: 1 KNOW TH4T, FOOL
JOHN: oh.
TEREZI: 1TS JUST S1NK1NG 1N
TEREZI: HOW T1M3 H4S P4SS3D D1FF3R3NTLY FOR
US
JOHN: right.
TEREZI: T1M3 NOT 1N TH3 L1T3R4L S3NS3 OF S3CONDS
P4SS1NG BY
TEREZI: BUT...
TEREZI: PROGR3SS
TEREZI: YOUV3 CH4NG3D SO MUCH
TEREZI: 4ND 4LL 1V3 DON3 1S W4ST3 MY 3NT1RE
L1F3SP4N W4LK1NG 1N C1RCL3S
JOHN: hey, let’s not throw in the towel just
yet!
JOHN: um.
JOHN: so, do you think...
JOHN: do i actually LOOK that much different to
you?
she leans in close to sniff him
carefully.
TEREZI: HMMM
TEREZI: YOU SM3LL OLD3R
TEREZI: BUT NOT 4S OLD 4S 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3
JOHN: what does that mean?
TEREZI: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: OH! WH4T 1S TH4T?
terezi appears delighted. she
quickly snatches something out of the open wallet. it is a can of
human shaving cream. she clutches it with covetous desperation, her
mouth watering.
JOHN: terezi, no!
JOHN: that’s not food!!
john is too late. she sprays the
airy white foam directly into her mouth. she is slurping the earth
product known as barbasol greedily, groaning in pleasure as it runs
down her chin in viscid, frothy rivers. john’s eyes bulge at the
unappetizing spectacle.
he watches with a strange mixture of
disgust and fondness. he briefly wonders about the caloric value of
the foam. however, regardless of its nutritional merit, it does
appear to have restored some of her vigor, so he decides not to
interfere. he feels a twinge of pain in his chest, and considers it
may be on account of missing her so greatly.
but no. it’s just my brother’s tooth,
lodged deep in his chest, spreading its poison. it really should be
extracted before it’s too late.
JOHN: um... you feel better?
TEREZI: Y3S
JOHN: that’s good.
JOHN: but personally speaking, i feel like total
shit.
JOHN: i think we should go back.
JOHN: home, i mean.
TEREZI: N... NO
she grabs him by the shirt. her
voice begins to waver. he notices desperation in the dark circles
under her eyes.
TEREZI: PL34S3 JOHN
TEREZI: C4N W3 JUST
TEREZI: ST4Y 4 L1TTL3 LONG3R?
his mind knows he must say no.
his sense of self-preservation insists on it. but he simply can’t.
he redoubles his effort to ignore the pain. he fights back tears.
she can sense his great struggle but says nothing. with a tilt of
his head, he gestures toward the car.
JOHN: um. ok.
JOHN: we can stay a little longer.
JOHN: why don’t you rest in the back seat, so you
can save your energy.
JOHN: i’ll drive.
JOHN: um.
JOHN: not literally drive, but... you know.
terezi crawls in back, while
john floats into the driver’s seat. he summons a gust of wind to
propel the car through the decaying medium, as he once did on the
battlefield so long ago. terezi closes her eyes the moment her head
hits the seat. she snores heavily. john makes a concerted effort
not to be creepy about it, by his own estimation of the word’s
meaning, yet cannot stop looking at her in the rearview mirror. he
tells himself it’s just to make sure she’s still breathing.
that it’s just to make sure she’s actually
there.