161 lines
8.6 KiB
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161 lines
8.6 KiB
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 13</title>
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<div id='s13'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 13</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">D</span>ave and
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Dirk don’t talk that much about the heavy stuff. They don’t need
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to. Dave can hear his brother’s voice in his head.</p>
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<p>Not, like, literally. That would be insane. But Dave knows what
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his bro is like. Dirk, or a version of him, instilled in Dave a way
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of living and thinking that would, for better or worse, persist far
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beyond the first thirteen years of his upbringing. And even on
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Earth C, it’d be kind of tough to say the dude’s general
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overbearing demeanor wasn’t sufficient to perpetuate the
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conditioning. So it’s rare he has to guess what Dirk would say he
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should do.</p>
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<p>But when it comes to the boondoggle involved with triangulating
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his interpersonal relationships with Jade and Karkat, Dave is
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shooting blanks. He has no idea what to do, no idea what to say,
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and for once, the ghost in his head doesn’t either.</p>
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<p>Once he might have expected the end of the haunting to come as a
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relief. But now that he finally sits quietly in his own mind, with
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nothing but his meager faculties to guide his hand, the silence is
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deafening.</p>
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<p>There’s no time to waste, so he flies directly to his bro’s
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studio. He needs this. He needs his bro to tell him what to do.
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Whatever issues the guy might have, Dave has always been able to
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count on Dirk to give him, as Jake might say, the solid dick.</p>
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<p>Dave knocks on the door, loud, but there’s no answer. Nothing
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when he calls out Dirk’s name either. Then he tries the knob, and
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the door swings right open.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: uh</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: hey</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: bro</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: are you there?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Still no answer. Dave lets himself in. It’s
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not like his bro would actually mind. They’re family, after
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all.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: bro</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: hey</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Silence throughout the studio. Dave starts
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flitting from room to room, checking for any signs of Dirk.</p>
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<p>This is strange. The guy doesn’t usually go out to do things,
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unless those things are actively being televised.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: dude are you like gone i have something i
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really need to talk to you ab–</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Dave all but jumps out of his skin with a
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shriek when he turns to find the last individual in the world he
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ever expected or wanted to see.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HoNk.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: jesus FUCK</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY wHaTs ShAkInG mY mAn :O)</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: gamzee what the FUCK</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: god i think i shit my pants</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i’M sOrRy To HeAr ThAt My FiNe
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BrOtHeR.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: gamzee what the fuck are you doing here</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: did you follow me here</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: No MaN. i’Ve BeEn WaItInG fOr YoU.
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hOnK.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: oh thats so much better</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: why the fuck are you doing that</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: bEcAuSe I’m HeRe To BrInG yOu ThE gOoD
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nEwS.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: the news of what???</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: ThE nEwS oF mE, mY mOtHeRfUcKeR.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i’M hErE tO hElP yOu GeT aLl Up AnD
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rEdEeMeD fRoM yOuR wIcKeD sInS.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: PuT yOu On A rEaL aRc To SaLvAtIoN,
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hOnK.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: oh my fucking god what fucking sins</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: wheres dirk</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: tHeRe’S nO nEeD tO wOrRy AbOuT hIm.
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:o)</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YoU’rE gOnNa GeT wHaT’s BeSt FoR yOu. He
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ToLd Me ThAt, AnD i’M gOnNa MaKe SuRe HiS wIsH mAkEs LiKe A
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mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE aNd GeTs TrUe.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOnK!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: did i just walk into a horror movie</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: did my bro get fucking axe murdered by a
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clown</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: jesus christ</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: dont tell me his body is down in the basement
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right now</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T gOt AnY nEeD tO gO aNd CoNcErN
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yOuRsElF wItH hIs MoRtAl FlEsH bOdY oUt HeRe In ThIs CaNdYcAnE
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wHiRlPoOl BeYoNd ThE iNfInItE bLaCk WiNk Of ThE wIcKeD sInGuLaRiTy,
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My NiNjA.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: a SaCk Of MeAt AnD bOnEs In OnE lIfE oR
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tHe NeXt Is OnLy A mEaNs To ThE fInAl ToTaLiTy ThAt WiLl DaMn AnD
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rAiSe Us AlL iN bRiLlIaNt ApOtHeOsIs.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: In ThE oNe TrUe LiFe We AlL fLoW fRoM tHe
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OnE tRuE pEn,</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: aNd EvErY hEaD rOlLs DoWn ThE pAtH tO tHe
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OnE tRuE hAnD.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck did any of that mean are you
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drunk</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: n/m i dont give a shit</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: out of my way pagliacci</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Dave has had enough of this buffoon. He pushes
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Gamzee aside, and the clown goes absolutely flying into one of
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Dirk’s messy work benches. The vagrant jester ricochets off
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disorganized piles of scrap metal and anime paraphernalia like a
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<em>Tony Hawk</em> jackass clipping and flopping into an unending
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oblivion of pain. The circus ruckus starts a vicious Rube Goldberg
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machine of cartoon physics, knocking every cinder block, crusty
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puppet, and Japanese sword in a tornado’s radius off balance and
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avalanching them catastrophically onto the hapless clown’s
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torso.</p>
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<p>Dave gives only a second glance to the ludicrous pandemonium. He
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blows open the door to the stairwell and heads down, bracing
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himself for the worst. But he doesn’t find Dirk in the basement
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either.</p>
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<p>The only thing of note is a slumped figure in the center of the
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storage room, covered in a thin sheet. Dave approaches and rips it
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off to discover... Wait. What is this?</p>
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<p>It’s obviously a robot, but it’s a complete mess. The form is
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feminine, but the head is still bald, and the face has no cover,
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revealing its skull-like interior. The body doesn’t have any proper
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protective plating yet, so it’s all a mess of wires and loose
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mechanical bits. Clearly a work in progress. But Dave can’t help
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but wonder what exactly it is that Dirk’s been working on here?</p>
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<p>Then Dave notices the note. It’s carefully folded in the limp
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palm of the robot’s hand. His heart jumps into his throat, and
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something in his stomach drops.</p>
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<p>Oh, no.</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</body>
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</html> |