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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 3</title>
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<h1>Chapter 3</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>es,
something feels <em>very</em> different.</p>
<p>Dirks hands begin to shake, so violently that he drops his
screwdriver into the chassis of the battle bot hes working on. It
clangs around for a bit, landing somewhere that will doubtlessly be
very inconvenient to retrieve. It doesnt matter. Theres no more
time for rap battles, or politics, or wacky hijinks of an
adventurous nature. Theres no time left for anything.</p>
<p>Moisture beading at his temples, Dirk staggers away from his
workbench and braces himself against the wall. His knees are weak,
head spinning, palms so sweaty that the concrete feels smooth under
them. He nearly drops his phone while attempting to dramatically
autodial Janes number through the haze of his trembling, sudorific
stupor.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Hey, Jane. Bad news.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Cancel everything.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me, what?</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: All plans.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Cancel them.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Its over.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Whats over, Dirk?</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: I just told you. Everything.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Because were canceling it.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Dirk, are you quite okay?</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, Im cool.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: You sound terrible.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Its unlike you to call quits on a caper like
this without offering a lengthy diatribe on it.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Lengthy diatribes are over too.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Theyre canceled.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Jane gasps loudly, without a hint of
irony.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="jane">JANE: I dont understand.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Dont worry about it.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Just do what I say.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">He hangs up on her and brings up his contacts
so that he can text Jake and cancel all their televised fights for
the foreseeable <em>forever</em>. He then blocks Jakes number,
because if its not worth explaining to Jane, its definitely not
worth explaining to Jake. Then again, nothing is ever really worth
explaining to Jake. Jakes number is barely even worth storing in
his phone, if Dirk is being perfectly honest.</p>
<p>Through the workshop window, Dirk can see the sun touching the
horizon. Ah, exquisite: he takes a moment to appreciate the sublime
synthesis of the atmosphere and the existential crisis he is
currently experiencing. The sun is setting both physically and
metaphorically right now. <em>Not bad</em>, he thinks, then
corrects himself, because while there is always time to delight in
the volatility of causality, the whole situation is actually and
for real <em>astonishingly</em> bad.</p>
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