210 lines
11 KiB
HTML
210 lines
11 KiB
HTML
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
|
||
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN"
|
||
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd">
|
||
|
||
<html xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>
|
||
<head profile='http://dublincore.org/documents/dcmi-terms/'>
|
||
<meta http-equiv='Content-Type' content='text/html;'/>
|
||
<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 34</title>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.title' content='The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.language' content='en' scheme='DCTERMS.RFC4646'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.source' content='MFW'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.issued' content='{$issued}' scheme='DCTERMS.W3CDTF'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.creator' content='EpubPress'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.contributor' content=''/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.modified' content='{$issued}' scheme='DCTERMS.W3CDTF'/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.provenance' content=''/>
|
||
<meta name='DCTERMS.subject' content='Unknown'/>
|
||
<link rel='schema.DC' href='http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/' hreflang='en'/>
|
||
<link rel='schema.DCTERMS' href='http://purl.org/dc/terms/' hreflang='en'/>
|
||
<link rel='schema.DCTYPE' href='http://purl.org/dc/dcmitype/' hreflang='en'/>
|
||
<link rel='schema.DCAM' href='http://purl.org/dc/dcam/' hreflang='en'/>
|
||
<link rel='stylesheet' type='text/css' href='../Styles/ebook.css'/>
|
||
</head>
|
||
<body>
|
||
<div id='s34'></div>
|
||
<div>
|
||
<h1>Chapter 34</h1>
|
||
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Hey, Harry Anderson, guess where I
|
||
am!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what???</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: who is this? i can’t hear you!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Vriska cups her hand around the receiver of
|
||
her phone and shouts over the artillery barrage.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: It’s ME, idiot! The HOT 8A8E you’re lucky
|
||
enough to h8ve gotten to second 8ase with!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: oh hi vriska!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what’s up?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I Implored You To GUESS WHERE I 8M!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: uh. hmm. based on the horrible
|
||
racket in the background, i’m gonna guess... the battle outside the
|
||
city?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Ha HA! I TOLD you my moms were going to
|
||
Hook Me The Fuck Up with a sweet milit8ry commission!</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I’m officially in the rebellion,
|
||
Sucker!!!!!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: ugh. i’m watching the battle out
|
||
my window right now. are you SURE it’s safe for you to be out
|
||
there, vriska?</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i’d kind of hate it if you died
|
||
before we got to third base.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Pfft, yeah, wh8tever. I’m basically
|
||
Immortal, bitch.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I’m gonna 8reeze through here like a High
|
||
Money Roller getting sweepstakes at the 8lackj8ck table!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: you should probably actually
|
||
gamble once in your life before you try to make gambling metaphors,
|
||
babe. because that was dire.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Uh, excuse you, but Tavros tot8lly snuck
|
||
me into Uncle Jake’s poker game last month. It was Immoderately
|
||
LIT.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: wait. are you still hate dating
|
||
tavros?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Uhhhhhhhh... yeah? Why wouldn’t I
|
||
be??</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: aw man. he’s so pathetic.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, that’s The Point, Harry
|
||
Anderson.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: how do you stand kissing him? he’s
|
||
so weird. and always mysteriously sticky for some reason.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: PLEASE tell me you haven’t gone to
|
||
third base with him.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: A girl Does Not kiss and tell, Harry
|
||
de8rest. ::::)</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: okay well as long as you don’t
|
||
touch me after feeling up his weird, clammy body.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I’m not going to get a chance to feel
|
||
either of you up for A While, considering I’m now an Important
|
||
8aller in Karkat and Meenah’s 8adass Revolutionary Army.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, I asked if they could squeeze you in.
|
||
They s8id they were JUST out of openings.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Sorry Dude! Lol.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: did you just call me to brag?</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what else is going on out
|
||
there?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Ugh, who knows.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh. your DAD is here.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what?!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i thought he didn’t want anything
|
||
to do with the war?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, well, he S8YS that, but he’s here
|
||
right now and my mom’s saying a bunch of G8y Shit to him.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: They’re hugging and Reminiscing a8out how
|
||
Old And Sad they are or wh8tever.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: huh...</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: What?</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i really thought that my father
|
||
might come see me for my birthday this year.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Welp!</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Them’s The Br8ks, Kid.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: man.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: you can be such a shitty
|
||
girlfriend sometimes.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: May8e I’m inspired to be a Less Than
|
||
Ideal M8tesprit when I’m in the presence of WEAKNESS? Ever consider
|
||
that??</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: unbelievable.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Hey I’m just fucking with you! Don’t 8e
|
||
such a 8a8y a8out it. It’s a tot8l turnoff.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I’m sure your d8d cares a8out you very
|
||
much. Maybe chill out?</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: yeah whatever.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: he’s always getting all weepy
|
||
whenever i talk to him anyway.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i don’t think i could have taken
|
||
another round of him choking back tears while apologizing to me
|
||
about “what happened with me and your mother, harry.”</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i mean, god. he’s not even fucking
|
||
DRUNK when he does this.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: that might actually be the most
|
||
embarrassing part.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, lmao.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Now th8t you mention it, I think he’s
|
||
actually crying right now?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I think I can overhear...</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: W8it.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Vriska stops trying to eavesdrop on John’s
|
||
blubbering for a moment. She’s distracted by another noise. She
|
||
whips her head around to detect an all-too-familiar sound echoing
|
||
above the post-bombing silence. It’s a sound that she knows from
|
||
hard-won experience can mean only one thing.</p>
|
||
<p>There’s a clown nearby.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I think I hear...</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: GAMZEE??</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: gamzee? my auntie jane’s
|
||
gamzee?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yes! Who ELSE could I mean?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: He’s around here somewhere.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: so what? i see him every day. he
|
||
sucks.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: So WH8T?! He’s like, Jane’s left hand
|
||
man!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: no, he’s “neutral,” remember?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: That’s not how Comm8nder Vantas
|
||
feels.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: He says he’s a total 8astard. A Tr8itor
|
||
To His Kind.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: yawn.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">The dust is beginning to settle around
|
||
Vriska’s ankles. She scans the tree line and brings all her
|
||
attention to bear on this curious rhythm of noises coming from
|
||
nearby, beckoning from the underbrush. She pushes toward it through
|
||
the thorny shrubbery.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: There’s a bounty out for his arrest!
|
||
D8mn, they’ll probably put him in front of a tribunal if we can get
|
||
our hands on him!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: oh, i changed my mind. this sounds
|
||
good actually.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: invite me to the execution,
|
||
please?</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: If I could c8pture the High Fucking
|
||
Priest Makara they’d promote me to, like, third in command of the
|
||
whole joint!!!!!!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Fuck YE8H!</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: well.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: good luck with all that.</p>
|
||
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: call me if you wanna hook up after
|
||
the battle.</p>
|
||
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: N8turally!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John’s wiping away a tear with his sleeve when
|
||
he catches sight of Vriska, innocently wandering toward the very
|
||
bush where he’d just abandoned (Vriska) to sort out her confusing
|
||
exhibition of unexpected and deeply profane lust. Now that the
|
||
battle has stilled, he can overhear the vile melody of the
|
||
blasphemous union.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="rose">ROSE: There’s that noise again.</p>
|
||
<p class="rose">ROSE: I knew I wasn’t imagining it.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh no.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: no, no, no...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: VRISKA, WAIT, DON’T!!!!!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John runs to intervene, but it’s too late.
|
||
Vriska pushes aside the last of the fronds separating her from her
|
||
quarry with a triumphant Ha!</p>
|
||
<p>Vriska’s huge, mischievous smile freezes on her face. When her
|
||
eyes pass the image to her brain, and it finally makes sense of
|
||
this incomprehensible jumble of gray limbs, blue and purple slop,
|
||
tangled black hair, and stunned faces, her expression begins to
|
||
slowly melt. It then drifts quickly, from phase to phase, to one of
|
||
wonder, then anguish, and finally, abject horror.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh god.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Vriska and (Vriska) both start shrieking at a
|
||
pitch John’s only ever heard one time before. It was a sound that
|
||
once accompanied the end of everything. A sound once heard the
|
||
night he dreamt in anime.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |