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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 36</title>
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<h1>Chapter 36</h1>
|
||
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
|
||
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he moment
|
||
John caught a proper glance of (Vriska) and Gamzee going at it in
|
||
the bushes, he was done. He simply had no further capacity to deal
|
||
with any of it. He just fucked off.</p>
|
||
<p>A few hours of aimless wandering through the sky brought him
|
||
back here, to his old house. He hasn’t lived here in years, but it
|
||
feels exactly as it had when he last left it. It’s like no time has
|
||
passed at all. John leans back in his dad’s desk chair, stares at
|
||
the ceiling and listens to the war.</p>
|
||
<p>The steady drone of weaponized airships up above has become so
|
||
commonplace in everyday life that he barely even notices it
|
||
anymore. But now he focuses, trying to pick out the individual
|
||
sounds. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t tell which ship
|
||
belongs to which side, or how many there are. He doesn’t know
|
||
whether they’re coming or going. Rose, Kanaya, and their daughter
|
||
are probably up there somewhere by now.</p>
|
||
<p>The washing machine chugs along in the next room. In John’s
|
||
experience, troll blood is incredibly difficult to wash out of
|
||
clothes. His t-shirt is probably going to be Vriska-colored for the
|
||
rest of its life.</p>
|
||
<p>Somehow, no matter what, he always seems to end up back in this
|
||
house. It’s been through the Medium and two different universes,
|
||
and come out of it with only a slight warping to the foundations.
|
||
Everything is coated in dust. He hasn’t bothered to turn any lights
|
||
on, or change any of the bulbs that have burned out over the past
|
||
few years. He thought he heard someone moving around upstairs a
|
||
while ago, but he didn’t get up to check. He hasn’t gotten up
|
||
for... how long has passed? He has no idea.</p>
|
||
<p><em>Creak. Creaaaak.</em> God, this house is rattly. It could be
|
||
a wild animal up there. It could be a thief. John doesn’t think he
|
||
has anything he’d regret losing. At least not anything that he
|
||
hasn’t already lost.</p>
|
||
<p>His dad’s study looks the same as it had the day he moved out.
|
||
Figurines, jauntily-hung photographs of famous funnymen, even the
|
||
dent in the floor from the time Rose dropped a safe on a bunch of
|
||
troublesome imps. He’d always meant to hire someone to fix it, he
|
||
just... never got around to it. It’s the perfect room for a
|
||
slow-motion existential crisis.</p>
|
||
<p>If that’s what you can even call whatever it is he’s going
|
||
through. Maybe it’s not so much of a crisis as a critical cessation
|
||
of his ability to give a shit.</p>
|
||
<p>Where an hour ago he’d been feeling blissfully unburdened by his
|
||
solipsistic revelation, now the significance of everything’s
|
||
insignificance overwhelms him. He wishes he could find comfort in
|
||
the frivolity like Rose has, but it’s impossible for him to delude
|
||
himself. If nothing matters, what is the point of doing anything?
|
||
Where is he supposed to go from here? How do you figure out how to
|
||
fill your time when you have all of a meaningless eternity ahead of
|
||
you?</p>
|
||
<p>He’s not sure why his brain thought he’d find an answer in this
|
||
place. He swivels back and forth in his father’s dusty desk chair,
|
||
staring listlessly up at the featureless white expanse of the
|
||
ceiling of the study. His mind runs in exhausting circles until he
|
||
dozes off to a lullaby of distant sonic booms.</p>
|
||
<p>When next he’s jostled awake, it’s by a figure that looks
|
||
uncomfortably like—</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: dad?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">As John blinks away the sleep from his eyes,
|
||
the man looming over him comes into focus. It’s not his dad—it’s
|
||
Jake Crocker. Who actually is his dad, but in a far more
|
||
esoterically bullshit way than the man who used to fill this study
|
||
with pipes and black licorice. John sits up straight in the chair
|
||
and rubs at his eyes.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: jake?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: what are you doing here?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: wh–</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: HOW are you here?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: did something happen with jane?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Oh nothing er happened exactly.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Just thought we would pop in for a bit of r
|
||
and r with an old pal isnt that right tav?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake scrunches up his face in the same way
|
||
Harry Anderson does when he’s lying. Across the room, Tavros
|
||
Crocker fumbles his grasp on a particularly hideous fanciful
|
||
harlequin. One of its pointy shoes snaps off.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Cripes,,, sorry, uncle john,</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I’ll replace it,,,</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s fine. that’s actually just a piece of
|
||
garbage.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John thinks he might still be dreaming. Though
|
||
if his subconscious were controlling the scene, there would be a
|
||
few alterations.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: aren’t you cold?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I am in fact!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: These old duds...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake snaps the elastic on his pair of red
|
||
underpants. It’s the only thing he’s wearing.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well you see janey bought all my other
|
||
clothes.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: She had a certain way she liked me kipped out
|
||
and well, i didnt want to bring anything that belonged to her when
|
||
i left. Nothing she er, might miss.</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: You took me,</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake winces.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: And,,, you took you,</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake’s wince deepens.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Then i daresay i made the right choice not
|
||
rustling the bushes in the making off with inanimate belongings
|
||
department.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Wouldnt want to give her any more reasons to
|
||
get all retributive!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Shes got a lot to worry about right now!
|
||
Incredibly busy woman you know.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Over by the desk, Tavros’s eyebrows have
|
||
disappeared up under his bangs, but he doesn’t say anything. He has
|
||
the air of a boy who has spent all of his life not saying
|
||
anything.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: okay, so, uh...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i guess i’m just gonna move past the fact
|
||
you’re 90% naked in my house.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m not forgetting about it. we’ve got to
|
||
address that at some point.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: but i guess we can put that on the backburner
|
||
for now.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: are you trying to tell me that you left
|
||
jane?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Eh heh heh whew when you put it like that it
|
||
sure sounds erm...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well i suppose that is what it looks like
|
||
isnt it. Ha ha.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What i did that is. Thats the thing thats
|
||
looking like that. Hoo...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake is one whole wince now, and John knows he
|
||
should invite him to sit down and maybe offer him something to
|
||
drink. Or at least a pair of pants. But all this is is another
|
||
reminder of how inescapably preposterous every aspect of this
|
||
reality has become.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: so i guess this is the thing that’s currently
|
||
happening now.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: what exactly do you want me to do?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well. I suppose i was hoping you might be
|
||
willing to help me and wee tavvy out a bit here.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: help you out?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John produces a dry laugh.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s pretty funny.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i remember trying to help you for years, and
|
||
you never seemed that interested back then.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake was apparently not expecting John’s sharp
|
||
tone. He flinches back like a kicked dog. Or a dog who has been
|
||
kicked so many times he assumes any helping hand is a slap.</p>
|
||
<p>All the same, John finds it hard to feel much sympathy. Who
|
||
<em>is</em> Jake? The one standing in front of him now, anyway. Has
|
||
he always been this contemptibly pathetic, or is this too a
|
||
function of the absurdity of this contorted reality? It’s hard to
|
||
be sure. Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and
|
||
emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Look here chap sometimes not everything is so
|
||
simple!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: It isnt as if i couldve just walked out the
|
||
door whenever i wished!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean... yeah, you kind of could have.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: not now. but years and years ago.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: back before everything got so...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Warlike and tempestuous?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i was gonna say stupid, but yeah.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well its not as if janey got like this
|
||
overnight.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: None of this happened overnight john!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its just like you go to take a dip in the
|
||
water and everything starts out cool and fine...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: But then it just keeps getting hotter and
|
||
hotter. Gradually. Degree by degree.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: So slowly that by the time the waters boiling
|
||
you dont even realize youre being scalded alive!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John isn’t listening to Jake anymore. He’s
|
||
looking at Jake’s son, who has returned to going methodically
|
||
through the stuff on the desk, moving objects around, looking like
|
||
he wants to shrink down into nothing. Tavros, who looks more like
|
||
him than even Harry Anderson does.</p>
|
||
<p>Something in John’s stomach churns. The ridiculous fate of this
|
||
facsimile of his friend is one thing, but Tavros...</p>
|
||
<p>If things really are the way they seem, isn’t <em>he</em> John’s
|
||
fault, too? Did his reckless decision really author a
|
||
<em>child</em>, just for it to suffer?</p>
|
||
<p>John finds himself feeling a little sick.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: are you guys... i don’t know, hungry, or
|
||
whatever?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i think i have a frozen pizza.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">He brings them into the kitchen, which still
|
||
has all of the old appliances from decades ago—the stand mixer, the
|
||
automatic can opener, the milkshake frother. He never uses any of
|
||
this junk; it clutters the place up and he should have cleaned it
|
||
all out years ago. He just kept coming up with excuses for why he
|
||
had to leave it as it was.</p>
|
||
<p>John has never been much of a drinker, but fortunately Jake
|
||
English is never found without a bottle these days. He’s got a
|
||
forty-year-old whiskey that he “grabbed on his way out.” Apparently
|
||
his unwillingness to steal from Jane did not extend to her liquor
|
||
cabinet. Tavros takes one look at the bottle in his father’s hand
|
||
and heads upstairs. Maybe that’s for the best—it’s getting hard for
|
||
John to look straight at him.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m sorry for being... i don’t know. a
|
||
bitch.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough forever.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: No offense taken chap! Whisky?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: As you may know im not in truth the biggest
|
||
fan of the stuff but it gets the job done right quick eh.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John accepts the offered glass and takes a
|
||
sip. Regardless of the existential status of this reality, the
|
||
alcohol tastes just as harsh and bitter as he remembers it. Jake
|
||
swirls the rocks in his glass, looking queasy despite his
|
||
proclamation of tolerance.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: John.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Do you think im a bad person?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">That’s certainly not a question John ever
|
||
expected to hear come out of Jake’s mouth. He hadn’t thought him
|
||
capable of that degree of introspection.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: wait. what?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Do you think ive ruined my whole entire life
|
||
and all of my relationships and especially the most important
|
||
relationship in ones life, the divine and unbreakable bond between
|
||
a man and his son?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: haha.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: um.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: not sure if i’m the best person to talk to
|
||
about this, considering i kind of did the same thing?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: but, no. i don’t really think that.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s not as if anything that’s happened to
|
||
you is your fault, like, existentially.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: or like, even non-existentially. i guess even
|
||
in straightforward non-metatextual-jerkoff terms it’s also not your
|
||
fault your wife was treating you like shit?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it may be all my fault in both an existential
|
||
and non-existential capacity, so i wouldn’t sweat it too much
|
||
either way.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Eh? What do you mean?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think you’d really understand.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: all i’m saying is...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re alright, i think.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i think you’re doing the best you can.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t blame you for anything, jake.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake grimaces. In the dim kitchen light his
|
||
five o’clock shadow looks like a bruise.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I wish i could tell you hearing that was a
|
||
load off my mind john.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: The me of yesteryear probably would have
|
||
drunk to your health and exclaimed, thats grand ole chap! Now im
|
||
off to wrestle with a robot and engage in dalliances and
|
||
whatnot!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Except i would have been drinking flat cherry
|
||
coke back then probably. Gran left an astounding amount of cherry
|
||
coke behind when she died and it took forever to get through it
|
||
all.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s pretty gross.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Different strokes for different folks i
|
||
suppose!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Anyway my point is...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Maybe you should blame me?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Maybe i need someone to blame me. For
|
||
once.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...huh?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I think im starting to realize that ive been
|
||
going through life with the mindset that nothing has ever really
|
||
been within my control.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Maybe its been the people i surround myself
|
||
with.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Janey always seemed so sure of what was right
|
||
and what she wanted!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: And one of those things was me.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I dont think i ever really tried to challenge
|
||
her. Not when it ever mattered.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: And before her there was dirk.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Hoo boy. Dirk would have written me out an
|
||
annotated schedule for every minute of my day if id asked him
|
||
to.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Or um, especially if i hadnt asked him
|
||
to.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Dirk... he...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ah maybe its best if we dont dwell too much
|
||
on that...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">The two of them share a moment of obligatory
|
||
silence for someone long dead and gone.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: In a way i think i found all that
|
||
comforting.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Havent you ever wanted to let someone make
|
||
the tough choices for you?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John wonders if everything being out of his
|
||
control would make him feel better. Even if he weren’t presently
|
||
stuck sucking on this bitter cosmic red pill, he can’t imagine
|
||
being particularly happy with this worldstate. Maybe it just
|
||
would’ve made it all the more soul-crushing.</p>
|
||
<p>Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a
|
||
certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious
|
||
influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality
|
||
just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a
|
||
father?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: maybe. yeah. i dunno.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im starting to think ive been a bit of a fool
|
||
about it all though.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its easy to shrug it all off when its just
|
||
your own life being jostled about.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: But this is all something i shouldve been
|
||
thinking about when ole tavvy was born isnt it?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Too little too late.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ive not done right by that boy at all.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Even now all im doing is making excuses for
|
||
myself. Phew!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">It’s hard for John to disagree. It probably
|
||
wouldn’t do much good to say it, though. It’s not like John wants
|
||
to torture the guy, whatever the status of his realness
|
||
attribute.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: jake, i guess i actually don’t know you that
|
||
well, but i think there’s a difference between making excuses and
|
||
just giving reasons.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: there’s reasons for what you did, sure. and i
|
||
guess you can think of it as an excuse, but that’s only if you
|
||
don’t make the effort to start trying to fix yourself.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: and i mean... okay, look. you left. you’re
|
||
doing it. you’re making it happen!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you got your son out of there.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: better a decade late than never. i guess.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: You... youre right john!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I did do that didnt i.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Nobody swooped in through the window and
|
||
rescued me.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I did it myself! I finally stood up for whats
|
||
right and im going to make way for a new and better me!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I have my immortal life ahead of me. Theres
|
||
no point in sitting around hating myself and regretting the
|
||
past!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John’s mouth open and closes dumbly. That’s
|
||
it?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: thought it would be harder to convince
|
||
you?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake grins, and the effect is incendiary. It’s
|
||
brilliant. His glee is lighting up the room. John blinks. It’s
|
||
<em>literally</em> lighting up the room. A faint but steady glow
|
||
pulses from Jake’s body, radiating like heat from a fire. John
|
||
can’t help but recoil a little, like a vampire in the sunlight.</p>
|
||
<p>He wishes bitterly that it could be so easy for <em>him</em>. To
|
||
just forget all his fears and regrets, and forge forward with the
|
||
honest, dumb conviction that if he just <em>tries hard enough</em>
|
||
all his problems can be chased away.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Golly john, i–</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Gee willikers, do you hear that?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Music swells out of nowhere. For a moment John
|
||
thinks the ridiculous noise is coming from Jake too, but he quickly
|
||
pieces together that Tavros must’ve found the old record player
|
||
upstairs. Jake sets his untouched glass of whiskey aside and starts
|
||
tapping his fingertips on the kitchen countertop, his aura of hope
|
||
pulsing brighter. Then, with a dignified flourish, he raises an
|
||
arm.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: John.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Take my hand.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: what? why?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake snatches John’s hand and pulls him in,
|
||
catching him off guard. John floats, an instinctive reaction to
|
||
when he’s knocked off balance.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Dance with me!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, jesus christ.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">This is not the sort of jazz you dance to, and
|
||
it is <em>definitely</em> not the sort of jazz you waltz to. John
|
||
isn’t sure there <em>is</em> that type of jazz. Jake leads
|
||
relentlessly, but it’s the glow of his ridiculous god tier magic
|
||
that brings John down enough for his feet to touch the ground.
|
||
Whether John wants it or not, there’s something inescapably
|
||
infectious about Jake’s senselessly optimistic energy. Even if they
|
||
do end up stepping on each other’s feet, gamboling around like
|
||
newborn giraffes, who cares? What’s the harm in a little
|
||
dancing?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im excited, john! I havent been excited in
|
||
such a long time.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its just so great to be out on my own! Here
|
||
with you after so long!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: You and me and tav, gosh were going to make
|
||
such a team! Two crockers and an egbert!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: A cracking good comedy to be sure.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Heck. Perhaps ill take back my good old name
|
||
back! Who knows, maybe tav would want to be an english too!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: This place is a bit smaller than wee tavvy is
|
||
used to but im sure well make do.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you want to move in with me?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Oh yes i suppose id ought run the plans by
|
||
you first before letting my imagination run wild eh.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im sure i could find somewhere else to stay.
|
||
But i must say i do feel much safer bringing tav up with
|
||
family!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake launches into a real doozy of a spin,
|
||
which John supposes may well have knocked the last of his sense out
|
||
of him.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: sure. why the hell not.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake gives John a twirl, which sends him
|
||
spinning across the floor in his socks. He stumbles and falls over,
|
||
which is a bit of a comical display with his windy reflexes. It
|
||
makes Jake laugh uproariously.</p>
|
||
<p>Being flung from Jake’s orbit of Hope and Change is a little
|
||
like being dashed with a bucket of ice water, though. All of John’s
|
||
gloom and malaise surges back to the fore like air filling a
|
||
vacuum. He feels hungover.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oof...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John lies immobile on the floor tile. Jake
|
||
draws up to look down at him in confusion, striking a pose that is
|
||
both dazzlingly modelesque and doubtlessly completely
|
||
unintentional.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Eh? What are you looking so glum for there
|
||
chap?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, you know. the usual.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Do you need help getting up?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: nah.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m cool down here, on the floor.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: You know john. Maybe wed ought embark upon
|
||
this journey of self-betterment together!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What do you say my boy?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: what...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I got my tavvy out. Have you been thinking
|
||
about making amends with roxy and such? Maybe give her the push she
|
||
needs to get out herself?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: not really.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: And why in the hell not!!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: like i said, you wouldn’t really
|
||
understand.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think there’s really much of a point
|
||
in me trying to talk to roxy.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: she’s not...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Shes not what?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John hauls himself up to his feet and moves to
|
||
the living room. Jake follows, but John now ensures that’s there’s
|
||
a healthy enough physical distance between himself and Jake’s black
|
||
hole of psychic optimism.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: You cant rightly go and blame the woman for
|
||
all your troubles john.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m not!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m not blaming her at all.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Then what ARE you saying johnnyboy?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John sighs and drops down onto the couch. He
|
||
stretches out so Jake can’t take the seat beside him.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: that even if i COULD talk to her and try to
|
||
set things straight...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: why bother?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: she may not even be, like, real. strictly
|
||
speaking.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Eh?!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: like i said. you wouldn’t understand.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: trust me. it’s all a whole lot of crazy
|
||
stuff.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Youre right. That is an awfully crazy thing
|
||
to say!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Not real? Why i just saw roxy yesterday!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Shes as solid and real a person as you or i
|
||
john.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its hardly becoming of a man to say something
|
||
so dismissive even if its tough to know what a lady is thinking
|
||
from time to time.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m not...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Whats that now?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i fucked up too bad, too long ago.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s just too late to change anything
|
||
now.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: So what?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: huh?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: So what if it doesnt change anything? Wont it
|
||
matter to your family to see you care?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Wont it make you feel better to try?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: To at least be able to say that when the
|
||
chips were down, you gave it your honest all?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: And what about harry anderson? Do you really
|
||
want to go the rest of your long life knowing you never tried to be
|
||
the father your son needed?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Hearing the name is like a blow to the chest.
|
||
Little Harry Anderson. His son, who he held and fed and taught and
|
||
raised into a young man. Despite it all, he’s always been so
|
||
unbelievably proud of that boy.</p>
|
||
<p>If Roxy isn’t real, then his son must be even faker.</p>
|
||
<p>Something about the thought makes John feel more rotten than
|
||
anything else. Maybe it’s some aspect of his basic biology, buried
|
||
down at the core of his lizard brain, that makes him want to reject
|
||
what he knows is true. The allure of the denial—of the anaesthetic
|
||
hope radiating from Jake’s epically sculpted body—is difficult to
|
||
turn away from.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: My word john. Are you... crying?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: haha...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: jake, do you have roxy’s number?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |