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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat - Chapter 35</title>
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<div id='s35'></div>
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<h1>Chapter 35</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ou zap
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back to Earth C with the last of your energy. And I do mean last.
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You place your first foot on the ground, stumble forward three
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steps, and cough up blood. Terezi has to catch you under your arms,
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but you’re already going translucent around the edges. Your skin is
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cooling to the touch. The poison is coursing through your blood so
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furiously it’s making your veins feel like cords.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Terezi can tell you’re dying. She’s not in great
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shape herself, but she manages to tug you to your feet.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: JOHN COM3 ON</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: L3TS G3T YOU TO J4N3</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">You try to remember if you’ve ever been
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revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has
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happened. Maybe?</p>
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<p class="dirk">It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can
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recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife,
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no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison
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needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re
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not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around.
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We’ve both been learning that the hard way.</p>
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<p class="dirk">I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the
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conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is
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that you never mattered all that much. To those on the level of the
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cherubs, and now my level as well, you were never all that special,
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despite the critical role you played. You were just a middling glob
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of human glue used to seal one glaring gap left in canon. A simple
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tool to be wielded by a mechanic whose consciousness has risen high
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enough to see the machine for what it is. Your complete lack of
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remarkability, specific motivation, drive, opinion on where to
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direct your own fate—these deficiencies are exactly what made you
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so useful, so susceptible to being endowed with the you-ness I’ve
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borrowed to satisfy my purposes.</p>
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<p class="dirk">You slip from Terezi’s grip and face-plant into the
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grass. You hitch an elbow beneath yourself so you can roll over
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onto your back. You want to see the sky.</p>
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<p class="dirk">What was it that you thought when you went home,
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John? Back to your real home? That the sky here is too bright? That
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it looks like someone nudged the contrast a couple degrees in the
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wrong direction? How does it look now?</p>
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<p class="dirk">You close your eyes against the light.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think it...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: m-matters.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think... this is a wound jane can
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fix.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: DONT B3 R1D1CULOUS</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: terezi, f-for once in my life...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m being serious, ok...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: as s-soon as i got bit... i was dead.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: even before that...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i was dead the moment i...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: woke up that morning.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Well, that’s a little melodramatic. Not
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quite, John.</p>
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<p class="dirk">You died the moment you made the decision to go
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meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other
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decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You
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might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as
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shitty as that sounds. The objective reality of that life might be
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in dispute by some of the more pedantic canonistas out there. The
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outspoken sophists when it comes to what “counts” and what doesn’t.
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They know who they are. But whatever kind of life in a bubble you’d
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be living, at least you’d still be breathing in it.</p>
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<p class="dirk">That was the actual choice Calliope was giving you
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that day. That’s why she looked so sad when you decided to fight
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Lord English, even though you knew both then and now that it was
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the only choice you possibly could have made.</p>
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<p class="dirk">It was, John. This will be the best outcome for
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everyone. I promise.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: JOHN</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: hey, come here.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Terezi kneels at your side. She doesn’t
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do anything sappy like take your hand, though. Mostly because she
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knows how this is going to go, and doesn’t want to experience the
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tactile sensation of feeling your pulse slow under her palm.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’ve got, um...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: dying words to say and stuff.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: R34LLY</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: “DY1NG WORDS”</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: OH MY GOD 3GB3RT, YOU R34LLY 4R3 TH3
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L4M3ST P3RSON WHO H4S 3V3R L1V3D</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: TH1S 1SNT 4 MOV13 YOU COMPL3T3
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DUMP4SS</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: YOUR3 DY1NG 4ND YOU WONT 3V3N L3T M3 H3LP
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YOU</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: terezi...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: are you... crying?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">She wipes her eyes and nods.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: i can’t believe it...</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 R3S3NT TH3 1MPL1C4T1ON TH4T 1 WOULD
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PR3T3ND TO B3 UN4FF3CT3D BY YOUR D34TH 4FT3R W3 H4D 4N 3MOT1ON4LLY
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S1GN1F1C4NT S3XU4L 3NCOUNT3R 1N TH3 B4CK OF TH3 FOUR WH33L D3V1C3
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ONC3 B3LONG1NG TO YOUR D34D HUM4N LUSUS</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: heh...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i guess even after all that, i’m... still a
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little intimidated by you, huh?</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: ST1LL?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean... you have black feelings for me.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but i... i just can’t feel stuff like
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that.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m just a human after all.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: JOHN 1...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: it’s ok.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m glad that... i got to be with you... even
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if it was just for a little while.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: do you... mind if i say something st...
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stupid?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: potentially... even multiple stupid
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things?</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: WOULD YOU ST1LL S4Y TH3M 3V3N 1F 1 S41D
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NO?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: p... probably.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: TH3N 1LL B3 YOUR D34THS1D3 CONF3SSOR</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: S4Y 4LL OF TH3 STUP1D TH1NGS JOHN</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 W1LL R3M3MB3R TH3M FOR YOU</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: wow... that actually sounded kinda...
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romantic?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">She doesn’t confirm or deny the intent of
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her statement. She cries quietly, and waits for you to say whatever
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dumb shit is rattling around in your poison-addled mind. There’s a
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chilly breeze rolling in from the mountains. It rustles through the
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trees, breaking the perfect silence of an autumn afternoon.</p>
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<p class="dirk">You try to touch her face, but you can barely see
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now. You miss, and lovingly caress the air instead. Your hand lands
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back on your chest. You feel blood soaking through your shirt.
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You’re bleeding again.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: oh man...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: now that i’m on the spot... i can’t think of
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anything significant to say.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i always hoped that if i was in this
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position... i’d have something really awesome and memorable to
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say...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: like...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: like nic cage would.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: if he died.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: DONT WORRY, 1LL T3LL 3V3RYON3 YOU S41D
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SOM3TH1NG R34LLY COOL</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: would you... really do that for me?</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NT M3 TO</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t... i don’t think anyone will believe
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you.</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: NO TH3Y W1LL</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 1LL W4TCH 3V3RY SH1TTY MOV13
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YOU L1K3</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 4ND F1ND JUST TH3 R1GHT STUP1D FUCK1NG
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QUOT3</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG TH4T NOBODY WOULD 3V3R DOUBT
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JOHN 3GB3RT WOULD US3 4S H1S F1N4L WORDS</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: TH3YLL B3L13V3 1T, TRUST M3</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1LL *M4K3* TH3M B3L13V3 1T</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: ah... haha...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: terezi you know...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i think... i really lo—</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i... r-really lov—</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3
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M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but... i...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Then John dies in the middle of a love
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confession.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Terezi leans closer, then holds perfectly still.
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She tilts her ear toward him and sniffs once. There, she can hear
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it. The slow seeping of blood, like a distant stream. The scent of
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his life leaving his body, strangely unmistakable, like the quality
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of the air before it rains. She listens to him bleed while she
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smells him die.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Terezi presses her ear to his chest and confirms
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that his heart has stopped. Her tears dry up at that. She’s so
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devastated she can’t even fucking cry. What is she supposed to do
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now, when John was the one who asked her to come back to this
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place? Would she ever have had any intention of returning if it
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weren’t for him? She doesn’t know anymore. She remembers his voice,
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so earnest and friable, asking her over and over again to come
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home. In multiple realities, all he wanted for her was this. To be
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home safe, with all their friends. And now that she’s here, she’s
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lost.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Legs shaking, she gets to her feet and takes a
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whiff of the horizon. Where the fuck am I, she thinks. How do I
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just get on with <em>living</em> here after everything that just
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happened?</p>
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<p class="dirk">That’s definitely a fair question. But I have one
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that’s much more important for her to answer.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Terezi, are you <em>seriously</em> just going to
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leave the body here?</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: HUH?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Of course not. Terezi’s a practical girl,
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after all. She digs the wallet out of her blood-stained pants, and
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captchas the corpse. She holds it close to her heart, like a
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secret. Like John’s stupid last words: a confession whispered for
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her and no one else.</p>
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<p class="dirk">And then she starts walking home.</p>
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</div>
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