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332 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat - Chapter 6</title>
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<div id='s6'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 6</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="Command">> Look up.</p>
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<p class="no-indent">The sky is really blue. But it’s a different
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kind of blue than Earth C’s sky; it’s <em>less</em>, somehow, like
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someone took a photo of the sky and turned the contrast down a
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little, just enough to make the clouds blend into the horizon. That
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is to say, it isn’t the kind of sky promised by a paradise planet.
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Just an ordinary one. You realize suddenly how much you’ve missed
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the ordinary, as opposed to the supposedly perfect.</p>
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<p>You’ve been away from home almost as many years as you lived
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there. It’s not just the sky. Everything else is exactly and
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nothing like you remembered it: the scent of damp grass, the
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quality of the air, the solitude. There’s nothing but white houses
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and maple trees as far as the eye can see. A woodpecker raps away
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incessantly at the tree with the tire swing outside your old
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bedroom window.</p>
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<p>You couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, so you and your
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little army are sitting in a circle in your old backyard exactly
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one week before the meteors hit. It’s you, Rose, Dave, Jade, and
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all four of your teenage progenitors, each dressed in god tier
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garb. No trolls. No one who can die from anything less than a
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heroic sacrifice. At least, this is what you assume to be the
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reasoning for Rose’s instructions to assemble your party this
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way.</p>
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<p>Wind slices down the street, between the neat rows of bungalows.
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It’s chilly, carrying air from the mountaintops with it. Even that
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feels different. The wind moves through you now, under your skin
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and right into your bones, skimming their hollows the same way it
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does the homes of your salamander neighbors, or the open mailbox in
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front of your childhood house.</p>
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<p>The smell of a cake baking wafts from the open window and the
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sick stench of browning sugar fills the yard. You used to hate that
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too, but now it makes you want to—</p>
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<p class="Command">> Dude, don’t cry in front of all the cool
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teen versions of your friends.</p>
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<p class="no-indent">You hold back your tears with a big, ugly
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snort. Jake is sort of ruining the mood anyway by bouncing away on
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your old Green Slime pogo. Doesn’t he realize how dangerous that
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thing is? Of course not. The fool.</p>
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<p>Dave fractures the silence by broaching a subject that’s on
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everyone’s mind but yours, apparently.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: so whats gonna happen to everyone we left in
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the wrecked time line</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, well.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t know actually. i’ve been to that time
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line four times now and it always pretty much goes to shit.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: oh</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: This has been bothering me as well. Is Kanaya
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going to be ok?</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: And by Kanaya, I guess I mean...
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everyone?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah what about karkat</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: and terezi</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: and the MAYOR??</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: oh my god!!!!!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: actually dave, i hate to say it but...</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: i think john might have actually saved the
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mayor by bringing us all here?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what could that possibly even mean</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: i just remembered......</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: before john zapped us all here, and
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unbrainwashed me</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: .....i think i was going to kill the mayor
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:(</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: wtf jade no</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: jade that is seriously uncool</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: i KNOW!</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: i was gonna kick him right into the lava!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: that is fucked up on so many levels i dont
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even know where to begin</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: its like an escher staircase of cartoon
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villainy</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i got nothing</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: its so</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: so...</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: grimbark? :B woof woof</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: jesus no jade its stone cold evil</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i cant believe you just said that shit and
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then woofed at me</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i cant</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i cant even look at you right now</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, everyone, can we...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Everyone turns to look at you immediately,
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like you’re an authority. Which you kind of are. You are struck
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with the sudden and uncomfortable realization that you are the only
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adult in the yard. You’ve never felt like an adult until this
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moment. Eighteen came and went and nothing really changed except
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that you’re pretty certain you could grow a bitchin’ mustache now
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if you wanted. And you might even have one by now, if you didn’t
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feel a sense of duty to uphold the sacred Egbert family tradition
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of shaving at least once per day, even if it isn’t really
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necessary. You owe at least that much to the memory of your
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departed father.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: let’s chill out for a minute. i’m sure this
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is all very confusing to all of you.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: about the time line you’re leaving behind...
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yeah, i get it. it’s weird.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’ve already left one major time line behind.
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well, two if you count the one i just came from, where we’re all
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adults.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: the truth is, i have no idea what happens to
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these time lines and all the people living in them, when i just...
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zap out of them, to use my retcon powers to change stuff?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: they might stop existing completely. i don’t
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know.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: the thing is, we can’t really think about
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it.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: it’s tough, but if we’re all acting like
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heroes here, and trying to do the right thing, then we have to put
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it all behind us.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: it’s a sacrifice we’re making.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, we’re risking our lives by fighting a
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powerful monster, sure.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but the sacrifice i’m talking about... is
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saying goodbye to the life we thought we belonged to, and all the
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people in it.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: probably forever.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: it sucks, and i’m sorry i had to ask this of
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you all.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but there’s no other way.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: everyone who has ever existed, and will ever
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exist, is counting on us... i think?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: so...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="Command">> Shrug.</p>
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<p class="no-indent">It’s all you can think to do to punctuate your
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speech of lukewarm inspirational value. Judging from the confused
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looks from the others, all of them may share your assessment of
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your own oratorical skills, except for one person. She’s perked up
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at your spiel, regarding you with alert and admiring eyes.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: damn</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: john uh</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: i know we just met and all but</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: that was a fine ass speech and idk if i speak
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for the rest of my peeps here but im fuckin psyched</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: lets do this shit</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">She *wonks* at you.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">You weren’t prepared to get passively hit on
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by the Definitely Not Legal version of a girl you used to have a
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crush on at the age she was when you first met her, only a few
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hours after you watched the Actually Legal version of her engage in
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passionate hand-holding with her possibly aromantic skeleton alien
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monster girlfriend. You start to sweat, and again the unwelcome
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odor of undercooked meat emanating from your body makes itself
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known to your nose.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: oh, um. thanks.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: anyway, we need to make battle plans.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">You quickly distance your mind from any
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additional discomfiting thoughts about your old and semi-ex flame,
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and propel yourself into a wildly unrehearsed tactical planning
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session. You review each of your abilities, strengths, and
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weaknesses, and then cobble together a reasonably sound approach to
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besieging a young and bratty version of Lord English by way of
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surprise attack. The planning is mostly disorganized and
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structureless, although some common themes that often recur involve
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you and your original three friends leading the charge, since you
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are the oldest and wisest, and therefore the strongest, with the
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exception of Jade, whose gaudy array of powers make her the most
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formidable of the group, bar none. Aside from that, it appears the
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consensus is that the melee will likely devolve into an absolute
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free-for-all—at least going by the general patterns of incoherent
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banter, shit-talking, and points of pedantic tactical disagreement
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plaguing the jam session. You overhear someone making mention of...
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a huge, gay hope bubble? That can’t be right, but you didn’t catch
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who said it. A flamboyant pink spell? Yeah, this conversation is
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off the rails now.</p>
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<p>At the precise moment you believe the meeting has outlasted its
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usefulness, Jake does you the favor of effectively pounding the
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gavel for adjournment by rocking back a bit too far on your lawn
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pogo and launching himself over the top of the ride on the next
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bounce. He face-plants right into the dirt.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jake">JAKE: Jeepers!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Dirk goes to help your yard clean the Jake off
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its dirt. Jade follows, to help out. It seems she wants to chat
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with Jake, considering it’s the first time they’ve met, from her
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perspective. Some eruptions of chatter can be heard from other
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members of the group. It’s easy to forget, since the reunion
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between your friends and all your young relatives happened so long
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ago from your point of view, but this is all quite novel to
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everyone here. They’ve hardly had a moment to process it, since
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your plan to drag them all off to fight Lord English has
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understandably stolen the thunder of an otherwise poignant
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homecoming. Poor kids, you think.</p>
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<p>You decide to give the teens some space to work through their
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shit before you take off to save the universe. You end up wandering
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all the way around to the other side of your house, and back, until
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you reach a window facing the neighbor’s fence. You can see
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straight into your dad’s study from here. You go still. Feet rooted
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to the ground, heart hammering in your ribs. Your dad’s sitting
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right there, smoking his pipe and operating his
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professional-looking, boring, gray PDA. He’s got the kitchen timer
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set up on his desk, and you can hear the notes of his favorite
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fatherly jazz album filtering out through the window, which is open
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only an inch.</p>
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<p>The sun is hitting the glass in such a way that you can’t see
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his face.</p>
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<p class="Command">> This is probably the last time you’ll ever
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have the chance to talk to him...</p>
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<p class="no-indent">The urge is overwhelming. But you can’t, and
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not just because your feet won’t move and your throat is closing
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up. It’s just that... it would be a really bad idea to bother him.
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It would totally freak him out, to have an adult version of his son
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show up out of the blue and knock on his window like a creep. He
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probably wouldn’t even recognize you.</p>
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<p class="Command">> Fair enough. It’s time to go, John.</p>
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<p class="no-indent">You return to the backyard. Your teen friends
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have split off into genetically segmented groups: Roxy and Rose
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sitting in the grass, Jade and your shared ecto-parents laughing
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together by the Green Slime pogo, and the Striders leaning against
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the farthest fence, with a tense foot and a half of space between
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them. It’s heartwarming. But something doesn’t feel right about it
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to you, possibly for selfish reasons. It’s the selfishness of your
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own perspective, of wanting the memories you had of the reunion
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between all these people to be the most notable and legitimate
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manifestation of this event. To see the moment echo, or play out
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all over again, to overhear the heartfelt confessions repeat
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themselves... It feels cheap. To you, that is. To the man who lived
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through it all before and selfishly doesn’t want to have the memory
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tarnished with a tawdry reprisal, an exhibition of counterfeit
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emotional catharsis among pale shadows of those you care about most
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in the world.</p>
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<p>You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as
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“real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets?
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Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an
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essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered
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important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at
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all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these
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children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils
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of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a
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monster, John Egbert?</p>
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<p>You can’t bear to watch them bond any further than this. Nor can
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you tolerate another moment of your self-incriminating reverie. You
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wait one more minute before breaking it up, but not a second
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longer.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, hey kids...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Please, Adult John, don’t do that.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Rose gets up from the grass, elegant as a fold
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in paper, and brushes down her skirt. She tilts her head at you,
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looking very much like your Rose did when she saw you off that
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morning. It’s obvious that she’s trying very hard to hide her
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apprehension.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Is it time to go?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no, if you want to be technical. i can zap us
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in wherever, whenever. we have all the time in the universe if we
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want it.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: But if we don’t leave now, you’re afraid we
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never will?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: heh.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">After all these years, in the reverse
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direction, she still has your number.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: i guess it’s true that people don’t really
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change. they just grow up?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Rose gives Roxy a strange look, appearing to
|
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silently acknowledge an entire conversation that has been taking
|
||
place, using a great volume of words that aren’t being spoken.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I guess.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">She smiles.</p>
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<p class="Command">> Get the show on the road.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: okay everyone... i’ve never zapped this many
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people before so let’s all just...</p>
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: uh, hold hands, maybe? in a circle, i mean.
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that should work.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: god this is so lame</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: its not lame its perfect!!!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: nah</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: shh!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: alright. is everyone ready, then?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Only Jade says yes enthusiastically. Everyone
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else takes a deep breath and looks around at each other. Hands are
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taken, some tentatively, some firmly. When all sweaty teenage palms
|
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are correctly clasped, you place your own hand on Jade’s shoulder
|
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and concentrate on where you need to go.</p>
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<p>The last thing you hear before zapping away is your dad’s
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kitchen timer going off in his study.</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</body>
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</html> |