diff --git a/archive/data/social.json b/archive/data/social.json index 480b019..d841b06 100644 --- a/archive/data/social.json +++ b/archive/data/social.json @@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ }, { "id": "if-you-drew-comic-called-super-frog-at", - "html": "\n

\n\n Saturday, February 21, 2009\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n If\n you drew a comic called Super Frog at age 11\n \n

\n
\n Then take a number.\n
\n
\n Jeffrey-OC/WIGU-Rowland and I\n both got ours at the deli counter of weird coincidences involving\n crudely drawn amphibious superheroes. My immediate thought was this was\n like an especially shitty or an especially awesome episode of Lost.\n Maybe it is both.\n
\n
\n The year was 1986, and\n as\n he tells it, Jeff's 11 year-old mind conceived of a hero named\n Superfrog (no space).\n
\n
\n Flash forward to the year 1990, a time when\n my 11 year-old mind would independently duplicate this feat, and bring\n into the world -- again -- a hero named Super Frog (but with a\n space!)\n
\n
\n\n
\n This\n cover stirs visions of a an intrepid young lad soldiering through that\n night sky with a thin, purple magic marker, thrashing in every\n conceivable direction like a crazed raccoon trying to escape an empty\n swimming pool. But it looks like he eventually and quite understandably\n muttered \"fuck this\" and stomped off to plunder the kitchen for some\n delicious Slimer-themed\n \n Ecto\n Cooler Hi-C.\n
\n
\n You'll note some striking similarities between\n my and Jeff's work, aside from breadth of ambition.\n (Amphibition?)\n
\n
\n They both dwelt on swampy planets. Though mine was\n supposed to be Earth, since my story followed a Superman template. I\n figured he might as well since he shared a prefix with that hero. Jeff's\n looks like it fits into more of a Star Wars mold, which would make\n \"Amphibia\" somewhat akin to Yoda's swampy planet I guess.\n
\n
\n Also\n note that while Jeff's planet was plagued by a \"terrorist group called\n MEGA\", my story was published by MEGA comics. This is obviously a word\n one dare not leave uncapitalized. Also both these frogs had really cool\n underground lairs.\n
\n
\n But I'm afraid that's where the similarities\n end.\n
\n
\n 11 year-old Jeff's handwriting is actually better than mine\n is today, let alone the grisly marks which I pawned off as letters at\n age 11. You'll also note Jeff could actually string together a pretty\n decent sentence. \"But,\n Amphibia was not without its evil forces…\" Note the fairly\n sophisticated use of the double negative to take a little something off\n the sentence for rhetorical purposes. He could have taken the easy route\n and said \"Amphibia had so many evil forces!\" Or, \"Amphibia had all hella\n evil forces up ins, yo!\" if he wanted to produce a tone of jocular\n irony. (Although I doubt that sort of irony had been invented yet in\n 1986.) The point is, he wasn't using language as a blunt instrument to\n say what he wanted to say.\n
\n
\n Whereas I took that blunt instrument,\n used it to murder a family of four, and hid the bodies in my garage.\n \n You will\n observe this sample.\n \n
\n
\n It's actually hard for me to believe an\n 11 year-old did this. To me it doesn't look very far beyond the reach of\n a 6 year-old. Where does one even begin dissecting this?\n
\n
\n Ok, the\n Dr. Claw-style boss wants his henchman with an upsettingly phallic hat\n to go down to the \"science plant\". Where they do science. He wants him\n to steal some science. Fair enough. Then he instructs him to take a\n \"disgise\", and we shortly receive a humorous payoff. His disguise is\n simply a jacket. Ha ha, right?\n
\n
\n Maybe. Except that I explicitly\n remember that I did not intend for this to be a joke. I was serious.\n That was his serious disguise.\n
\n
\n Then at gunpoint, or maybe tube of\n Ben-Gaypoint, he commands the aardvark fellow to surrender the main\n project. Like, the main science thing they do. He wants him to hand over\n the big science thing. But it turns out he \"already launched it\". He\n launched all the science they were working on into space, and he is\n sorry about it. Maybe if the snake with the dick hat got there a little\n earlier, all that science would still be there.\n
\n
\n Then later on in\n the comic when I got tired of all this storytelling bullshit, I went and\n \n drew\n a\n map. This was my first hack at a comic, and I don't think I\n actually even liked comics. All I really wanted to do was design the\n next Super Mario Bros. game and mail it to some Japanese developers. I\n actually tried to do this several times, and I just assumed whoever\n looked at it would be blown away by my ideas while making little hushed\n noises of polite awe in that distinctly Japanese way.\n
\n
\n When I was\n 11 my teachers thought I was (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed. This isn't some sort of joke to\n make you laugh. This is actually true. For a while thereafter I resented\n the accusation. But looking back on this work I'm starting to think they\n might have been technically right. Whatever the case, I don't know why I\n ever had the notion that I was artistically inclined before age\n 11.\n
\n
\n But in looking through this archive of relics, it's pretty\n clear my artistic development took a major leap in the following year.\n \n I did\n this\n drawing when I was 12. Ok, so it's obviously inspired very\n heavily by Rob Liefeld's work in the early 90s. Still, looking back on\n it I think it's probably better than anything\n \n Liefeld\n ever did. I even came up with a kickass signature brand for that\n year, \"DREW92\". WHOA, COOL DUDE!!!\n
\n
\n Then from there it appears my\n artwork enjoyed\n \n pretty\n |\n \n brisk\n |\n \n strides\n through the rest of high school. Actually that first image there seems\n somewhat reminiscent of a Problem Sleuth villain, even though I drew it\n about 15 years ago.\n
\n
\n My and Jeff's stroll down Super Frog lane is\n reminding me the more things change, the more they stay the same. Don't\n believe me?\n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n Mob\n boss villains separated by two decades.\n
\n
\n\n
\n You're\n eventually supposed to grow out of shit like this, right?\n
\n
\n I don't know why I didn't scan the rest of Super Frog. The samples\n above are from an archive consisting of photos I took about five years\n ago. I'm not sure what my thinking was at the time.\n
\n
\n I'll see if I\n can dig up the original book and scan all of it. If I do, I'll post it.\n But I'll be trailing behind Jeff's documentation of his old comic, which\n I suppose is only fitting. He was always ahead of the curve on this\n Superfrog/Super[space]Frog business.\n
\n
\n Oh, also\n \n another\n guy cropped up who did a Superfrog (Super-Frog, with a dash!) when\n he was a youngster.\n
\n
\n Look, if you are 11 and you are a boy, here's\n what's up. You're going to be drawing a COMIC. That comic will be about\n a FROG. That frog is also gonna be SUPER. This is what your DNA will\n tell you to do, and if you don't do it there's probably something wrong\n with you. This is what SCIENCE says will happen, and this can be\n verified, assuming some dumbass doesn't go ahead and launch that science\n into space first.\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 1:28 PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" + "html": "\n

\n\n Saturday, February 21, 2009\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n If\n you drew a comic called Super Frog at age 11\n \n

\n
\n Then take a number.\n
\n
\n Jeffrey-OC/WIGU-Rowland and I\n both got ours at the deli counter of weird coincidences involving\n crudely drawn amphibious superheroes. My immediate thought was this was\n like an especially shitty or an especially awesome episode of Lost.\n Maybe it is both.\n
\n
\n The year was 1986, and\n as\n he tells it, Jeff's 11 year-old mind conceived of a hero named\n Superfrog (no space).\n
\n
\n Flash forward to the year 1990, a time when\n my 11 year-old mind would independently duplicate this feat, and bring\n into the world -- again -- a hero named Super Frog (but with a\n space!)\n
\n
\n\n
\n This\n cover stirs visions of a an intrepid young lad soldiering through that\n night sky with a thin, purple magic marker, thrashing in every\n conceivable direction like a crazed raccoon trying to escape an empty\n swimming pool. But it looks like he eventually and quite understandably\n muttered \"fuck this\" and stomped off to plunder the kitchen for some\n delicious Slimer-themed\n \n Ecto\n Cooler Hi-C.\n
\n
\n You'll note some striking similarities between\n my and Jeff's work, aside from breadth of ambition.\n (Amphibition?)\n
\n
\n They both dwelt on swampy planets. Though mine was\n supposed to be Earth, since my story followed a Superman template. I\n figured he might as well since he shared a prefix with that hero. Jeff's\n looks like it fits into more of a Star Wars mold, which would make\n \"Amphibia\" somewhat akin to Yoda's swampy planet I guess.\n
\n
\n Also\n note that while Jeff's planet was plagued by a \"terrorist group called\n MEGA\", my story was published by MEGA comics. This is obviously a word\n one dare not leave uncapitalized. Also both these frogs had really cool\n underground lairs.\n
\n
\n But I'm afraid that's where the similarities\n end.\n
\n
\n 11 year-old Jeff's handwriting is actually better than mine\n is today, let alone the grisly marks which I pawned off as letters at\n age 11. You'll also note Jeff could actually string together a pretty\n decent sentence. \"But,\n Amphibia was not without its evil forces…\" Note the fairly\n sophisticated use of the double negative to take a little something off\n the sentence for rhetorical purposes. He could have taken the easy route\n and said \"Amphibia had so many evil forces!\" Or, \"Amphibia had all hella\n evil forces up ins, yo!\" if he wanted to produce a tone of jocular\n irony. (Although I doubt that sort of irony had been invented yet in\n 1986.) The point is, he wasn't using language as a blunt instrument to\n say what he wanted to say.\n
\n
\n Whereas I took that blunt instrument,\n used it to murder a family of four, and hid the bodies in my garage.\n \n You will\n observe this sample.\n \n
\n
\n It's actually hard for me to believe an\n 11 year-old did this. To me it doesn't look very far beyond the reach of\n a 6 year-old. Where does one even begin dissecting this?\n
\n
\n Ok, the\n Dr. Claw-style boss wants his henchman with an upsettingly phallic hat\n to go down to the \"science plant\". Where they do science. He wants him\n to steal some science. Fair enough. Then he instructs him to take a\n \"disgise\", and we shortly receive a humorous payoff. His disguise is\n simply a jacket. Ha ha, right?\n
\n
\n Maybe. Except that I explicitly\n remember that I did not intend for this to be a joke. I was serious.\n That was his serious disguise.\n
\n
\n Then at gunpoint, or maybe tube of\n Ben-Gaypoint, he commands the aardvark fellow to surrender the main\n project. Like, the main science thing they do. He wants him to hand over\n the big science thing. But it turns out he \"already launched it\". He\n launched all the science they were working on into space, and he is\n sorry about it. Maybe if the snake with the dick hat got there a little\n earlier, all that science would still be there.\n
\n
\n Then later on in\n the comic when I got tired of all this storytelling bullshit, I went and\n \n drew\n a\n map. This was my first hack at a comic, and I don't think I\n actually even liked comics. All I really wanted to do was design the\n next Super Mario Bros. game and mail it to some Japanese developers. I\n actually tried to do this several times, and I just assumed whoever\n looked at it would be blown away by my ideas while making little hushed\n noises of polite awe in that distinctly Japanese way.\n
\n
\n When I was\n 11 my teachers thought I was [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed. This isn't some sort of joke to\n make you laugh. This is actually true. For a while thereafter I resented\n the accusation. But looking back on this work I'm starting to think they\n might have been technically right. Whatever the case, I don't know why I\n ever had the notion that I was artistically inclined before age\n 11.\n
\n
\n But in looking through this archive of relics, it's pretty\n clear my artistic development took a major leap in the following year.\n \n I did\n this\n drawing when I was 12. Ok, so it's obviously inspired very\n heavily by Rob Liefeld's work in the early 90s. Still, looking back on\n it I think it's probably better than anything\n \n Liefeld\n ever did. I even came up with a kickass signature brand for that\n year, \"DREW92\". WHOA, COOL DUDE!!!\n
\n
\n Then from there it appears my\n artwork enjoyed\n \n pretty\n |\n \n brisk\n |\n \n strides\n through the rest of high school. Actually that first image there seems\n somewhat reminiscent of a Problem Sleuth villain, even though I drew it\n about 15 years ago.\n
\n
\n My and Jeff's stroll down Super Frog lane is\n reminding me the more things change, the more they stay the same. Don't\n believe me?\n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n Mob\n boss villains separated by two decades.\n
\n
\n\n
\n You're\n eventually supposed to grow out of shit like this, right?\n
\n
\n I don't know why I didn't scan the rest of Super Frog. The samples\n above are from an archive consisting of photos I took about five years\n ago. I'm not sure what my thinking was at the time.\n
\n
\n I'll see if I\n can dig up the original book and scan all of it. If I do, I'll post it.\n But I'll be trailing behind Jeff's documentation of his old comic, which\n I suppose is only fitting. He was always ahead of the curve on this\n Superfrog/Super[space]Frog business.\n
\n
\n Oh, also\n \n another\n guy cropped up who did a Superfrog (Super-Frog, with a dash!) when\n he was a youngster.\n
\n
\n Look, if you are 11 and you are a boy, here's\n what's up. You're going to be drawing a COMIC. That comic will be about\n a FROG. That frog is also gonna be SUPER. This is what your DNA will\n tell you to do, and if you don't do it there's probably something wrong\n with you. This is what SCIENCE says will happen, and this can be\n verified, assuming some dumbass doesn't go ahead and launch that science\n into space first.\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 1:28 PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" }, { "id": "blog-redux-bon-voyage-tim-and-george", @@ -66,15 +66,11 @@ }, { "id": "need-for-steed", - "html": "\n

\n\n Wednesday, January 7, 2009\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n Need\n for the Steed\n \n

\n
\n\n Exactly one year ago, I purchased a painting of a horse.\n
\n
\n I chronicled this remarkable tale in my old blog. I repost the major excerpts from this adventure here today for posterity.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n\n Posted 12/17/2007\n
\n “Fundraiser 07-08: Need for the Steed”\n \n
\n
\n A\n lot of webmasters such as bloggers or webcomic authors have fundraisers\n from time to time. It’s usually for something like a new computer (they\n are upgrading so they can better bring YOU content. How benevolent!), or\n some other piece of electronic equipment, or maybe even a medical\n procedure.\n
\n
\n This practice is of course self-indulgent bullshit. If\n you need money for something, go get a job and save the money yourself.\n Shaking coins from your readership like a piggybank at the threat of\n suspended content or hiatus is a crass move indeed.\n
\n
\n Unless you\n have a really good reason, that is. Like me.\n
\n
\n Today I am launching\n a bold fundraising campaign, “Fundraiser 07-08: Need for the Steed”, to\n obtain the monies necessary to purchase this incredible\n painting.\n
\n
\n\n
\n A\n while ago I discovered this artist simply named “T”. I was instantly\n smitten.\n
\n
\n I “reviewed” (i.e. fawned over) the work at an earlier\n date. I have supplied an excerpt from this review here.\n
\n
\n\n Everything about this painting is fucking amazing. Oakland Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski fending off a wild, flaming black steed, in a mystical snowcapped mountain setting. I don’t know if it’s the concept alone, which itself is obviously mind-blowing. Maybe it’s also the curious, vaguely-humanoid musculature of the horse. It has a man’s bicep and triceps, and some very suspiciously man-like back muscles. Or maybe it’s the flaming mane, which on closer inspection, doesn’t resemble flame so much as synthetic orange puppet hair. This steed is either from hell, or has recently escaped Fraggle Rock, and is ready to tear the entire NFL a new asshole. But he didn’t count on bumping into Bill Romo (understandably, since he was bucking around the middle of the damned Himalayas).\n \n
\n
\n I\n wrote that several years ago, and before I catch myself extolling the\n grandeur of the painterly genius of “T” again, I’ll just get to the\n point. A couple years ago around the same time of year, a little before\n Christmas, I wrote “T” an email offering to purchase the painting. In\n addition to gushing about his work with strategically vapid and\n obsequious prose, I offered him $50 for it. This offer was more than\n fair, I thought. He however declined, saying he simply could not accept\n any less than $400 for it.\n
\n
\n Ok, so obviously I thought this guy\n was out of his fucking mind, turning down good money of any quantity for\n this ugly piece of shit. But that was probably just the anger of\n rejection talking. I would get over it.\n
\n
\n Recently, I offered to\n buy the painting again, hoping he might have forgotten about his\n hard-line stance and come to terms with the unsellability of his putrid\n work (oops, there I go again with the bitterness. I have good reason\n again though.) I was prepared to offer another $50, maybe go a little\n higher if necessary. It’s turning into a kind of Christmas tradition.\n This is how all of the finest holiday traditions begin, I think. Through\n hostile adherence to something pointless and mildly\n excruciating.\n
\n
\n This is how the latest interaction went down.\n Here’s the pitch I opened with:\n
\n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n\n Hello,\n \n
\n
\n\n I am writing you in regard to this beautiful painting\n \n
\n\n listed on your website. [link to painting]\n \n
\n
\n\n Would you consider selling this?\n \n
\n
\n\n A long time ago I wrote you on the same subject, but\n \n
\n\n it seemed the paintings were unavailable if I recall.\n \n
\n
\n\n I am hoping they may be available now! What would you\n \n
\n\n charge for the above piece?\n \n
\n
\n\n Thank you for your time.\n \n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n
\n Personally I think it\n was a pretty well composed pitch. The tone is right, and I think I\n tailored my demeanor to seem just convincingly stupid enough to\n genuinely like this (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed painting (which I do!). Notice how I\n downplayed his vicious prior obstinacy by referring to the paintings as\n “unavailable if I recall”. Master stroke. Also I didn’t come out firing\n with a dollar figure, mainly because I didn’t want to scare him off\n right away. I needed to ease him into the fact that I am still only\n willing to part with $50 for this abomination.\n
\n
\n Anyway, this was\n his reply.\n
\n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n\n Hey Andrew,\n \n
\n
\n\n Thanks for checking back. I do have a price on the painting it is $425. A few people have e-mailed me about buying it for less, but I would rather just hang on to it. I like the piece a lot and haven’t painted anything since it. It was to be the first in a series of sports fantasy paintings, but I have gotten side tracked with my job and other family things so I haven’t started painting again. I will get back to it soon. So, if you want it for the $425 it is yours, if not, I will keep it on my wall.\n \n
\n
\n\n Thank you\n \n
\n\n T\n \n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n
\n I grope for language\n to describe my reaction. Nay, a single word.\n
\n
\n LIVIDITY.\n
\n
\n $425??\n So it seems he actually\n \n raised\n \n the\n price over the years. Oh, and PARDON my skepticism at the implication\n that he has received other offers over the years for his idiotic shit.\n He is probably only vaguely recollecting the ONE time it happened. From\n ME.\n
\n
\n Naturally, I swallowed my indignation like the bitch I am. I\n just need that painting, and obviously it’s going to take more fancy\n footwork to pry it from his grubby, miserly hands. I responded, and this\n was my first sentence.\n
\n
\n\n Wow, it is very cool that it is still for sale! I would\n \n
\n\n really love to have it.\n \n
\n
\n Notice\n how easily I slip back into character. Whatever obscure pocket of\n personal acumen this is, I seem to possess it in spades. I probably\n could have been one of those spies who entrenches himself in Russian\n territory, uncovering intelligence on nuclear sites. Except instead of\n nukes, I would be disarming the Russian aristocracy of all their shitty\n paintings of horses, and vanishing with them into the\n night.\n
\n
\n\n $425 is a lot of money for me. But I think your work\n \n
\n\n is good and you deserve to be compensated well for it.\n \n
\n
\n If\n his heart wasn’t made of stone, it would melt at this line. I am playing\n up to his megalomaniacal belief that his work actually has value,\n combined with voicing a sad state of affairs for myself, like I am a\n charity case. For all he knows, I’m like Tiny Tim with a crutch, holding\n up my tin bowl, and instead of asking for gruel, saying, “Could I please\n ‘ave a paintin’ sir, preferably an NFL-star-battling-horse themed one,\n sir?” These sentiments would tickle any artist starved for positive\n feedback for his ghastly work, assuming he wasn’t totally deranged.\n Unfortunately, his heart is made of stone, and he is deranged.\n
\n
\n I\n went on in that reply, trying to strike up a deal, but he didn’t\n respond. I was prepared to dish out more toadying remarks, too, like\n seriously encouraging him to take up painting again, and saying I would\n love to see him continue his series of sports fantasy paintings. This\n has the added bonus of being true. How about Terrel Owens putting a\n unicorn in a headlock while forging through an enchanted jungle? Or star\n kicker Adam Vinatieri kicking an ogre in the groin near a dark wizard’s\n castle? Or quarterback Tom Brady kissing a male elf atop a bubbling\n volcano? This series would be fucking dynamite, and I’d love to own the\n whole set (as long as I didn’t have to sell my kidneys for it).\n
\n
\n Anyway,\n if I want this painting, obviously the only thing I can do is pay the\n full price for it. And I think you will agree, it would be ridiculous\n for me to spend that much of my own money on it.\n
\n
\n That’s where YOU\n come in!\n
\n
\n So\n \n pony\n \n up with\n the donations guys, and soon you will enjoy the vicarious delights of\n owning a completely unique work of art, through me!\n
\n
\n If you\n donate, I will do something for you. I’m not really sure what yet. It\n depends on the size of the donation. If it’s only like $5 or $10, I\n might just write you a detailed thank you note. Maybe I will email you a\n custom sketch or a comic too, we’ll see. If you make a bigger donation,\n like $50, you can feel free to be more demanding with my time, like tell\n me to draw you a comic and mail it to you. I don’t know, but I’ll make\n it worth your while. Come on guys, let’s work on this together!\n
\n
\n Of\n course the biggest reward is the giving itself, and knowing you are\n contributing to a cause much more worthwhile than something lame like\n upgrading my computer. YAWN!\n
\n
\n The donation thermometer is ready to\n skyrocket!\n
\n
\n\n
\n Caveats\n and provisos: In the event that there are some donations, but the target\n is not reached, I reserve the right to spend the donations on whatever I\n want. Like dinners at the Olive Garden. I also reserve this right should\n the target be reached, but I no longer really feel like buying the\n painting.\n
\n
\n
\n\n ------\n
\n
\n So as you can see from the above “progress bar” graphic, the donation figure steadily climbed to $145. This was very promising, but it was still a long way off the mark, and I was beginning to suspect I would fall short. I was already contemplating the succession of succulent Olive Garden feasts I would be using that money to finance. The kaleidoscope of savory Mediterranean flavors had begun to work its powers of affordable, family-dining hypnosis on me.\n
\n
\n But not so fast.\n
\n
\n Early in January of the following year, this is what happened.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted 01/07/2008\n
\n \"WE FUCKING DID IT!\"\n \n
\n
\n Ladies\n and gentlemen…\n
\n
\n\n\n\n VICTORY.\n \n\n\n
\n
\n TLDR -\n Yesterday, two incredible guys, both named Paul, independently of each\n other donated the full remainder needed to buy the painting. Yeah, you\n may want to read the story. It’s fucking epic.\n
\n
\n How was this feat\n possible? Needless to say, the magnificent achievement’s brick and\n mortar was the charitable will and good grace of you, the readers. Alas,\n noble though your efforts were, they were not enough. Standing on your\n shoulders, I only reached halfway up the wall, a far cry from being\n allowed to glimpse the pleasure gardens of painterly depictions of\n unbridled equine savagery waged against professional sports legends.\n
\n
\n It’s\n at this point in the story which I smile and tap my pipe on the heel of\n my shoe. My gaze becomes abstracted, my eyes shimmer. I am no longer\n with you.\n
\n
\n I am crumpled under the barstools of an unaccountable\n dive somewhere. I marinate in puddles of liquids to which I myself\n contributed not moments ago. I mumble incoherently with my lips around\n something—I think, and pray, it is a bottle. Slurred words wander from\n the drowsy orifice, and occasionally stumble from a runny nostril.\n “Horse”, was it? “Romanowski”, did I say? If the other disinterested\n patrons of the bar strained to listen, they might have made out the\n phrase “epic mountaintop struggle” as well.\n
\n
\n I thrash. My\n delirious convulsions become more pronounced. Feverish visions pester\n me, like an overzealous carnival employee lurking, poised to frighten in\n a shoddy haunted house. My breathing is heavy. “No… horse…” I say. “I\n can’t… linebacker…” I wheeze. At once I sit upright, and shout, “I will\n never own that painting of a horse attacking a champion of the\n gridiron!!!”\n
\n
\n There was a voice. A rich, amber-throated sort of\n vocal honey.\n
\n
\n\n “Yes you will.”\n \n
\n
\n My eyes\n find a pair of shoes. Cream-colored, polished like the ivory bust of an\n African prince, presented as a gift to European royalty. Draped over\n them, cuffs belonging to pants, also cream-colored and well pressed. I\n look up. And up. This man had no end! His elegant form broadened as it\n ascended, and was stopped, nay,\n \n commanded to halt\n \n by a pair of shoulders so sturdy, a banquet for a devout Catholic family\n of fifteen could be served on each, and the settings would not jostle an\n inch while a pious,\n \n severe\n \n grace\n was conducted by the patriarch. Hanging on these shoulders was a coat of\n immaculate cut, and a slightly different cream color. Other colors of\n cream accented his tie, shirt, and kerchief, and above all those was a\n bronze, manly face. His smile was wide and serene, his eyes winter blue,\n deep with kindness. He wore a cream-colored hat.\n
\n
\n The room hushed.\n Somewhere a utensil fell onto a piece of glass or ceramic. Everyone\n knew.\n
\n
\n It was Paul Elsewho.\n
\n
\n “But… but sir. I can’t buy it.\n I haven’t the monetary discretion for the painting.” It was the\n sniveling blither indigenous to the tongue of the truly\n pathetic.\n
\n
\n “You do now,” the man said, clicking a ball point pen,\n which now busied itself above a checkbook. “You can and you will buy\n that painting of a steed grappling with an Oakland-area\n athlete.”\n
\n
\n The words resonated from his amber throat. I knew any\n words from it would be true. He handed me the check for $155 United\n States dollars.\n
\n
\n Even though I know in my heart the assurance of\n this man stretches further than that of the U.S. Treasury for the merit\n of the currency he gives me, my craven mouth cannot help but persist in\n its loathsome habits of doubt. “But sir… what if it’s\n \n still\n \n not enough?”\n
\n
\n That’s\n when the door exploded off its hinges, as if punched inward by the\n searing daylight. The light was then blocked by another imposing form,\n its silhouette boasting the contours of an exquisite physique. “\n \n That’s where I come in,\n \n ” boomed\n the rugged, gravelly voice.\n
\n
\n I clutched the garb of Paul E. and\n hid behind his confident frame. I quivered like a reprehensible bit of\n cowardly gelatin. Through the tears, I saw who it was. Everyone did. It\n was the legendary Paul W.\n
\n
\n He tossed his scarf over one shoulder.\n The tables in the room lifted an inch off the ground with each\n astonishing footstep. The bartender hid. Paul dropped a sack full of\n valuables, which made a noise like a gypsy’s cart smashing into a brick\n wall. Printed on the bag was “$155”. As I opened the bag, a gleam of\n golden yellow illuminated my wonder-stricken face.\n
\n
\n The mighty\n Paul W. caressed his stubble thoughtfully while giving me a stern look.\n The corner of his mouth turned upward, ever so slightly, and he winked.\n “Yeah, that oughta do you just fine,” he said. A man in a bowler cap\n sitting in a dingy corner must have rubbed him the wrong way at that\n moment. Paul W. turned to the man and, with a ferocity in his eyes\n typically recalled only by dead lion tamers, said, “What the fuck are\n you looking at?” The man’s head exploded.\n
\n
\n Yes, the other Paul was\n right. It\n \n did\n \n oughta do me. It\n did oughta do me\n \n just fine\n \n .\n These two noble, charitable, magnificent men entered my life and changed\n everything. They asked for nothing in return. Indeed, what does one give\n the man who has everything, and everything to give? These two radiant\n titans of masculine virtue, they are perfect. They are gracious\n perfection itself. I feel emboldened as I am flanked by my two Pauls, my\n saviors of brawn, my dapper hulks of sapient mettle. I can do anything\n with my Pauls. My arms interlock with theirs, and together we spin\n pinwheels into the night. Spinning, spinning, laughing, and\n spinning.\n
\n
\n I speak to you as a man who has had his faith in\n humanity not merely restored, not merely gutted, refitted with high-end\n parts and refurbished, but as a man who has had humanity itself, in the\n form of two exquisite Pauls, invest its faith in me.\n
\n
\n I speak to\n you as a man who has just purchased a painting of an orange-haired pony\n flicking its hooves at a strapping pigskin warrior.\n
\n
\n I speak to\n you—\n
\n
\n\n VICTORIOUS.\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n ------\n
\n
\n I promptly took the money and ran like the black-sinewed, scarlet-maned wind. I ran to T’s Paypal page and bought his astonishing work of art.\n
\n
\n All that was left to do was for me to sit back and wait for my painting to come in the mail.\n
\n
\n And sit back and wait for my painting to come in the mail I did.\n
\n
\n And come in the mail it did.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted 01/18/08\n
\n \"Total Victory\"\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n If\n you’ve followed me on this journey, from the harrowing setbacks at the\n start, to the stunning success of the fund raiser and ultimate\n validation of all that is right with humanity, then you know how\n important this day is.\n
\n
\n This is a victory not for me, but for us\n all. It is a spirited, flaming-maned buck against the petulant voice\n which tells us our dreams can’t come true, and we are just wasting our\n time.\n
\n
\n Dreams do come true. Your wildest wishes can happen. Magic\n is real. Fairytales are sobering nonfiction, and your bravest fancies\n are a rock-fucking-solid lock. Hold fast to your dreams and soon you\n will hold them over your head like the beating, dripping heart of the\n enemy commander.\n
\n
\n When one commits his entire being to an idea or\n an outcome, never relenting or wavering, he cannot be stopped. It is not\n a matter of stating firmly, “One day, I will have that painting.” It is\n a matter of stating, and believing, “That painting is already mine. The\n momentary separation between myself and the painting is incidental to\n the reality, and of no consequence.” When one compresses all his drive\n and concentration onto the head of a pin for one goal, it can no longer\n be considered a goal. It is a conclusion manifest in the furling\n parchments of reality itself.\n
\n
\n So I urge you to celebrate this\n victory with me. The road was long and rocky, the potholes numerous. But\n in retrospect, any perceived suspense was merely destiny’s sleight of\n hand!\n
\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n
\n AND\n SO ON\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 1:19\n PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" + "html": "\n

\n\n Wednesday, January 7, 2009\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n Need\n for the Steed\n \n

\n
\n\n Exactly one year ago, I purchased a painting of a horse.\n
\n
\n I chronicled this remarkable tale in my old blog. I repost the major excerpts from this adventure here today for posterity.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n\n Posted 12/17/2007\n
\n “Fundraiser 07-08: Need for the Steed”\n \n
\n
\n A\n lot of webmasters such as bloggers or webcomic authors have fundraisers\n from time to time. It’s usually for something like a new computer (they\n are upgrading so they can better bring YOU content. How benevolent!), or\n some other piece of electronic equipment, or maybe even a medical\n procedure.\n
\n
\n This practice is of course self-indulgent bullshit. If\n you need money for something, go get a job and save the money yourself.\n Shaking coins from your readership like a piggybank at the threat of\n suspended content or hiatus is a crass move indeed.\n
\n
\n Unless you\n have a really good reason, that is. Like me.\n
\n
\n Today I am launching\n a bold fundraising campaign, “Fundraiser 07-08: Need for the Steed”, to\n obtain the monies necessary to purchase this incredible\n painting.\n
\n
\n\n
\n A\n while ago I discovered this artist simply named “T”. I was instantly\n smitten.\n
\n
\n I “reviewed” (i.e. fawned over) the work at an earlier\n date. I have supplied an excerpt from this review here.\n
\n
\n\n Everything about this painting is fucking amazing. Oakland Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski fending off a wild, flaming black steed, in a mystical snowcapped mountain setting. I don’t know if it’s the concept alone, which itself is obviously mind-blowing. Maybe it’s also the curious, vaguely-humanoid musculature of the horse. It has a man’s bicep and triceps, and some very suspiciously man-like back muscles. Or maybe it’s the flaming mane, which on closer inspection, doesn’t resemble flame so much as synthetic orange puppet hair. This steed is either from hell, or has recently escaped Fraggle Rock, and is ready to tear the entire NFL a new asshole. But he didn’t count on bumping into Bill Romo (understandably, since he was bucking around the middle of the damned Himalayas).\n \n
\n
\n I\n wrote that several years ago, and before I catch myself extolling the\n grandeur of the painterly genius of “T” again, I’ll just get to the\n point. A couple years ago around the same time of year, a little before\n Christmas, I wrote “T” an email offering to purchase the painting. In\n addition to gushing about his work with strategically vapid and\n obsequious prose, I offered him $50 for it. This offer was more than\n fair, I thought. He however declined, saying he simply could not accept\n any less than $400 for it.\n
\n
\n Ok, so obviously I thought this guy\n was out of his fucking mind, turning down good money of any quantity for\n this ugly piece of shit. But that was probably just the anger of\n rejection talking. I would get over it.\n
\n
\n Recently, I offered to\n buy the painting again, hoping he might have forgotten about his\n hard-line stance and come to terms with the unsellability of his putrid\n work (oops, there I go again with the bitterness. I have good reason\n again though.) I was prepared to offer another $50, maybe go a little\n higher if necessary. It’s turning into a kind of Christmas tradition.\n This is how all of the finest holiday traditions begin, I think. Through\n hostile adherence to something pointless and mildly\n excruciating.\n
\n
\n This is how the latest interaction went down.\n Here’s the pitch I opened with:\n
\n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n\n Hello,\n \n
\n
\n\n I am writing you in regard to this beautiful painting\n \n
\n\n listed on your website. [link to painting]\n \n
\n
\n\n Would you consider selling this?\n \n
\n
\n\n A long time ago I wrote you on the same subject, but\n \n
\n\n it seemed the paintings were unavailable if I recall.\n \n
\n
\n\n I am hoping they may be available now! What would you\n \n
\n\n charge for the above piece?\n \n
\n
\n\n Thank you for your time.\n \n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n
\n Personally I think it\n was a pretty well composed pitch. The tone is right, and I think I\n tailored my demeanor to seem just convincingly stupid enough to\n genuinely like this [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed painting (which I do!). Notice how I\n downplayed his vicious prior obstinacy by referring to the paintings as\n “unavailable if I recall”. Master stroke. Also I didn’t come out firing\n with a dollar figure, mainly because I didn’t want to scare him off\n right away. I needed to ease him into the fact that I am still only\n willing to part with $50 for this abomination.\n
\n
\n Anyway, this was\n his reply.\n
\n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n\n Hey Andrew,\n \n
\n
\n\n Thanks for checking back. I do have a price on the painting it is $425. A few people have e-mailed me about buying it for less, but I would rather just hang on to it. I like the piece a lot and haven’t painted anything since it. It was to be the first in a series of sports fantasy paintings, but I have gotten side tracked with my job and other family things so I haven’t started painting again. I will get back to it soon. So, if you want it for the $425 it is yours, if not, I will keep it on my wall.\n \n
\n
\n\n Thank you\n \n
\n\n T\n \n
\n\n ———–\n \n
\n
\n I grope for language\n to describe my reaction. Nay, a single word.\n
\n
\n LIVIDITY.\n
\n
\n $425??\n So it seems he actually\n \n raised\n \n the\n price over the years. Oh, and PARDON my skepticism at the implication\n that he has received other offers over the years for his idiotic shit.\n He is probably only vaguely recollecting the ONE time it happened. From\n ME.\n
\n
\n Naturally, I swallowed my indignation like the bitch I am. I\n just need that painting, and obviously it’s going to take more fancy\n footwork to pry it from his grubby, miserly hands. I responded, and this\n was my first sentence.\n
\n
\n\n Wow, it is very cool that it is still for sale! I would\n \n
\n\n really love to have it.\n \n
\n
\n Notice\n how easily I slip back into character. Whatever obscure pocket of\n personal acumen this is, I seem to possess it in spades. I probably\n could have been one of those spies who entrenches himself in Russian\n territory, uncovering intelligence on nuclear sites. Except instead of\n nukes, I would be disarming the Russian aristocracy of all their shitty\n paintings of horses, and vanishing with them into the\n night.\n
\n
\n\n $425 is a lot of money for me. But I think your work\n \n
\n\n is good and you deserve to be compensated well for it.\n \n
\n
\n If\n his heart wasn’t made of stone, it would melt at this line. I am playing\n up to his megalomaniacal belief that his work actually has value,\n combined with voicing a sad state of affairs for myself, like I am a\n charity case. For all he knows, I’m like Tiny Tim with a crutch, holding\n up my tin bowl, and instead of asking for gruel, saying, “Could I please\n ‘ave a paintin’ sir, preferably an NFL-star-battling-horse themed one,\n sir?” These sentiments would tickle any artist starved for positive\n feedback for his ghastly work, assuming he wasn’t totally deranged.\n Unfortunately, his heart is made of stone, and he is deranged.\n
\n
\n I\n went on in that reply, trying to strike up a deal, but he didn’t\n respond. I was prepared to dish out more toadying remarks, too, like\n seriously encouraging him to take up painting again, and saying I would\n love to see him continue his series of sports fantasy paintings. This\n has the added bonus of being true. How about Terrel Owens putting a\n unicorn in a headlock while forging through an enchanted jungle? Or star\n kicker Adam Vinatieri kicking an ogre in the groin near a dark wizard’s\n castle? Or quarterback Tom Brady kissing a male elf atop a bubbling\n volcano? This series would be fucking dynamite, and I’d love to own the\n whole set (as long as I didn’t have to sell my kidneys for it).\n
\n
\n Anyway,\n if I want this painting, obviously the only thing I can do is pay the\n full price for it. And I think you will agree, it would be ridiculous\n for me to spend that much of my own money on it.\n
\n
\n That’s where YOU\n come in!\n
\n
\n So\n \n pony\n \n up with\n the donations guys, and soon you will enjoy the vicarious delights of\n owning a completely unique work of art, through me!\n
\n
\n If you\n donate, I will do something for you. I’m not really sure what yet. It\n depends on the size of the donation. If it’s only like $5 or $10, I\n might just write you a detailed thank you note. Maybe I will email you a\n custom sketch or a comic too, we’ll see. If you make a bigger donation,\n like $50, you can feel free to be more demanding with my time, like tell\n me to draw you a comic and mail it to you. I don’t know, but I’ll make\n it worth your while. Come on guys, let’s work on this together!\n
\n
\n Of\n course the biggest reward is the giving itself, and knowing you are\n contributing to a cause much more worthwhile than something lame like\n upgrading my computer. YAWN!\n
\n
\n The donation thermometer is ready to\n skyrocket!\n
\n
\n\n
\n Caveats\n and provisos: In the event that there are some donations, but the target\n is not reached, I reserve the right to spend the donations on whatever I\n want. Like dinners at the Olive Garden. I also reserve this right should\n the target be reached, but I no longer really feel like buying the\n painting.\n
\n
\n
\n\n ------\n
\n
\n So as you can see from the above “progress bar” graphic, the donation figure steadily climbed to $145. This was very promising, but it was still a long way off the mark, and I was beginning to suspect I would fall short. I was already contemplating the succession of succulent Olive Garden feasts I would be using that money to finance. The kaleidoscope of savory Mediterranean flavors had begun to work its powers of affordable, family-dining hypnosis on me.\n
\n
\n But not so fast.\n
\n
\n Early in January of the following year, this is what happened.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted 01/07/2008\n
\n \"WE FUCKING DID IT!\"\n \n
\n
\n Ladies\n and gentlemen…\n
\n
\n\n\n\n VICTORY.\n \n\n\n
\n
\n TLDR -\n Yesterday, two incredible guys, both named Paul, independently of each\n other donated the full remainder needed to buy the painting. Yeah, you\n may want to read the story. It’s fucking epic.\n
\n
\n How was this feat\n possible? Needless to say, the magnificent achievement’s brick and\n mortar was the charitable will and good grace of you, the readers. Alas,\n noble though your efforts were, they were not enough. Standing on your\n shoulders, I only reached halfway up the wall, a far cry from being\n allowed to glimpse the pleasure gardens of painterly depictions of\n unbridled equine savagery waged against professional sports legends.\n
\n
\n It’s\n at this point in the story which I smile and tap my pipe on the heel of\n my shoe. My gaze becomes abstracted, my eyes shimmer. I am no longer\n with you.\n
\n
\n I am crumpled under the barstools of an unaccountable\n dive somewhere. I marinate in puddles of liquids to which I myself\n contributed not moments ago. I mumble incoherently with my lips around\n something—I think, and pray, it is a bottle. Slurred words wander from\n the drowsy orifice, and occasionally stumble from a runny nostril.\n “Horse”, was it? “Romanowski”, did I say? If the other disinterested\n patrons of the bar strained to listen, they might have made out the\n phrase “epic mountaintop struggle” as well.\n
\n
\n I thrash. My\n delirious convulsions become more pronounced. Feverish visions pester\n me, like an overzealous carnival employee lurking, poised to frighten in\n a shoddy haunted house. My breathing is heavy. “No… horse…” I say. “I\n can’t… linebacker…” I wheeze. At once I sit upright, and shout, “I will\n never own that painting of a horse attacking a champion of the\n gridiron!!!”\n
\n
\n There was a voice. A rich, amber-throated sort of\n vocal honey.\n
\n
\n\n “Yes you will.”\n \n
\n
\n My eyes\n find a pair of shoes. Cream-colored, polished like the ivory bust of an\n African prince, presented as a gift to European royalty. Draped over\n them, cuffs belonging to pants, also cream-colored and well pressed. I\n look up. And up. This man had no end! His elegant form broadened as it\n ascended, and was stopped, nay,\n \n commanded to halt\n \n by a pair of shoulders so sturdy, a banquet for a devout Catholic family\n of fifteen could be served on each, and the settings would not jostle an\n inch while a pious,\n \n severe\n \n grace\n was conducted by the patriarch. Hanging on these shoulders was a coat of\n immaculate cut, and a slightly different cream color. Other colors of\n cream accented his tie, shirt, and kerchief, and above all those was a\n bronze, manly face. His smile was wide and serene, his eyes winter blue,\n deep with kindness. He wore a cream-colored hat.\n
\n
\n The room hushed.\n Somewhere a utensil fell onto a piece of glass or ceramic. Everyone\n knew.\n
\n
\n It was Paul Elsewho.\n
\n
\n “But… but sir. I can’t buy it.\n I haven’t the monetary discretion for the painting.” It was the\n sniveling blither indigenous to the tongue of the truly\n pathetic.\n
\n
\n “You do now,” the man said, clicking a ball point pen,\n which now busied itself above a checkbook. “You can and you will buy\n that painting of a steed grappling with an Oakland-area\n athlete.”\n
\n
\n The words resonated from his amber throat. I knew any\n words from it would be true. He handed me the check for $155 United\n States dollars.\n
\n
\n Even though I know in my heart the assurance of\n this man stretches further than that of the U.S. Treasury for the merit\n of the currency he gives me, my craven mouth cannot help but persist in\n its loathsome habits of doubt. “But sir… what if it’s\n \n still\n \n not enough?”\n
\n
\n That’s\n when the door exploded off its hinges, as if punched inward by the\n searing daylight. The light was then blocked by another imposing form,\n its silhouette boasting the contours of an exquisite physique. “\n \n That’s where I come in,\n \n ” boomed\n the rugged, gravelly voice.\n
\n
\n I clutched the garb of Paul E. and\n hid behind his confident frame. I quivered like a reprehensible bit of\n cowardly gelatin. Through the tears, I saw who it was. Everyone did. It\n was the legendary Paul W.\n
\n
\n He tossed his scarf over one shoulder.\n The tables in the room lifted an inch off the ground with each\n astonishing footstep. The bartender hid. Paul dropped a sack full of\n valuables, which made a noise like a gypsy’s cart smashing into a brick\n wall. Printed on the bag was “$155”. As I opened the bag, a gleam of\n golden yellow illuminated my wonder-stricken face.\n
\n
\n The mighty\n Paul W. caressed his stubble thoughtfully while giving me a stern look.\n The corner of his mouth turned upward, ever so slightly, and he winked.\n “Yeah, that oughta do you just fine,” he said. A man in a bowler cap\n sitting in a dingy corner must have rubbed him the wrong way at that\n moment. Paul W. turned to the man and, with a ferocity in his eyes\n typically recalled only by dead lion tamers, said, “What the fuck are\n you looking at?” The man’s head exploded.\n
\n
\n Yes, the other Paul was\n right. It\n \n did\n \n oughta do me. It\n did oughta do me\n \n just fine\n \n .\n These two noble, charitable, magnificent men entered my life and changed\n everything. They asked for nothing in return. Indeed, what does one give\n the man who has everything, and everything to give? These two radiant\n titans of masculine virtue, they are perfect. They are gracious\n perfection itself. I feel emboldened as I am flanked by my two Pauls, my\n saviors of brawn, my dapper hulks of sapient mettle. I can do anything\n with my Pauls. My arms interlock with theirs, and together we spin\n pinwheels into the night. Spinning, spinning, laughing, and\n spinning.\n
\n
\n I speak to you as a man who has had his faith in\n humanity not merely restored, not merely gutted, refitted with high-end\n parts and refurbished, but as a man who has had humanity itself, in the\n form of two exquisite Pauls, invest its faith in me.\n
\n
\n I speak to\n you as a man who has just purchased a painting of an orange-haired pony\n flicking its hooves at a strapping pigskin warrior.\n
\n
\n I speak to\n you—\n
\n
\n\n VICTORIOUS.\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n ------\n
\n
\n I promptly took the money and ran like the black-sinewed, scarlet-maned wind. I ran to T’s Paypal page and bought his astonishing work of art.\n
\n
\n All that was left to do was for me to sit back and wait for my painting to come in the mail.\n
\n
\n And sit back and wait for my painting to come in the mail I did.\n
\n
\n And come in the mail it did.\n
\n
\n ------\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted 01/18/08\n
\n \"Total Victory\"\n \n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n If\n you’ve followed me on this journey, from the harrowing setbacks at the\n start, to the stunning success of the fund raiser and ultimate\n validation of all that is right with humanity, then you know how\n important this day is.\n
\n
\n This is a victory not for me, but for us\n all. It is a spirited, flaming-maned buck against the petulant voice\n which tells us our dreams can’t come true, and we are just wasting our\n time.\n
\n
\n Dreams do come true. Your wildest wishes can happen. Magic\n is real. Fairytales are sobering nonfiction, and your bravest fancies\n are a rock-fucking-solid lock. Hold fast to your dreams and soon you\n will hold them over your head like the beating, dripping heart of the\n enemy commander.\n
\n
\n When one commits his entire being to an idea or\n an outcome, never relenting or wavering, he cannot be stopped. It is not\n a matter of stating firmly, “One day, I will have that painting.” It is\n a matter of stating, and believing, “That painting is already mine. The\n momentary separation between myself and the painting is incidental to\n the reality, and of no consequence.” When one compresses all his drive\n and concentration onto the head of a pin for one goal, it can no longer\n be considered a goal. It is a conclusion manifest in the furling\n parchments of reality itself.\n
\n
\n So I urge you to celebrate this\n victory with me. The road was long and rocky, the potholes numerous. But\n in retrospect, any perceived suspense was merely destiny’s sleight of\n hand!\n
\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n\n
\n
\n AND\n SO ON\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 1:19\n PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" }, { "id": "fancy-santas-are-stupid-imposters", -<<<<<<< HEAD - "html": "\n

\n\n Tuesday, December 23, 2008\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n Fancy-Santas\n are Stupid Imposters\n \n

\n
\n\n (Since Christmas is in the air, I thought it would be a good time for a redux of this article posted in my old blog. It is probably the only thing worth salvaging from that blog and in this season of sharing I feel it is important to share it with you.\n \n )\n
\n
\n I\n hate Fancy-Santas. Unlike the archetypical Santa, the cliché with the\n bright red suit, white beard, and unassuming accessories like black\n boots and mittens, the Fancy-Santa tries to be more than the cliché. He\n drapes himself in ruffled velvets, expensive European leathers, peculiar\n hats, and often can be found carrying around armloads of weird things,\n like a wreath, or a swan, or a fucking bush.\n
\n
\n But what’s worse is\n his attitude. The Fancy-Santa acts like he’s too good to be a normal\n Santa. While a normal Santa is jolly and friendly, the Fancy-Santa is\n aloof and acts like a complete prick. He likes to think he’s mysterious,\n tiptoeing through the woods, occasionally pausing to cast an abstract\n gaze into the northern sky. What mortal could dare to even fathom the\n grand majesties behind his ice-blue eyes and gaudy attire? What mortal\n could afford one of his bullshit dolls or figurines?\n
\n
\n You’ve\n probably seen a Fancy-Santa slowly rotating on a QVC broadcast for about\n $900, while a spokeswoman gingerly strokes his velvet robes. She uses\n words like “beautiful” and “exquisite” and “precious”. To her, the\n Fancy-Santa resembles everything good and decent left in her life, a\n life looted of joy by a succession of boorish ex-husbands. There is\n nothing boorish about a Fancy-Santa though. He is thoughtful, dignified,\n elegant—the perfect gentleman. And the perfect catch for a lonely\n middle-aged woman, if she could just find him in the fucking woods\n first. (protip: set a bear trap)\n
\n
\n Still don’t know what I’m\n talking about? You’re lucky, then. But I’m afraid your good fortune runs\n out here.\n
\n
\n This is a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Just\n look at that asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is? What is he so\n happy about?\n
\n
\n Listen, you imposter. You are not Kris Kringle. Put\n down the wreath, take off your silly robes, and go home.\n
\n
\n They are\n always decked out in an absurd plethora of ridiculous shit. He’s got a\n small crystal tree. You know, in case of an emergency. And some kind of\n weird lacey doily hanging from it. Also, a list for authenticity’s sake,\n because—ha ha!—he’s got to confirm which children are naughty or nice.\n As if he’s going to be giving children jack shit.\n
\n
\n If you ever run\n into a Fancy-Santa like this, the only proper recourse is to splash your\n eggnog in his face and pull down his pants.\n
\n
\n Next. Get a load of\n this horse’s ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n There’s\n always a vague implication that Fancy-Santas are a kind of rugged\n proprietor of the wilderness. A great mystical outdoorsman, oozing\n communion with nature. He is a noble champion of the woods and all its\n critters.\n
\n
\n Bullshit!\n
\n
\n He’s a glorified bum. Just because he\n lives in the woods doesn’t mean he owns them. And just because animals\n are stupid enough to sidle up to him doesn’t mean he won’t eat them and\n then use their pelts to craft another luxurious hooded robe. I imagine\n happening upon a Fancy-Santa skulking around in the woods is sort of\n like seeing Bigfoot. Except Bigfoot probably has the decency to at least\n dig a hole before he takes a shit on the ground.\n
\n
\n This next one is\n a better example than the previous two, and I hate him all the more,\n because he takes himself more seriously.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n hard work being such a monumental bullshit artist like a Fancy-Santa. It\n helps to look grave and stern, as if you are burdened by crushing\n mountains of hidden wisdom. Secretly, the only wisdom he guards is an\n array of handy pointers on how to get fleas out of a beard.\n
\n
\n I\n guess the unspoken hook to a Fancy-Santa is that they’re supposed to be\n magic. Like a fucking wizard. They really look like wizards, but with a\n Santa twist. I think the Fancy-Santa thing is really just a way for\n wizard freaks to get their jollies (yes, that was a Santa pun). But they\n can do so through the safety of mainstream Christmas orthodoxy.\n Similarly, the same middle-aged women who like wizards possibly like\n them because they remind them of Santa, the great paternal emblem, and\n perhaps hence, the “perfect man”. This perhaps further is the disturbing\n central pivot point for some weird fetish or visceral attraction\n programmed into the female mind set to erupt in middle age. The\n wizard/Santa allure is deep-rooted stuff, and expresses itself in many\n ways. I wonder if it explains in part the popularity of Harry Potter.\n Dumbledore was sort of like a Fancy-Santa. I wonder if J.K. Rowling\n collects Fancy-Santas. Of course, Dumbledore was proven to be gay, which\n on further reflection may be a critical part of the mythos. It makes\n these ideal mystical men unavailable, furthering the complex of\n unattainability. Come to think of it, now I’m sure all Fancy-Santas must\n be gay too. They are FANCY, after all. The rouge cheeks, the playful\n smirks. It’s all adding up. They’re a bunch of nomadic (REDACTED)s whisking\n through the snow.\n
\n
\n But in reality, they aren’t even really all\n that magic. Because they’re stupid frauds. I mean, what can they really\n do that’s all that great? Maybe give you a sly wink, and when you turn\n around again, he’s gone. BIG FUCKING DEAL! He’s a self-absorbed jackass\n who would never use whatever lame powers he has to help anyone. He’s\n certainly not delivering presents. The real Santa doesn’t mess around.\n He’s got a whole army of slave labor devoted to making toys, and\n actually has the means to deliver them. A Fancy-Santa barely bothers\n with the pretense. He might get around to giving kids presents if all\n the children on the earth happened to live in the fucking woods with\n him, maybe in a two mile radius. But they don’t, they live in houses\n like normal people. Whenever a Fancy-Santa carries around toys, it is\n just for show. If you see him walking around with a teddy bear, I can\n guarantee you that in the near future, rather than give it to a\n youngster, he will burn it for warmth.\n
\n
\n Then there are ones like\n this, which are doubly infuriating. This dude thinks he’s Gandalf the\n White. Jesus Christ, he’s so fucking pure, I bet every time he bends\n over, a flock of white doves flaps frantically out of his\n ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n passed off like he’s the Lord of Winter or some bullshit. If you ever\n see an idiot like this traipsing around, the proper thing to do is\n approach him from behind and push him into a pile of snow and then run\n away.\n
\n
\n This one is riding a fucking bear. Go to hell,\n numbnuts!\n
\n
\n\n
\n Look\n at the absurd hat on this one. And what exactly does he think he’s going\n to do with that sled full of toys? Who’s he trying to kid? Even he has\n to feel too much shame in his reprehensible appearance to parade that\n sled around in public. Anyway, I doubt he could push that thing more\n than a mile through the woods before suffering from cardiac\n arrest.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Then,\n as if standard Fancy-Santa fare weren’t dreadful enough, there are these\n themed ones. This one is sort of hobo-themed. This wayward wintry\n bindlestiff gazes vacantly into the clouds as if wondering where it all\n went wrong.\n
\n
\n The answer is of course the moment he decided to\n become a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Surf’s\n up!!! There are few pleasures that compare to the experience of wringing\n sea water out of a puffy white beard.\n
\n
\n This Fancy-Santa seriously\n needs to just go fuck off.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Even\n the Orient is getting in on the act! This Fancy-Santa is absolutely\n terrifying. I can’t tell whether he embodies the spirit of Christmas, or\n the malice of a dark Asian emperor. I’ve never seen a Santa, or any\n holiday figure, who I suspect would beat the shit out of me with one\n hand while he used the other to sip calmly from a bowl of\n soup.\n
\n
\n\n
\n That\n is all I have to say about Fancy-Santas for now. But there is a lot more\n to say on the subject, and when I uncover more of these vile and\n stomach-turning truths about these frauds you can be sure that I will\n post all the dirt here.\n
\n
\n Maybe come Christmas morning the true\n Saint Nicholas will have left something to this effect beneath your\n tree.\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 12:01 PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" -======= - "html": "\n

\n\n Tuesday, December 23, 2008\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n Fancy-Santas\n are Stupid Imposters\n \n

\n
\n\n (Since Christmas is in the air, I thought it would be a good time for a redux of this article posted in my old blog. It is probably the only thing worth salvaging from that blog and in this season of sharing I feel it is important to share it with you.\n \n )\n
\n
\n I\n hate Fancy-Santas. Unlike the archetypical Santa, the cliché with the\n bright red suit, white beard, and unassuming accessories like black\n boots and mittens, the Fancy-Santa tries to be more than the cliché. He\n drapes himself in ruffled velvets, expensive European leathers, peculiar\n hats, and often can be found carrying around armloads of weird things,\n like a wreath, or a swan, or a fucking bush.\n
\n
\n But what’s worse is\n his attitude. The Fancy-Santa acts like he’s too good to be a normal\n Santa. While a normal Santa is jolly and friendly, the Fancy-Santa is\n aloof and acts like a complete prick. He likes to think he’s mysterious,\n tiptoeing through the woods, occasionally pausing to cast an abstract\n gaze into the northern sky. What mortal could dare to even fathom the\n grand majesties behind his ice-blue eyes and gaudy attire? What mortal\n could afford one of his bullshit dolls or figurines?\n
\n
\n You’ve\n probably seen a Fancy-Santa slowly rotating on a QVC broadcast for about\n $900, while a spokeswoman gingerly strokes his velvet robes. She uses\n words like “beautiful” and “exquisite” and “precious”. To her, the\n Fancy-Santa resembles everything good and decent left in her life, a\n life looted of joy by a succession of boorish ex-husbands. There is\n nothing boorish about a Fancy-Santa though. He is thoughtful, dignified,\n elegant—the perfect gentleman. And the perfect catch for a lonely\n middle-aged woman, if she could just find him in the fucking woods\n first. (protip: set a bear trap)\n
\n
\n Still don’t know what I’m\n talking about? You’re lucky, then. But I’m afraid your good fortune runs\n out here.\n
\n
\n This is a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Just\n look at that asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is? What is he so\n happy about?\n
\n
\n Listen, you imposter. You are not Kris Kringle. Put\n down the wreath, take off your silly robes, and go home.\n
\n
\n They are\n always decked out in an absurd plethora of ridiculous shit. He’s got a\n small crystal tree. You know, in case of an emergency. And some kind of\n weird lacey doily hanging from it. Also, a list for authenticity’s sake,\n because—ha ha!—he’s got to confirm which children are naughty or nice.\n As if he’s going to be giving children jack shit.\n
\n
\n If you ever run\n into a Fancy-Santa like this, the only proper recourse is to splash your\n eggnog in his face and pull down his pants.\n
\n
\n Next. Get a load of\n this horse’s ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n There’s\n always a vague implication that Fancy-Santas are a kind of rugged\n proprietor of the wilderness. A great mystical outdoorsman, oozing\n communion with nature. He is a noble champion of the woods and all its\n critters.\n
\n
\n Bullshit!\n
\n
\n He’s a glorified bum. Just because he\n lives in the woods doesn’t mean he owns them. And just because animals\n are stupid enough to sidle up to him doesn’t mean he won’t eat them and\n then use their pelts to craft another luxurious hooded robe. I imagine\n happening upon a Fancy-Santa skulking around in the woods is sort of\n like seeing Bigfoot. Except Bigfoot probably has the decency to at least\n dig a hole before he takes a shit on the ground.\n
\n
\n This next one is\n a better example than the previous two, and I hate him all the more,\n because he takes himself more seriously.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n hard work being such a monumental bullshit artist like a Fancy-Santa. It\n helps to look grave and stern, as if you are burdened by crushing\n mountains of hidden wisdom. Secretly, the only wisdom he guards is an\n array of handy pointers on how to get fleas out of a beard.\n
\n
\n I\n guess the unspoken hook to a Fancy-Santa is that they’re supposed to be\n magic. Like a fucking wizard. They really look like wizards, but with a\n Santa twist. I think the Fancy-Santa thing is really just a way for\n wizard freaks to get their jollies (yes, that was a Santa pun). But they\n can do so through the safety of mainstream Christmas orthodoxy.\n Similarly, the same middle-aged women who like wizards possibly like\n them because they remind them of Santa, the great paternal emblem, and\n perhaps hence, the “perfect man”. This perhaps further is the disturbing\n central pivot point for some weird fetish or visceral attraction\n programmed into the female mind set to erupt in middle age. The\n wizard/Santa allure is deep-rooted stuff, and expresses itself in many\n ways. I wonder if it explains in part the popularity of Harry Potter.\n Dumbledore was sort of like a Fancy-Santa. I wonder if J.K. Rowling\n collects Fancy-Santas. Of course, Dumbledore was proven to be gay, which\n on further reflection may be a critical part of the mythos. It makes\n these ideal mystical men unavailable, furthering the complex of\n unattainability. Come to think of it, now I’m sure all Fancy-Santas must\n be gay too. They are FANCY, after all. The rouge cheeks, the playful\n smirks. It’s all adding up. They’re a bunch of nomadic fags whisking\n through the snow.\n
\n
\n But in reality, they aren’t even really all\n that magic. Because they’re stupid frauds. I mean, what can they really\n do that’s all that great? Maybe give you a sly wink, and when you turn\n around again, he’s gone. BIG FUCKING DEAL! He’s a self-absorbed jackass\n who would never use whatever lame powers he has to help anyone. He’s\n certainly not delivering presents. The real Santa doesn’t mess around.\n He’s got a whole army of slave labor devoted to making toys, and\n actually has the means to deliver them. A Fancy-Santa barely bothers\n with the pretense. He might get around to giving kids presents if all\n the children on the earth happened to live in the fucking woods with\n him, maybe in a two mile radius. But they don’t, they live in houses\n like normal people. Whenever a Fancy-Santa carries around toys, it is\n just for show. If you see him walking around with a teddy bear, I can\n guarantee you that in the near future, rather than give it to a\n youngster, he will burn it for warmth.\n
\n
\n Then there are ones like\n this, which are doubly infuriating. This dude thinks he’s Gandalf the\n White. Jesus Christ, he’s so fucking pure, I bet every time he bends\n over, a flock of white doves flaps frantically out of his\n ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n passed off like he’s the Lord of Winter or some bullshit. If you ever\n see an idiot like this traipsing around, the proper thing to do is\n approach him from behind and push him into a pile of snow and then run\n away.\n
\n
\n This one is riding a fucking bear. Go to hell,\n numbnuts!\n
\n
\n\n
\n Look\n at the absurd hat on this one. And what exactly does he think he’s going\n to do with that sled full of toys? Who’s he trying to kid? Even he has\n to feel too much shame in his reprehensible appearance to parade that\n sled around in public. Anyway, I doubt he could push that thing more\n than a mile through the woods before suffering from cardiac\n arrest.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Then,\n as if standard Fancy-Santa fare weren’t dreadful enough, there are these\n themed ones. This one is sort of hobo-themed. This wayward wintry\n bindlestiff gazes vacantly into the clouds as if wondering where it all\n went wrong.\n
\n
\n The answer is of course the moment he decided to\n become a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Surf’s\n up!!! There are few pleasures that compare to the experience of wringing\n sea water out of a puffy white beard.\n
\n
\n This Fancy-Santa seriously\n needs to just go fuck off.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Even\n the Orient is getting in on the act! This Fancy-Santa is absolutely\n terrifying. I can’t tell whether he embodies the spirit of Christmas, or\n the malice of a dark Asian emperor. I’ve never seen a Santa, or any\n holiday figure, who I suspect would beat the shit out of me with one\n hand while he used the other to sip calmly from a bowl of\n soup.\n
\n
\n\n
\n That\n is all I have to say about Fancy-Santas for now. But there is a lot more\n to say on the subject, and when I uncover more of these vile and\n stomach-turning truths about these frauds you can be sure that I will\n post all the dirt here.\n
\n
\n Maybe come Christmas morning the true\n Saint Nicholas will have left something to this effect beneath your\n tree.\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 12:01 PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" ->>>>>>> parent of c66a032 (Minor changes) + "html": "\n

\n\n Tuesday, December 23, 2008\n \n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n\n Fancy-Santas\n are Stupid Imposters\n \n

\n
\n\n (Since Christmas is in the air, I thought it would be a good time for a redux of this article posted in my old blog. It is probably the only thing worth salvaging from that blog and in this season of sharing I feel it is important to share it with you.\n \n )\n
\n
\n I\n hate Fancy-Santas. Unlike the archetypical Santa, the cliché with the\n bright red suit, white beard, and unassuming accessories like black\n boots and mittens, the Fancy-Santa tries to be more than the cliché. He\n drapes himself in ruffled velvets, expensive European leathers, peculiar\n hats, and often can be found carrying around armloads of weird things,\n like a wreath, or a swan, or a fucking bush.\n
\n
\n But what’s worse is\n his attitude. The Fancy-Santa acts like he’s too good to be a normal\n Santa. While a normal Santa is jolly and friendly, the Fancy-Santa is\n aloof and acts like a complete prick. He likes to think he’s mysterious,\n tiptoeing through the woods, occasionally pausing to cast an abstract\n gaze into the northern sky. What mortal could dare to even fathom the\n grand majesties behind his ice-blue eyes and gaudy attire? What mortal\n could afford one of his bullshit dolls or figurines?\n
\n
\n You’ve\n probably seen a Fancy-Santa slowly rotating on a QVC broadcast for about\n $900, while a spokeswoman gingerly strokes his velvet robes. She uses\n words like “beautiful” and “exquisite” and “precious”. To her, the\n Fancy-Santa resembles everything good and decent left in her life, a\n life looted of joy by a succession of boorish ex-husbands. There is\n nothing boorish about a Fancy-Santa though. He is thoughtful, dignified,\n elegant—the perfect gentleman. And the perfect catch for a lonely\n middle-aged woman, if she could just find him in the fucking woods\n first. (protip: set a bear trap)\n
\n
\n Still don’t know what I’m\n talking about? You’re lucky, then. But I’m afraid your good fortune runs\n out here.\n
\n
\n This is a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Just\n look at that asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is? What is he so\n happy about?\n
\n
\n Listen, you imposter. You are not Kris Kringle. Put\n down the wreath, take off your silly robes, and go home.\n
\n
\n They are\n always decked out in an absurd plethora of ridiculous shit. He’s got a\n small crystal tree. You know, in case of an emergency. And some kind of\n weird lacey doily hanging from it. Also, a list for authenticity’s sake,\n because—ha ha!—he’s got to confirm which children are naughty or nice.\n As if he’s going to be giving children jack shit.\n
\n
\n If you ever run\n into a Fancy-Santa like this, the only proper recourse is to splash your\n eggnog in his face and pull down his pants.\n
\n
\n Next. Get a load of\n this horse’s ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n There’s\n always a vague implication that Fancy-Santas are a kind of rugged\n proprietor of the wilderness. A great mystical outdoorsman, oozing\n communion with nature. He is a noble champion of the woods and all its\n critters.\n
\n
\n Bullshit!\n
\n
\n He’s a glorified bum. Just because he\n lives in the woods doesn’t mean he owns them. And just because animals\n are stupid enough to sidle up to him doesn’t mean he won’t eat them and\n then use their pelts to craft another luxurious hooded robe. I imagine\n happening upon a Fancy-Santa skulking around in the woods is sort of\n like seeing Bigfoot. Except Bigfoot probably has the decency to at least\n dig a hole before he takes a shit on the ground.\n
\n
\n This next one is\n a better example than the previous two, and I hate him all the more,\n because he takes himself more seriously.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n hard work being such a monumental bullshit artist like a Fancy-Santa. It\n helps to look grave and stern, as if you are burdened by crushing\n mountains of hidden wisdom. Secretly, the only wisdom he guards is an\n array of handy pointers on how to get fleas out of a beard.\n
\n
\n I\n guess the unspoken hook to a Fancy-Santa is that they’re supposed to be\n magic. Like a fucking wizard. They really look like wizards, but with a\n Santa twist. I think the Fancy-Santa thing is really just a way for\n wizard freaks to get their jollies (yes, that was a Santa pun). But they\n can do so through the safety of mainstream Christmas orthodoxy.\n Similarly, the same middle-aged women who like wizards possibly like\n them because they remind them of Santa, the great paternal emblem, and\n perhaps hence, the “perfect man”. This perhaps further is the disturbing\n central pivot point for some weird fetish or visceral attraction\n programmed into the female mind set to erupt in middle age. The\n wizard/Santa allure is deep-rooted stuff, and expresses itself in many\n ways. I wonder if it explains in part the popularity of Harry Potter.\n Dumbledore was sort of like a Fancy-Santa. I wonder if J.K. Rowling\n collects Fancy-Santas. Of course, Dumbledore was proven to be gay, which\n on further reflection may be a critical part of the mythos. It makes\n these ideal mystical men unavailable, furthering the complex of\n unattainability. Come to think of it, now I’m sure all Fancy-Santas must\n be gay too. They are FANCY, after all. The rouge cheeks, the playful\n smirks. It’s all adding up. They’re a bunch of nomadic (REDACTED) whisking\n through the snow.\n
\n
\n But in reality, they aren’t even really all\n that magic. Because they’re stupid frauds. I mean, what can they really\n do that’s all that great? Maybe give you a sly wink, and when you turn\n around again, he’s gone. BIG FUCKING DEAL! He’s a self-absorbed jackass\n who would never use whatever lame powers he has to help anyone. He’s\n certainly not delivering presents. The real Santa doesn’t mess around.\n He’s got a whole army of slave labor devoted to making toys, and\n actually has the means to deliver them. A Fancy-Santa barely bothers\n with the pretense. He might get around to giving kids presents if all\n the children on the earth happened to live in the fucking woods with\n him, maybe in a two mile radius. But they don’t, they live in houses\n like normal people. Whenever a Fancy-Santa carries around toys, it is\n just for show. If you see him walking around with a teddy bear, I can\n guarantee you that in the near future, rather than give it to a\n youngster, he will burn it for warmth.\n
\n
\n Then there are ones like\n this, which are doubly infuriating. This dude thinks he’s Gandalf the\n White. Jesus Christ, he’s so fucking pure, I bet every time he bends\n over, a flock of white doves flaps frantically out of his\n ass.\n
\n
\n\n
\n It’s\n passed off like he’s the Lord of Winter or some bullshit. If you ever\n see an idiot like this traipsing around, the proper thing to do is\n approach him from behind and push him into a pile of snow and then run\n away.\n
\n
\n This one is riding a fucking bear. Go to hell,\n numbnuts!\n
\n
\n\n
\n Look\n at the absurd hat on this one. And what exactly does he think he’s going\n to do with that sled full of toys? Who’s he trying to kid? Even he has\n to feel too much shame in his reprehensible appearance to parade that\n sled around in public. Anyway, I doubt he could push that thing more\n than a mile through the woods before suffering from cardiac\n arrest.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Then,\n as if standard Fancy-Santa fare weren’t dreadful enough, there are these\n themed ones. This one is sort of hobo-themed. This wayward wintry\n bindlestiff gazes vacantly into the clouds as if wondering where it all\n went wrong.\n
\n
\n The answer is of course the moment he decided to\n become a Fancy-Santa.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Surf’s\n up!!! There are few pleasures that compare to the experience of wringing\n sea water out of a puffy white beard.\n
\n
\n This Fancy-Santa seriously\n needs to just go fuck off.\n
\n
\n\n
\n Even\n the Orient is getting in on the act! This Fancy-Santa is absolutely\n terrifying. I can’t tell whether he embodies the spirit of Christmas, or\n the malice of a dark Asian emperor. I’ve never seen a Santa, or any\n holiday figure, who I suspect would beat the shit out of me with one\n hand while he used the other to sip calmly from a bowl of\n soup.\n
\n
\n\n
\n That\n is all I have to say about Fancy-Santas for now. But there is a lot more\n to say on the subject, and when I uncover more of these vile and\n stomach-turning truths about these frauds you can be sure that I will\n post all the dirt here.\n
\n
\n Maybe come Christmas morning the true\n Saint Nicholas will have left something to this effect beneath your\n tree.\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n Posted by\n \n\n Andrew Hussie\n \n\n\n\n at\n \n 12:01 PM\n \n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n" }, { "id": "ms-paint-adventures-suggestion-box", @@ -244,7 +240,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie234616377", "timestamp": 1268006400, - "html": "

\nIf you were a pogo stick jump rope master, would you use your powers for good or evil? And what exactly would you do?\n

\ni would use my powers to call one of my homies and say yo dogg you gotta drive me to the hospital because i just did something fuckin (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ED with a pogo stick. ha ha no dude i'll tell you when you get here just hurry man i'm hurt pretty bad\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nFeb 7, 2010 - Mar 7, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nIf you were a pogo stick jump rope master, would you use your powers for good or evil? And what exactly would you do?\n

\ni would use my powers to call one of my homies and say yo dogg you gotta drive me to the hospital because i just did something fuckin [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ED with a pogo stick. ha ha no dude i'll tell you when you get here just hurry man i'm hurt pretty bad\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nFeb 7, 2010 - Mar 7, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie234621870", @@ -304,7 +300,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie234628360", "timestamp": 1268006400, - "html": "

\nclearly a lot of these questions are ass backward window licking (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed but no need to be rude andrew. how do you plan to reconcile all these people you've offended?\n

\nim being fine and everyone likes me.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nFeb 7, 2010 - Mar 7, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nclearly a lot of these questions are ass backward window licking [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed but no need to be rude andrew. how do you plan to reconcile all these people you've offended?\n

\nim being fine and everyone likes me.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nFeb 7, 2010 - Mar 7, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie234628628", @@ -1309,7 +1305,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie550162338", "timestamp": 1274918400, - "html": "

\nWhat is your opinion on the Pirates vs Ninjas debate?\n

\nHere is something I wrote about 5 years ago, back when the whole topic was more novel to discuss.
\n
\n
\n
\nHow to be Funny on the Internet: Lesson 1
\n
\nThe Internet is nothing if not a boundless population of aspiring comedians. They utilize this uncensored medium as an incubator of sorts for their abilities as humorists before exploding onto the standup circuit. While this will is universal, being a natural humorist is far from it. Luckily, I have a roadmap that will guide you towards the appearance of being funny on the Internet, if strictly adhered to.
\n
\nMention Ninjas.
\n
\n“A blur of black in a dim room. As the emperor ponders his koans, he cracks an eyelid. But it’s too late. Who else could make off with ancient scrolls and the lion’s share of a kind emperor’s spine before the shutter has yet swung closed from entry? If your answer was ‘not a ninja’, you’re fucking (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed.”
\n
\nNinjas are evidently hilarious. Particularly if alluded to in a manner that might be construed as tongue-in-cheek. But not completely. You don’t want to come off like you’re making fun of ninjas, because it is common knowledge that they are awesome.
\n
\nIf you are unlearned in the vicissitudes of cyberspace, you may find this confusing. I will try to explain. The first thing to realize: ninjas are awesome. There is nothing not awesome about them. They are practically the archetypical embodiment of awesomeness. So what exactly is so funny about them? Actually (and this is what may be hard to understand), nothing at all. When a ninja is invoked in any context, the response promotes the illusion that something humorous was said. But what has actually occurred is a mutual celebration of ninjas’ all-around awesomeness, kind of like an “implied high five”.
\n
\nBut wait, there’s more. You don’t want to get too wrapped up in how awesome ninjas are. That would be comedic seppuku. This will breed an attitude of reverence, and you begin to take them too seriously. Taking things seriously is nerdish, and very unfunny, especially on the Internet. You will become the target of ridicule, rather than targeter. This is why you must take a step back, and strike that intuitive balance between reverence for, and an outright mockery of ninjas. The joke becomes the fact that they are awesome, and they become MORE awesome because they are the joke. Place them in curious juxtapositions, mix them with references to pop culture. You’ll get the hang of it.
\n
\nAnd one final thought. Once you have digested all of this, and then mastered it, realize this profound scrap: the joke is actually the joke. Meditate on THAT.
\n
\nMention Pirates:
\n
\nPirates are also hilarious, and mentioning them will make you hilarious as well. This is for a similar set of reasons that make ninjas are funny. They are awesome. But awesome for different reasons. True, both classes share themes of danger, deadliness, and being generally badass. But while ninjas convey stealth, precision, and cunning, pirates evoke a sense of adventure, bravado, and foolhardy swagger. Their passion for buried riches is legendary, and they are not too proud to sing and dance either, provided a steady flow of rum. Mentioning pirates will conjure visions of all these things, and your friends will be enamored of your ruggedly adventurous sensibilities.
\n
\nBut as is the case with ninjas, your deployment of pirate references must also be tongue-in-cheek. You don’t want to come off as actually being into pirates seriously. That would be idiotic. Again, it’s like a verbal high five in celebration of pirates and what they represent. Consider a literal high five for a moment, between a couple of guys. It’s not about the momentary slapping of skin. It’s a symbolic gesture celebrating good times. If it were actually about the touching, the feeling of the other male’s skin on yours, and that’s what you liked about the high five, your mate would quickly become uncomfortable as you prolonged the gesture, caressing his palm. He would think you were gay. This brings us to the next point…
\n
\nCall Things “Gay”.
\n
\nBeing associated with homosexuality on the Internet, particularly being called “gay”, is to be avoided. On the other hand, calling people and things “gay” yourself is a good way to help you in your quest to be funny. It lets people know the following:
\n
\n1) You aren’t too politically correct to humorously equate homosexuality with something negative. This is not to say you dislike gays or the practice of being gay. You just know how to stay loose and have fun, you know?
\n
\n2) You clearly have opinions on things, particularly dislikes. Hating things, or more importantly, appearing to hate things, is a really excellent way to create the illusion that you have interesting thoughts, and a complex set of criteria for evaluating things for quality. This will intrigue people, who may secretly fear that your outlook on which things are gay might be more sophisticated than their own. Who knows, you may get some converts to your (largely fictional) set of values.
\n
\nCall Things “(EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed”.
\n
\nIf you don’t see why this word by itself is milk nostril-evacuatingly side-splitting, you’re fucking (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed.
\n
\nConversation Exercises:
\n
\nActor A: “Hey man, that website you showed me the other day was so gay.”
\n
\nActor B: “You must be (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed. You’re so (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed, your grandmother was raped by fucking pirates.”
\n
\nActor A: “Don’t say shit about my grandmother. She WAS a pirate. Trained by secret ninjas to do some totally un-gay moves on (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed gay people like you.”
\n
\nActor B: “I’d appreciate you not bringing my sexual orientation into this.”
\n
\nActor A: “Sorry.”
\n
\nActor B: “You know, I think you’re right. That website is pretty gay.”
\n
\nLesson Summary:
\n
\nThe themes in this lesson you have noticed, and indeed the key most Internet-driven humor, are:
\n- Mentioning things. By mentioning funny things, you seem funny.
\n- Use 2 hilarious words a lot.
\n- Communicate poorly developed opinions with those words.
\n
\nWith a little practice, these rudimentary skills will be yours. Try using Google to dig up a picture of a ninja for your e-journal. Use the word “gay” to describe the next movie you see, even if you like it. Oh man, I’m laughing already!\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nMay 07, 2010 - May 26, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nWhat is your opinion on the Pirates vs Ninjas debate?\n

\nHere is something I wrote about 5 years ago, back when the whole topic was more novel to discuss.
\n
\n
\n
\nHow to be Funny on the Internet: Lesson 1
\n
\nThe Internet is nothing if not a boundless population of aspiring comedians. They utilize this uncensored medium as an incubator of sorts for their abilities as humorists before exploding onto the standup circuit. While this will is universal, being a natural humorist is far from it. Luckily, I have a roadmap that will guide you towards the appearance of being funny on the Internet, if strictly adhered to.
\n
\nMention Ninjas.
\n
\n“A blur of black in a dim room. As the emperor ponders his koans, he cracks an eyelid. But it’s too late. Who else could make off with ancient scrolls and the lion’s share of a kind emperor’s spine before the shutter has yet swung closed from entry? If your answer was ‘not a ninja’, you’re fucking [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed.”
\n
\nNinjas are evidently hilarious. Particularly if alluded to in a manner that might be construed as tongue-in-cheek. But not completely. You don’t want to come off like you’re making fun of ninjas, because it is common knowledge that they are awesome.
\n
\nIf you are unlearned in the vicissitudes of cyberspace, you may find this confusing. I will try to explain. The first thing to realize: ninjas are awesome. There is nothing not awesome about them. They are practically the archetypical embodiment of awesomeness. So what exactly is so funny about them? Actually (and this is what may be hard to understand), nothing at all. When a ninja is invoked in any context, the response promotes the illusion that something humorous was said. But what has actually occurred is a mutual celebration of ninjas’ all-around awesomeness, kind of like an “implied high five”.
\n
\nBut wait, there’s more. You don’t want to get too wrapped up in how awesome ninjas are. That would be comedic seppuku. This will breed an attitude of reverence, and you begin to take them too seriously. Taking things seriously is nerdish, and very unfunny, especially on the Internet. You will become the target of ridicule, rather than targeter. This is why you must take a step back, and strike that intuitive balance between reverence for, and an outright mockery of ninjas. The joke becomes the fact that they are awesome, and they become MORE awesome because they are the joke. Place them in curious juxtapositions, mix them with references to pop culture. You’ll get the hang of it.
\n
\nAnd one final thought. Once you have digested all of this, and then mastered it, realize this profound scrap: the joke is actually the joke. Meditate on THAT.
\n
\nMention Pirates:
\n
\nPirates are also hilarious, and mentioning them will make you hilarious as well. This is for a similar set of reasons that make ninjas are funny. They are awesome. But awesome for different reasons. True, both classes share themes of danger, deadliness, and being generally badass. But while ninjas convey stealth, precision, and cunning, pirates evoke a sense of adventure, bravado, and foolhardy swagger. Their passion for buried riches is legendary, and they are not too proud to sing and dance either, provided a steady flow of rum. Mentioning pirates will conjure visions of all these things, and your friends will be enamored of your ruggedly adventurous sensibilities.
\n
\nBut as is the case with ninjas, your deployment of pirate references must also be tongue-in-cheek. You don’t want to come off as actually being into pirates seriously. That would be idiotic. Again, it’s like a verbal high five in celebration of pirates and what they represent. Consider a literal high five for a moment, between a couple of guys. It’s not about the momentary slapping of skin. It’s a symbolic gesture celebrating good times. If it were actually about the touching, the feeling of the other male’s skin on yours, and that’s what you liked about the high five, your mate would quickly become uncomfortable as you prolonged the gesture, caressing his palm. He would think you were gay. This brings us to the next point…
\n
\nCall Things “Gay”.
\n
\nBeing associated with homosexuality on the Internet, particularly being called “gay”, is to be avoided. On the other hand, calling people and things “gay” yourself is a good way to help you in your quest to be funny. It lets people know the following:
\n
\n1) You aren’t too politically correct to humorously equate homosexuality with something negative. This is not to say you dislike gays or the practice of being gay. You just know how to stay loose and have fun, you know?
\n
\n2) You clearly have opinions on things, particularly dislikes. Hating things, or more importantly, appearing to hate things, is a really excellent way to create the illusion that you have interesting thoughts, and a complex set of criteria for evaluating things for quality. This will intrigue people, who may secretly fear that your outlook on which things are gay might be more sophisticated than their own. Who knows, you may get some converts to your (largely fictional) set of values.
\n
\nCall Things “[EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed”.
\n
\nIf you don’t see why this word by itself is milk nostril-evacuatingly side-splitting, you’re fucking [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed.
\n
\nConversation Exercises:
\n
\nActor A: “Hey man, that website you showed me the other day was so gay.”
\n
\nActor B: “You must be [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed. You’re so [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed, your grandmother was raped by fucking pirates.”
\n
\nActor A: “Don’t say shit about my grandmother. She WAS a pirate. Trained by secret ninjas to do some totally un-gay moves on [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed gay people like you.”
\n
\nActor B: “I’d appreciate you not bringing my sexual orientation into this.”
\n
\nActor A: “Sorry.”
\n
\nActor B: “You know, I think you’re right. That website is pretty gay.”
\n
\nLesson Summary:
\n
\nThe themes in this lesson you have noticed, and indeed the key most Internet-driven humor, are:
\n- Mentioning things. By mentioning funny things, you seem funny.
\n- Use 2 hilarious words a lot.
\n- Communicate poorly developed opinions with those words.
\n
\nWith a little practice, these rudimentary skills will be yours. Try using Google to dig up a picture of a ninja for your e-journal. Use the word “gay” to describe the next movie you see, even if you like it. Oh man, I’m laughing already!\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nMay 07, 2010 - May 26, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie550205525", @@ -2859,7 +2855,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie1093935286", "timestamp": 1284076800, - "html": "

\nSome critics charge that you are immune to criticism. Do you think there are any legitimate complaints that get lost in the trend of \"THIS ISN'T PROBLEM SLEUTH 2 SO IT SUCKS\"? More generally, do you perceive any failures in your execution so far?\n

\nI'm not immune to criticism nor do I regard my work as perfect at all. It has plenty of flaws and by and large I know what they are.
\n
\nUnderstanding these flaws already might make me seem \"immune\", or at least indifferent to criticism. I can't recall being blindsided by an intelligent criticism which hadn't already occurred to me myself. Usually I look at a decision from a lot of angles, examine the pitfalls, and often proceed in spite of the pitfalls for whatever reasons I have. There are always reasons behind these judgments. Also a lot of what happens with MSPA is a learning process based on experimental approach. Experimentation is often what informs decisions against more universally sound creative judgment. But when the dust has settled after a certain experimental phase, I generally have all the faults with it well in hand, and many of them were anticipated. I can see myself what worked and didn't work so well. By the time a critic comes knocking they aren't telling me anything new. I've already spent ten times longer thinking about it than he has. Probably longer. Anyone trying to school me on this stuff frankly is just barking up the wrong tree.
\n
\nImplicit in this is that I often agree with critics, especially if they really \"got it\". I agree qualitatively. What I don't agree with is critical editorializing. And example of a qualitative observation would be \"this is a bit wordy\" to which I respond \"yes I agree.\" Where we differ is when the critic feels the need to say \"and that's bad bad bad you should stop stop stop!\" to which I reply \"no no no!\" Because obviously I already thought it through and accepted the consequences of that decision. It is what I wanted it to be, and exactly what I thought it would be, pitfalls and all, for reasons I can articulate if needed. Demanding critics want more from you though. They wish for concessions to their point of view. It seems more emotional than logical.
\n
\nMany critics are very naive in this sense, and these people I would not even regard as real critics at all. More like just complainers. They leverage their dissatisfaction under the guise of criticism, and if their grievances are dismissed, the creator is accused of being deaf to criticism. A little like suitors spurned by a woman will accuse her of being icy. Creators have a responsibility to vet their critics, to know how deep the critic's appreciation and understanding of the material is first before putting value on their advice. To understand whether the critic is capable of quality thought and observation. To apply a critical process to the critic itself. Some critics believe they themselves are immune to criticism! Not all opinions and perspectives are equal, and it's dangerous and incredibly stupid for creators to treat them as such. Would you take advice on how to improve your life from a (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed person? You see, we actually do this every day. We vet those who would counsel us on our daily lives, who we would trust to guide us in the right direction.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nSep 09, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nSome critics charge that you are immune to criticism. Do you think there are any legitimate complaints that get lost in the trend of \"THIS ISN'T PROBLEM SLEUTH 2 SO IT SUCKS\"? More generally, do you perceive any failures in your execution so far?\n

\nI'm not immune to criticism nor do I regard my work as perfect at all. It has plenty of flaws and by and large I know what they are.
\n
\nUnderstanding these flaws already might make me seem \"immune\", or at least indifferent to criticism. I can't recall being blindsided by an intelligent criticism which hadn't already occurred to me myself. Usually I look at a decision from a lot of angles, examine the pitfalls, and often proceed in spite of the pitfalls for whatever reasons I have. There are always reasons behind these judgments. Also a lot of what happens with MSPA is a learning process based on experimental approach. Experimentation is often what informs decisions against more universally sound creative judgment. But when the dust has settled after a certain experimental phase, I generally have all the faults with it well in hand, and many of them were anticipated. I can see myself what worked and didn't work so well. By the time a critic comes knocking they aren't telling me anything new. I've already spent ten times longer thinking about it than he has. Probably longer. Anyone trying to school me on this stuff frankly is just barking up the wrong tree.
\n
\nImplicit in this is that I often agree with critics, especially if they really \"got it\". I agree qualitatively. What I don't agree with is critical editorializing. And example of a qualitative observation would be \"this is a bit wordy\" to which I respond \"yes I agree.\" Where we differ is when the critic feels the need to say \"and that's bad bad bad you should stop stop stop!\" to which I reply \"no no no!\" Because obviously I already thought it through and accepted the consequences of that decision. It is what I wanted it to be, and exactly what I thought it would be, pitfalls and all, for reasons I can articulate if needed. Demanding critics want more from you though. They wish for concessions to their point of view. It seems more emotional than logical.
\n
\nMany critics are very naive in this sense, and these people I would not even regard as real critics at all. More like just complainers. They leverage their dissatisfaction under the guise of criticism, and if their grievances are dismissed, the creator is accused of being deaf to criticism. A little like suitors spurned by a woman will accuse her of being icy. Creators have a responsibility to vet their critics, to know how deep the critic's appreciation and understanding of the material is first before putting value on their advice. To understand whether the critic is capable of quality thought and observation. To apply a critical process to the critic itself. Some critics believe they themselves are immune to criticism! Not all opinions and perspectives are equal, and it's dangerous and incredibly stupid for creators to treat them as such. Would you take advice on how to improve your life from a [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed person? You see, we actually do this every day. We vet those who would counsel us on our daily lives, who we would trust to guide us in the right direction.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nSep 09, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie1093942628", @@ -3799,7 +3795,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie1697244265", "timestamp": 1290988800, - "html": "

\nDid you forget that sprites don't have a ghost-like tail until after they enter the medium? Why Isn't Bec a floating head at first?\n

\nI didn't forget. He's sort of a special case, being the first guardian and all. When Aradia prototyped with the frog head, it also had a tail. I guess frogs are a special case too.
\n
\nUsually I'm pretty religious with rules I set up. But occasionally judgments are made to bend the rules slightly in not especially plot significant ways, for stylistic considerations or whatever else. The only real problem with doing this is I'm left open to the (WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ANDREW?!) GOTCHA TRAP.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nNov 28, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nDid you forget that sprites don't have a ghost-like tail until after they enter the medium? Why Isn't Bec a floating head at first?\n

\nI didn't forget. He's sort of a special case, being the first guardian and all. When Aradia prototyped with the frog head, it also had a tail. I guess frogs are a special case too.
\n
\nUsually I'm pretty religious with rules I set up. But occasionally judgments are made to bend the rules slightly in not especially plot significant ways, for stylistic considerations or whatever else. The only real problem with doing this is I'm left open to the (REDACTED) GOTCHA TRAP.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nNov 28, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie1697381013", @@ -4519,7 +4515,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie1836476162", "timestamp": 1292198400, - "html": "

\nMy school is going to do this (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed mural thing, made by students. You're skinny enough to pass for a teenager, so you wanna give us a hand? I don't have the cash, but I could probably gank five thousand one dollar McDonald's coupons.\n

\nI appreciate your suggestion that I appear youthful, but the truth is I would likely be arrested as a child predator the moment I set foot on to your campus, sorry.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nDec 12, 2010\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nMy school is going to do this [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed mural thing, made by students. You're skinny enough to pass for a teenager, so you wanna give us a hand? I don't have the cash, but I could probably gank five thousand one dollar McDonald's coupons.\n

\nI appreciate your suggestion that I appear youthful, but the truth is I would likely be arrested as a child predator the moment I set foot on to your campus, sorry.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nDec 12, 2010\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie1836477919", @@ -5044,7 +5040,7 @@ { "id": "andrewhussie2034651999", "timestamp": 1294099200, - "html": "

\nYour writing in Homestuck never really came across to me as self-indulgent. Some of the questions people asked you on formspring about the very process you use to answer questions seem pretty tedious and indulgent tho. Why do you dignify those questions?\n

\nI actually seek them out. But not the fake ones. I usually know when some spotlight glutton is faking a gripe to steal an answer out of me.
\n
\nA gripe of any degree of legitimacy represents a challenge. The challenge is to crystallize the truth behind the defense, which is the same as the truth behind my original actions themselves, even if no defense is really needed. When someone is virtually flawless, like myself, leagues of the curmudgeonly and the inadequate do him a great service by presenting their straw men. It is through the methodical and public evisceration of these proud ersatz fellows and the humbling of their puppeteers that his infallibility shines through.
\n
\nThe devil is really just a straw man presented to God through which He makes a show of His true supremacy. A foil of His own clever and surreptitious invention, because He is a Smug Piece of Shit.
\n
\nAnd now having said that, I will put my ear to the ground and listen for the pounding hooves of the (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed cavalry.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nJan 3, 2011\n\n\n
" + "html": "

\nYour writing in Homestuck never really came across to me as self-indulgent. Some of the questions people asked you on formspring about the very process you use to answer questions seem pretty tedious and indulgent tho. Why do you dignify those questions?\n

\nI actually seek them out. But not the fake ones. I usually know when some spotlight glutton is faking a gripe to steal an answer out of me.
\n
\nA gripe of any degree of legitimacy represents a challenge. The challenge is to crystallize the truth behind the defense, which is the same as the truth behind my original actions themselves, even if no defense is really needed. When someone is virtually flawless, like myself, leagues of the curmudgeonly and the inadequate do him a great service by presenting their straw men. It is through the methodical and public evisceration of these proud ersatz fellows and the humbling of their puppeteers that his infallibility shines through.
\n
\nThe devil is really just a straw man presented to God through which He makes a show of His true supremacy. A foil of His own clever and surreptitious invention, because He is a Smug Piece of Shit.
\n
\nAnd now having said that, I will put my ear to the ground and listen for the pounding hooves of the [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed cavalry.\n

andrewhussie\nresponded\n\n\nJan 3, 2011\n\n\n
" }, { "id": "andrewhussie2034655794", @@ -5861,7 +5857,7 @@ { "id": "question154513444375130709", "timestamp": 1296691200, - "html": "

D:\nYour DB references, they sting. But if I tried again in a less (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed\nway, would you say that Gamzee's latest combat proficiency could be\nintroduced more smoothly? People are talking about this, Hussie. They\nare using words like \"rude\" and \"abrupt\"

\nThe abrupt nature of revealing his singular outburst of unparalleled strength was,\nget this...
\n
\nANOTHER GAG.
\n
\n
\n
\nhonk ;o)\n

mspadventures\nresponded\n\nJan 25, 2011 - Feb 2, 2011\n\n
" + "html": "

D:\nYour DB references, they sting. But if I tried again in a less [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed\nway, would you say that Gamzee's latest combat proficiency could be\nintroduced more smoothly? People are talking about this, Hussie. They\nare using words like \"rude\" and \"abrupt\"

\nThe abrupt nature of revealing his singular outburst of unparalleled strength was,\nget this...
\n
\nANOTHER GAG.
\n
\n
\n
\nhonk ;o)\n

mspadventures\nresponded\n\nJan 25, 2011 - Feb 2, 2011\n\n
" }, { "id": "question154513773686715625", @@ -6366,7 +6362,7 @@ { "id": "question162864049904717596", "timestamp": 1299715200, - "html": "

The glow is\npartly a dig at twilight, correct?

\nA dig??? Try a CELEBRATION!!!
\n
\nOf its terribleness!!!!!! <laughs happen>
\n
\nBut then, I haven't read it, so what do I know? Maybe it's great! Sparkly vampires,\ndamn what a cool idea.
\n
\nBut for the record she doesn't sparkle, she just glows like a goddamn\nlight bulb, which is WAY more awesome than Edward turning into a walking\nblingee when he gets some sun. It also makes more sense because she is a\nreverse vampire on account of being a member of a nocturnal race. And\nit makes even MORE sense because it is a dig at Twilight.
\n
\nStephenie Meyer can't even fall back on the Twilight parody excuse to\njustify her glittering vampires, because the thing she is writing is\nTwilight in the first place. I am going to email her my condolences.\nShe'll probably think I'm (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed though, sort of like how I feel about\npeople who complain about my dumb shit on formspring. The only\nsignificant difference is that I'm right, and she's boring.\n

mspadventures\nresponded\n\nFeb 18, 2011 - Mar 9, 2011\n\n
" + "html": "

The glow is\npartly a dig at twilight, correct?

\nA dig??? Try a CELEBRATION!!!
\n
\nOf its terribleness!!!!!! <laughs happen>
\n
\nBut then, I haven't read it, so what do I know? Maybe it's great! Sparkly vampires,\ndamn what a cool idea.
\n
\nBut for the record she doesn't sparkle, she just glows like a goddamn\nlight bulb, which is WAY more awesome than Edward turning into a walking\nblingee when he gets some sun. It also makes more sense because she is a\nreverse vampire on account of being a member of a nocturnal race. And\nit makes even MORE sense because it is a dig at Twilight.
\n
\nStephenie Meyer can't even fall back on the Twilight parody excuse to\njustify her glittering vampires, because the thing she is writing is\nTwilight in the first place. I am going to email her my condolences.\nShe'll probably think I'm [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed though, sort of like how I feel about\npeople who complain about my dumb shit on formspring. The only\nsignificant difference is that I'm right, and she's boring.\n

mspadventures\nresponded\n\nFeb 18, 2011 - Mar 9, 2011\n\n
" }, { "id": "question162865027324352284", @@ -7659,7 +7655,7 @@ { "id": "land-of-souls-and-olives-a-conclusion-pasta-la-vista", "timestamp": 1321660800, - "html": "\n
Land of Souls and Olives, a Conclusion: Pasta La Vista Motherfuckers. Part 1.
\n
\n

\nMore than a year ago, some people on the internet wanted to buy\n me a soul portrait, and gave me $150 to commission a mentally ill person to photoshop god lasers and\n dumb tigers on to my high school yearbook photo, or my driver’s license mugshot, or something. I\n of course refused, but graciously accepted the money anyway, and proceeded to labor over the spiritually\n meretricious document myself. I additionally made a somber vow to spend all one hundred and fifty\n dollars on a humorously mediocre Italian meal served at the Olive Garden, a chain to which American\n families compliantly fork over their dinner plans each year by the tens of billions, probably. I also\n pledged that I would record the endeavor carefully, in a drawn out faux-journalistic spiel that had\n loads of jokes in it. But since I’m currently weighed down with an olympiadic bronze statue’s\n fist worth of shitty pasta in my belly, and feeling a bit off, I give you this essay instead.

\n
I should say in my defense that after pocketing the choice soulbux, I did manage to\n dog the everloving balls out of this expedition for well over a year. When I first sealed the pledge, I\n did so with a spirit of adventure, but this quickly gave way to an understandable sense of all-consuming\n dread. If I even suspected I caught a whiff of the unique melange of garlic and body odor which\n persistently howls from any Olive Garden’s exterior ventshafts, I would begin to shake\n uncontrollably. But these articles have always been mostly about conveying how brave I am, so it shouldn’t\n surprise you to learn that I eventually triumphed over this adversity to become way more admirable than\n the guy who climbed Mount Everest without a spinal cord.

In dogging the trip so bad, to be\n honest, I had some help. From God. Any time I reluctantly made plans to go to the nearest OG, which\n always seemed to be at least fifty fucking minutes away from wherever I was, those plans would get\n sabotaged by an angry wrathful God who hates me, and yet still took time to derail my Olive Garden plans\n because even He wouldn’t wish that on His worst enemy (which I probably am). One time last winter,\n Ryan North was in town\n looking to be shown a good time, so I was like, hey, there’s this Olive Garden thing I’ve\n been dragging my shit on forever, we might as well join forces and put a bullet through the head of that\n long suffering obligation. Because when he said “to be shown good time,” I misheard him and\n thought he said “to experience major gastrointestinal surgery.” Sadly, neither thing\n happened, because that’s when the Weatherchrist dumped five feet of snow on New England and we\n couldn’t even go outside. I never saw him again.

Flashforward to now, when I saw him\n again. He was heading into town to sign books, and we were both like, do we DARE tempt fate again by\n resurrecting the nasty reeking spectre of my Olive Garden pledge? Obviously we did (brave) and Ryan was\n richly rewarded from the malevolent Beepbeepjesus by having his car break down between Toronto and here,\n and he was forced to spend the night in a weird little town. Our mistake was probably in making the\n plans out loud or something, rather than winking via text message. Or in making the plans even remotely\n specific, by scouting out the location of the nearest Olive Garden, which was brooding somewhere in the\n fecula of New England’s black asshole, Springfield Massachusetts. Fortunately, Ryan shares my\n adventurous spirit and disdain for sparing expense, and applied about 10,000 Canadian dollars toward\n getting his vehicle operational. He texted me something like, plan’s back on tight brotimes, and\n after an involuntary series of spasms, I replied with something like, cool, as long as the rig is sturdy\n enough to launch us over one of the broken highway ramps to clear the perpetually flaming wall of\n garbage that surrounds Springfield.



He assured me his vessel was\n sound. He’s a modest guy and tends to understate, so you see when he pulled up to the curb in his\n once humble gray Ford, it was now tricked out Mad Max style for our journey into this shrieking gulf of\n hate. Ok that was a fucking lie. Just a little embellishment to make you laugh, ok? The first and only\n you’ll see in this essay. Sorry.

Other people starting catching wind of this\n plan’s curious brown stonk and soon the affair snowballed into a BFD. Jeffrey Rowland\n was like, this sounds (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed. And I was like, awesome, Jeffrey’s on board. John Keogh was musing\n to himself that he couldn’t even remember the last time he vomited, so what the hell. KC Green took it as a\n matter of personally directed malice that one was not supposed to be able to locate the bottom of the\n breadstick basket, so he snugged up his bib and said let’s goddamn mosey. Agent Paperklip and\n Softowl were ensnared by the promise of spectacle. The ladies get codenames on #OGnite. That’s how\n shit works.

We took two cars because that’s a lot of people. I went in Ryan’s car.\n Ryan has a GPS navigator, and in his own voice he had re-recorded all the audio files it uses for\n navigation, like “in ___ miles” and “take a U-turn.” This sounds like it could\n be the second lame embellishment of the story, but it really isn’t. When you turn it on, his voice\n says “Oh my god, do everything I tell you.” And when the thing is supposed to say “then”\n in between instructions, Ryan draws out the syllable almost sarcastically, as “theeEEEEEeeennnnn.”\n And when you miss a turn, he interrupts, “Hold on. Someone messed up.” Turns out we would\n hear that last one a few times. The thing is, if you want Ryan’s soothing, masculine voice to get\n you to your crappy pasta destination, you actually have to program the right fucking Olive Garden into\n it. We plugged the wrong one in, while Crew Jeffrey was speeding toward a different restaurant. The only\n thing worse than a big party trying to get to one Springfield Olive Garden is a big party accidentally\n trying to get to two totally different Springfield Olive Gardens, and anyway the last thing you ever\n want to do in Springfield is split up and divide the strength of your numbers.

So Jeffrey makes\n it to the correct OG about 20 minutes before we do, calls us and says, guys, there’s a 25 minute\n wait to be seated. I pause and say, there’s really that many people there on a Monday night? He\n says yeah man, I think they’re here ON PURPOSE. I’m like holy shit. As incredible as it\n seems, hundreds of Americans DELIBERATELY piled into this little stuccoed commercial building covered in\n idiotic Mediterranean trellises, and did so for ENJOYMENT, as a thing they ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO. This\n is it seems for many people a recreational evening activity pursued regularly, which they seek out by\n dint of something approximating free will. I had to doublecheck with Jeffrey, so like, these people AREN’T\n here as a culmination of a half-decade-spanning, barely comprehensible internet scam? “Yeah, man…”\n he trailed off, palpably spooked.

Team Ryan rolls in finally, and we gather for five minutes\n before being seated, puzzling over a gregarious public awash in their strange appetites. In the mirth of\n the environs and perhaps as a form of euphoric release after a long and arduous journey, I must have\n struck passers by as guy totally psyched about this piece of shit restaurant. A guy completely chuffed\n off his ass to be scoring exactly ONE divided by ZERO breadsticks tonight, shit, yes. Though to be fair,\n my resplendent soul was probably betraying my true feelings.





In\n the next installment of this gauntlet’s recitation, I will describe the meal. Stand by.\n

\n

READ PART TWO.

\n
\n\n
\n
Posted November 18th, 2011
\n
\n
\n\n
\n
\n
\n" + "html": "\n
Land of Souls and Olives, a Conclusion: Pasta La Vista Motherfuckers. Part 1.
\n
\n

\nMore than a year ago, some people on the internet wanted to buy\n me a soul portrait, and gave me $150 to commission a mentally ill person to photoshop god lasers and\n dumb tigers on to my high school yearbook photo, or my driver’s license mugshot, or something. I\n of course refused, but graciously accepted the money anyway, and proceeded to labor over the spiritually\n meretricious document myself. I additionally made a somber vow to spend all one hundred and fifty\n dollars on a humorously mediocre Italian meal served at the Olive Garden, a chain to which American\n families compliantly fork over their dinner plans each year by the tens of billions, probably. I also\n pledged that I would record the endeavor carefully, in a drawn out faux-journalistic spiel that had\n loads of jokes in it. But since I’m currently weighed down with an olympiadic bronze statue’s\n fist worth of shitty pasta in my belly, and feeling a bit off, I give you this essay instead.

\n
I should say in my defense that after pocketing the choice soulbux, I did manage to\n dog the everloving balls out of this expedition for well over a year. When I first sealed the pledge, I\n did so with a spirit of adventure, but this quickly gave way to an understandable sense of all-consuming\n dread. If I even suspected I caught a whiff of the unique melange of garlic and body odor which\n persistently howls from any Olive Garden’s exterior ventshafts, I would begin to shake\n uncontrollably. But these articles have always been mostly about conveying how brave I am, so it shouldn’t\n surprise you to learn that I eventually triumphed over this adversity to become way more admirable than\n the guy who climbed Mount Everest without a spinal cord.

In dogging the trip so bad, to be\n honest, I had some help. From God. Any time I reluctantly made plans to go to the nearest OG, which\n always seemed to be at least fifty fucking minutes away from wherever I was, those plans would get\n sabotaged by an angry wrathful God who hates me, and yet still took time to derail my Olive Garden plans\n because even He wouldn’t wish that on His worst enemy (which I probably am). One time last winter,\n Ryan North was in town\n looking to be shown a good time, so I was like, hey, there’s this Olive Garden thing I’ve\n been dragging my shit on forever, we might as well join forces and put a bullet through the head of that\n long suffering obligation. Because when he said “to be shown good time,” I misheard him and\n thought he said “to experience major gastrointestinal surgery.” Sadly, neither thing\n happened, because that’s when the Weatherchrist dumped five feet of snow on New England and we\n couldn’t even go outside. I never saw him again.

Flashforward to now, when I saw him\n again. He was heading into town to sign books, and we were both like, do we DARE tempt fate again by\n resurrecting the nasty reeking spectre of my Olive Garden pledge? Obviously we did (brave) and Ryan was\n richly rewarded from the malevolent Beepbeepjesus by having his car break down between Toronto and here,\n and he was forced to spend the night in a weird little town. Our mistake was probably in making the\n plans out loud or something, rather than winking via text message. Or in making the plans even remotely\n specific, by scouting out the location of the nearest Olive Garden, which was brooding somewhere in the\n fecula of New England’s black asshole, Springfield Massachusetts. Fortunately, Ryan shares my\n adventurous spirit and disdain for sparing expense, and applied about 10,000 Canadian dollars toward\n getting his vehicle operational. He texted me something like, plan’s back on tight brotimes, and\n after an involuntary series of spasms, I replied with something like, cool, as long as the rig is sturdy\n enough to launch us over one of the broken highway ramps to clear the perpetually flaming wall of\n garbage that surrounds Springfield.



He assured me his vessel was\n sound. He’s a modest guy and tends to understate, so you see when he pulled up to the curb in his\n once humble gray Ford, it was now tricked out Mad Max style for our journey into this shrieking gulf of\n hate. Ok that was a fucking lie. Just a little embellishment to make you laugh, ok? The first and only\n you’ll see in this essay. Sorry.

Other people starting catching wind of this\n plan’s curious brown stonk and soon the affair snowballed into a BFD. Jeffrey Rowland\n was like, this sounds [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed. And I was like, awesome, Jeffrey’s on board. John Keogh was musing\n to himself that he couldn’t even remember the last time he vomited, so what the hell. KC Green took it as a\n matter of personally directed malice that one was not supposed to be able to locate the bottom of the\n breadstick basket, so he snugged up his bib and said let’s goddamn mosey. Agent Paperklip and\n Softowl were ensnared by the promise of spectacle. The ladies get codenames on #OGnite. That’s how\n shit works.

We took two cars because that’s a lot of people. I went in Ryan’s car.\n Ryan has a GPS navigator, and in his own voice he had re-recorded all the audio files it uses for\n navigation, like “in ___ miles” and “take a U-turn.” This sounds like it could\n be the second lame embellishment of the story, but it really isn’t. When you turn it on, his voice\n says “Oh my god, do everything I tell you.” And when the thing is supposed to say “then”\n in between instructions, Ryan draws out the syllable almost sarcastically, as “theeEEEEEeeennnnn.”\n And when you miss a turn, he interrupts, “Hold on. Someone messed up.” Turns out we would\n hear that last one a few times. The thing is, if you want Ryan’s soothing, masculine voice to get\n you to your crappy pasta destination, you actually have to program the right fucking Olive Garden into\n it. We plugged the wrong one in, while Crew Jeffrey was speeding toward a different restaurant. The only\n thing worse than a big party trying to get to one Springfield Olive Garden is a big party accidentally\n trying to get to two totally different Springfield Olive Gardens, and anyway the last thing you ever\n want to do in Springfield is split up and divide the strength of your numbers.

So Jeffrey makes\n it to the correct OG about 20 minutes before we do, calls us and says, guys, there’s a 25 minute\n wait to be seated. I pause and say, there’s really that many people there on a Monday night? He\n says yeah man, I think they’re here ON PURPOSE. I’m like holy shit. As incredible as it\n seems, hundreds of Americans DELIBERATELY piled into this little stuccoed commercial building covered in\n idiotic Mediterranean trellises, and did so for ENJOYMENT, as a thing they ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO. This\n is it seems for many people a recreational evening activity pursued regularly, which they seek out by\n dint of something approximating free will. I had to doublecheck with Jeffrey, so like, these people AREN’T\n here as a culmination of a half-decade-spanning, barely comprehensible internet scam? “Yeah, man…”\n he trailed off, palpably spooked.

Team Ryan rolls in finally, and we gather for five minutes\n before being seated, puzzling over a gregarious public awash in their strange appetites. In the mirth of\n the environs and perhaps as a form of euphoric release after a long and arduous journey, I must have\n struck passers by as guy totally psyched about this piece of shit restaurant. A guy completely chuffed\n off his ass to be scoring exactly ONE divided by ZERO breadsticks tonight, shit, yes. Though to be fair,\n my resplendent soul was probably betraying my true feelings.





In\n the next installment of this gauntlet’s recitation, I will describe the meal. Stand by.\n

\n

READ PART TWO.

\n
\n\n
\n
Posted November 18th, 2011
\n
\n
\n\n
\n
\n
\n" }, { "id": "lexxercise-for-whatever-good-it-will-do-i-have", @@ -7844,7 +7840,7 @@ { "id": "windswept-questions", "timestamp": 1326758400, - "html": "\n
Windswept Questions
\n
\n

WQ?: Answer.

\n

\n-
-
kidror asked:
You\n do realise that we’ve figured out the new kids titles and aspects \n already from their intros? Oh wait you hide in the forums and watch us \n talk don’t you?

I expect people to figure out stuff like \n this. The key words are in plain sight. That is why I put stuff like \n that there, so people can figure some things out and feel cool.
-
-
cookieemonnster asked:
What is your take on Owen Wilson?

My take is…

Hm. This question is like a zen koan. In attempting to answer, my head has been purged of all thought.

I just don’t know what to say.
-
-
friendlyneighborhoodspidertits asked:
Why don’t all the God Tiers on the meteor fight Jack now? They could probably win, right?

Could they? Maaaybe??

Isn’t it a better strategy to do what Rose said? To regroup and confront him from a stronger strategic position.

Sure,\n they may be able to put up a good fight. But if you have the chance to \n get reinforcements, and potentially use overwhelming force, why not?

They know John and Jade are going to meet them there. Jade especially sure did look like she could do some fancy stuff.
-
-
whichtobehold asked:
Do the names of the members of the Midnight Crew have any relevance to the Trolls’ romance quadrants?

Not\n really. But the characters have been associated with their \n corresponding quadrants a few times. Like Hearts Boxcars urging Tavros \n to kiss the girl, or Spades Slick getting all black romantic with \n Snowman. That’s as far as the correlation goes.
-
-
newdstuck asked:
Is\n there anything as a fanbase we could do to disturb you? because we’ve \n been trying our best and so far nothing has seemed to phase you.

There\n are a few times I’ve said “Ok, if the fandom does THIS, that will be \n the last straw. Gonna pack up my bags and close up shop. Nice knowing \n you internet!” But mostly as a joke and only muttered to myself, because\n if I said it out loud that’s exactly what people would do. They’d say, \n SHIT! WHY DIDN’T WEEEE THINK OF THAT.
-
-
rmsails asked:
Why don’t you rename Dirk to Dion?

I guess Dion was another option, but there’s no fancy explanation why I didn’t use it. It’s just filed under not so great.

Really, I picked all four of these post-scratch names way way way a long time ago. More than a year I’m sure.
-
-
metalnate asked:
Is that Ben Stiller poster in Dirk’s room there ironically? Or did they just not have enough Kamina posters at the store?

The\n small square Stiller, Wilson and Snoop posters are in Dave’s room too, \n in the exact same spots. When I made his room, I just used the Dave room\n file as a base, and left those ones exactly where they were for the \n hell of it.
-
-
simpleruser asked:
How many designs for the Alpha kids did you go through before settling on what you did? Thank you for writing the comic!

Exactly one. Which is true of practically every character.

Although, I did bat around the idea of giving Dirk a wifebeater like Equius. But it didn’t work very well with the hat icon.

P.S. I’m going on record with the position that a hat is the perfect thing to be on a shirt, forever.
-
-
guyisart asked:
Who is the most (EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR)ed character of homestuck?

This new character I will introduce really soon. His name is Guyisart!

SOMEBODY RUSH THIS GUY TO THE BURN WARD, WHOOPS HE JUST INCINERATED, TOO LATE!
-
-
chiibilubbs asked:
Did you on purposely make the endings of Rose and Roxy’s name = Sexy ? And if you did, why xD ?

No, that would be a pretty hard thing to do on purpose, while ALSO ensuring good names were selected.

But as for why I did it, which I didn’t, well……

In case you haven’t noticed these two young ladies are getting older at a PRETTY BRISK CLIP and before you know it

Hang on I’m gonna stop answering this completely.
-
-
chucklefucks asked:
Does uranianUmbra have anything to do with the original 12 trolls or the ancestors?

Maybe???????????????
-
-
brookinyourheart asked:
Did you consider Ruby for mom?

Nope.
-
-
zomgenius asked:
What\n do you think of all the different theories on various aspects of the \n story? Do you still take some bits of the actual plot from these \n theories on occasion?

Recurring fan theories and trending \n points of discussion at most usually appear in the story in the form of \n various “shout outs”. But then later, given enough time, eventually some\n of those shout outs start to accumulate more relevance, as smaller \n things often do.
-
-
yamihero asked:
hussie what did roxy mean by dirk being an unintelligible bachelor?

Unintelligible? You mean difficult to understand?

I don’t understand your question. It’s ineligible.
-
-
skormi asked:
do you feel weird when fans dressed up as your characters come up and talk to you

This doesn’t happen outside of cons, and I don’t go to cons often. I haven’t been to one since… I think TCAF, last May?

Which\n is to my regret. I’d like to go to more. Frequent traveling is \n difficult and disruptive though. Hopefully I will do a fair number this \n year, probably beginning with TCAF again as luck would have it. Though \n something I have to weigh about that and events like it is how much I \n want to risk turning a mild Toronto library into a rabid den of \n outlandishly dressed teens. I’m not really sure the show’s organizers \n had that in mind when they cooked it up. I also seem to get a lot of \n invites to Anime cons now. As in, a quantity of invites FAR EXCEEDING \n the number of anime cons I thought existed. So I don’t know, maybe I’ll \n do… one or two of those? That seems to be my wheelhouse now, or at least\n is the wheelhouse my readers would like me to have. The animes \n wheelhouse. It could be fun doing an anime con in a sort of “WOW I SURE \n DON’T BELONG HERE!” kind of way.

But to answer the actual \n question, I’m perfectly fine encountering people in costumes. It’s fun, \n and they’re usually nice and friendly people.

The perception from\n my vantage may shift somewhat as the sheer magnitude of these swarms \n increases. Not necessarily in a bad way though. But really, what \n conceivable reaction to such hordes can a human have other than some \n form of disbelief? Something along the lines of “Wow, that SURE IS a \n herd of fifty Nepetas there. That is just like… a LOT of fucking \n Nepetas.”
-
-
arthurpendletonpillywig asked:
What’s the relationship status between you and North? Have you done the full yaoi?

The full yaoi is actually a wrestling move wherein one guy piledrives the other into a foldout table covered in anime DVDs.

No I haven’t roped North into that one yet, but man, when I do?

Game over.
-
-
rolloz asked:
Why aren’t you uploading 100 pages per day forever like you said?

Fact: The most pages I have ever uploaded in one day was around 25.

The joke was that that number is a lot and also that it won’t happen.
-
-
delicioushamsteak asked:
Well\n here goes anyway: When the session was reset, and the beta kids were \n supposed to remember nothing, why did Dave seem to have memory enough to\n still write the beautiful SBAHJ that was influenced by Terezi? Do he \n and the others remember some of the events in their beta session?

It pays to investigate questions like this more thoroughly.

Do we ABSOLUTELY know that SBaHJ was solely the product of Terezi’s influence?

Didn’t\n he scrawl SBaHJ graffiti on his walls at some point, unconsciously? \n Could she have “seen” those at some point and been influenced herself? \n If this is true, doesn’t that mean SBaHJ was always a product of his \n unconscious mind, and then brought to his waking awareness through \n Terezi’s help?

Something similar could have happened with \n post-scratch Dave, by some other means. Which means SBaHJ is a \n universally constant product of his subconscious, much like Rose’s \n wizardfic is of hers.
-
-
notchristine asked:
are the images on bro’s tv screen from that one weird porn website of people who are photoshopped to look like animals ?

… there’s only one of those?

How disappointing.
-
-
christopher-fantastic asked:
Will\n we ever get any more insight on the origin of the Felt? A lot of people\n have these great ideas that they were once carapieces and whatnot. The \n subtle Eggs and Biscuits reference in the recent update has sparked my \n interest on them again.

Probably.
-
-
spacedhamlet asked:
I wish to now Roxy’s favorite video game. So that I may play it.

Her\n favorite games were probably my favorite games, since I don’t actually \n know about the games I never played, and the ones I didn’t like were \n shit. She wouldn’t like shit games.

Of all those systems I probably liked Gamecube the best. SNES was probably a close second.

I’m going to pick two good games out of a hat for both systems, and you may investigate those. Pikmin, and Earthbound.
-
-
darkcaro asked:
How much did the crane to hold Vriska cost? Because I’ve been looking into it, and crane rentals cost a lot of money.

The crane snapped in half and I lost my deposit.

I don’t want to talk about it.
-
-
guizhou asked:
have you ever considered watching an episode of hetalia? i think it would be very ironic and funny if you did.

I have not seen it and don’t really plan to. There isn’t a lot of anime that’s on my “to watch” list.

While\n staying fair to something I haven’t seen and could be rad for all I \n know, I will say that these are the two words that spring to my \n awareness when I hear about the show’s premise.

Not. Good.
-
-
sociallywokard asked:
Hussie! What power does a hero of heart have?

You\n have no choice but to eventually find out through the grueling serial \n drip that is the slowroll of Homestuck’s lurching megalithic doomsday \n device it calls a plot.
-
-
impartialmusician asked:
Are you actually a fan of Parks and Rec.?

Yes,\n it really is a show that is demonstrably superior to all presently \n running comedies. It’s like the Office, but dramatically better in every\n way. And I think the Office is good too.
-
-
strangerofimagination asked:
Any hints to the comic following after Homestuck?

Just gonna come out and say it.

This is exactly the kind of thing you can’t think about if you want to finish something like Homestuck.

I’ve had ideas. They’ve come and gone. We’re still truckin here.

HONK HONK

(trucker horn pulling motion)
-
-
indigojelly asked:
How are you going to choose the winning songs for that contest? There are so many entries.

I have people to help me narrow them down, notably Radiation.
-
-
suchirolle asked:
One\n stupid question, I know John and Jade have their food supply…but what \n about Rose, Dave and the trolls? Are they going to starve to death?

There are alchemiters on the meteor. Remember how Kanaya made Eridan’s wand?

As for things to duplicate, who knows what’s there. Sure hope Rose and Dave like troll food!
-
-
2buff2punch asked:
What\n tend to be your considerations when decorating the rooms for characters\n as they are introduced? Do you look at what would be funny first, or \n what relates to the character first?

Funny and relevant is often the same. Practically everything dropped in has some kind of significance.

That\n said, designing rooms is weirdly time consuming. Making those two rooms\n almost felt like the labor equivalent of doing a flash. It just gets so\n picayune and annoying after a while. I’ve said this before, but I’d \n almost always rather just DRAW than fuss over a lot of tiny bullshit.
-
-
sericereal96 asked:
Who do you consider the tallest of the trolls?

My sense is a lot of people’s headcanons have Gamzee as the tallest troll.

I’m gonna go ahead and canonically confirm that Gamzee is in fact the shortest troll of all.

Busted fan artists.

Busted.
-
-
mamsays asked:
If you really liked something you heard from the music contest, would you invite the artist to make more music for homestuck?

That is a distinct possibility.
-
-
the-eccentric asked:
You\n mentioned previously in the comic that your interference in the story \n would last one yard. Can you give us a hint on what that entails?

That\n was already explained pretty clearly I think. John and Jade ride across\n the yellow yard, and coexist in my universe for that exact distance. \n One yard relative to me, not them! I have said that you could also view \n it that the exact nature of my interference over this distance was to \n make it a much longer journey for them. You could view it that way, \n because it is true.

But this reminds me of a sort of “FAQ” which I’ve read in places sometimes but never addressed. It is basically:

“If one yard is your only influence, why did you kill Doc Scratch and rip off his leg? Isn’t that influencing stuff?”

No,\n because I didn’t kill him. This was also explained. When in my \n proximity, he goes unconscious like a reverse Calvin and Hobbes deal. \n Then I left, and he stayed asleep for just a little while, until the \n conditions for LE’s arrival were met. Then LE busted out of him, thus \n killing Scratch, fulling his claim that he needs to be dead for LE to \n arrive. Because his arrival itself is what kills him! This would have \n happened regardless, and my involvement affected nothing at all. Maybe \n if he wasn’t unconscious, he might have refreshed the scotty dog bowl \n once or twice while waiting around to become LE, and that’s it.

Ripping\n his leg off didn’t affect anything either. LE has a peg leg regardless.\n It’s a feature of his appearance, not a consequence of Scratch losing a\n leg. When I ripped his leg off, that was just another one of these \n serendipitous maimings you see here and there. Like how Vriska lost an \n arm and an eye, and so did Spades Slick, to echo the kid session \n prototypings. There’s no cause and effect here. It’s a recurring cosmic \n coincidence.
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This reminds me of another one of these common FAQs I’ve never talked about. I’ll answer that one, then stop!

“Scratch said doomed timeline Vriska killed Bec Noir. Was she really that strong???”

First, time to get all the facts straight.

Scratch\n didn’t know if she won or lost. All he said was, though it would be a \n good fight and she’s probably outclassed, he wouldn’t bet against her. \n And why would he? Everything we’ve been shown about her suggests she \n always seems to find a way to come out on top, even if things look bad \n for her, or it seems like “karma” should prevent her victory. Mix in her\n dice roll powerup, her great luck, and who knows?

But let’s \n assume she did beat him for a second. Is this actually unthinkable, when\n you really break it down and examine it through video game logic?

She is:
1) A god tier player, perhaps a number of tiers higher than base level. By how many is anyone’s guess.
2) Extremely lucky, at the EXPENSE of her opponent’s luck, by way of her power.
3) Most important of all: she rolled 8 8’s on her dice.

Think\n about the last point. Imagine in an RPG, a probability based attack, \n where the strongest one had a 1 in 16,777,216 chance to be used, every \n time you tried it? If you tried using this attack once every second, you\n wouldn’t be likely to hit the jackpot for 194 days!!! This must be a \n ridiculously strong attack. It was the one used to kill the black king, \n and that was before she even got the exp. for doing so.

Think of \n it as you would an ultimate upgrade in a game. Like a Mario star. Sure, \n Bowser is way stronger than Mario. But if he gets that star, all bets \n are off! It is a completely absurd advantage she’s afforded by that dice\n roll, which is only made possible through her great luck. Her power \n complemented her personality, which was that of a born cheater. The only\n problem was, her advantages didn’t matter in a doomed timeline. That \n wasn’t how things were supposed to go. If she beat him, he wouldn’t have\n killed the big frog, the green sun wouldn’t exist, and none of this \n ever gets started.

But is it at least plausible that she won? I \n don’t see why not. The fact that it was a close match actually says as \n much about how strong Jack is as it does about her, when you take into \n account all these insane upgrades she had.

scroll

scroll

scrollllllllllllll

These questions are forver. Ok a few more, that’s it.
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halcyonrags asked:
Are all God Tier titles made of monosyllabic components?

Yes. Class and aspect, one syllable, always. This is a rule.
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jacknoirmyswag asked:
Ok,\n John is the Heir of Breath. He shares part of his title with Equius, \n the Heir of Void. He shares his aspect with Roxy is the Rogue of Void. \n Then Nepeta is the Rogue of Heart. Dirk is the Prince of Heart, who \n shares a title with Equius, the Prince of Hope, who shares an aspect \n with Jake the Page of Hope. And then Tavros is the Page of Breath, and \n then we’re back to John again. So is this some kind of Mobius Double \n Reacharound that Skia uses to name the players?

You’re reading too much into stuff.
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kolodragon asked:
Is Homestuck going to end on 6/12/13?

The absolute best way for me to guarantee this won’t happen is for me to say yes.
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tuataratough asked:
You\n said the webcomic ‘Moe’ is one of the greatest comics in the world and \n that it’s updating again. I took a look at it, and the art style seems \n kinda similar to yours. Are you and the artist of Moe the same person?

No,\n it’s by my pal Michael Firman. We’ve traded ideas on art and comics for\n many years. I’m sure there’s some creative overlap some respects. The \n whole concept and style of the pesterchum dialogue in HS probably drew a\n good bit of inspiration from our old online exchanges.
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misterhussie asked:
What’s your favourite dance move?

The Full Hentai.
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fairgwenofair asked:
HOW WERE THE BREADSTICKS AT OLIVE GARDEN

I made my position abundantly clear.
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geromysexual asked:
ass ass ass ass assa sssas ass ass as sa

I…

Have to stop answering questions.\n

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Posted on January 16th 2012, 1:23am
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Windswept Questions
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WQ?: Answer.

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kidror asked:
You\n do realise that we’ve figured out the new kids titles and aspects \n already from their intros? Oh wait you hide in the forums and watch us \n talk don’t you?

I expect people to figure out stuff like \n this. The key words are in plain sight. That is why I put stuff like \n that there, so people can figure some things out and feel cool.
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cookieemonnster asked:
What is your take on Owen Wilson?

My take is…

Hm. This question is like a zen koan. In attempting to answer, my head has been purged of all thought.

I just don’t know what to say.
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friendlyneighborhoodspidertits asked:
Why don’t all the God Tiers on the meteor fight Jack now? They could probably win, right?

Could they? Maaaybe??

Isn’t it a better strategy to do what Rose said? To regroup and confront him from a stronger strategic position.

Sure,\n they may be able to put up a good fight. But if you have the chance to \n get reinforcements, and potentially use overwhelming force, why not?

They know John and Jade are going to meet them there. Jade especially sure did look like she could do some fancy stuff.
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whichtobehold asked:
Do the names of the members of the Midnight Crew have any relevance to the Trolls’ romance quadrants?

Not\n really. But the characters have been associated with their \n corresponding quadrants a few times. Like Hearts Boxcars urging Tavros \n to kiss the girl, or Spades Slick getting all black romantic with \n Snowman. That’s as far as the correlation goes.
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newdstuck asked:
Is\n there anything as a fanbase we could do to disturb you? because we’ve \n been trying our best and so far nothing has seemed to phase you.

There\n are a few times I’ve said “Ok, if the fandom does THIS, that will be \n the last straw. Gonna pack up my bags and close up shop. Nice knowing \n you internet!” But mostly as a joke and only muttered to myself, because\n if I said it out loud that’s exactly what people would do. They’d say, \n SHIT! WHY DIDN’T WEEEE THINK OF THAT.
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rmsails asked:
Why don’t you rename Dirk to Dion?

I guess Dion was another option, but there’s no fancy explanation why I didn’t use it. It’s just filed under not so great.

Really, I picked all four of these post-scratch names way way way a long time ago. More than a year I’m sure.
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metalnate asked:
Is that Ben Stiller poster in Dirk’s room there ironically? Or did they just not have enough Kamina posters at the store?

The\n small square Stiller, Wilson and Snoop posters are in Dave’s room too, \n in the exact same spots. When I made his room, I just used the Dave room\n file as a base, and left those ones exactly where they were for the \n hell of it.
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simpleruser asked:
How many designs for the Alpha kids did you go through before settling on what you did? Thank you for writing the comic!

Exactly one. Which is true of practically every character.

Although, I did bat around the idea of giving Dirk a wifebeater like Equius. But it didn’t work very well with the hat icon.

P.S. I’m going on record with the position that a hat is the perfect thing to be on a shirt, forever.
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guyisart asked:
Who is the most [EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SLUR]ed character of homestuck?

This new character I will introduce really soon. His name is Guyisart!

SOMEBODY RUSH THIS GUY TO THE BURN WARD, WHOOPS HE JUST INCINERATED, TOO LATE!
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chiibilubbs asked:
Did you on purposely make the endings of Rose and Roxy’s name = Sexy ? And if you did, why xD ?

No, that would be a pretty hard thing to do on purpose, while ALSO ensuring good names were selected.

But as for why I did it, which I didn’t, well……

In case you haven’t noticed these two young ladies are getting older at a PRETTY BRISK CLIP and before you know it

Hang on I’m gonna stop answering this completely.
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chucklefucks asked:
Does uranianUmbra have anything to do with the original 12 trolls or the ancestors?

Maybe???????????????
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brookinyourheart asked:
Did you consider Ruby for mom?

Nope.
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zomgenius asked:
What\n do you think of all the different theories on various aspects of the \n story? Do you still take some bits of the actual plot from these \n theories on occasion?

Recurring fan theories and trending \n points of discussion at most usually appear in the story in the form of \n various “shout outs”. But then later, given enough time, eventually some\n of those shout outs start to accumulate more relevance, as smaller \n things often do.
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yamihero asked:
hussie what did roxy mean by dirk being an unintelligible bachelor?

Unintelligible? You mean difficult to understand?

I don’t understand your question. It’s ineligible.
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skormi asked:
do you feel weird when fans dressed up as your characters come up and talk to you

This doesn’t happen outside of cons, and I don’t go to cons often. I haven’t been to one since… I think TCAF, last May?

Which\n is to my regret. I’d like to go to more. Frequent traveling is \n difficult and disruptive though. Hopefully I will do a fair number this \n year, probably beginning with TCAF again as luck would have it. Though \n something I have to weigh about that and events like it is how much I \n want to risk turning a mild Toronto library into a rabid den of \n outlandishly dressed teens. I’m not really sure the show’s organizers \n had that in mind when they cooked it up. I also seem to get a lot of \n invites to Anime cons now. As in, a quantity of invites FAR EXCEEDING \n the number of anime cons I thought existed. So I don’t know, maybe I’ll \n do… one or two of those? That seems to be my wheelhouse now, or at least\n is the wheelhouse my readers would like me to have. The animes \n wheelhouse. It could be fun doing an anime con in a sort of “WOW I SURE \n DON’T BELONG HERE!” kind of way.

But to answer the actual \n question, I’m perfectly fine encountering people in costumes. It’s fun, \n and they’re usually nice and friendly people.

The perception from\n my vantage may shift somewhat as the sheer magnitude of these swarms \n increases. Not necessarily in a bad way though. But really, what \n conceivable reaction to such hordes can a human have other than some \n form of disbelief? Something along the lines of “Wow, that SURE IS a \n herd of fifty Nepetas there. That is just like… a LOT of fucking \n Nepetas.”
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arthurpendletonpillywig asked:
What’s the relationship status between you and North? Have you done the full yaoi?

The full yaoi is actually a wrestling move wherein one guy piledrives the other into a foldout table covered in anime DVDs.

No I haven’t roped North into that one yet, but man, when I do?

Game over.
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rolloz asked:
Why aren’t you uploading 100 pages per day forever like you said?

Fact: The most pages I have ever uploaded in one day was around 25.

The joke was that that number is a lot and also that it won’t happen.
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delicioushamsteak asked:
Well\n here goes anyway: When the session was reset, and the beta kids were \n supposed to remember nothing, why did Dave seem to have memory enough to\n still write the beautiful SBAHJ that was influenced by Terezi? Do he \n and the others remember some of the events in their beta session?

It pays to investigate questions like this more thoroughly.

Do we ABSOLUTELY know that SBaHJ was solely the product of Terezi’s influence?

Didn’t\n he scrawl SBaHJ graffiti on his walls at some point, unconsciously? \n Could she have “seen” those at some point and been influenced herself? \n If this is true, doesn’t that mean SBaHJ was always a product of his \n unconscious mind, and then brought to his waking awareness through \n Terezi’s help?

Something similar could have happened with \n post-scratch Dave, by some other means. Which means SBaHJ is a \n universally constant product of his subconscious, much like Rose’s \n wizardfic is of hers.
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notchristine asked:
are the images on bro’s tv screen from that one weird porn website of people who are photoshopped to look like animals ?

… there’s only one of those?

How disappointing.
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christopher-fantastic asked:
Will\n we ever get any more insight on the origin of the Felt? A lot of people\n have these great ideas that they were once carapieces and whatnot. The \n subtle Eggs and Biscuits reference in the recent update has sparked my \n interest on them again.

Probably.
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spacedhamlet asked:
I wish to now Roxy’s favorite video game. So that I may play it.

Her\n favorite games were probably my favorite games, since I don’t actually \n know about the games I never played, and the ones I didn’t like were \n shit. She wouldn’t like shit games.

Of all those systems I probably liked Gamecube the best. SNES was probably a close second.

I’m going to pick two good games out of a hat for both systems, and you may investigate those. Pikmin, and Earthbound.
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darkcaro asked:
How much did the crane to hold Vriska cost? Because I’ve been looking into it, and crane rentals cost a lot of money.

The crane snapped in half and I lost my deposit.

I don’t want to talk about it.
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guizhou asked:
have you ever considered watching an episode of hetalia? i think it would be very ironic and funny if you did.

I have not seen it and don’t really plan to. There isn’t a lot of anime that’s on my “to watch” list.

While\n staying fair to something I haven’t seen and could be rad for all I \n know, I will say that these are the two words that spring to my \n awareness when I hear about the show’s premise.

Not. Good.
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sociallywokard asked:
Hussie! What power does a hero of heart have?

You\n have no choice but to eventually find out through the grueling serial \n drip that is the slowroll of Homestuck’s lurching megalithic doomsday \n device it calls a plot.
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impartialmusician asked:
Are you actually a fan of Parks and Rec.?

Yes,\n it really is a show that is demonstrably superior to all presently \n running comedies. It’s like the Office, but dramatically better in every\n way. And I think the Office is good too.
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strangerofimagination asked:
Any hints to the comic following after Homestuck?

Just gonna come out and say it.

This is exactly the kind of thing you can’t think about if you want to finish something like Homestuck.

I’ve had ideas. They’ve come and gone. We’re still truckin here.

HONK HONK

(trucker horn pulling motion)
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indigojelly asked:
How are you going to choose the winning songs for that contest? There are so many entries.

I have people to help me narrow them down, notably Radiation.
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suchirolle asked:
One\n stupid question, I know John and Jade have their food supply…but what \n about Rose, Dave and the trolls? Are they going to starve to death?

There are alchemiters on the meteor. Remember how Kanaya made Eridan’s wand?

As for things to duplicate, who knows what’s there. Sure hope Rose and Dave like troll food!
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2buff2punch asked:
What\n tend to be your considerations when decorating the rooms for characters\n as they are introduced? Do you look at what would be funny first, or \n what relates to the character first?

Funny and relevant is often the same. Practically everything dropped in has some kind of significance.

That\n said, designing rooms is weirdly time consuming. Making those two rooms\n almost felt like the labor equivalent of doing a flash. It just gets so\n picayune and annoying after a while. I’ve said this before, but I’d \n almost always rather just DRAW than fuss over a lot of tiny bullshit.
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sericereal96 asked:
Who do you consider the tallest of the trolls?

My sense is a lot of people’s headcanons have Gamzee as the tallest troll.

I’m gonna go ahead and canonically confirm that Gamzee is in fact the shortest troll of all.

Busted fan artists.

Busted.
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mamsays asked:
If you really liked something you heard from the music contest, would you invite the artist to make more music for homestuck?

That is a distinct possibility.
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the-eccentric asked:
You\n mentioned previously in the comic that your interference in the story \n would last one yard. Can you give us a hint on what that entails?

That\n was already explained pretty clearly I think. John and Jade ride across\n the yellow yard, and coexist in my universe for that exact distance. \n One yard relative to me, not them! I have said that you could also view \n it that the exact nature of my interference over this distance was to \n make it a much longer journey for them. You could view it that way, \n because it is true.

But this reminds me of a sort of “FAQ” which I’ve read in places sometimes but never addressed. It is basically:

“If one yard is your only influence, why did you kill Doc Scratch and rip off his leg? Isn’t that influencing stuff?”

No,\n because I didn’t kill him. This was also explained. When in my \n proximity, he goes unconscious like a reverse Calvin and Hobbes deal. \n Then I left, and he stayed asleep for just a little while, until the \n conditions for LE’s arrival were met. Then LE busted out of him, thus \n killing Scratch, fulling his claim that he needs to be dead for LE to \n arrive. Because his arrival itself is what kills him! This would have \n happened regardless, and my involvement affected nothing at all. Maybe \n if he wasn’t unconscious, he might have refreshed the scotty dog bowl \n once or twice while waiting around to become LE, and that’s it.

Ripping\n his leg off didn’t affect anything either. LE has a peg leg regardless.\n It’s a feature of his appearance, not a consequence of Scratch losing a\n leg. When I ripped his leg off, that was just another one of these \n serendipitous maimings you see here and there. Like how Vriska lost an \n arm and an eye, and so did Spades Slick, to echo the kid session \n prototypings. There’s no cause and effect here. It’s a recurring cosmic \n coincidence.
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-
This reminds me of another one of these common FAQs I’ve never talked about. I’ll answer that one, then stop!

“Scratch said doomed timeline Vriska killed Bec Noir. Was she really that strong???”

First, time to get all the facts straight.

Scratch\n didn’t know if she won or lost. All he said was, though it would be a \n good fight and she’s probably outclassed, he wouldn’t bet against her. \n And why would he? Everything we’ve been shown about her suggests she \n always seems to find a way to come out on top, even if things look bad \n for her, or it seems like “karma” should prevent her victory. Mix in her\n dice roll powerup, her great luck, and who knows?

But let’s \n assume she did beat him for a second. Is this actually unthinkable, when\n you really break it down and examine it through video game logic?

She is:
1) A god tier player, perhaps a number of tiers higher than base level. By how many is anyone’s guess.
2) Extremely lucky, at the EXPENSE of her opponent’s luck, by way of her power.
3) Most important of all: she rolled 8 8’s on her dice.

Think\n about the last point. Imagine in an RPG, a probability based attack, \n where the strongest one had a 1 in 16,777,216 chance to be used, every \n time you tried it? If you tried using this attack once every second, you\n wouldn’t be likely to hit the jackpot for 194 days!!! This must be a \n ridiculously strong attack. It was the one used to kill the black king, \n and that was before she even got the exp. for doing so.

Think of \n it as you would an ultimate upgrade in a game. Like a Mario star. Sure, \n Bowser is way stronger than Mario. But if he gets that star, all bets \n are off! It is a completely absurd advantage she’s afforded by that dice\n roll, which is only made possible through her great luck. Her power \n complemented her personality, which was that of a born cheater. The only\n problem was, her advantages didn’t matter in a doomed timeline. That \n wasn’t how things were supposed to go. If she beat him, he wouldn’t have\n killed the big frog, the green sun wouldn’t exist, and none of this \n ever gets started.

But is it at least plausible that she won? I \n don’t see why not. The fact that it was a close match actually says as \n much about how strong Jack is as it does about her, when you take into \n account all these insane upgrades she had.

scroll

scroll

scrollllllllllllll

These questions are forver. Ok a few more, that’s it.
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halcyonrags asked:
Are all God Tier titles made of monosyllabic components?

Yes. Class and aspect, one syllable, always. This is a rule.
-
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jacknoirmyswag asked:
Ok,\n John is the Heir of Breath. He shares part of his title with Equius, \n the Heir of Void. He shares his aspect with Roxy is the Rogue of Void. \n Then Nepeta is the Rogue of Heart. Dirk is the Prince of Heart, who \n shares a title with Equius, the Prince of Hope, who shares an aspect \n with Jake the Page of Hope. And then Tavros is the Page of Breath, and \n then we’re back to John again. So is this some kind of Mobius Double \n Reacharound that Skia uses to name the players?

You’re reading too much into stuff.
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kolodragon asked:
Is Homestuck going to end on 6/12/13?

The absolute best way for me to guarantee this won’t happen is for me to say yes.
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tuataratough asked:
You\n said the webcomic ‘Moe’ is one of the greatest comics in the world and \n that it’s updating again. I took a look at it, and the art style seems \n kinda similar to yours. Are you and the artist of Moe the same person?

No,\n it’s by my pal Michael Firman. We’ve traded ideas on art and comics for\n many years. I’m sure there’s some creative overlap some respects. The \n whole concept and style of the pesterchum dialogue in HS probably drew a\n good bit of inspiration from our old online exchanges.
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misterhussie asked:
What’s your favourite dance move?

The Full Hentai.
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fairgwenofair asked:
HOW WERE THE BREADSTICKS AT OLIVE GARDEN

I made my position abundantly clear.
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geromysexual asked:
ass ass ass ass assa sssas ass ass as sa

I…

Have to stop answering questions.\n

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Posted on January 16th 2012, 1:23am
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\n

Let’s take a look at a few responses…

\n

\n\n

\n\n\n\n\n

These are just a few, picked out semi-randomly, ranging from “mild, but missing the point” to “unspeakably terrible”.

Ironically, attitudes like this were much more responsible for my decision to change the joke than any form of “SJW crusading”.

In\n fact I didn’t even really see all that much reactionary SJ boilerplate \n in response to it. I did notice a lot of people expressing some \n reasonable opinions about it, and being met with an excessive amount of \n rhetoric like this.

Again, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting a mixed\n reaction to the joke. But stuff like this, in such high volume, is well\n beyond the result I wanted. It’s fine if you found the original joke \n funny, but if you defend it to others in this way you aren’t speaking \n for me. Your straw man arguments are not my own, and by making the joke I\n was not authorizing you to harass others. By changing the joke I’m just\n taking responsibility for not thinking these outcomes all the way \n through.

I’ve said I thought the joke was funny. But if some feel\n differently, and I see them being widely attacked for it; that doesn’t \n mean I won’t empathize with them because I’m so convinced “THEY JUST \n DON’T GET IT!” And seeing too many people with that exact attitude was \n what first got me thinking “yeah, I gotta change this.”

This is \n why the claim “social justice is in essence a form of censorship” is so \n ironic here. Because the forces of social justice aren’t actually making\n me change anything. In this case, it’s actually the people who OPPOSE \n those concerns in the ugliest manner who motivated me to “censor” \n myself.

Most people here would agree that some SJ enthusiasts can\n get pretty carried away. But if you feel convinced social justice is a \n crushing form of censorship, you might want to rethink that idea. \n Because apparently “one of the only people who could say and do whatever\n they damn well pleased” for the first time ever decided to redact a \n joke, not because of SJ bloggers, but because of the behavior of their \n most strident critics. And if you truly dislike censorship, and do not \n wish to see more self-censorship in the future, then you would be doing \n your part to behave in a way that doesn’t make creators feel embarrassed\n to be defended by you.\n

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\n

Let’s take a look at a few responses…

\n

\n\n

\n\n\n\n\n

These are just a few, picked out semi-randomly, ranging from “mild, but missing the point” to “unspeakably terrible”.

Ironically, attitudes like this were much more responsible for my decision to change the joke than any form of “SJW crusading”.

In\n fact I didn’t even really see all that much reactionary SJ boilerplate \n in response to it. I did notice a lot of people expressing some \n reasonable opinions about it, and being met with an excessive amount of \n rhetoric like this.

Again, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting a mixed\n reaction to the joke. But stuff like this, in such high volume, is well\n beyond the result I wanted. It’s fine if you found the original joke \n funny, but if you defend it to others in this way you aren’t speaking \n for me. Your straw man arguments are not my own, and by making the joke I\n was not authorizing you to harass others. By changing the joke I’m just\n taking responsibility for not thinking these outcomes all the way \n through.

I’ve said I thought the joke was funny. But if some feel\n differently, and I see them being widely attacked for it; that doesn’t \n mean I won’t empathize with them because I’m so convinced “THEY JUST \n DON’T GET IT!” And seeing too many people with that exact attitude was \n what first got me thinking “yeah, I gotta change this.”

This is \n why the claim “social justice is in essence a form of censorship” is so \n ironic here. Because the forces of social justice aren’t actually making\n me change anything. In this case, it’s actually the people who OPPOSE \n those concerns in the ugliest manner who motivated me to “censor” \n myself.

Most people here would agree that some SJ enthusiasts can\n get pretty carried away. But if you feel convinced social justice is a \n crushing form of censorship, you might want to rethink that idea. \n Because apparently “one of the only people who could say and do whatever\n they damn well pleased” for the first time ever decided to redact a \n joke, not because of SJ bloggers, but because of the behavior of their \n most strident critics. And if you truly dislike censorship, and do not \n wish to see more self-censorship in the future, then you would be doing \n your part to behave in a way that doesn’t make creators feel embarrassed\n to be defended by you.\n

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Posted on January 13th 2013, 9:43pm
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\n" ->>>>>>> parent of c66a032 (Minor changes) }, { "id": "you-may-now-preorder-the-2013-calendar-oh-hey",