2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 35</title>
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<div id='s35'></div>
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<h1>Chapter 35</h1>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">W</span>hile John
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dealt with the sight by immediately turning and walking away, and
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the Earth Vriska dove into a nearby bush for safety, Vriska is
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contending with her predicament through willful denial. She’s
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resolved to do everything in her power to prevent herself from
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thinking about the situation directly behind her. It is a situation
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which, if she could bear to look at it, would strike her as the
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precise intersection between the most humiliating moment of her
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existence, an unprecedented circus mishap, and a gruesome crime
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scene. Her attempt to ignore the unspeakable catastrophe behind her
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may nearly have worked, if not for the reminder provided by the
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many fresh bloodstains on her shirt. Not only stains of her own
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familiar cerulean hue, but others of a most unwelcome color
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mingling with them. A color she never imagined she’d see
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contaminating her cool and casual ensemble, and certainly not in a
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context like this.</p>
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<p>Her attempt to distract herself, to delay the inevitable
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engagement with her poor judgment, would not fly for much longer.
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Sooner or later, she would have to turn around and confront the
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fact that she just kissed a very smelly clown, head-on.</p>
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<p>No. She doesn’t want to. She WON’T.</p>
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<p>There’s a rustling in the grass behind her, as Gamzee shifts his
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grotesque, supine length. Nope. She covers her ears. She remembers
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the shame and excoriation of her childhood—the fear, the pressure,
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being coerced to do awful things to undeserving kids. All that
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embarrassing effort she spent trying to emulate her ancestor. She
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threw every bit of herself into the role, but in recent years
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reflecting on the charade has only made her cringe. And in what
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couldn’t have been more than an hour ago, she was on the precipice
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of watching the glorious defeat of Lord English after unleashing a
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secret weapon that she went to the bother of retrieving and
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wielding against him. And then…</p>
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<p>No, she doesn’t want to dwell on that moment. It was almost as
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bad as kissing a juggalo. Almost. But nothing can compete with
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this. Nothing could even come close. Yet as she stands there,
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feeling soiled and ashamed, there’s no denying it. The moment she
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stuck her tongue in the heinous mouth of that frisky, unwashed
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jester, she began jackhammering through the stubborn concrete of
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rock bottom like she was digging up the corpse of a mob snitch.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY (vRiSkA) mY bOoTyLiCiOuS bAbY
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bItCh.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YoUr BaD bOnE dAdDy Is GeTtIn To Be A
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cHiLlY mOtHeRfUcKeR fRoM tHiS dAnK sUmMeR bReEzE.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOw AbOuT wE gEt OuR wIcKeD sNuGgLe On
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DoWn At ThIs GrAsS wE jUsT mAdE aLl NaStY iN. :o)</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">She shudders. Somehow during her
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self-incriminating reverie, she’d managed to forget that she’s not
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even Vriska anymore. She’s now (Vriska). She scans the bushes and
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spots her. The sixteen-year-old girl who’d somehow earned the right
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to call herself Vriska. The adopted teen daughter of Rose and
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Kanaya Maryam-Lalonde. The person who, for all anyone knew, might
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be an exact genetic double of (Vriska) herself.</p>
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<p>Not that she had any grounds to object. She missed her shot.
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Snatched shame from the jaws of glory and washed up on the shores
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of this candy-coated shithole of an approximation of what a
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paradise planet might look like to certain individuals. The small
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sob she’s been stifling finally comes out. Tears cut through the
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oily, shining mask of blue, purple, and mud on her face.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY bEaUtIfUl. :O)</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: iS sOmEtHiNg MoThEr FuCkIn ThE
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mAtTeR?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: We CaN tAlK aLl OpEn At EaCh OtHeR aBoUt
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ThE sAd NoIsE hApPeNiNg In OuR bOsOm NoW tHaT wE aLl MaDe ThE
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sOrDiD pLeDgE tO pRaCtIcE tHe WiCkEd InTiMaCy On ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN
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rEgUlAr.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">(Vriska) nearly vomits but holds it together.
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She wipes the tears off her face in a flurry of indignant motions,
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smearing the blood around. She looks at her hands, notices the
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blood, and continues cleaning her face, using her tears as a
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solvent and wiping the blood on her shirt.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Gamzee...</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Can you just</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Not talk?</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): For just a little while, so I
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can...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: :o)</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): So I can...</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I don’t know.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Just.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): 8e quiet.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HONK!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Her final sniffle is a snort of anger. If
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nothing else, she’s learning something about herself today. Nothing
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sobers her up emotionally quite like the post-amorous
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insubordination of a raunchy clown. It’s almost like a smelling
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salt. She sneers, revealing a fang, and spins on her heel to face
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him.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Did you hear what I F8CKING
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said????????</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">If his infuriating exclamation was just a
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whiff of the smelling salt, actually looking directly at him again
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is like upending the whole barrel and pouring it all over her face.
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She recoils involuntarily, but regroups. Her gaze sweeps across his
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entire ungainly form from head to foot. He’s got his head propped
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up with one arm, elbow in the grass. His legs are crossed. His face
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is a disaster. One eye swollen shut, nose broken, widely-smiling
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mouth split vertically down the lips. And hanging from his mouth
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is...</p>
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<p>Is that a baby bottle?</p>
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<p>She doesn’t even want to think about where he might have been
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concealing it all this time. What sort of milk was that? It’s
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another question she immediately wishes she hadn’t just asked
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herself. She curls the other side of her lip to reveal both fangs
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now. She stomps forward, plants her left foot in the ground, and
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uses her right to punt the baby bottle clean out of his mouth,
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sending it flying several hundred yards to land just beyond a
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distant row of trees. The rubber nipple remains stuck in his
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clenched teeth, his face now coated with a good portion of the
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punted bottle’s milk.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: Aw MoThEr FuCk SuGaRpUsS. :o(</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: mY nAnNa NeCtAr!!!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">(Vriska) presses her foot down on his chest
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and pins his back flush against the grass. He exhales with a
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startled wheeze at the sudden force.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You 8etter fucking listen up,
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Makara.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I don’t know what you may have
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thought... THIS was. Whatever the fuck it was that just happened
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here.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): 8ut let me clue you in.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): It was NOTHING.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Nothing happened here.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Do we understand each other, you
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reprehensi8le, malodorous PIECE OF SHIT?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: honk. :o)</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">She glares down at him with an intensity that
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would cause any other man to wither, were he not a reeking pile of
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circus manure. Gamzee’s expression however remains steadfast in its
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vaguely lewd sense of serenity. He simply gazes back at her, his
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smile slowly broadening. The milk seems to be mixing with the blood
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on his face, slightly lightening the tint of the purple.</p>
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<p>She hears a faint digital clicking somewhere. What is that? It
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seems to be coming from just behind her. She turns around.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): What the fuck do you think you’re
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doing????????</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">At the end of his long, outstretched arm, his
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hand is working a smartphone. He’s smearing blood on the screen as
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he’s typing a text to someone. Even at a casual glance, (Vriska)
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can tell he’s going to the bother of alternating capital and
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lowercase letters in the text, making it take more than twice as
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long. Somehow this makes her even more pissed off about it than if
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he were just broadcasting their snogging fiasco without the use of
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a typing quirk.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: I gOtS tO fUcKiN tElL mY nUmBeR oNe
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InVeRtEbRoThEr AbOuT aLl WhAt JuSt GoT dId.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hE aNd I aReN’t As TiGhT aS tHe BoYs We
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UsEd To RoLl As, BuT hE sHoUlD gEt HiS kIcK oN aBoUt WhAt A hIgHlY
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uNaNtIcIpAtEd YeT bItChIn PiEcE oF hOt N hEaVy HoRsEpLaY i WaS jUsT
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mAdE tO pArToOk.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You were just “made” to... ?!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Why you FUCKING...</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You’re not telling Karkat a8out
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this!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You’re n8t telling ANY8NE. Do you hear
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me, cl8wn????????</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: LoL.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: mOtHeRfUcKiN sHaMe On Me, FoR fAiLiNg To
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ReCoGnIzE uP sOoNeR fOr HoW cUtE yOu ArE wHeN yOu’Re AnGrY. :o)</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: NoW wHy DoN’t YoU cOmE aLl SeTtLe YoUr
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WoRkEd Up WiGgLeR aSs DoWn HeRe WiTh YoUr SaLtY nEw RuMpUs UnClE sO
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i CaN sNaP sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiN sElFiEs, My FiRm YeT sLiPpErY lItTlE
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pAsSiOn PeAcH.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): GIVE ME TH8T!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">She snatches the phone out of his hand, holds
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it from either side, and breaks it in half. She then spikes both
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pieces down at him, missing, but causing him to flinch
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nonetheless.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): No selfies, no texts, no N8THING!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Which fucking part of “you’re not
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telling anyone” is so hard to understand?!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): This NEVER HAPPENED.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Not a single fucking word of this is
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EVER going to 8e 8reathed, whispered, or honked to ANY8ODY.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): LEAST of all any insinuation that this
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is something I “made” you do. You GET me, fuckface??</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I didn’t MAKE you do anything.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You were slo88ering all over my FUCKING
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foot, while I was 8eating the SHIT out of you.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I SAW that look on your face.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I saw your how your codpiece was,
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like...</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Ok, never mind that.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I mean, once we were actually... you
|
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were totally into... don’t even try to convince me you weren’t,
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like...</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): UGH!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Why am I even TALKING a8out this??</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I DON’T NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF TO A
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DISGUSTING, HORNY PIECE OF FILTH LIKE YOU!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Gamzee’s expression changes slightly. He
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retains his unfortunate aura of amorous placidity, but there’s now
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a hint of sadness.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: I dOn’T kNoW aBoUt AlL tHe BuSiNeSs YoU
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sAiD, hOnEyNiPs.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i’Ve GoT tO fEeLiNg ThAt WoNdEr In My
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HeArT wHiCh SaYs MaYbE i GoT eRoTiCaLlY bUsHwAcKeD hErE.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i’M sO cOnFuSeD... i DoN’t HaRdLy KnOw At
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WhIcH wAy Is Up AnYmOrE, aBoUt My OrIgInAl WaNtInGs FoR tHe NaStY
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dAnCe We JuSt DiD.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: MaYbE tHe TrUtH oF tHe ShIt Is MoRe
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LiKe...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: I gOt ThE aDvAnTaGe TaKeN oF mE.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">(Vriska)’s face contorts with rage.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You son of a 8itch.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): This was C8NSENSUAL!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): If ANYONE didn’t consent to this horror
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show it was ME, RETRO8CTIVELY!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: :o(</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: VrIsKa, I...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: gOt To MoThEr FuCkInG sAy.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: tHiS wHoLe ExPeRiEnCe HaS lEfT a
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MoThErFuCkEr FeElInG a LiL bIt UnCoMfY.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: uNcOmFy, UnReSpEcTeD, uSeD, aNd MaYbE
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aLsO,</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: JuSt An EeNsY wEeNsY iTtY lItTlE
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bIt...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: uNsAfE. :o(</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I don’t care if you feel
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“unsafe”!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): You’re a lying, disingenuous puddle of
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sideshow puke, and I don’t 8elieve for a SECOND you meant ANY of
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that!</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): The 8NLY thing that matters here is
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that you keep your F8CKING MOUTH SHUT A8OUT WH8T WE JUST
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D8D!!!!!!!!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: (VrIsKa), My MeAn QuEeN sQuEeZe, AnD
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bOrDeRlInE sExUaL vIlLaIn,</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i GoTs ReAsOnS oF sElF pRoTeCtIoN aGaInSt
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YoUr PrObLeMaTiC hOlLeRs ThAt I sHoUlD kEeP tHe WiCkEd ShIt ZiPpEd,
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JuSt LiKe YoU sAy.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: TeLl It To Me FuCkIn StRaIgHt, TuRbO
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tUsH...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: dO tHeSe LoOk LiKe LoOsE lIpS tO yOu?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">If (Vriska) were to be honest, Gamzee’s
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swollen, battered mouth was just about the most structurally
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incontinent feature she’d ever seen on a person’s face. That limp,
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floppy maw couldn’t keep a cantaloupe secure, much less a
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secret.</p>
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<p>She drops down and straddles him in a way that is unmistakably
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non-amorous, even to an extraordinarily obtuse, randy juggalo. She
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puts her shaking hands around his neck and grips tight. She
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positions her face inches from his, hissing hot breath through her
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clenched teeth.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
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|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
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|
<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): NO ONE IS GOING TO FIND OUT A8OUT THIS
|
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YOU FUCKING 8ASTARD.</p>
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<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW, SO HELP ME
|
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G8D.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">(Vriska) is so furious, she has no way of
|
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pinpointing the exact moment her intent stopped being intimidating
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him into silence and started being guaranteeing his silence,
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forever. She knows this impostor was never a real god tier. She’s
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always known, just like everyone else. Once he’s gone, he’ll be
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gone for good. She just needs another minute. Her grip grows
|
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tighter, and she feels the throbbing pulse beneath her hands
|
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gradually subside. His arms flail, grab at hers, clutch at her
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wrists. He’s alarmingly strong. But at this particular moment, not
|
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as strong as her.</p>
|
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<p>And then, she lets go. His face is frozen in a repellent mask
|
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exhibiting the perfectly undetectable difference between terror and
|
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|
ecstasy. He’s dead.</p>
|
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|
<p>(Vriska) exhales forcefully, staggers to her feet, shaking. She
|
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|
backs up a few steps, studying the corpse. If her body language
|
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|
|
signals any remorse or sadness, the witness in the bushes certainly
|
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|
can’t tell.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
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|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="vriska">Vriska: (Eep!)</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
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|
|
<p class="no-indent">Oh shit. (Vriska) had already forgotten about
|
|
|
|
|
her, somehow. Her stylishly dressed teen duplicate, who surely just
|
|
|
|
|
witnessed not only the original feat of debauchery, but all the
|
|
|
|
|
compromising activity which followed as well. (Vriska) would
|
|
|
|
|
probably need to have a few words with her.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="vriska">Vriska: Um...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Vriska stands up slowly from the bush,
|
|
|
|
|
obviously trying not to look at the lifeless clown. She puts a hand
|
|
|
|
|
behind her head and seems to be casting about desperately for the
|
|
|
|
|
right thing to say during such a moment. But soon it’s clear she’s
|
|
|
|
|
given up. (Vriska) doesn’t blame her. She can’t imagine there being
|
|
|
|
|
anything in anybody’s life that could adequately prepare them to
|
|
|
|
|
have a snappy response ready for a situation like this.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small" stylw="margin-bottom:0">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="vriska">Vriska: Hey.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="vriska">(Vriska): Sup.</p>
|
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|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
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|
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|
</div>
|
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</body>
|
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</html>
|