finally committing the dec '23 overhaul

* Fix some bugged lines
* Chapter titles now use meat/candy icons
* Chapters with additional CWs now link the appendix
* Added the 8 epilogue divisions per route
* Added interstitial "flip it turnways" command as an adaptation of the nonlinearity of the intertwined routes
* Probably some other stuff we've forgotten but fuck checking through the diff again
master 1.08
Jay Logan 2025-05-21 19:39:20 -05:00
parent af4a832d0d
commit 138e79535a
118 changed files with 2817 additions and 723 deletions

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@ -214,4 +214,16 @@ p.no-indent {
}
.vriska {
color:#005682
}
.titleimg {
height: 60px;
margin-bottom: -10px;
margin-right: 5px;
}
.eppage{
margin-top:50vh;
text-align: center;
}
.eptitle{
font-family:'Homestuck-Regular', monospace;
}

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@ -8,214 +8,298 @@
</head>
<body>
<h1>More detailed content warnings for The Homestuck Epilogues</h1>
<p>Originally published by Kate Mitchell at <a href="https://medium.com/@kate_mitchell/homestuck-epilogues-content-warnings-2a7596bd0ad2">https://medium.com/@kate_mitchell/homestuck-epilogues-content-warnings-2a7596bd0ad2</a></p>
<p>&#160;<em>The Homestuck Epilogues</em>
(2019) are a work for mature readers, including sensitive subjects.
They are a work of great empathy and surprisingly essential commentary
on these tough subjects, while maintaining the sudden flippancy and
tension-resolving absurd humor familiar to readers of <em>Homestuck</em>.</p>
<!--StartFragment--><p id="a0d0" data-selectable-paragraph="">The
<p>The
content warnings presented as follows should not be taken as a reason
not to read the work or negative commentary on the work, but are instead
intended as a guide for minors and those with traumatic triggers. These
individuals should discuss the content of <em>The Homestuck Epilogues</em> with a trusted adult before reading.</p>
<p id="e33c" data-selectable-paragraph="">The
<p>The
entire work contains canon-typical language (including gendered slurs
such as bitch and pussy), violence, comic mischief, and joking
innuendo.</p>
<p id="2cc2" data-selectable-paragraph="">Chapter-by-chapter warnings follow. Meats warnings were compiled by Kate Mitchell. Candys warnings were compiled by Pip D.</p>
<ul><li id="1c66" data-selectable-paragraph="">Drug and alcohol abuse is discussed.</li>
<li id="cc20" data-selectable-paragraph="">Severe headaches and illness are discussed.</li>
<p>Chapter-by-chapter warnings follow. Meats warnings were compiled by Kate Mitchell. Candys warnings were compiled by Pip D.</p>
<h1 id="pro">Prologue</h1>
<ul><li>Drug and alcohol abuse is discussed.</li>
<li>Severe headaches and illness are discussed.</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="pro1.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h1>Meat</h1>
<h2 id="m2">Meat 2</h2>
<ul><li>A major character death in the past is discussed.</li>
<li>Eugenics and fascism are discussed.</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="meat2.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m6">Meat 6</h2>
<ul><li>An underage character winks at an adult.</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="meat6.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m10">Meat 10</h2>
<ul><li>Alcohol is discussed.</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="meat10.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m11">Meat 11</h2>
<ul><li>Depression is discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="a5f0" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 2</h2>
<ul><li id="51cc" data-selectable-paragraph="">A major character death in the past is discussed.</li>
<li id="e50c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Eugenics and fascism are discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat.11xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br /><h2 id="m12">Meat 12</h2>
<ul><li>Genitalia are discussed.</li>
<li>A character makes a relationship proposition.</li>
<li>A character is scolded for slut-shaming.</li>
<li>Polyamory is discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="d775" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 6</h2>
<ul><li id="0ea8" data-selectable-paragraph="">An underage character winks at an adult.</li>
<p><a href="meat12.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m13">Meat 13</h2>
<ul><li>A character suffers serious injury.</li>
<li>Blood.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="9f4c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 10</h2>
<ul><li id="c3ad" data-selectable-paragraph="">Alcohol is discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat13.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m14">Meat 14</h2>
<ul><li>A character attempts seduction.</li>
<li>Alcohol is consumed.</li>
<li>Characters “make out.”</li>
<li>A character is described as “horny.”</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="a844" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 11</h2>
<ul><li id="b537" data-selectable-paragraph="">Depression is discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat14.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m15">Meat 15</h2>
<ul><li>Death.</li>
<li>Characters suffer serious injury.</li>
<li>Blood.</li>
<li>Vore is discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="549e" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 12</h2>
<ul><li id="112f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Genitalia are discussed.</li>
<li id="eec8" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character makes a relationship proposition.</li>
<li id="91d6" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is scolded for slut-shaming.</li>
<li id="0647" data-selectable-paragraph="">Polyamory is discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat15.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m16">Meat 16</h2>
<ul><li>Headaches and serious illness are discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="6713" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 13</h2>
<ul><li id="cf88" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character suffers serious injury.</li>
<li id="9e59" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<p><a href="meat16.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m18">Meat 18</h2>
<ul><li>Vomit.</li>
<li>Blood.</li>
<li>Serious injury.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="350c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 14</h2>
<ul><li id="4f81" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character attempts seduction.</li>
<li id="8177" data-selectable-paragraph="">Alcohol is consumed.</li>
<li id="c24f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters “make out.”</li>
<li id="4a19" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is described as “horny.”</li>
<p><a href="meat18.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m19">Meat 19</h2>
<ul><li>A character is accidentally misgendered.</li>
<li>Characters discuss gender identity and presentation.</li>
<li>A character faints.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="56cb" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 15</h2>
<ul><li id="fe26" data-selectable-paragraph="">Death.</li>
<li id="7730" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters suffer serious injury.</li>
<li id="1faa" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<li id="f113" data-selectable-paragraph="">Vore is discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat19.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m21">Meat 21</h2>
<ul><li>Characters discuss racism.</li>
<li>An animal is described giving birth in detail.</li>
<li>Characters discuss fascism.</li>
<li>Characters discuss eugenics.</li>
<li>Characters discuss pregnancy.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="31d6" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 16</h2>
<ul><li id="f720" data-selectable-paragraph="">Headaches and serious illness are discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat21.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m22">Meat 22</h2>
<ul><li>Vomit.</li>
<li>Serious injury.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="a505" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 18</h2>
<ul><li id="8df1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Vomit.</li>
<li id="6d26" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<li id="ebb7" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<p><a href="meat22.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m24">Meat 24</h2>
<ul><li>Serious injury.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="63ab" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 19</h2>
<ul><li id="6f97" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is accidentally misgendered.</li>
<li id="20bd" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss gender identity and presentation.</li>
<li id="b7ee" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character faints.</li>
<p><a href="meat24.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m25">Meat 25</h2>
<ul><li>A character potentially engages in mind control.</li>
<li>A characters says another character is their possession.</li>
<li>Migraines and serious illness are discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="6fe4" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 21</h2>
<ul><li id="9948" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss racism.</li>
<li id="41f0" data-selectable-paragraph="">An animal is described giving birth in detail.</li>
<li id="ce33" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss fascism.</li>
<li id="99c2" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss eugenics.</li>
<li id="b1a1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss pregnancy.</li>
<p><a href="meat25.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m28">Meat 28</h2>
<ul><li>Serious injury.</li>
<li>Blood.</li>
<li>Pica.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="9f82" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 22</h2>
<ul><li id="dd3c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Vomit.</li>
<li id="5d53" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<p><a href="meat28.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m30">Meat 30</h2>
<ul><li>Mind control is discussed.</li>
<li>Eugenics are discussed.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="f148" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 24</h2>
<ul><li id="9ce5" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<p><a href="meat30.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m31">Meat 31</h2>
<ul><li>Serious injury.</li>
<li>Blood and gore.</li>
<li>A character performs surgery.</li>
<li>Characters “make out.”</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="e008" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 25</h2>
<ul><li id="38cf" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character potentially engages in mind control.</li>
<li id="fe67" data-selectable-paragraph="">A characters says another character is their possession.</li>
<li id="85f3" data-selectable-paragraph="">Migraines and serious illness are discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat31.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m32">Meat 32</h2>
<ul><li>A character misgenders another.</li>
<li>A character discusses their evolving relationship with gender and presentation.</li>
<li>Characters discuss coming out and sexuality.</li>
<li>Characters discuss stomach pumping.</li>
<li>A syringe is used.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="79fc" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 28</h2>
<ul><li id="39a8" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<li id="12b0" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<li id="1630" data-selectable-paragraph="">Pica.</li>
<p><a href="meat32.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m33">Meat 33</h2>
<ul><li>Rough sex mention.</li>
<li>Blood.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="45dd" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 30</h2>
<ul><li id="8d9b" data-selectable-paragraph="">Mind control is discussed.</li>
<li id="c8f1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Eugenics are discussed.</li>
<p><a href="meat33.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m34">Meat 34</h2>
<ul><li>Sex and promiscuity are discussed.</li>
<li>Mention of possible mind control or mental influence.</li>
<li>Vomit mention.</li>
<li>Mention of arousal.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="e7f2" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 31</h2>
<ul><li id="2815" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<li id="4c3f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood and gore.</li>
<li id="fc46" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character performs surgery.</li>
<li id="3e0b" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters “make out.”</li>
<p><a href="meat34.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m35">Meat 35</h2>
<ul><li>Blood.</li>
<li>Serious injury.</li>
<li>Death.</li>
<li>Mention of sex.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="20ba" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 32</h2>
<ul><li id="bef9" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character misgenders another.</li>
<li id="e3e3" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character discusses their evolving relationship with gender and presentation.</li>
<li id="e65c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss coming out and sexuality.</li>
<li id="e61d" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss stomach pumping.</li>
<li id="e0e0" data-selectable-paragraph="">A syringe is used.</li>
<p><a href="meat35.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m36">Meat 36</h2>
<ul><li>A character is comatose.</li>
<li>A character is misgendered.</li>
<li>A characters gender presentation is judged.</li>
<li>Depression mention.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="979d" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 33</h2>
<ul><li id="6e3d" data-selectable-paragraph="">Rough sex mention.</li>
<li id="b360" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<p><a href="meat36.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m37">Meat 37</h2>
<ul><li>A character suffers from severe illness.</li>
<li>Mention of possible mind control or mental influence.</li>
<li>A syringe is used.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="f5ee" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 34</h2>
<ul><li id="666c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sex and promiscuity are discussed.</li>
<li id="99bf" data-selectable-paragraph="">Mention of possible mind control or mental influence.</li>
<li id="af0f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Vomit mention.</li>
<li id="d710" data-selectable-paragraph="">Mention of arousal.</li>
<p><a href="meat37.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m38">Meat 38</h2>
<ul><li>Alcohol use.</li>
<li>Discussion of addiction and substance abuse.</li>
<li>Sex mention.</li>
<li>Depression mention.</li>
<li>A character attempts and fails to coerce two other characters into kissing.</li>
<li>Kissing.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="28bf" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 35</h2>
<ul><li id="6f5a" data-selectable-paragraph="">Blood.</li>
<li id="c2a8" data-selectable-paragraph="">Serious injury.</li>
<li id="179b" data-selectable-paragraph="">Death.</li>
<li id="ef00" data-selectable-paragraph="">Mention of sex.</li>
<p><a href="meat38.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m39">Meat 39</h2>
<ul><li>A first-person colloquial description of arousal.</li>
<li>Parenthood is discussed.</li>
<li>Death of a child is discussed.</li>
<li>Kissing.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="39a0" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 36</h2>
<ul><li id="cb56" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is comatose.</li>
<li id="aa39" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is misgendered.</li>
<li id="4179" data-selectable-paragraph="">A characters gender presentation is judged.</li>
<li id="9bf4" data-selectable-paragraph="">Depression mention.</li>
<p><a href="meat39.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m40">Meat 40</h2>
<ul><li>A character is comatose.</li>
<li>A syringe is used.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="7940" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 37</h2>
<ul><li id="c4ab" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character suffers from severe illness.</li>
<li id="66b1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Mention of possible mind control or mental influence.</li>
<li id="426d" data-selectable-paragraph="">A syringe is used.</li>
<p><a href="meat40.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m41">Meat 41</h2>
<ul><li>Discussion of suicide.</li>
<li>Colloquial mention of genitalia.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="ad85" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 38</h2>
<ul><li id="3b6e" data-selectable-paragraph="">Alcohol use.</li>
<li id="36d0" data-selectable-paragraph="">Discussion of addiction and substance abuse.</li>
<li id="4436" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sex mention.</li>
<li id="83de" data-selectable-paragraph="">Depression mention.</li>
<li id="ad8e" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character attempts and fails to coerce two other characters into kissing.</li>
<li id="6878" data-selectable-paragraph="">Kissing.</li>
<p><a href="meat41.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m42">Meat 42</h2>
<ul><li>Discussion of kidnapping.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="5ce5" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 39</h2>
<ul><li id="cc54" data-selectable-paragraph="">A first-person colloquial description of arousal.</li>
<li id="4c54" data-selectable-paragraph="">Parenthood is discussed.</li>
<li id="8ac7" data-selectable-paragraph="">Death of a child is discussed.</li>
<li id="9d3a" data-selectable-paragraph="">Kissing.</li>
<p><a href="meat42.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="m43">Meat 43</h2>
<ul><li>A character is comatose.</li>
<li>A characters weight is referred to derogatorily.</li>
<li>Characters discuss incest speculatively and negatively.</li>
<li>Characters speculate about the sexuality of other characters.</li>
<li>Childbirth is discussed.</li>
<li>A characters gender presentation is discussed by another in a derogatory way.</li>
<li>Characters discuss kidnapping speculatively.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="fd4e" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 40</h2>
<ul><li id="554e" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is comatose.</li>
<li id="aeb6" data-selectable-paragraph="">A syringe is used.</li>
<p><a href="meat43.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="mp">Meat Postscript</h2>
<ul><li>Gore.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="20ad" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 41</h2>
<ul><li id="7729" data-selectable-paragraph="">Discussion of suicide.</li>
<li id="1820" data-selectable-paragraph="">Colloquial mention of genitalia.</li>
<p><a href="meat_ps.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h1>Candy</h1>
<h2 id="c6">Candy 6</h2>
<ul><li>Attempted sexual coercion.</li>
<li>Alcoholism.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="2826" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat 42</h2>
<ul><li id="1377" data-selectable-paragraph="">Discussion of kidnapping.</li>
<p><a href="candy6.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c7">Candy 7</h2>
<ul><li>Strongly misogynistic and sexually objectifying language.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="012a" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong>Meat 43</strong></h2>
<ul><li id="d411" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character is comatose.</li>
<li id="8c85" data-selectable-paragraph="">A characters weight is referred to derogatorily.</li>
<li id="efa3" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss incest speculatively and negatively.</li>
<li id="e5fc" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters speculate about the sexuality of other characters.</li>
<li id="45a1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Childbirth is discussed.</li>
<li id="2fc2" data-selectable-paragraph="">A characters gender presentation is discussed by another in a derogatory way.</li>
<li id="c553" data-selectable-paragraph="">Characters discuss kidnapping speculatively.</li>
<p><a href="candy7.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c12">Candy 12</h2>
<ul><li>Extremely dubious/nonexistent consent.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="649f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meat Postscript</h2>
<ul><li id="9a6f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Gore.</li>
<p><a href="candy12.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c14">Candy 14</h2>
<ul><li>A character dies by suicide.</li>
<li>Gore.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="e016" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 6</h2>
<ul><li id="831e" data-selectable-paragraph="">Attempted sexual coercion.</li>
<li id="c866" data-selectable-paragraph="">Alcoholism.</li>
<p><a href="candy14.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c18">Candy 18</h2>
<ul><li>Casual discussion of population control and genocidal policy.</li>
<li>Dubiously consensual groping.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="cca8" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 7</h2>
<ul><li id="ca89" data-selectable-paragraph="">Strongly misogynistic and sexually objectifying language.</li>
<p><a href="candy18.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c19">Candy 19</h2>
<ul><li>Allusion to child neglect.</li>
<li>Discussion of rape, abuse and coercion by concerned parties.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="65b1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 12</h2>
<ul><li id="6258" data-selectable-paragraph="">Extremely dubious/nonexistent consent.</li>
<p><a href="candy19.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c23">Candy 23</h2>
<ul><li>Discussion of kidnapping, proposed by a concerned party.</li>
<li>Implied child neglect.</li>
<li>Conjecture of child sexual abuse by a concerned party.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="89ae" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 14</h2>
<ul><li id="051a" data-selectable-paragraph="">A character dies by suicide.</li>
<li id="3c8c" data-selectable-paragraph="">Gore.</li>
<p><a href="candy23.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c32">Candy 32</h2>
<ul><li>Graphic descriptions of violence.</li>
<li>Significant age difference.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="3880" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 18</h2>
<ul><li id="e98f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Casual discussion of population control and genocidal policy.</li>
<li id="a19f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Dubiously consensual groping.</li>
<p><a href="candy32.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
<br />
<h2 id="c35">Candy 35</h2>
<ul><li>Attempted sexual coercion of a minor by an adult.</li>
<li>Attempted blackmail of a minor by an adult.</li>
<li>Murder.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="d355" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 19</h2>
<ul><li id="0a27" data-selectable-paragraph="">Allusion to child neglect.</li>
<li id="d074" data-selectable-paragraph="">Discussion of rape, abuse and coercion by concerned parties.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="40a7" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 23</h2>
<ul><li id="2d0a" data-selectable-paragraph="">Discussion of kidnapping, proposed by a concerned party.</li>
<li id="4d7f" data-selectable-paragraph="">Implied child neglect.</li>
<li id="2141" data-selectable-paragraph="">Conjecture of child sexual abuse by a concerned party.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="8223" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 32</h2>
<ul><li id="b5ec" data-selectable-paragraph="">Graphic descriptions of violence.</li>
<li id="d57e" data-selectable-paragraph="">Significant age difference.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="4be2" data-selectable-paragraph="">Candy 35</h2>
<ul><li id="5ae3" data-selectable-paragraph="">Attempted sexual coercion of a minor by an adult.</li>
<li id="55f1" data-selectable-paragraph="">Attempted blackmail of a minor by an adult.</li>
<li id="f696" data-selectable-paragraph="">Murder.</li>
</ul>
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<p><a href="candy35.xhtml">↩︎</a></p>
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<div>
<h1>Chapter 1</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 1</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">C</span>andy was
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<h1>Chapter 10</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 10</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: WH3R3 3V3N 4R3 YOU</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 11</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 11</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">D</span>ave grabs
the sleeve of Johns tux in his sweaty palm, and the two of them

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 12</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 12</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c12">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ake wakes
up to the unfamiliar feeling of a cheek on his chest and a thigh

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<h1>Chapter 13</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 13</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">D</span>ave and
Dirk dont talk that much about the heavy stuff. They dont need

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 14</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 14</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c14">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>our name
is Dirk Strider, and you know what you must do.</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 15</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 15</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he rain is
coming down in sheets. It rains just seldom enough on this idyllic

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 16</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 16</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: hey terezi, guess where i am right now?</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 17</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 17</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>hree
months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 18</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 18</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c18">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ane may
have stepped away from her pursuit of public office, but its

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 19</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 19</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c19">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="jade">JADE: how cute do you guys think johns baby is

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<h1>Chapter 2</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 2</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ohn zaps
back to the quietest point in the fridges impressively storied

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<h1>Chapter 20</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 20</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW, SURE FEELS WEIRD TO JUST BE HANGING

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<h1>Chapter 21</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 21</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">I</span>ts
raining again, coming down in a frigid torrent. John is a

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<h1>Chapter 22</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 22</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="terezi">TEREZI: H3Y JOHN</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 23</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 23</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c23">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: honey u ready to go?</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 24</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 24</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="calliope-dead">JADE: the timelines are interacting

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 25</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 25</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: SWIFER</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 26</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 26</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ohn stares
at his phone for a while, thumb pressed to the space just below the

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<h1>Chapter 27</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 27</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>en years
have gone by.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 28</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 28</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>hat being
said, its very rude, all things considered, for Karkat to start a

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 29</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 29</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="calliope-dead">JADE: i see him.</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 3</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 3</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>es,
something feels <em>very</em> different.</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 30</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 30</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">A</span>s Jake
traverses the length of Janes ship, he suspects he has never

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 31</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 31</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: John, I need to see!</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 32</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 32</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c32">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">(V</span>riska)
grabs Gamzee by the front of his shirt and yanks him down, her hot,

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<h1>Chapter 33</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 33</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ohn looks
up to see Rose waving at him while hanging out the hatch of a troll

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<h1>Chapter 34</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 34</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Hey, Harry Anderson, guess where I

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<h1>Chapter 35</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 35</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c35">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">W</span>hile John
dealt with the sight by immediately turning and walking away, and

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<h1>Chapter 36</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 36</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he moment
John caught a proper glance of (Vriska) and Gamzee going at it in

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<h1>Chapter 37</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 37</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">B</span>ecause
(Vriska) only spent a few minutes on Prospit before her dream self

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<h1>Chapter 38</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 38</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">R</span>oxy tugs
at a piece of hair behind her ear with one hand as she checks the

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<h1>Chapter 39</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 39</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">O</span>n the
other side of the continent, somewhere along the border between the

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<h1>Chapter 4</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 4</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">R</span>oses eyes
flutter open to the sound of a heart monitor and the sight of a

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<h1>Chapter 40</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 40</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">F</span>rom atop
the tallest bell tower in the Carapace Kingdom, the sky looks like

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<h1>Chapter 5</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 5</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="jade">JADE: did you hear that john left his house?</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 6</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 6</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c6">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">N</span>o one is
answering the door to Jakes mansion, so Jane lets herself in.

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 7</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 7</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#c7">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ohns been
spending a lot of time with Roxy lately. Which also means spending

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 8</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 8</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Did you hear that Jane had been intending to

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 9</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png" class="titleimg"/> 9</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
<head>
<title></title>
<link href="../Styles/ebook.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/>
</head>
<body>
<div class="eppage">
<img alt="Candy" src="../Images/c.png"/>
<h1 class="eptitle">Epilogue 1</h1>
</div>
</body>
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
<head>
<title></title>
<link href="../Styles/ebook.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/>
</head>
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<h1>Postscript</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">E</span>lsewhere,
beyond the horizon...</p>
<p>A spaceship tears across a starfield at warp speed. Each dot of
distant light stretches to become a spear, hurtling in the opposite
direction of the craft faster than any photon ever fired from its
surface. The ship was brand-new when it departed from Earth C, and
it doesnt look a day older now, even though many hundreds of days
have passed. It seems to be built to look somewhat like a shark, by
a designer who wasnt totally sure how many fins a shark hard, nor
where exactly to stick them on the beasts body.</p>
<p>Inside, a hot iron smooths the fabric of an elaborate garment,
releasing a gentle hiss of steam. At a glance, it looks like the
top to a god tier costume. But it clearly isnt standard issue.
This one is more stylish, more ornate, more... anime? Sometimes one
finds there simply isnt another word that will do to describe some
sick gear. The iron eases the wrinkles out of the icon emblazoned
on its chest—a hot-pink heart, bisected vertically, hollow in one
half. A shiny, graceful metal hand puts the iron down, removes the
garment from the ironing board, and reaches for the pantaloons.</p>
<p>She isnt even sure how he gets these things so wrinkly. Perhaps
its all the time he spends training in the hypergravity chamber,
assuming theyve got one of those onboard. Then again, there are
times when he seems so high-strung, he could wrinkle a good anime
costume sitting perfectly still in an armchair.</p>
<p>She drapes the pantaloons over the board, then pauses to reach
for the candy bowl nearby. She doesnt actually need to eat
anymore. The entire concept of eating has been upended for her.
Its not about sustenance, or even necessarily about enjoying
certain flavors. Its more about staying connected to a vestigial
habit reminding her of the humanity shes been forced to
abandon.</p>
<p>Not just any kind of candy would cut it. The sensors on her
metal tongue are very particular. Weaker than taste buds and
arranged differently. These would taste like some combination of
battery acid and wasabi to a human tongue. But to her the flavor is
mild, exotic, certainly worth snacking on to pass the time. Human
teeth wouldnt stand a chance of cracking these, but hers make
short work of turning the candy into fine gravel. One of her more
reckless shipmates chipped a tooth trying one, despite repeated
warnings to stay away from the stuff.</p>
<p>The iron hits a snag on the pantaloons, putting an awkward
crease in the ridiculous, billowing fabric. She curses and puts the
iron down. She decides “laundry day” is officially over. The guy
can just wear a wrinkly pair of pants today for all she cares. Its
not like he has an audience, despite his best efforts to behave as
if he did all the time. She doesnt really enjoy doing laundry or
ironing silly anime ensembles, and she considers herself nobodys
maid. Its just that there hasnt been much to do on this ship.</p>
<p>Its not like the old days of her long-range interstellar
travels. That halcyon period riding a meteor across the abyss for
years, with an atmosphere of camaraderie, feelings of optimism—a
rewardingly transformative period in everyones young life. She
guesses this is just what things feel like on a long journey when
youre older, and with a much smaller crew.</p>
<p>She turns off the iron, then wanders off down a corridor. Its
nothing like the meteor in here. Bright, futuristic. Skaianet does
build a lovely ship, she has to admit. She turns a corner, and her
foot kicks something. Its a stray ruby slipper. The other is about
ten feet away, down the hall. No sign of their owner anywhere.
Shed sigh, except she doesnt breathe anymore. She doesnt
consider herself to be <em>her</em> maid either, but she reaches
down to pick up the slippers nonetheless.</p>
<p>She enters a room central to the ship, one that she visits now
and then, possibly for sentimental reasons. Or maybe its just to
creep herself out. Situated near the wall is something that looks
like a rather elegantly designed iron lung. Its mostly made of
glass, with polished silver trim around the sides and base. Theres
a digital monitor on the wall. She approaches and places her hands
on the glass with a faint metal clink.</p>
<p>She used to live in this body. Shes dressed in the same clothes
she was wearing the day she slipped into the coma. A special tiara
replaces her typical hairband, lined with blinking transmitters.
The device beams her awareness directly into her current mechanical
avatar. She presumes it utilizes the same technology that Jades
grandfather once used to build a dreambot for her, which functioned
similarly.</p>
<p>She knows shell never be able to inhabit this sleeping body
again. She honestly cant decide whether that makes her feel sad or
relieved. She ponders the future of her old body. Will it all work
as planned? She has to believe it will. It is the only path to
achieve permanence for these tenuous bodily accommodations.</p>
<p>A jarring sound snaps her out of her reverie. Its an alert,
beeping urgently from the cockpit. The robot leaves her entombed
living body and runs quickly through the winding corridors. She
sits down at the helm and examines the monitor.</p>
<p>A new planet is within sensor range. She studies the millions of
statistics all pouring in at once. Her pupil-less eyes take them
all in simultaneously, her head needing only to move a quarter inch
from side to side to pan her vision across the data. Its an
M-Class planet. The right size, right age, right distance from the
sun. Theres no advanced life yet. Its exactly what theyve been
looking for all these years.</p>
<p>Her heart doesnt beat any faster, because its pace is regulated
by an internal chip. She consciously accelerates it anyway. Its
been a long time since shes had the occasion to feel exhilarated.
Shes missed the sensation of the old flesh-ticker acting of its
own accord.</p>
<p>The thoughts in her powerful brain race. What will they name the
planet? How long will it take for the ship to arrive? Once the new
race has established an advanced enough civilization thousands of
years from now, who will the lucky kids be? The ones who get the
chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in
the history of <em>Sburb</em>?</p>
<p>She holds her thoughts. They can wait, and theres much to
discuss. She taps a button, and lowers her head a little closer to
a mic on the panel.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSEBOT: Dirk.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">She supplies a courtesy pause, as if waiting
for him to reply. He usually doesnt.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSEBOT: Youre going to want to come see this.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Enough time goes by that she begins to wonder
if hes asleep. But no. Its just the irritated silence of a man
who knows he isnt currently dressed well enough to attend to
something important.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?</p>
</div>
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<h1 style="text-align: center;">Chapter 1</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">I</span>t starts
with a crack. Everything else rises up from that like steam: a
trembling thread that cuts through space in jagged lines,
splintering the void into razor-sharp shards of putrefying leptons
and quarks popping apart like raw eggs in a microwave. Its coming
undone at a subatomic level, from the bottom up, from the inside
out. From the top down it looks like the eye of a storm—a black
hole so supermassive that it spans the width of eternity. It turns
infinity into something as thin and fragile as cellophane; shreds
it of its dimensions, a piece of paper pinched together at either
end, a hole poked through it.</p>
<p>At the center of that hole the edges can be heard fraying.
Pandemonium, as continuity buckles in the middle and the two ends
come smashing together. Around the hole, ghosts scream. They claw
at the dying borders of their dreams with fingernail-chipping
desperation. They whip together like the wind, trailing the
mutilated streaks of their hypothetical futures with them. Its a
multifractal neon cyclone of primordial conclusion. A churning
blender of hyperfinal, catastrophically terminal, overwhelmingly
permanent double-death. The screaming distorts and plunges low as
it gets closer to the cavity.</p>
<p>At the center, that distortion turns into an eerie music. Thats
where the cacophony ends—the shattering, the screaming, the
squelching, the sounds of elemental particles being torn apart like
string cheese shoved through a meat grinder, then dumped down a
strangely melodious garbage disposal. It all returns to the same
tonic dominant, matching pitch and tone, ironing out the rebellious
flats and sharps until the discordance becomes exquisite. A
subharmonic symphony that can only be heard in the bones. At the
<em>dead center</em> of the event, it is extremely quiet. A silence
made of all the suffering that limitless sempiternity can hold,
bleeding together until the prism turns to obsidian. Its too vast
to comprehend, too black to behold without closing your eyes.
Retreating to the back of your own eyelids is to seek the comfort
of a familiar darkness. It is to reject an absolute tenebrosity so
perfectly alien, it threatens to rip the humanity right through
your eye sockets.</p>
<p>This is the end of everything. This is the end of Paradox Space.
You...</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Wake up.</p>
<p class="no-indent">Your name is John Egbert, and you have just
had a terrible, deeply pretentious nightmare. You snap out of bed,
soaked in sweat, your heart hammering like a fire alarm. It is just
as you feared.</p>
<p>Youve been dreaming in anime again. And you have no idea what
it could mean.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Look outside just to make absolutely sure
the world is not ending.</p>
<p>The sun is coming in through your window in bars of soft yellow.
The only sound you can hear for miles is the wind skimming the
hollows of your neighbors pipe homes. Its a normal day in the
salamander village, which you refer to as Salamander Village
because the damned salamanders never bothered to give this village
a name, you guess. Absolutely nothing of note has ever happened
here in the entire history of the planet, which you would know,
because you created it.</p>
<p>Beside your pillow, your phone is vibrating. Rose is calling.
The screen of your phone reads 9:30 a.m. April 13, and also the
number forty-six, which is how many text messages your friend left
you while you were sleeping. A bit excessive, even for her.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Answer the phone.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Since when are you known to operate your
telephone?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: since... i dont know. has it really been
that long since i called?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I cant remember the last time.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: neither can i. anyway, whats up?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: First of all, happy birthday.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, yeah. thanks.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: fuck, i forgot.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Am I correct in presuming this April
Thirteenth will be as uneventful as the last?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i dont want to do anything this year.
i hope thats ok.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Of course its ok. Its your birthday after
all.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: rose...</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You wander to the window and watch the
salamanders go about their day. All over the neighborhood, the
little dad-salamanders are putting on their little rumpled hats and
picking up their little suitcases and kissing their little families
goodbye for the day. Youve always been confused about what,
exactly, they contribute to the global economy. But its pretty
cute how much they love playing at being suburban businessmen.</p>
<p class="no-indent">The silence over the phone is growing awkward.
Youve stalled long enough. You decide to just come out and say
it.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: ive been dreaming in anime again lately.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i have no idea what it could mean.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I see.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: its horrible, every time.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: and i dont mean because anime is bad or
anything. its not that.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: whenever i have these dreams, everythings
breaking apart.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: millions of people are screaming and
dying.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, dying permanently. not the kind of
bullshit dying that weve been doing a lot over the years.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">A couple yards over, a salamander blows an
astounding spit bubble. Truly one for the books. Your eyes trace
its meandering journey into the sky as you gather your
thoughts.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: what do you think it all means?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: What do I think what means?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what do you think it means that ive been
dreaming in anime?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I dont have the slightest idea what it means
that youve been dreaming in anime, John.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: To be honest, I...</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You wait for Rose to finish her thought. She
doesnt, which is troubling because you have never known Rose to
leave a thought unfinished in over ten years of acquaintance. You
suppose its possible it may have happened one of the times she
died. You wouldnt bet on it though.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: rose... are you ok?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Not exactly.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: whats wrong?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I think my conditions been getting worse
lately.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: condition?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its why my message probably sounded
urgent.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: you left 46 messages.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes. They were all urgent.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I dont think I can wait much longer before
telling you.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I held out for as long as I could. I figured
your birthday was as good a time as any to let you know.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: let me know what?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its crept up on me, these last couple of
years.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Gradually enough to ignore as it was
happening, but I cant anymore.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Lately the visions have been
overwhelming.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: visions??</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: John, I have terrible headaches these days.
Talking on the phone doesnt help at all.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Would you mind flying to my apartment, so we
can continue this in person?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, yeah. you mean...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: now?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes, now is the time.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Ive put it off long enough.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You move the phone away from your ear and
assume an expression you havent practiced in years. It is the look
of a man who actually has something to do. Holding the phone
directly in front of your face, you speak into the receiver.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: ok, im on my way. bye, rose.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">As you hang up the phone, a familiar feeling
settles over you. A feeling of...standing? Standing, and being
alone. In your bedroom. As a young man. On your birthday. You swear
youve felt this feeling before. Its almost like...</p>
<p>A young man stands alone in his bedroom. It just so happens that
today, the 13th of April, is this young mans birthday. Though it
was twenty-three years ago when he was given life, and ten years
ago when he was given a name, it feels like it is only today that
he will begin to understand what all that means.</p>
<p class="Normal ParaOverride-7"><span class="Standard-Text">That
young man is YOU, John Egbert.</span></p>
<p class="Normal ParaOverride-7"><span class="Standard-Text">What
will you do?</span></p>
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<h1 style="text-align: center;">Chapter 2</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">W</span>hen you
arrive at Roses apartment, you find her asleep on the couch. You
slide the balcony door open, quietly.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: rose?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Her eyes flutter open. She looks like a ghost,
and not the kind of ghost that looks and acts exactly like an alive
person.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: How... how long have I been sleeping?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i dunno. i just got here.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: are you ok?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Ill be fine.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills youre taking
there.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yeah. Its not what youre thinking
though.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what am i thinking?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: These are controlled substances that have
been prescribed by a legitimate doctor to ease the symptoms of my
condition. I am using them only as instructed.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ok??</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: So theres nothing to worry about.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: but you said you have a condition. isnt
that...bad?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You watch her rise in stages. Her arm is
trembling where shes bracing it on the couch.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Oh. Yes. The condition itself is not ideal,
obviously. And perhaps it does constitute something to worry about,
in the context of a different conversation. All Im trying to say
is, Im not backsliding, if thats what youre wondering.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You spend several pregnant moments saying
nothing at all in response to this. You examine Roses supine,
languid form on the couch, optimistic that she will continue
speaking any moment now.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: I struggled with substance abuse for a while,
years ago. Remember?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: rose, jesus. i wasnt going to accuse you of
being a drug addict, and i didnt fly over here to give you an
intervention.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: it sounded like you had some important stuff
to tell me, and the fact that you also seem to be sick is more than
a little alarming!</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I wouldnt say Im sick.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Just having spectacularly debilitating
headaches as a result of my visions becoming more frequent.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh yeah.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what are these visions youre having?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Im a Seer of Light, John.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i know.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: so you mean like, your standard psychic
visions about the future and stuff?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: whats going to happen? should we be
worried?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It doesnt technically pertain to the future.
Well, not our future.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: My abilities have broadened considerably
beyond their previous horizon. They shed light on many unseen
events. Past, present, future, in realities and frames of reference
that have no intersection with ours at all.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It seems to be an unfortunate side effect of
god tier abilities. They can advance at a rate beyond ones
physical ability to keep up with.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Fortunately it doesnt seem to be happening
to anyone other than me.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, cant say ive noticed anything like
that.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: or improvement in my powers for that
matter.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its not about gaining additional power, so
much as the gradual dissolving of the boundaries between your own
awareness and that of your many doomed selves who perished in other
timelines.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its a slow and apparently rather
uncomfortable accretion of knowledge. Perhaps Im the only one to
notice any change, since my aspect explicitly relates to
knowledge.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i guess that all makes sense.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: so what are these visions showing you?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Many things. Theyre quite disjointed, and
sometimes hard to rearrange into coherence.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But in totality, I have pieced together a
greater understanding of our present situation and all the events
that led us here.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You watch Rose stagger to her feet and cross
the apartment. At the kitchenette, she knocks back another pill
with a practiced motion, no water. Her vacant stare drills into the
countertop as she quietly waits for the medication to take
effect.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: ...and?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: And what?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what is it about our situation that you
wanted to tell me?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: is it bad?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Good and bad are words that dont mean
anything, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Theres a different scale Ive come to
understand. Another dichotomy thats less... emotional, I
guess?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Consider, instead of the word “good,” using
the word “essential.”</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: And what exists at the opposite polarity from
essential is...</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Something that is best not to
contemplate.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what are you talking about?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: this sounds fucked up.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes, that sounds like a reaction you would
definitely have to the things Im telling you.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I really should cut it out, and just start
from the beginning.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You follow Rose to the balcony. She raises a
hand and points directly into the clear blue sky. She points with
purpose, as if to say, <span class="Standard-Text CharOverride-14">there</span></p>
<p>. Right there, precisely, is where the green sun would be, if it
still existed.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: The green sun is gone.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what??</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It has been destroyed. At least, from the
current frame of reference it has.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It still existed, and therefore in a way
thats hard to explain, currently exists, over a nearly infinite
span of time, presiding over the birth and death of countless
universes.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But this universe, our universe, is not one
of them.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: you saw this in a vision?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: No. Jade told me.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: she did?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: how does she know?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: She cant draw from its power anymore. She no
longer has the ability of a First Guardian.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It has been this way for several years. I
suspect she has kept this fact on the downlow, however.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: thats...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: surprising, i guess?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: or maybe not. i dunno, its not like she
tells me a whole lot these days.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its also not like shes had any particular
need to unleash the full fury of the green sun, not while shes
been gallivanting around with Dave and Karkat under whatever
perplexing social arrangement they have settled on.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Anyway, her account of the suns destruction
syncs up with the data supplied by my visions. I have no doubt its
gone.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: how did that happen?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It doesnt matter much, for our purposes.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: There was a cataclysmic event. A suicide
strike by a very powerful being. Much like the one Dave and I
attempted, once upon a time.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But it turned out the explosive force we
released was only a catalyst. A causal gesture. What was needed to
destroy the sun was a consumptive assault.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: consumptive?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The entire sun was swallowed by a
supermassive black hole.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I digress though.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You press your eyes shut, just for a moment.
Behind them you see <em>a black hole so supermassive that it spans
the width of eternity.</em></p>
<p>You quickly open your eyes again, and pretend to forget what you
just saw.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Theres really no route through this
expository garden path that will adequately cushion you from the
bottom line, John.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: You will need to travel back into canon and
defeat Lord English.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You...</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Shrug and try to look casual.</p>
<p class="no-indent">You pull off the most casual shrug that a guy
has ever shrugged when being presented with the inevitability of
his own fate. If Rose were looking at you right now, she would be
totally convinced that you are approaching this topic with a level
of nonchalance that is entirely plausible and genuine. Youre sure
of it.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i had a feeling that was going to come
up again someday.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Im sure we all did. That is, even those of
us without visions.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i was doing my best not to think about it. i
guess we cant put it off any longer then?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Now is the time. We are rapidly approaching a
point of no return. If the decision isnt made soon, it will be too
late. The issue will no longer matter.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: when exactly is the point of no return?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Today.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: wow.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ok then.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: first, one question. um...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: why?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Why what?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: why do i need to go back and beat him?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, sorry if this is a stupid question. i
guess hes a huge awful monster, and thats just what youre
supposed to do with huge awful monsters. take them down for their
crimes, and such.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: but why does he actually need to be defeated
at all? to be honest, its been years since weve even bothered
thinking about any of this, and everything seems...</p>
</div>
<p class="Command">&gt; Take a look around and survey the current
status of all life on Earth, which is totally possible to do from
the vantage point of a single apartment balcony.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: fine?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Of course everything is fine here.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Were outside of canon now.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i know. what does that actually MEAN
though?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: are you saying this isnt really
happening?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Of course its happening.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Just because certain events take place
outside of canon, it doesnt mean those events are non-canon.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: In other words, there is an important
distinction between events which can be considered to occur inside
canon, outside canon, and those which are not canon at all.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The day we went through that door and claimed
our reward, we passed a threshold between continua marked by
differing degrees of relevance, truth, and essentiality.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Those are the three pillars of canon.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose shoots you an irritated look. You know
what that look means. Its reserved for the sort of bozo who just
said “what” once too often.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Any event said to take place inside canon
will have nonzero values of relevance and essentiality, while
maintaining an absolute foundation in truth, by definition.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Whereas events outside canon have diminished
values of relevance and essentiality. Or, for the most part, can be
considered neither relevant nor essential at all.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But such events cant be said to be untrue
either. Instead, its better to regard their truth value as highly
conditional.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Are you still following?</p>
</div>
<p class="Command">&gt; Say “oh, yeah. totally.”</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, yeah. totally.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: So to be clear, everything thats taken place
here on Earth C since we exited canon can be considered completely
irrelevant, and for the most part, absolutely inessential. Yet none
of it can be called untrue.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: At least, up until precisely today.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ok.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: then what does non-canon mean?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Events that are formally non-canon have no
truth whatsoever, by definition.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: They may have relevance and essentiality
values that are nonzero, or even quite high, but only as
projections along an imaginary axis, resulting from highly
subjective frames of reference.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But due to those events having no truth, and
thus carrying no real weight, the other properties are basically
rendered meaningless.</p>
</div>
<p>You can feel your eyes go wide as the gears in your head slow to
a stop. The implications of what Rose is saying are as vast as they
are completely incomprehensible. Your mind has just been BLOWN.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: John?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Are you okay? Your pupils have gone quite
wide, thereby facilitating the appearance that your mind has just
been blown.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: sorry, im just trying to wrap my head around
this.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: You of all people really should have a good
intuitive grasp over these concepts already.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Youre the one with the retcon powers, after
all.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i know!</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: like, i mostly get it. i think.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i just wouldnt have thought to put all of
this in such a jargony way.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Sorry. Thats kind of what I do.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: its fine. im just a bit rusty is all.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: it feels like its been so long since i did,
or even thought about... anything that mattered at all.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes, the longer we live outside of canon, the
more tenuous our relationship with canon becomes.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Hence the urgency.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: then whats going to happen if we keep
dragging our feet?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I mentioned that events outside canon have a
truth value that tends to be conditional, remember?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: um.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Well, I did. But let me put it another
way.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: As long as we live outside canon, everything
that happens will technically be “real,” but only
conditionally.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: There are certain crucial events inside canon
which must happen in order to continue to prop up the legitimacy of
events here on Earth C.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: And you specifically, John, have a
responsibility to make sure those events take place.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: and i take it that means going back and
killing lord english?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: His defeat is the keystone to this entire
continuity.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Much like his life, in some sick way,
governed the overall design of the bridge which that keystone was
holding up.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But without it, all of this falls apart.
Every thing weve been through, in a way thats impossible for a
single mind to fully comprehend, becomes retroactively
discredited.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: so... reality will be destroyed, or
something?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: hasnt that already sort of happened?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, when all the black space started
cracking?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: No, this consequence isnt physical, or even
a disruption of the timeline. Its more of a conceptual
unraveling.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: If you miss the chance to authenticate canon
events, something will take place thats a bit difficult to
describe, but Ive encountered a term for it.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its called “dissipation.”</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Like, a notional fading. As if something,
somewhere, is undergoing a process of “forgetting,” and we are what
is being forgotten.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: All ideas, people and their full
potentialities, possible outcomes and their specific unfolding, all
these things live inside conscious frameworks.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The further removed we get from
authentication of canon events, the less relevant they become, and
they slowly fade from the conscious frameworks which kept them
stable.</p>
</div>
<p class="Command">&gt; Make a theatrically startled
expression.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: ok, i guess we dont want THAT to happen.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: or... unhappen. whatever.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: so i just retcon-poof back to english and
start like...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: brawling with the dude?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Dont be ridiculous. You wouldnt last a
second.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Youll need a team.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Also, you dont want to just dive headlong
into a battle with his hulking adult form. That would be tactically
foolish, and furthermore, would skip over some very important steps
needed to authenticate canon.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: like what?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I mentioned that Englishs defeat was the
keystone to the continuity. But this is an oversimplification.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yikes. well, we sure as fuck wouldnt want to
simplify anything.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: John, please dont be a bitch. Im unwell,
remember?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: sorry.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The true keystone, which is a necessary
component of his defeat, is the juju.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The house-shaped object you stuck your hand
in to gain your retcon powers.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh yeah.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: While empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hole
in canon, whose only purpose is to be filled.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: In serving that purpose, it grants one with
the radical canon-altering powers that would be needed to fill
it.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Once filled, it becomes solid. No longer a
gap, but a serviceable, load-bearing wedge in our continuity.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Like a keystone.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: And once delivered to English and directed
his way, it empties itself again, releasing its narrative-bridging
payload. It functions as a weapon, and in some manner will bring
about his demise.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: in some manner?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Its a complicated artifact. As old and
unfathomable as anything else in Paradox Space, like the green sun,
or English himself. Dont worry about it for now.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: The important thing is that, in the due
course of your travels, you end up loading and unloading this
weapon.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: how am i going to do that?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Once you set things in motion, it should just
happen naturally through the narrative momentum of your journey.
Im really just warning you about it, rather than instructing
you.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ok. thanks??</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Youre welcome.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose looks at her phone. You recognize
Kanayas distinct typing style in the window. Roses thumbs begin
to fly across the keypad. She continues to text as she talks.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: so if were going to go back and kill him in
time to “authenticate canon,” i guess we have to get going
soon.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: like today?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: are you sure youre actually up for a fight
though? no offense, but youre looking a little worse for the
wear.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Im not going.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: None of us are. Only you.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what?? but you said...</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: John, this is the victory state.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what the hell does that even mean.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: When we went through the door, and passed
beyond the threshold of canon, we effectively retired from bearing
any responsibility for influencing canon events. Weve all been
sort of decommissioned as active players on the cosmic stage, with
severely diminished relevance attributes.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: All of us except for you, of course, since
youve retained your retcon abilities.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ok, i get that. kind of.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: but... couldnt you all just come along
anyway?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: We could. But it wouldnt serve any
purpose.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It wouldnt plug up the remaining dark spots
in canon.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Youll need a group of active players. Those
still stuck inside the stream of canonic karma.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: who?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Nothing too extravagant. Just different
versions of us.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Younger versions, from a particularly
dysfunctional impasse in our journey.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I can point out the exact moment in canon you
should be disrupting, and how you should disrupt it.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: In fact, Ive already written it down to
spare you the trouble of remembering.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose leads you back inside and retrieves a
letter from her desk. She hands it over, still typing one-handed on
her phone. She sits down and you read the letter.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: huh.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Is anything confusing about my
instructions?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: no, i remember all this. it shouldnt be a
problem.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: its just weird to think about revisiting
this. it seems like an eternity. like... we were all completely
different people back then.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I assure you we are all still fundamentally
the same bunch of losers.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose is ultimately right about that, the way
she is about most things. You continue to scan the letter, and
grimace slightly.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: should i really punch her in the face?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i felt kinda bad about it, last time i did
that to someone.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes. You absolutely should, and must, punch
her in the face.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You exhale and turn the paper over in your
hands. The other side is blank. You flip it back over, having fully
processed the instructions drafted in the polished purple
handwriting. You like how Rose still writes in purple, after all
these years. Some things never change.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: alright. this seems straightforward
enough.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, aside from the part where we all have
to fight an invincible monster.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: He isnt entirely invincible. He will be
vulnerable to Daves weapon. I believe other gambits should present
themselves as well.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: I dont think it would serve the mission well
for me to tell you exactly how it will go.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: But at least I can offer this bit of
encouragement.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: If you follow my instructions, English will
be defeated.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: It is an absolutely essential outcome.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: And essential, if youll remember, is the
word we should be using instead of good.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i see youre advising we go after him when
hes young...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i guess that makes sense.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: go get him before he gets all big and
strong.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: like, kind of a surprise attack?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Sure.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: that dude sucks.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: he was taunting me a while back.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: like, i think he WANTS me to come fight
him?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: anyway, i just ignored him obviously, because
im not a stupid idiot.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: but i guess today will be his lucky day.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You take a seat next to Rose on the couch.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Examine your friend.</p>
<p class="no-indent">Her eyes are closed and her hands are folded
in her lap. Shes not asleep, but she looks wasted—like all the
life in her has been sucked out through a straw. Like shes
insubstantial. When you were kids you always thought that Rose
Lalonde had all the answers, that she could fix any problem with a
wall of text and a witty rejoinder. You guess that much about her
hasnt changed. Shes still trying to solve the problems you all
left behind. You cant believe how sick she looks. How did this
happen to her?</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: i should probably get going and let you
rest.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: we can talk all about it when i get back.
ill fill you in on how it went, hopefully youll be feeling better
by then.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Oh. Um.</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yeah.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: is something wrong?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose opens her eyes and looks at you, but she
says nothing. Just looks.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: im not scared, if thats what youre worried
about.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: you already said were going to defeat him.
so, nothing to fret over, right?</p>
<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes. You...</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Something flickers through her eyes, almost
too quick to catch. When she smiles at you, its warm and
sincere.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Youre going to do great.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Rose slides her arms around you. After a
while, she releases you from the embrace and gets up to fetch her
bottle of pills. She pauses at the bedroom door to look at you one
more time.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="rose">ROSE: Goodbye, John.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">She closes the door behind her.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Look at the letter.</p>
<p class="no-indent">Your run your thumbs along the edge of the
paper. Is this really it? One hug from Rose and youre off to face
your destiny? The instructions in the letter are clear, but you
arent sure precisely what to do next. Inertia and indecision keep
your feet planted firmly on the carpet.</p>
<p>Then, as if directly answering your quandary, your phone buzzes
in your pocket. Its a text from Roxy.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Read text.</p>
<p class="no-indent">It sounds important. You get up to go without
even thinking about it. You exit through the sliding glass door and
leave it open behind you.</p>
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<div>
<h1 style="text-align: center;">Chapter 3</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">I</span>ts a
beautiful day in the Carapace Kingdom, just like it was in the
Human Kingdom and just like it was in Salamander Village. For
whatever faults this paradise you created might have, you sure
dont hear many complaints about the weather. Youre sitting with
Roxy and Calliope on a giant, chessboard-pattern tablecloth. Its a
nice touch, you think. But if you spent any time shopping in the
Carapace Kingdom, youd know most things you can buy are chess
themed.</p>
<p>Friendly carapacians go about their day around you, passing
through the park with their eyes politely averted as they pretend
not to notice that three celebrities are having lunch in the grass
nearby. Its extra polite of them, because you and Roxy are having
a very personal conversation.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: she looked alright. mostly just tired.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: at least she seemed to have enough energy to
babble at length about philosophical gibberish, and things about
canon and such.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: lmao</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: guess she filled you in on all the ultimate
self junk then</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: the what?</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: the shit where she starts knowing everything
and feelin bad</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: oh. thats not the term she used. she just
kept describing it as a condition.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: you havent been feeling anything like that,
right?</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: what getting to know my ultimate self?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: man ive barely got a hold of my basic ass
self</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: heh.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, she said she was the only one going
through this, that she knew of.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: poor rose.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: at least all that medication seems to be
keeping her sort of functional.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Roxy gives you a serious, sidelong glance.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Remember that whole totally unprovoked
spiel Rose gave you about substance abuse.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: she said it wasnt like that!</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean... she said it was under control.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: well, what the fuck do i know. the only
illicit substance ive ever done is lick that STUPID trickster
lollipop.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: NEVER AGAIN.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah w/e</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: cant say its much my business anymore</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: rose and i arent as close as we used to
be</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You nod, sort of knowingly, because youre
thinking about how you hadnt talked to Rose in ages either. Roxy
gives you a quizzical look, but you turn away before she can draw
meaning from it.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: maryams been keeping her real busy since they
got hitched</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: they both vanished down the brooding caverns
and that was p much that</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: only since she got sick and spent more time
at home did we start talkin more again</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: its been great but our conversations have
been a lil bit upsetting</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">And, here it comes. The thing you were trying
to avoid thinking about the moment Roxy texted you, about how you
havent talked to Roxy in ages either. You were having such a nice
time ignoring that fact, too.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Change the subject.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: so, are you and callie still living at the
same place i last saw? the one near the tower?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You look towards the bell tower in the
distance. Its a gothic building so tall that it cuts a shadow
through the midday sun. Its an important landmark in the
kingdom—the tallest structure for miles around—and the only way you
can ever navigate your way here flying. Carapace architecture is
otherwise identic, a reflection of their functional, collectivist
society.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yup</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: thats cool.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: its a nice place.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah i like it here</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: ive thought about it but ill probably never
wanna live in a different kingdom</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: still feel most at home around the chess
guys</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: makes sense.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: thats about how i feel about the
salamanders.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: which... i realize actually makes no fucking
sense.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: haha</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: they lead simple lives.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: i dont really care for the chaos of human or
troll cities.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: neither do we</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">You watch Roxy smile and reach for Calliopes
hand.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Look away before you start dwelling on
it.</p>
<p class="no-indent">You start dwelling on it immediately, looking
probably quite conspicuous with how quickly you whipped your gaze
away. But seriously, what <em>is</em> up with their relationship?
Is it romantic? Platonic? Can cherubs even have a romantic
relationship? Are they even <em>interested</em> in it, like, on a
fundamental level? Do their brains and hearts even work that way?
Questions like this used to keep you awake at night.</p>
<p>You look at them, at where Roxys fingers are entwined with
Calliopes green claws. Calliope is still wearing the Ring of Life.
The same one you obtained in a ludicrous adventure through the
afterlife, and then re-obtained in a ludicrous adventure through
canon when it was stolen from you. Its the same one that allowed
Calliope to stop being dead in the first place, and to come live
with your friends here on your beautifully renovated home planet.
And its the same one you gave Roxy all those years ago, to fulfill
a promise made to a very special new friend.</p>
<p>At the time, the gesture felt so important. It felt more
meaningful than any gift youd ever given. Like there was some
grand emotional gravitas about it that signified something deeper
than... than what it turned out to be.</p>
<p>You have since concluded you were just imagining things.
Ascribing symbolic meaning to gestures that they simply didnt
carry, like the dumb kid you were.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Tactfully avoid saying anything at all
about Roxy and Calliopes weird, ambiguous relationship.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: uh, so...</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">But you cant stop thinking about it. What
goes on in Roxys head. What she thinks about you.</p>
<p>You and all your friends have dispositions affected by your
classes and aspects. You think you know what that means in your
case. But what about her? You can only speculate. Void is a place
where things sink and disappear. Where they linger forever, but
cease to exist. You arent actually sure if your feelings for Roxy
ever really faded, or if they just grew numb with time and
distance. Is it the same for her?</p>
<p>You search your soul for the answer, but come up empty. The
truth is, you suspect her mental interior is unfathomable. In fact,
you feel sure of it.</p>
<p>You wonder suddenly, watching her. This version of her, that is.
The one with whom you share all these bittersweet memories—will you
ever see her again?</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: ahem.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: john!</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: what?</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: please forgive me if i come across as
impatient. bUt if we are finished with the pleasantries, i believe
yoU have a choice to make.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: huh?</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: the choice as to whether yoU will go
defeat my brother, or stay here.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: have yoU decided yet?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: theres a choice??</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Calliope is smiling brightly, but Roxys face
has no expression at all.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="john">JOHN: i was just assuming i had to go.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: because if i dont, then...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: a lot of stuff will stop being real. or i
mean, stop being canon?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: to tell you the truth, im a little confused
about what will happen if i dont go.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: but it sounds like it will probably be
bad!</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: that may be so.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: we are not here to caUtion yoU aboUt
the conseqUences of yoUr decision either way.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: bUt there is always a choice!</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: roxy and i merely wished to invite
yoU here for a nice hUman picnic, and show oUr sUpport for
whichever decision yoU make.</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: tbh its a relief to finally be doin this</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: it is?</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: mm hm</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: how much have you actually... talked about
this? i mean, how many people knew this was going to be a
thing?</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: just us and rose. well dirk too i think</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: shes been talkin to me about it a bunch</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: and him too but i dunno how much</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: hes got like</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: “thoughts” about all this shit</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: but whatever thats not important or even
remotely surprising</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: bottom line, rose has been tormenting herself
about having to tell you</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: im just glad she finally said it so she can
rest</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: now its up to you</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: yes. take all the time yoU need.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: again, we arent here to inflUence
yoU. its very important that the decision come from yoUr desire to
go throUgh with it, one way or another.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: any tampering coUld taint the
resUlts.</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: taint the...</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: wait, what?</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: so whatll it be john</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">A chill runs through you and stays there.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Consider the gravitas of this choice.</p>
<p class="no-indent">You try, but you cant, because you werent
really prepared for it. You didnt think it was a choice at all
until this very second. You think back to the way Rose looked at
you before she went to bed. What has she told Roxy that she didnt
tell you? The chill tightens around your throat and turns into
fear.</p>
<p>No, not fear. The feeling is worse than that. Its
<em>regret</em>.</p>
<p>You wasted your time here on this idyllic restoration of Earth.
Why did you spend so much time alone? Moping around the house
mourning your dead father, who probably would have wanted you to
get more enjoyment out of your teen years, as well as your
unusually early retirement. Theres so much you could have done.
You could have even reached out to Roxy again; maybe she was
waiting for you to do that. Maybe your withdrawal hurt her. Maybe
she was heartbroken, just like you kind of feel right now. You
study her perfectly stoic face and conclude nothing from it. Her
expression reminds you of how Dave used to look, when you first met
for real, before years of living with Karkat softened him up.
Impenetrable cool.</p>
<p>Its too late to figure any of this out now. You fucked it up
already.</p>
<p>Unless, of course, you choose to stay.</p>
<p>Upon further examination, you realize that Roxys stoicism isnt
cold. Theres concern there. She is displaying restraint, keeping
quiet while you make up your mind. Youre sweating, you realize.
Cold sweat. Even worse than the anime nightmare sweat you woke up
soaked in this morning.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: john u ok?</p>
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: looked like you were gonna pass out there for
a second</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Suddenly, Calliope bolts upright.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: of coUrse! what was i thinking.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: this decision is far too important to
be made on an empty stomach.</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">She fetches the picnic basket, which naturally
has been sitting there on the tablecloth since the moment you
arrived.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: here, before yoU choose which path
yoUre going to take, yoU shoUld decide what yoUd like to eat!</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: i have packed a wide variety of
provisions. easily enoUgh to satisfy even the most ravenoUs
picnic-goers appetite.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: behold, an array of savory delights
for the carnally inclined.</p>
<p class="calliope">CALLIOPE: or perhaps something for yoUr sweet
tooth, if a lUst for treats is what stokes yoUr desire?</p>
</div>
<p class="no-indent">Calliope produces two dishes from the basket
and begins gingerly unwrapping them. The unwrapping is so ginger,
in fact, that theres something almost dramatic about it. Like the
opening theme to that boring sci-fi movie with the monolith and the
bone-throwing monkeys should be playing as she peels away the
cheesecloth.</p>
<p>On one plate is a pile of meat: rare, almost bleeding cuts from
animals you cant identify. The other plate holds a generous heap
of colorful, exotic-looking candy. You scoot to the side and peek
into the basket to see if theres anything else. Theres a book in
there, but no more food. This is all there is.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Contemplate your lunch.</p>
<p class="no-indent">You put a finger to your lips and focus on the
food with great intensity. You stop fretting about choices, and
heartbreak, and eternity, and Lord English. Your entire world
narrows to a single point of light as you are utterly consumed by
the overbearing decision about which of these absurd meals to have
for lunch.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; MEAT or CANDY?</p>
<p class="no-indent">Meat or candy. The two possibilities pinball
around your skull. Meat or candy. Its a tough choice. On any other
day you might be inclined to simply follow the whims of your
cravings, but no clear victor surges to the forefront of your
mind.</p>
<p>Either option offers a tempting means of sustenance. You know
the meat will be rich and filling, and if youre being honest with
yourself, you havent had the most robust diet as of late. You
didnt even have breakfast. Its probably a good idea to eat
something resembling a real meal for once.</p>
<p>But youre no stranger to Calliopes tastes, as far as
carnivorous comestibles are concerned. You know every cut on that
plate is rare to the core. Itll fill your mouth to bursting with
juice, lie heavy on your stomach for hours to come as your body
works to break down all the nutritious protein and fat.</p>
<p>It might be tough to chew. It might be even tougher to
swallow.</p>
<p>Maybe the candy is the better choice for a picnic like this.
Something thatll go down easy and fill you with bright energy as
you pass the time with your friends. You know you need to just let
go sometimes, and stop worrying so much about what other people
expect of you. Or even what <em>you</em> expect of you. Its not a
bad thing to enjoy yourself just for the sake of pleasure.</p>
<p>But eat too much and all that sweetness could make you sick.</p>
<p>Roxy and Calliope glance at each other in confusion as you
deliberate over what to eat. You suppose its taking you a while to
choose, but each dish is appealing enough in certain ways. Each has
its potential dietary drawbacks. You dont want to make a decision
you cant stomach.</p>
<p>Meat or candy, John. Meat or candy?</p>
<p>You release your breath when you realize youve been holding it.
Youre being ridiculous. Whats the sense of fussing over lunch? In
the end, it really doesnt matter. Whatever you choose, itll all
be flushed down the toilet tomorrow.</p>
<p>Just go with your gut. Dont sweat the small stuff. There are
much more important things out there to fuck yourself up over.</p>
<p class="Command">&gt; Choose: <del>MEAT</del> or <a href="candy_cover.xhtml">CANDY</a></p>
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<h1>&gt; MSPA Reader: Flip it <a href="flip-pro_cover.xhtml">turnways</a></h1>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p>GR: or just turn the page</p>
<p>GR: if you got here after completing both sides, <a href="appendix_cover">here's the appendices</a></p>
<p>GR: adapting a nonlinear story to a file format that assumes linearity is a bit of a pain</p>
<p>GR: anyway i've interjected enough</p>
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<h1>&gt; MSPA Reader: Flip it <a href="pro_cover.xhtml">turnways</a></h1>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p>GR: or turn the page to read the appendices</p>
<p>GR: adapting a nonlinear story to a file format that assumes linearity is a bit of a pain</p>
<p>GR: chances are you already read that last line if you're here</p>
<p>GR: unfortunately even though epub allows you to set the "<code>linear</code>" attribute to <code>"no"</code> for items listed in the spine of the book to mark it as auxiliary content, apparently most readers ignore that and display it in the linear flow of pages</p>
<p>GR: so the link in this page's header just loops back to the regular prologue pages and doesn't do the strikethrough bit like the reprise of the prologue placed between meat and candy</p>
<p>GR: anyway i've interjected enough</p>
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<div>
<h1>Chapter 1</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 1</h1>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">M</span>eat was
definitely the right choice, you think, as grease drips down your

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<h1>Chapter 10</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 10</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m10">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ane
Crocker sweeps into her office with grace befitting her station and

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<h1>Chapter 11</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 11</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m11">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>hats
that, you think. Your glasses are broken forever, and you totally

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 12</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 12</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m12">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: so we gotta hit jane right in her neoliberal

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<h1>Chapter 13</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 13</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m13">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="Command">&gt; Be John again.</p>
<p class="no-indent">It seems as if youre attempting to be John

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<h1>Chapter 14</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 14</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m14">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ake yawns
and knocks on the window to Janes office again. For some reason

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<h1>Chapter 15</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 15</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m15">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="Command">&gt; John: Fight Lord English.</p>
<p class="no-indent">All around you is pandemonium, a

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<h1>Chapter 16</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 16</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m16">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: When I was a child, I wrote a novel.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 17</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 17</h1>
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">N</span>one of my
friends have noticed it yet, but you have. You have the ability to

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 18</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 18</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m18">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ou wake up.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">

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<h1>Chapter 19</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 19</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m19">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">A</span>nyway,
back to the B Plot.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 2</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 2</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m2">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: bro</p>

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<h1>Chapter 20</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 20</h1>
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ade gasps
awake, and begins to spiral.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 21</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 21</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m21">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: holy shit thats disgusting</p>

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 22</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 22</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m22">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ouve been
drifting so long that youve lost the ability to objectively judge

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<h1>Chapter 23</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 23</h1>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose</p>

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<h1>Chapter 24</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 24</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m24">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he server
Meenah fled through is a distant speck now. You look back, and

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<h1>Chapter 25</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 25</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m25">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Customarily, we speak in favorable terms
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all, that would be spoiling it. Unless you already know, in which
case, I guess whats taking place here qualifies as something
closer to dramatic irony. But if you really want to see it for
yourself, stop what youre doing, flip the whole thing over, and
yourself, stop what youre doing, <a href="flip-pro_cover.xhtml">flip the whole thing over</a>, and
begin again. Ill be right here when you get back, waiting. Trust
me, no ones going anywhere.</p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">

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<h1>Chapter 26</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 26</h1>
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ade kicks
her shoeless feet behind her slowly, as if shes swimming with the

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<h1>Chapter 27</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 27</h1>
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<p class="no-indent calliope-dead"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">A</span>nd then,
she opens her eyes.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 28</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 28</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m28">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, how long have you been watching?</p>

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<h1>Chapter 29</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 29</h1>
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<p class="no-indent calliope-dead"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he
elevator to janes office opens, and she stumbles inside. the last

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<h1>Chapter 3</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 3</h1>
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<p class="Command">&gt; JOHN: Zap.</p>
<p class="no-indent">You zap back into canon. Its been so long,

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<h1>Chapter 30</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 30</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m30">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="jake">JAKE: Ah chaps dont you love to take a rigorous

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<h1>Chapter 31</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 31</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m31">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent calliope-dead"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>erezi is
munching her way through another tin of human fatherly tobacco as

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<div>
<h1>Chapter 32</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 32</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m32">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent calliope-dead"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">R</span>oxy is
nervously dialing roses number repeatedly. then they try kanaya.
@ -242,7 +243,7 @@
glaring intensely at nothing at all, roxy smiles at what they hear
from dave. the way he talks about karkat reminds roxy of the way
calliope looks when they call them beautiful.</p>
<span class="type-bs type-hs-bottom">Oh, so she really does think Calliope is beautiful? Like, she wasnt just saying that to be nice? Fascinating.</span>
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="type-bs type-hs-bottom">Oh, so she really does think Calliope is beautiful? Like, she wasnt just saying that to be nice? Fascinating.</span></p>
<p class="no-indent calliope-dead">yes, is the resounding answer.
calliope <em>is</em> beautiful, roxy thinks. and furthermore, they
think they should be reminded of this fact every day.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 33</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 33</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m33">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">S</span>peaking of
meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come

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<h1>Chapter 34</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 34</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m34">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">S</span>peaking of
giving it everything you got, here comes Jake McGee, about to pop

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<h1>Chapter 35</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 35</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m35">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ou zap
back to Earth C with the last of your energy. And I do mean last.

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<h1>Chapter 36</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 36</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m36">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">S</span>o it turns
out that “home” is an entirely abstract concept. A state of mind,

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<h1>Chapter 37</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 37</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m37">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">W</span>e make a
quick stop back at Roses apartment. She understandably wants to

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<h1>Chapter 38</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 38</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m38">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">B</span>ut before
we get completely out of dodge, theres one more trifling matter

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<h1>Chapter 39</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 39</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m39">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">I</span>m inside
Jakes mansion. Its just as idiotically garish as the last time I

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<h1>Chapter 4</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 4</h1>
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ou arrive
in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white. A column of

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<h1>Chapter 40</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 40</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m40">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">K</span>anaya
Maryam is single and ready to mingle.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 41</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 41</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m41">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">S</span>hes
right, of course. I do have to be stopped.</p>

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<h1>Chapter 42</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 42</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m42">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: so uhhh</p>
@ -272,10 +273,7 @@
<p class="dirk"><span class="type-bs type-hs-bottom">Kind of a catch-22, right, Kanaya? The one whos “protecting” you all from my influence is also blocking you from getting any answers. Not that youd even know what to do with them.</span></p>
<p class="no-indent calliope-dead">they will know what to do, when
they are ready.</p>
<p>Ha ha. Sure. Theyll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a
wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. Its
really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally
is.</p><p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="type-bs type-hs-bottom">Ha ha. Sure. Theyll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. Its really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.</span></p>
<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="type-bs type-hs-bottom">Ha ha. Sure. Theyll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. Its really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.</span></p>
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
<p class="roxy">ROXY: kanaya pls chill</p>
<p class="roxy">ROXY: ive seen this before</p>

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<h1>Chapter 43</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 43</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m43">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="no-indent calliope-dead"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">L</span>ater that
night, jade has been moved from the hospital to the troll kingdom.

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<h1>Chapter 5</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 5</h1>
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>he stands
of the Cantown Memorial Arena are packed front to back with

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<h1>Chapter 6</h1>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Meat" src="../Images/m.png" class="titleimg"/> 6</h1>
<p class="type-bs">This chapter has <a href="appendix_content_warnings.xhtml#m10">additional content warnings</a>.</p>
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<p class="Command">&gt; Look up.</p>
<p class="no-indent">The sky is really blue. But its a different

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