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371 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 17</title>
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<div id='s17'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 17</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">T</span>hree
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months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation
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with Terezi. It’s kind of impossible not to, when Rose and Kanaya
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keep saying the name “Vriska” every five minutes. He really thought
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they were done with hearing about Vriska all the time, but
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apparently Rose and Kanaya were intent on breathing new life into
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that tradition.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Vriska, don’t chew on your chair’s dinner
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tray.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Darling She Is Only A Grub She Hasnt Yet
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Grown Her Aural Canals</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes, but I believe strongly that we should
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get in the habit of speaking to her like an adult. It will be good
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for her social development.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Is That How Your Mother Raised You</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I would have loved it if my mother spoke more
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frankly with me. But she was...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Let’s just say, a rather awkward person.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Er. No offense, Roxy.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: lmao none taken</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: i cant even imagine all the ways id fuck up a
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kid in a timeline where i didnt sort out my drinking tbh</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Oh, you weren’t awful.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I just have...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: How do you always put it, dear?</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: A Penchant For Melodrama</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: well yeah</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: ur dad made sure he got some of himself in
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u</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I suppose he did.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">And then everyone in the room observes a
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moment of silence for their dear, departed friend, Dirk Strider.
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Except for John, who takes advantage of the solemn distraction to
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anxiously tap at his phone. He’d sent Terezi a text an hour ago,
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when Roxy was fixing her makeup in her compact. He’s not sure why
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he feels the need to hide the fact that he’s talking to her. It’s
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not like there’s anything untoward about what he’s doing. Just
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texting an old friend. What’s wrong with that? Nothing at all, he
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thinks, as he closely monitors his silent, praying wife, ready to
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stash the phone in his pocket the moment she shows the slightest
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sign of movement.</p>
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<p>She lifts her head to speak. He’s like Houdini with that
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phone.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: damn i still cant believe dirks gone tho</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes, it was so sudden.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: But the best we can do to honor him is simply
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to move on with our lives.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: huh?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John shoots Rose a weird look. She smiles back
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benignly, then goes to collect her troll daughter from her booster
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seat. She holds baby Vriska close to her chest and leans over to
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give Kanaya a kiss on the cheek. The precious grub is framed
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between them, and the two wives are ringed in a halo of pale light
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at the peak of this magical moment. It should be a beautiful image,
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but something about it roils John’s gut. Rose sits back down,
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cradles Vriska in one arm, and begins to unbutton the top of her
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shirt with the other. John instinctively finds something else to
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look at. Anything. His fidgeting hands will do.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Have You Two Thought About What To Name
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Your Grubs</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: its just one grub lol</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Oh Thats A Relief</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Ive Actually Been Very Worried About Your
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Wellbeing Considering How Human Grubs Are Born</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: errrr</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: why</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Well Dont They Have To Eat Their Way Out
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Of The Womb</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Kanaya...</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Its What Karkat Told Me</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Karkat gets all his information on humanity
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from the movies. And Dave, which is even worse than the movies.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: wait a fucking minute.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: what MOVIES are they watching??</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Nothing too graphically misleading, I
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suspect.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I equally suspect that any time there’s a
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human birthing moment on camera, Karkat probably turns away, too
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disgusted to watch, while Dave continues filling his ear with more
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lies about human biology.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: lol.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Then</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Was Given Inaccurate Information</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Yes.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Whew</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: If that was true, how would our species have
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survived? We would have had a one hundred percent maternal
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mortality rate during childbirth.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Yes I Forgot How Primitive Medical
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Technology Was On Your Planet</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Then How Are Humans Born</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Use your head for a moment, darling.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: ...</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: ...</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Oh I See</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: lmao</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: um.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I’m sorry, John. All this girl talk must be
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making you uncomfortable.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: can we change the subject to something less
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gross and weird?</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: pff</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: wuss</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: so...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: is vriska really the name you’re going
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with?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Kanaya gives John an inquisitive, wide-eyed
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look. As if there could be no conceivable reason for someone to ask
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this question.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Yes Of Course</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Why would we change her name when she’s
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nearly a year old?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: well it’s not like it would hurt or anything.
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didn’t kanaya just say she doesn’t have ears yet?</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: omg john dont be rude</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m not trying to be rude!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i just think it’s a little... weird.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Dont See Why I Mean She Is Practically
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A Clone Of Vriska</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, yeah kanaya, i know.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: that’s why it’s weird!</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I appreciate your concern, John. But it’s not
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that weird to name a child after an important figure from your
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youth.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: What were you thinking of naming your own
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child?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John hesitates, adjusts his glasses for want
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of something to do with his hands. This is a conversation he’s been
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dragging his heels on for months. Back when Roxy first got pregnant
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it was all they talked about it, but now that she’s so close to the
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due date, all the subject does is make his pulse go shaky.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: um...</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: harry anderson egbert</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: roxy! we hadn’t...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, i didn’t think we were decided on
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that.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: i dunno you seemed p set on it</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">He was. What’s bugging him about it is that
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Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own. Rose stops
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breastfeeding Vriska, and hands her off to Kanaya. She comes to sit
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beside John, setting a hand on his knee. She speaks kindly.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Wasn’t that the guy from Night Court?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: which was...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: A show that reminds you of your father.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I think that in this new world we’ve created,
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it’s important to carry the torch of what we’ve left behind us.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: We must name the next generation for the
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fallen heroes that we admire.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: wait. we ADMIRE vriska now?</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: It’s true that Vriska was a controversial
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figure even at the best of times, but...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: She did defeat Lord English, John.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">This remark seems to cure John of his shaky
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pulse problem, if only because for a moment his heart seems to stop
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beating altogether. It shocks him in a way that causes him to feel
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the planet turning under his feet. He whips his head up to look at
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Rose intently. She seems alert. Her gaze is precise. She doesn’t
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seem ill, or off, or confused at all.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: no she... didn’t?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: vriska didn’t defeat lord english.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Rose doesn’t say anything. No one says
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anything.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: rose, no one knows what happened to lord
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english.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Of course we do. Vriska used the juju and her
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accompanying ghost army to defeat him.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Why else would we be here?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think that’s what actually happened
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though!</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Then What Did Happen John</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i... i JUST said!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no one knows!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: rose, come on... you’re the one who told me
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all this!</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I told you what?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: about a year ago. you were feeling bad, and
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asked me to come over.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: and then you gave me this big speech about
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canon, and being like, OUTSIDE canon, and NOT canon, and other shit
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like timelines, and fate and...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: and my anime dreams!</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: That’s all in the past, John.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Everything worked out in the end.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Why are you getting so upset about this?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: you gave me a list of instructions and told
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me that i had to use my retcon powers to go back to a very specific
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point in time to defeat lord english when he was still just a
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kid.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: and you told me that i HAD to do this to...
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to validate the sequence of reality?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but i didn’t.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i was all ready to go. i... i thought i was
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going to die, honestly.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but then YOU...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John swivels around to point a finger at his
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wife. It comes across as more accusatory than he means it to
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be.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: roxy, you and calliope told me that i had a
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choice!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: and i MADE my choice, which is why i ended up
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staying.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: but did it really all “work out in the
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end”?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: if i didn’t stop lord english, then...
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then...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: are we even really here at all???</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">The three gals in the room exchange a series
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of concerned glances. Do they truly think he’s crazy? Are they
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hiding something from him? John can feel himself trembling. It’s
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||
not possible that he’s remembering this wrong, is it? It can’t be.
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If he presses his eyes shut, he can still see the lines of the
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black hole cracking space apart around him. It seemed like such a
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big deal at the time, and then suddenly it felt like nothing at
|
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all. Why?</p>
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<p>Roxy leans over and sets a cool hand on John’s forehead.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: u doin ok there babe</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m fine!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">You’re the ones not doing okay, he nearly
|
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shouts, but then realizes it’s just going to make him sound crazier
|
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than he already looks. He brushes Roxy’s hand away and stands
|
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abruptly, looking woozy and sweating at the temples. His skin is
|
||
tight and clammy, too hot and too cold all at once.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: i just... need some fresh air.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: want me to come with u</p>
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: no!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i... i mean, no. i need a moment alone.</p>
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: i think i’m just getting those um, you
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know...</p>
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: new dad jitters!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: haha, that must be it.</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: oh of course that makes sense</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: take care of urself hon</p>
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||
</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John grabs his coat and sprints out of the
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||
hive. He vaults into the air and follows the breeze up, coasting
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||
over the treeline and out of the troll suburb that Kanaya and Rose
|
||
have made their home in. Furiously, he begins typing on his
|
||
phone.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: terezi. i know that you’ve got important
|
||
stuff to do out there in paradox space, but i really need to hear
|
||
from you.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: on my side it’s been months since we’ve last
|
||
talked, and i can’t figure out if it’s because i said something
|
||
wrong, or...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: if it’s because something terrible happened
|
||
to you.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: things here on earth are...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John shuts his eyes for a moment and takes a
|
||
deep breath. The breeze that rattles over the forest seems foul,
|
||
somehow. Stale, like air that’s been recycled multiple times
|
||
over.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: they’re not great.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, on the surface everything is
|
||
fantastic! everyone’s so happy and it finally seems like we’re all
|
||
making real progress as adults.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: but at the same time...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: everyone is also acting crazy!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i feel like i’m the only sane person left in
|
||
this entire universe.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m the only one who seems to... care about
|
||
anything?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, care about anything... BIGGER.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: bigger than like, what to name a baby, or
|
||
who’s stuck in a terrible relationship with who.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh my god, this probably sounds so
|
||
pathetic.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: terezi, i’m seriously pathetic.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s so selfish of me to even be messaging
|
||
you at all.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’ve got a beautiful wife who loves me, but
|
||
it’s not enough. i can’t even talk to her about what we’re going to
|
||
name our stupid kid without it turning into some weird thing where
|
||
she just goes along with whatever i want.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: even when all i want is for her to want
|
||
something different than what i want!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ok, wait, i take that back. our kid’s not
|
||
stupid.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: well, ok, he hasn’t been born yet, so maybe
|
||
he’ll turn out to be stupid eventually. what do i know?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: anyway, the point is, i’m just popping off on
|
||
random things at people who don’t deserve it, because i’m really
|
||
upset right now.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: not at anyone in particular... probably just
|
||
at myself.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: like, wow, can you believe how shitty i’m
|
||
being right now?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you could be dead for all i know, yet here i
|
||
am begging for your attention even though my life is perfect.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: but i don’t know who else i can talk to. even
|
||
rose is acting weird all of sudden.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i guess what i’m trying to say is...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re the only thing that still makes sense
|
||
to me, terezi.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: right now i... i just really need you.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: please come make some sense at me...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">John notices his fingers are shaking. He makes
|
||
a conscious effort to keep them still, and exhales. Come make some
|
||
sense at me? Good lord. He’s got to pull it together, before he
|
||
blurts out something really embarrassing. He braces himself, as if
|
||
splashing an imaginary glass of cold water in his own face, and
|
||
reminds himself once again that he has a wonderful life. A perfect
|
||
life. He’s HAPPY, god damn it.</p>
|
||
<p>He’s about to pocket his phone when he catches some movement at
|
||
the bottom corner of the screen. It’s an indication that someone is
|
||
typing.</p>
|
||
<p>He stops breathing until the text actually appears.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="terezi">TEREZI: OK4Y LOS3R, T3LL M3 WH4T H4PP3N3D TH1S
|
||
T1M3</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |