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499 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 18</title>
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<h1>Chapter 18</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">J</span>ane may
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have stepped away from her pursuit of public office, but it’s
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important for any educated businesswoman to stay abreast of the
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political goings-on of her nation.</p>
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<p>She keeps close watch on the political landscape. She’s got
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people with eyes on every newspaper and website on Earth C, but she
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likes to watch the human news herself. It’s just such a
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delightfully adult thing to do, she thinks, as she spreads out
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languorously in front of her television. She remembers her father
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doing the same all the time. Well, without the luxurious silk robe
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and eighty-inch TV screen.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: I admit I had second thoughts about calling
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off my presidential bid after what happened with Dirk, but...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: You know what, I’m surprised to say that this
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administration isn’t too shabby after all.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: I was really worried that one of the
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candidates would naively roll back the troll population control
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ordinances once Kanaya got the Mother Grub up and running, but
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they’re taking a really hard line on this.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Gamzee, as ever, stands by Jane’s side,
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assisting her as she jots down notes about the political events of
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the day. When she asks for a fresh pen, he fishes one out of his
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codpiece and hands it to her, but he looks uncharacteristically
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disquieted.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GaMzEe: WhOa. ArE yOu ReAlLy AlL uP aNd
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SuPpOrTiNg ThAt StIcKy ShIzZ, mY wOmAn?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me? That... what?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: iT lOoKs To Me LiKe ThE hUmAn MaN iS
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tRyInG tO kEeP mY pEoPlE dOwN, aLl DiScRiMiNaToRiLy AnD sUcH.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jane chuckles at Gamzee’s jape. But the
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strange expression persists on his clownish face.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: ThIs Be WiCkEd SeRiOuS bOo.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YaLl ReAlLy DoWn WiTh SuBjUgGlAtInG mY
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nInJaS?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jane scoffs. The downside of taking notes by
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hand is that one’s wrist is bound to get a bit sore, and it’s left
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her short on patience for the tiresome ordeal of explaining the
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basic functioning of a political system to an ignorant farceur.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: Gamzee, please.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: I’m not down with doing anything of the
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sort.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Some of my best friends are trolls. I have no
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ill will towards trolls at all, and I want them to have the same
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opportunities and privileges as any human.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Or carapacian, or what have you.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: But there are certain measures that are,
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realistically speaking, necessary in order to assure that these
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opportunities and privileges remain equivalent across the
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board.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: bUt BrEeDiNg CoNtRoL? i DoN’t KnOw
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MaN.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: dOeSn’T sEeM kEePiNg In ThE sPiRiT oF
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tOlErAnCe AnD eQuAlItY aNd AlL tHaT, mAn.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Gamzee, you just don’t get it.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s not about “equality.”</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s about equity.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YeAh I dOn’T fOlLoW, hOnK.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: You see, in a system of equality, every
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individual is dealt exactly the same hand.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Maybe this is an analogy you would
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understand.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: What if we lived in a world where there were
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only one size of shoe?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: That would be perfectly equal, if everyone
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had equal access to that shoe.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: But would it suit everyone?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Could everyone put on that one size of shoe
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and receive an equivalent level of support and comfort?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i DoN’t KnOw, As LoNg As It’S a BiG oLd
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ShOe It MiGhT bE aLl RiGhT mAnG.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jane has to pause to huff in exasperation.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: No, Gamzee!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Everyone needs shoes that fit the size of
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their feet!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: You need to make unequally sized shoes for
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unequally sized feet!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: Oh WoRd? I aIn’T kNoW aBoUt AlL tHaT bOo
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BoO bUt If YoU sAy It’S tRuE.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Sigh. Yes, it’s true.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s the same with building laws that are
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conducive to a functioning, equitable society.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Some people are simply born into positions
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that confer upon them certain advantages, and it is the job of the
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government to ensure that people who are less fortunate can be
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“lifted up,” as it were, to match their luckier peers.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: We must offer greater assistance to some
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classes of people than others, to ensure that equity.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Such is the case with natural troll and human
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birth rates.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR
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yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Precisely.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: The reintroduction of the Mother Grub changes
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everything.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Trolls and humans don’t have identical birth
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rates. It’s a fundamental biological fact that natural troll
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reproduction is much faster than humans’.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s a matter of evolution and society!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: You know this, Gamzee. Your people evolved in
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a harsh, unforgiving world, where the slightest misstep could lead
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to death.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: And like any animal would, your biology
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adapted to the circumstances.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Your Mother Grubs have the capacity to
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produce an unimaginable quantity of eggs at a time, to ensure that
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at least a few can survive to reproductive age.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: And I understand that in the context of
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Alternian society, that worked great. Because the mortality rate
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was so high, only a manageable number of individuals were able to
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make it to adulthood.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: But we have a peaceful society now, with
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benevolent caretakers and fair laws. No young troll is at danger of
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being killed by monstrous fauna. No one will be culled for being
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“too weak.”</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: But that doesn’t change your biology.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: So what does that mean for the troll
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population? It would spiral out of control within a matter of
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generations!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: You would come to outnumber humans at a
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factor of thousands, millions to one.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: The infrastructure would not be able to keep
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pace. The economy would be completely destabilized. The market
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would be flooded with thousands of trolls who wouldn’t be able to
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find jobs or places to live.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Not to mention the issue of your life spans.
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Some of you will live for hundreds, thousands of years!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: And, honestly... speaking of biology...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: I’m not sure, if we were to loosen population
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controls right now, that your people have... how to say...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Well, let’s just say I think it would be
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irresponsible to gamble on whether or not the natural Alternian
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order will reassert itself in such a troll-dominated society.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Maybe in a hundred, two hundred years, when
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you’ve proven—and I believe you will, I really do—but when you’ve
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proven that you can coexist in a harmonious society with natural
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breeding, it might not matter so much exactly how many more trolls
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there are than humans.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: WaIt. DiDn’T wE aLl Up AnD jUmP fOrWaRd
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So We GoT 2314 sWeEpS oF hIsToRy Or SoMeWhAt?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: With artificial breeding!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i dOn’t kNoW, bAbE.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: ThIs iS AlL StArTiNg tO SoUnD A
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LiTtLe...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: xEnOpHoBiC? :o(</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Xenophobic???</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous
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buffoon. This is not the first time she has had a conversation like
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this with him by any stretch of the imagination. Not even someone
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as willfully loathsome as Makara could be this dense. What’s more
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likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a
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little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: I just explained: it’s essential that these
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regulations remain in place so that the human and troll populations
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can remain proportionate.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It isn’t as if this is an issue comparable to
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racism within a single species, a phenomenon rooted solely in
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spurious cultural stereotypes, junk science and knee-jerk
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bigotry.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: There are objectively real and quantifiable
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biological and behavioral differences between our species, which
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absolutely must be accounted for if we are to live in a harmonious
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society together, where no species holds any advantage over
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another.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: I’m trying to <em>prevent</em>
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xenophobia!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: I MaY Be JuSt a sImPlE MoThErFuCkInG
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ClOwN NoT AlL KnOwLeDgE LeArNeD AbOuT ThE InTrIcAcIeS Of hUmAn
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eCoNoMiCs aNd InTeRsPeCiEs DiPlOmAcY, hOnK.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: BuT AlL ThAt pOlItIcAl pOnTiFiCaTiNg yOu
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jUsT SlAmMeD DoWn iNtO My tHiNk pAn...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: CaN’t HeLp BuT tHiNk It FeElS a LiTtLe
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LiKe ThE bLeAtInGs Of A bItCh WhAt’S aBoUt To GeT aLl Up AnD
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cAnCeLeD.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Canceled??????</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">And just like that, she falls right into his
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trap. There’s no turning back now. The salacious ritual is
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imminent.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me, I’m sorry. “Canceled”?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Are you even hearing yourself?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Who in the world gave a <em>literal
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insect</em> in <em>clownface</em> like <em>you</em> the authority
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to be “canceling” anybody?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: ...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: wOw. HoNk.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, forgive me if I’m a bit nettled to hear a
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drug-addicted clown who murdered half of his friends tell me that
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I—JANE CROCKER—am... am...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: CANCELED?!?!?!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY. yOu kNoW ThAt’s iNsEnSiTiVe.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: aDdIcTiOn iS A DiSeAsE, aNd i cAn’t
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rIgHtLy hElP ThAt mY LuSuS WaS NeVeR ArOuNd tO TeAcH Me rIgHt fRoM
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WrOnG.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, yes, we’ve all heard your sob story,
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Gam—</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: BuT I DoNe gOnE AnD RePeNtEd, NoW, mY
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TaLl fRoStY MaMaCiTa.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: I’M A RiGhTeOuS MaN.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt
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yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu
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As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: MaYbE WhAt wE NeEd iS A LiTtLe cOmMuNiOn,
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My wIcKeD SuCkLe SiStEr, FlEsH To mOtHeRfUcKiNg fLeSh.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: bRiNg ThOsE hUmOnGoUs BaZoNgAs OvEr
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hErE.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Get your filthy hands off of me!!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: CoMe oN, mAmA.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: jUsT A LiTtLe hOnK To mAkE It aLl
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||
bEtTeR.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting
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clown baton ever again.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YoU sAy ThAt EvErY tImE mY bIg BuStY bAbE
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:o)</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: mAkEs A mOtHeRfUcKeR sTaRt To ThInK iT’s
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SoMe MoRe Of ThAt PoLiTiCaL dOuBlEsPeAk Of YoUrS, mY fInE dAiRy
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||
QuEeN.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: UGH!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">In spite of Jane’s protests, Gamzee makes a
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desperate play for a lusty squeeze. Jane puts up a valiant show of
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||
resistance, but Gamzee knows she has no real intent of fighting him
|
||
off—it’s all part of the kismetic dance. He has his big clown mitts
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||
right on her busty bags, honking away.</p>
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<p>As soon as Jane starts screaming, the baby does too. Jake,
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sitting approximately six feet away, bounces the infant a little to
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||
calm him down.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I say would you mind keeping it down for
|
||
tavros?</p>
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||
<p class="jake">JAKE: He was sleeping and to be honest i think
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||
things here are getting a little blue for a baby.</p>
|
||
</div>
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||
<p class="no-indent">Jane and Gamzee break apart at once. It’s like
|
||
she’d forgotten that Jake was there at all—she scrambles to cover
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||
herself properly the moment his voice cuts through the din of
|
||
sloppy, moist honking.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="jane">JANE: Jake! Darling.</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Don’t worry. Th-there’s plenty of attention
|
||
to go around, my love.</p>
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||
<p class="jane">JANE: Would you care to join us?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Erm its ok i think its time for tavros to be
|
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fed anyway. Why dont i just take a bottle and get him out of here
|
||
so you two can...</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, yes, yes. Gamzee, get him a bottle, won’t
|
||
you?</p>
|
||
</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jake, who had been sitting on the other side
|
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of the couch with sweet baby Tavros in his arms, remains stiff with
|
||
his squalling infant as he waits for Gamzee to carry out his
|
||
commanded task. The clown bends over revoltingly in front of the
|
||
couch, full rump straining against his plush purple briefs, as if
|
||
daring Jake to look away—and he can’t. Jake stares transfixed into
|
||
the full moon of the clown’s buttocks, appearing virtually
|
||
shrink-wrapped by the moist fabric, as Gamzee slowly descends,
|
||
fingers trailing down the entire length of his leg. His codpiece
|
||
bobs between his spread thighs as he grasps the bottle of milk that
|
||
had been knocked to the ground in the fracas. Then he snaps right
|
||
back up with a honk that nearly makes Jake rocket out of his
|
||
seat.</p>
|
||
<p>Jake’s heart is racing so hard he loses focus. He doesn’t notice
|
||
that Gamzee is offering him the bottle until Jane’s angry voice
|
||
wrenches him back to his senses.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Gamzee! That’s been on the ground! Get him a
|
||
clean one.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Gamzee shrugs, and squirrels away the
|
||
half-spilled bottle in his codpiece. He walks off and returns with
|
||
a fresh bottle from the fridge, then hands it over to Jake.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Haha thanks ill just be going now. See
|
||
ya.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jake snatches the bottle from Gamzee’s hand
|
||
and all but flees the room in as brisk a walk as he can manage.
|
||
Baby Tavros calms down as soon as the rubber nipple is in his
|
||
mouth.</p>
|
||
<p>But no matter how far Jake walks down the long corridors of
|
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Jane’s mansion, the lascivious honks echo through the halls like
|
||
the wails of a dolorous ghost. Nowhere is truly safe. Every little
|
||
noise emanating from that cursed living room shoots through Jake’s
|
||
skull like a gunshot.</p>
|
||
<p>As Jake gently bounces the baby in one arm, he takes out his
|
||
phone to text an old friend.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Jade are you there?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: yep!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: whats up?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Can we call?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: sure jake!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jade has started up a voice call before Jake
|
||
can even move to do it himself. It’s such a relief to hear her
|
||
voice. It’s something to focus on besides the—</p>
|
||
<p>OHHHH! HONK!</p>
|
||
<p>Jake winces.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: jake!!! its been a while since you
|
||
called!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: is everything ok?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Yep hehe just hunky dory over here. You know
|
||
how it is. Love my lady and baby and all that.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">HONK honk HONK honk.</p>
|
||
<p>HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!</p>
|
||
<p>honk HONK honk HONK.</p>
|
||
<p>The sound of his wife’s rapturous howling unmoors the last of
|
||
Jake’s composure. He staggers, threatening to spill soft little
|
||
Tavros on his soft little head, killing him forever. It’s not safe
|
||
to stand. So Jake shuts himself into the first empty room he comes
|
||
across and lets himself slide to the ground against the closed
|
||
door.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with
|
||
davekat going?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for
|
||
it</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: all of us together... it really is the best
|
||
of every world</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: to be honest ive never really felt like i was
|
||
cut out for monogamy you know?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: it seems silly to even contemplate keeping
|
||
all my love for only one person now</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: ive never really believed a person ever runs
|
||
out</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Thats great to hear!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: speaking of...</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: how are things going with you and jane and
|
||
err... gamzee</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Haha well its not so much like that for me
|
||
really.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Gamzee is more janeys side piece you
|
||
know.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: We dont...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im not really...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well enough about that have you been thinking
|
||
of your plans for the future?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: what do you mean??</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Like you know, starting a family and
|
||
such.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: haha</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: No really. You lot have been together a while
|
||
now. You havent put any thought into the next step?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: You and dave would have some real gangbuster
|
||
babies im sure.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: haha im sure we would!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: but...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: But?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: well...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Not ready for it yet?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: thats not really it</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: id love to have a baby like everybody
|
||
else</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i mean everybodys been having them. i wont
|
||
pretend im not a little jealous</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: but... i dont think its gonna happen with me
|
||
and dave</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What? Why not?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: If you want i could give that whippersnapper
|
||
a talking to.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Get him to really man up and accept
|
||
responsibility.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: no! its nothing dave is doing! its me</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Huh?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a
|
||
regular baby together because im...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Whats wrong?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb
|
||
stuff its done some things to my body</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: like merging with bec mostly</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Have you been trying?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: er... we cant really...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What do you think your dog genes or whatever
|
||
are keeping you from getting pregnant?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: um</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: not my....... GENES exactly :\</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i dont really want to get into the
|
||
specifics</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Would that rule out a union of an
|
||
ectobiological sort?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i guess not</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: but i dont think any of us are really
|
||
interested in having a kid with ectobiology</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: it just feels...</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: well</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i think weve had enough of ectobiology for
|
||
one lifetime!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Heh heh fair enough.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: ive thought about asking rose to help us but
|
||
thats so much to ask...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What like as a surrogate? To have her carry
|
||
the child for you in her womb?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: yeah something like that</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Goodness. Have you mentioned this to her?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: ummm</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: yes weve talked a little about it</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What did she say?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: um haha</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i dunno its a tricky subject!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: she didnt say no</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: just that there was... stuff to think
|
||
about</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I see.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: But um... i might be missing something.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: what?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well dave is roses brother right?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: yeah</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: So if he supplied the fatherhood material,
|
||
wouldnt that be... ?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: lol</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What? What did i say?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this
|
||
scenario!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Oh... oh!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Karkat then!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Wait... no. Im confused again.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Arent there biological compatibility issues
|
||
there? I mean with natural birth and not the ecto-whatsit
|
||
machine.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: karkat wouldnt be the dad either!</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: What?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: lmao</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: dont worry about it jake</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: look i gotta go ok? it was nice talking to
|
||
you</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: No please dont!</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: huh?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Dont go. Please.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: jake are you ok?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Yes im fine. Its just...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Sigh. Nevermind.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: if theres something wrong please tell me</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: im here for you you know that right?</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Theres nothing wrong! Sorry.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im just—</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I feel like weve been drifting apart lately
|
||
is all. Because were all so busy with our new lives and such.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: I just wanted to talk to you. Like the old
|
||
times.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: But i wont hold you up if youve got places to
|
||
be.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: jake...</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its ok jade! Ill be ok.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: ok i really do have to go im sorry</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: ill talk to you again soon ok jake? ill call
|
||
you</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ok. Thank you jade. Im sorry.</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: Ok....</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: bye</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jade hangs up. Jake releases a rattling
|
||
sigh.</p>
|
||
<p>Honk, honk, honk, honk...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |