515 lines
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515 lines
27 KiB
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 20</title>
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<div id='s20'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 20</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW, SURE FEELS WEIRD TO JUST BE HANGING
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OUT WITH ALL THESE ASSHOLES WE WERE TOTALLY GOSSIPING ABOUT JUST
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TWENTY MINUTES AGO.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Karkat is loudly whispering to Dave, leaning a
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||
bit too intimately into the curve of his chest for two dudes who
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are dating the same girl, but not each other.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i always knew our gossip sins would catch up
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with us eventually</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: SHH both of you!!!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jade brushes past them holding her dead
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teen-self under the armpits, while Jake brings up the rear,
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stripe-tighted ankles in hand. He shoots Dave and Karkat a big,
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toothy grin. Dave nods back. Karkat continues to look somewhat
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seasick, keeping his eyes high so that they don’t accidentally
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graze teen-Jade’s impaled chest.</p>
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<p>Jake and Jade take the corpse up the winding, white staircase
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toward Jane’s bedchamber. The Crocker mansion is a dazzling maze of
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marble halls polished to a mirror sheen. It’s the kind of place
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where footsteps echo from one end of a floor to the other, and even
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the pillows are lined with literal silver thread. There’s a peaked
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skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a
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prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below.
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Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on
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the spotless tile that it looks nearly black.</p>
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<p>Dave stays with Karkat by the door. They’re waiting to meet
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Rose, Kanaya, John, and an extremely pregnant Roxy, who all show up
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together with baby Vriska, who’s really been coming along in her
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metamorphosis cycle lately. She now has both aural cavities and
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opposable thumbs, and she’s making good use of the latter by
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reaching out to mash her hands against the face of any adult
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foolish enough to enter her range. She grabs one of Karkat’s little
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nubby horns when Kanaya passes by. He reacts pretty much the same
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way he would if it were actual-Vriska tugging on any part of his
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person. He flails and grouses, making a few strangled sounds of
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impotent rage. It gives everyone a good giggle on a dark and
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confusing day.</p>
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<p>John hangs back with Karkat and Dave while the girls go
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upstairs.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, hey. how are you guys doing?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: oh you know just enjoying a nice night out
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with our girlfriend when another teen version of our girlfriend
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plummeted out of the sky and bled all over our picnic pizza</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: picnic pizza?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah its like normal pizza except that you
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eat it while sitting on a tablecloth in the fucking grass</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: oh cool. i’d never thought about doing
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that.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i just bring sandwiches to my picnics like a
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dumbass.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: then again, the last time i went to a picnic,
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i ate...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: actually, never mind what i ate. but it sure
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wasn’t pizza.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: your loss bro its the only way to picnic
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out</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: STOP TALKING ABOUT PICNIC PIZZA YOU
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ASSHOLES.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS IN SUCH POOR TASTE.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah hes right</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: anyway like i was saying we were in picnic
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pizza heaven when fucking space tier jade from like</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i guess seven or eight years ago?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: basically face planted in a field next to our
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romantic tripledate</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: damn.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY BAD TIMING.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: or extremely good timing</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i dont know yet</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: the conversation was veering kinda</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you know</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE WERE IN THE “RELATIONSHIP REALTALK”
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ZONE.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ANYWAY, CAN WE STOP DWELLING ON THIS SHIT
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AND JUST GO UPSTAIRS?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">As they ascend the staircase, they’re greeted
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by the horrible, bone-rattling sound of a toddler screaming its
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head off. In the room, little Vriska Lalonde is pulling on little
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Tavros Crocker’s thick black hair, while Jake Crocker laughs and
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scratches his head awkwardly. Jane looks quite irritated. Gamzee
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Makara-Crocker is at her side, serving as her ever-faithful shadow,
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holding her arm to steady her as she tries to revive teen-Jade’s
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||
corpse.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: Jake!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Vitriol leaks from every letter of his name.
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John and Dave exchange a knowing look: who’s supposed to be the
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kismesis here, again?</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: Would you take Tavros out of here?
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Please?</p>
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<p class="jake">JAKE: Well golly jane i just thought it would be
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invigorating for the boy to interact with someone else his age for
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once.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Well, he doesn’t need to do it in here.
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Especially not when I’m trying to work!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY nOw ElIxIrTiTs, YoU oUgHt To
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ChIlL.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YeLlInG aT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaTeSpRiT
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iS...</p>
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<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: bAd FoR tHe BlOoD pReSsUrE, bAbE.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, I’m sorry. Is a clown speaking right
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now?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s the darndest thing. I could have sworn I
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just heard a nearby, offensively odiferous clown offering some
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advice when no one asked for his opinion.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah janey u doin ok</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jane wipes perspiration off her face and
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sighs.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: I... I don’t know.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,
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trying to run my business, raise a child, and manage the political
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situation indirectly through various corporate machinations...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Jake! Why are the children still in
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here?!</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Take them to the playroom. Now!</p>
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<p class="jake">JAKE: Aye aye maam!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jake scoops up the squabbling children and
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holds them as far apart as possible to stop Vriska from biting
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Tavros’s ear off. It’s just one of the unfair advantages she has
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over him and his blunt, human teeth. John and Dave part to let Jake
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go by. Quite sorry blokes, he whispers as he takes his leave.</p>
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<p>Jane clutches her hands around teen-Jade’s thin shoulders,
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looking the corpse over with an expression of absolute sorrow.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jane">JANE: I don’t know why, but I’m having an extremely
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||
difficult time reviving her.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: Where did she even come from?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">The living Jade shakes her head.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jade">JADE: we have no idea</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: its like the sky just opened up!</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Well Obviously She Is From Another
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Timeline</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Darling Can You Perhaps Shed Some Light
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On This</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Rose sucks on her lower lip. It takes her a
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||
moment to respond. Her fingers close around the neckline of her
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dress as her gaze sweeps across the room. She looks over each
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||
person present, but avoids making eye contact.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="rose">ROSE: I...</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: I haven’t the faintest clue.</p>
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<p class="rose">ROSE: It could be anything.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John quirks an eyebrow at her. She doesn’t
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sound confident. Not like she did a month earlier when she claimed
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||
that Vriska had defeated Lord English.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="jane">JANE: Well, something is blocking my Life
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||
powers.</p>
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||
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s as if she has... a sort of poison in
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||
her. Not a literal poison, mind you.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: If it were as simple a matter as there being
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||
something in her bloodstream, I could revive her lickety-split.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s deeper than that.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s like... a poison eating away at the very
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core of her being.</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: It’s attacking her on... perhaps this sounds
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crazy, but...</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: A metaphysical level??</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: huh?</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: What’s so odd is that not only can I not
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bring her back to life, she also, somehow, doesn’t feel entirely
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dead.</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: oh</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: i wonder if that has something to do with
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me?</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: like, being here???</p>
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<p class="jane">JANE: How so?</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: well... all of our selves across infinite
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timelines are actually just one self right?</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: like... one ultimate self distributed across
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multiple bodies</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: so in multiple places and states at once</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: every jade that exists is like a light being
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shined through a thousand cracks in the timeline</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: but if were outside the place where that
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light is being split from...</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: maybe only one of us can exist</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: and thats why shes stuck in this horrible
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state :(</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Roxy places her hand on Jade’s head and gives
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her a little scritch between the ears.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: i thiiiink that janey was just bein
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melodramatic jade</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: its not ur fault</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Jade reaches out to take her own corpse’s
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hand. She remembers being this age, being heartbroken, still newly
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godlike in her abilities, and on the verge of fighting a battle
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||
that could change everything. She can’t believe how young she
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looks.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="jade">JADE: what should we do with her?</p>
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||
</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Roxy claps her hands together.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: well</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: hate to be the one who says what were all
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||
thinkin but...</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral
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||
lmao</p>
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||
<p class="john">JOHN: lmao??</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: roxy, jade is dead, and you’re probably going
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to give birth within the week!</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah so we gotta start planning this one
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||
right now</p>
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||
<p class="jade">JADE: ???</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: cmon guys</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: how longs it been since we were all together
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||
like this?</p>
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||
</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Roxy looks around the room searchingly with a
|
||
big, bright grin. Karkat snorts from the far corner of the room
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||
where he’s been pouting the whole time.</p>
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||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M SORRY, WAS THAT A RHETORICAL FUCKING
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||
QUESTION OR WERE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE WITH IT?</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: it was not rhetorical at all</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: the last time we were all together was</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: dirks funeral!</p>
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||
<p class="jane">JANE: Roxy, at the time, we were mourning the death
|
||
of a dear friend...</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: i know right</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: nothin like the death of someone we love to
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bring us all together again</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: weve all been so busy with being pregnant and
|
||
birthin a thousand trolls and the political situation that
|
||
regulates the troll birthin...</p>
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||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: we dont even have time to catch up anymore
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||
:(</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jane’s eyes flutter wide beneath her
|
||
spectacles. Unbidden, her gaze flickers to where Rose and Kanaya
|
||
are standing shoulder to shoulder, very much in stable, devoted,
|
||
interspecies Love. Kanaya catches that gaze, and holds it, for a
|
||
very long, tense moment.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Um. Roxy...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Kanaya interrupts, tone clipped and dry.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Perhaps We Should Not Talk About That
|
||
Particular Subject</p>
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: If Your Concern Here Is That We All
|
||
Continue To Be In The Same Room Its Probably Best We Avoid Bringing
|
||
Attention To The Reasons That It So Rarely Happens</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: aw cmon politics should never get between
|
||
friends</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UH, EASY FOR YOU TO FUCKING SAY.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jade interjects, tiredly.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: karkat... lets not ok?</p>
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: i mean, not now?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT WHAT?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIANT FUCKING
|
||
TRUMPET BEAST IN THE ROOM?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW KANAYA, TEREZI
|
||
AND I WORKED JUST AS HARD TO CREATE THIS WORLD AS ANY OF YOU, BUT
|
||
OUR PEOPLE DON’T EVEN GET A SAY IN HOW THEY GOVERN THEMSELVES?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW THE CRIMES OF
|
||
ALTERNIA ARE HELD UP TO UNFAIR SCRUTINY ANY TIME A TROLL WANTS TO
|
||
FUCKING DO OR SAY SOMETHING ON THE NEWS, BUT WE’RE NOT ALLOWED TO
|
||
GENERALIZE HUMANS BASED ON THE WORST THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN YOUR
|
||
HISTORY?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW ALTERNIA WAS
|
||
BASICALLY THE SACRIFICIAL FUCKING MILKBEAST UPON THE ALTAR THAT
|
||
THIS UNIVERSE WAS BUILT ON, BUT YOU ALL ACT LIKE WE’RE SO LUCKY YOU
|
||
DEIGNED TO ALLOW US TO EXIST ALONGSIDE YOU INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING
|
||
US FUCKING DIE OUT THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED?</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: um excuse you karkat but no one acts like
|
||
that</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: OH? NO ONE???</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Karkat pushes off from the wall, furious,
|
||
practically spitting flames. He points at Jane, his whole arm
|
||
quivering.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I LISTEN TO THE FUCKING NEWS, YOU KNOW.
|
||
I’VE HEARD ALL THE ARGUMENTS, THE ONES BASED ON THE POLICY ADVICE
|
||
YOUR CORPORATE THINK TANK FEEDS THE PRESIDENT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU THINK THAT IT’S BEING BROADCAST AT
|
||
A FREQUENCY ONLY HUMANS CAN HEAR OR SOMETHING? DO YOU THINK WE’RE
|
||
THAT STUPID?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: EVEN I CAN TELL THAT THE ATMOSPHERE IN
|
||
THE TROLL KINGDOM IS CHANGING, AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE WILLINGLY HAD
|
||
A CONVERSATION WITH MY NEIGHBORS. EVERYONE’S STARTING TO GET
|
||
SCARED.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: MORE THAN THAT, THEY’RE STARTING TO GET
|
||
PISSED.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jane folds her hands in her lap. Her voice is
|
||
ice-cold, and varnished to a shine.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Is this meant to be a threat of future
|
||
violence, Mr. Vantas?</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: I’m not sure menacing me is making the most
|
||
compelling case for your political claims.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU ALL FUCKING HEARING THIS?</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, Karkat, we are all most definitely
|
||
hearing this. It’s somewhat unavoidable with you shouting it all at
|
||
the top of your lungs.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE KIND OF
|
||
DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO HEAR ME, WHAT WITH YOUR HEAD SHOVED ALL THE
|
||
WAY UP YOUR *BIG*, **FAT**, ***ASS***!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah damn</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Gamzee steps out from behind Jane, putting
|
||
himself between her and Karkat. He raises his hands in a calming
|
||
gesture</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hEy BrOtHeR cHiLl OuT</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK OFF GAMZEE.</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: wOaH wOaH, kArKaT mY DUDE wHy ArE yOu AlL
|
||
lAsHiNg OuT aNd ShIt?</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i ThOuGhT wE wErE mOtHeRfUcKiNg GoOd.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, WE ARE NOT “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD.”</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE WILL NEVER BE “MOTHERFUCKING
|
||
GOOD.”</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: yO c’MoN mAn I mOtHeRfUcKiNg ApOlOgIzEd
|
||
AbOuT gOiNg AlL oVeRbOaRd WiTh ThE mAlIcE aNd MuRdEr AnD sHiT.</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: a MoThErFuCkEr ReDeEmEd HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN
|
||
sElF!</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: Y’aLl CaN’t GeT sAlTy WiTh YoUr HoMiE nO
|
||
mOrE. tHaT bE aLl ThE rUlE oF rEdEmPtIoN, mY bRoThErLy BiTcH.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY THE “RULES”
|
||
ARE, DUDE.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T CARE IF YOU PROSTRATE YOURSELF AT
|
||
MY FEET AND LICK THE FUCKING DIRT OUT FROM UNDER MY TOENAILS.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: DON’T FUCKING TRY TO DO THAT BY THE WAY.
|
||
I’M OBVIOUSLY BEING FACETIOUS. IF YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO TOUCH MY
|
||
FEET WITH YOUR DISGUSTING, ROTTEN SMELLING TONGUE I WOULD PROBABLY
|
||
BE FORCED TO REACH DOWN MY THROAT AND PULL OUT MY OWN PUMP
|
||
BISCUIT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WAS ALSO ME BEING FACETIOUS. MY
|
||
POINT IS, DON’T TOUCH ME, DON’T SMILE AT ME, DON’T WINK AT ME,
|
||
DON’T HONK AT ME, DON’T DO *ANYTHING* IN MY DIRECTION, GOT
|
||
THAT?!</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE ARE *****NOTHING***** TO EACH OTHER,
|
||
DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, “““““BROTHER”””””?????</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Gamzee gets up from where he had been crawling
|
||
across the floor in preparation for some righteous attritional toe
|
||
sucking. He looks positively crestfallen.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: kArKaT... yO tHeRe’S gOtTa Be SoMeThInG i
|
||
CaN dO.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NO.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NEVER IN THE WILDEST DREAMS OF YOUR SOPOR
|
||
SOAKED PEABRAIN WILL WE BE “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD,” GAMZEE.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH THE GODDAMN
|
||
ENEMY.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BECAUSE I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT
|
||
WHAT YOU DID.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE
|
||
FUCK YOU EVEN DID WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about
|
||
politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, can’t you see that he’s sincerely trying
|
||
to have a redemption arc?</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: i get if u dont wanna forgive him that totes
|
||
your business</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: but you gotta at least admit that hes makin
|
||
an effort here</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOnK.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IT!!!!!!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Karkat points at Jane again, then at Roxy, and
|
||
then at Gamzee.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK YOU, AND YOU, AND ESPECIALLY
|
||
YOU.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IN FACT, FUCK ALL OF YOU. I’M
|
||
LEAVING!</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Karkat whirls around to leave, but Dave tries
|
||
to stop him, hands on his shoulders. Karkat wrestles out from his
|
||
under his gentle grip, hissing. He jabs Dave hard in the clavicle,
|
||
hard enough that Dave is forced to take a shocked half-step
|
||
backwards.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: dude</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT PART OF “ALL OF YOU” DO YOU NOT
|
||
UNDERSTAND, STRIDER?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU AS DEAF AS YOU ARE STUPID?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Dave folds out of the way, stunned and
|
||
compliant. Jade gapes at her stunned boyfriend, and the empty space
|
||
in the doorway left by her other boyfriend.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jade">JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him
|
||
downstairs?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: uh</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: nothing?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: tbh i think hes been holding all that in for
|
||
a while</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Karkat leaves a stunned silence in his wake.
|
||
Jane fuming silently to herself, Kanaya and Rose exchanging a
|
||
knowing look about World Politics, John chewing his lip and mulling
|
||
about how Karkat is probably right, and how if he were braver, he
|
||
would have backed him up.</p>
|
||
<p>This unpleasant spell of poorly attuned togetherness is
|
||
interrupted by Jake looking all toothsome and fatherly with Tavros
|
||
asleep in his arms, and a placated Vriska riding his broad
|
||
shoulders.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: By jove chaps what was all that
|
||
commotion?</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: It was nothing, Jake. Go back to the
|
||
playroom.</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: no wait</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: jake were havin another funeral</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: we dont got much time so im appointing you
|
||
officially third in charge of the planning committee</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: after me and callie obvs</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: oh my god, roxy, are you really serious about
|
||
this funeral idea?</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah why wouldnt i be?</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: christ.</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m all for like, honoring the memory of this
|
||
departed version of teen jade we barely know, but...</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re SO pregnant!</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yea im pregnant as shit but i dont see
|
||
anybody else steppin up to the plate</p>
|
||
<p class="rose">ROSE: Roxy, I understand the sentiment, but are you
|
||
really sure it’s...</p>
|
||
<p class="rose">ROSE: Appropriate?</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yup</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: its even more appropriate now</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: after all the bullshit thats happened we need
|
||
a good bash for the sake of team unity</p>
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Admit To Still Being Ignorant Regarding
|
||
Many Aspects Of Human Culture</p>
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: But A Funeral Is Not What I Would
|
||
Call</p>
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: “A Bash”</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: lmao thats cuz youve got no imagination
|
||
kanaya</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: well make sure its lit AF right jake</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Golly i do love me a good soiree no matter
|
||
the circumstance.</p>
|
||
<p class="jake">JAKE: Id be chuffed to the nines to be your third
|
||
man on this one rox.</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: then its official</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like
|
||
its the end of the world!</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: er</p>
|
||
<p class="roxy">ROXY: again!!</p>
|
||
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="rose">ROSE: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: ...</p>
|
||
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: ...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent">Jane pushes up her spectacles so that she can
|
||
pinch the bridge of her nose.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: How is it that no matter how hard I try to
|
||
keep the foolishness in my life confined exclusively to my romantic
|
||
partners...</p>
|
||
<p class="jane">JANE: I invariably find myself surrounded by clowns
|
||
regardless?</p>
|
||
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOnK.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |