2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
|
|
|
|
|
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN"
|
|
|
|
|
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd">
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<html xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>
|
|
|
|
|
<head profile='http://dublincore.org/documents/dcmi-terms/'>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta http-equiv='Content-Type' content='text/html;'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 20</title>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.title' content='The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.language' content='en' scheme='DCTERMS.RFC4646'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.source' content='MFW'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.issued' content='{$issued}' scheme='DCTERMS.W3CDTF'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.creator' content='EpubPress'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.contributor' content=''/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.modified' content='{$issued}' scheme='DCTERMS.W3CDTF'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.provenance' content=''/>
|
|
|
|
|
<meta name='DCTERMS.subject' content='Unknown'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<link rel='schema.DC' href='http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/' hreflang='en'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<link rel='schema.DCTERMS' href='http://purl.org/dc/terms/' hreflang='en'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<link rel='schema.DCTYPE' href='http://purl.org/dc/dcmitype/' hreflang='en'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<link rel='schema.DCAM' href='http://purl.org/dc/dcam/' hreflang='en'/>
|
|
|
|
|
<link rel='stylesheet' type='text/css' href='../Styles/ebook.css'/>
|
|
|
|
|
</head>
|
|
|
|
|
<body>
|
|
|
|
|
<div id='s20'></div>
|
|
|
|
|
<div>
|
|
|
|
|
<h1>Chapter 20</h1>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
|
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW, SURE FEELS WEIRD TO JUST BE HANGING
|
|
|
|
|
OUT WITH ALL THESE ASSHOLES WE WERE TOTALLY GOSSIPING ABOUT JUST
|
|
|
|
|
TWENTY MINUTES AGO.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Karkat is loudly whispering to Dave, leaning a
|
|
|
|
|
bit too intimately into the curve of his chest for two dudes who
|
|
|
|
|
are dating the same girl, but not each other.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: i always knew our gossip sins would catch up
|
|
|
|
|
with us eventually</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: SHH both of you!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jade brushes past them holding her dead
|
|
|
|
|
teen-self under the armpits, while Jake brings up the rear,
|
|
|
|
|
stripe-tighted ankles in hand. He shoots Dave and Karkat a big,
|
|
|
|
|
toothy grin. Dave nods back. Karkat continues to look somewhat
|
|
|
|
|
seasick, keeping his eyes high so that they don’t accidentally
|
|
|
|
|
graze teen-Jade’s impaled chest.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Jake and Jade take the corpse up the winding, white staircase
|
|
|
|
|
toward Jane’s bedchamber. The Crocker mansion is a dazzling maze of
|
|
|
|
|
marble halls polished to a mirror sheen. It’s the kind of place
|
|
|
|
|
where footsteps echo from one end of a floor to the other, and even
|
|
|
|
|
the pillows are lined with literal silver thread. There’s a peaked
|
|
|
|
|
skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a
|
|
|
|
|
prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below.
|
|
|
|
|
Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on
|
|
|
|
|
the spotless tile that it looks nearly black.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Dave stays with Karkat by the door. They’re waiting to meet
|
|
|
|
|
Rose, Kanaya, John, and an extremely pregnant Roxy, who all show up
|
|
|
|
|
together with baby Vriska, who’s really been coming along in her
|
|
|
|
|
metamorphosis cycle lately. She now has both aural cavities and
|
|
|
|
|
opposable thumbs, and she’s making good use of the latter by
|
|
|
|
|
reaching out to mash her hands against the face of any adult
|
|
|
|
|
foolish enough to enter her range. She grabs one of Karkat’s little
|
|
|
|
|
nubby horns when Kanaya passes by. He reacts pretty much the same
|
|
|
|
|
way he would if it were actual-Vriska tugging on any part of his
|
|
|
|
|
person. He flails and grouses, making a few strangled sounds of
|
|
|
|
|
impotent rage. It gives everyone a good giggle on a dark and
|
|
|
|
|
confusing day.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>John hangs back with Karkat and Dave while the girls go
|
|
|
|
|
upstairs.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: uh, hey. how are you guys doing?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh you know just enjoying a nice night out
|
|
|
|
|
with our girlfriend when another teen version of our girlfriend
|
|
|
|
|
plummeted out of the sky and bled all over our picnic pizza</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: picnic pizza?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah its like normal pizza except that you
|
|
|
|
|
eat it while sitting on a tablecloth in the fucking grass</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh cool. i’d never thought about doing
|
|
|
|
|
that.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i just bring sandwiches to my picnics like a
|
|
|
|
|
dumbass.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: then again, the last time i went to a picnic,
|
|
|
|
|
i ate...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: actually, never mind what i ate. but it sure
|
|
|
|
|
wasn’t pizza.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: your loss bro its the only way to picnic
|
|
|
|
|
out</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: STOP TALKING ABOUT PICNIC PIZZA YOU
|
|
|
|
|
ASSHOLES.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS IN SUCH POOR TASTE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah hes right</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: anyway like i was saying we were in picnic
|
|
|
|
|
pizza heaven when fucking space tier jade from like</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: i guess seven or eight years ago?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: basically face planted in a field next to our
|
|
|
|
|
romantic tripledate</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: damn.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY BAD TIMING.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: or extremely good timing</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: i dont know yet</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: the conversation was veering kinda</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: you know</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE WERE IN THE “RELATIONSHIP REALTALK”
|
|
|
|
|
ZONE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ANYWAY, CAN WE STOP DWELLING ON THIS SHIT
|
|
|
|
|
AND JUST GO UPSTAIRS?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">As they ascend the staircase, they’re greeted
|
|
|
|
|
by the horrible, bone-rattling sound of a toddler screaming its
|
|
|
|
|
head off. In the room, little Vriska Lalonde is pulling on little
|
|
|
|
|
Tavros Crocker’s thick black hair, while Jake Crocker laughs and
|
|
|
|
|
scratches his head awkwardly. Jane looks quite irritated. Gamzee
|
|
|
|
|
Makara-Crocker is at her side, serving as her ever-faithful shadow,
|
|
|
|
|
holding her arm to steady her as she tries to revive teen-Jade’s
|
|
|
|
|
corpse.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Jake!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Vitriol leaks from every letter of his name.
|
|
|
|
|
John and Dave exchange a knowing look: who’s supposed to be the
|
|
|
|
|
kismesis here, again?</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Would you take Tavros out of here?
|
|
|
|
|
Please?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well golly jane i just thought it would be
|
|
|
|
|
invigorating for the boy to interact with someone else his age for
|
|
|
|
|
once.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Well, he doesn’t need to do it in here.
|
|
|
|
|
Especially not when I’m trying to work!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY nOw ElIxIrTiTs, YoU oUgHt To
|
|
|
|
|
ChIlL.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: YeLlInG aT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaTeSpRiT
|
|
|
|
|
iS...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: bAd FoR tHe BlOoD pReSsUrE, bAbE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, I’m sorry. Is a clown speaking right
|
|
|
|
|
now?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s the darndest thing. I could have sworn I
|
|
|
|
|
just heard a nearby, offensively odiferous clown offering some
|
|
|
|
|
advice when no one asked for his opinion.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah janey u doin ok</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane wipes perspiration off her face and
|
|
|
|
|
sighs.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I... I don’t know.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,
|
|
|
|
|
trying to run my business, raise a child, and manage the political
|
|
|
|
|
situation indirectly through various corporate machinations...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Jake! Why are the children still in
|
|
|
|
|
here?!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Take them to the playroom. Now!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: Aye aye maam!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jake scoops up the squabbling children and
|
|
|
|
|
holds them as far apart as possible to stop Vriska from biting
|
|
|
|
|
Tavros’s ear off. It’s just one of the unfair advantages she has
|
|
|
|
|
over him and his blunt, human teeth. John and Dave part to let Jake
|
|
|
|
|
go by. Quite sorry blokes, he whispers as he takes his leave.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Jane clutches her hands around teen-Jade’s thin shoulders,
|
|
|
|
|
looking the corpse over with an expression of absolute sorrow.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I don’t know why, but I’m having an extremely
|
|
|
|
|
difficult time reviving her.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Where did she even come from?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">The living Jade shakes her head.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: we have no idea</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: its like the sky just opened up!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Well Obviously She Is From Another
|
|
|
|
|
Timeline</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Darling Can You Perhaps Shed Some Light
|
|
|
|
|
On This</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Rose sucks on her lower lip. It takes her a
|
|
|
|
|
moment to respond. Her fingers close around the neckline of her
|
|
|
|
|
dress as her gaze sweeps across the room. She looks over each
|
|
|
|
|
person present, but avoids making eye contact.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: I...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: I haven’t the faintest clue.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: It could be anything.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John quirks an eyebrow at her. She doesn’t
|
|
|
|
|
sound confident. Not like she did a month earlier when she claimed
|
|
|
|
|
that Vriska had defeated Lord English.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Well, something is blocking my Life
|
|
|
|
|
powers.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s as if she has... a sort of poison in
|
|
|
|
|
her. Not a literal poison, mind you.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: If it were as simple a matter as there being
|
|
|
|
|
something in her bloodstream, I could revive her lickety-split.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s deeper than that.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s like... a poison eating away at the very
|
|
|
|
|
core of her being.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s attacking her on... perhaps this sounds
|
|
|
|
|
crazy, but...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: A metaphysical level??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: huh?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: What’s so odd is that not only can I not
|
|
|
|
|
bring her back to life, she also, somehow, doesn’t feel entirely
|
|
|
|
|
dead.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: oh</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i wonder if that has something to do with
|
|
|
|
|
me?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: like, being here???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: How so?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: well... all of our selves across infinite
|
|
|
|
|
timelines are actually just one self right?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: like... one ultimate self distributed across
|
|
|
|
|
multiple bodies</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: so in multiple places and states at once</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: every jade that exists is like a light being
|
|
|
|
|
shined through a thousand cracks in the timeline</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: but if were outside the place where that
|
|
|
|
|
light is being split from...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: maybe only one of us can exist</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: and thats why shes stuck in this horrible
|
|
|
|
|
state :(</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Roxy places her hand on Jade’s head and gives
|
|
|
|
|
her a little scritch between the ears.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: i thiiiink that janey was just bein
|
|
|
|
|
melodramatic jade</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: its not ur fault</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jade reaches out to take her own corpse’s
|
|
|
|
|
hand. She remembers being this age, being heartbroken, still newly
|
|
|
|
|
godlike in her abilities, and on the verge of fighting a battle
|
|
|
|
|
that could change everything. She can’t believe how young she
|
|
|
|
|
looks.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: what should we do with her?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Roxy claps her hands together.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: well</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: hate to be the one who says what were all
|
|
|
|
|
thinkin but...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral
|
|
|
|
|
lmao</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: lmao??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: roxy, jade is dead, and you’re probably going
|
|
|
|
|
to give birth within the week!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah so we gotta start planning this one
|
|
|
|
|
right now</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: ???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: cmon guys</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: how longs it been since we were all together
|
|
|
|
|
like this?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Roxy looks around the room searchingly with a
|
|
|
|
|
big, bright grin. Karkat snorts from the far corner of the room
|
|
|
|
|
where he’s been pouting the whole time.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M SORRY, WAS THAT A RHETORICAL FUCKING
|
|
|
|
|
QUESTION OR WERE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE WITH IT?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: it was not rhetorical at all</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: the last time we were all together was</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: dirks funeral!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Roxy, at the time, we were mourning the death
|
|
|
|
|
of a dear friend...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: i know right</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: nothin like the death of someone we love to
|
|
|
|
|
bring us all together again</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: weve all been so busy with being pregnant and
|
|
|
|
|
birthin a thousand trolls and the political situation that
|
|
|
|
|
regulates the troll birthin...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: we dont even have time to catch up anymore
|
|
|
|
|
:(</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane’s eyes flutter wide beneath her
|
|
|
|
|
spectacles. Unbidden, her gaze flickers to where Rose and Kanaya
|
|
|
|
|
are standing shoulder to shoulder, very much in stable, devoted,
|
|
|
|
|
interspecies Love. Kanaya catches that gaze, and holds it, for a
|
|
|
|
|
very long, tense moment.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Um. Roxy...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Kanaya interrupts, tone clipped and dry.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Perhaps We Should Not Talk About That
|
|
|
|
|
Particular Subject</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: If Your Concern Here Is That We All
|
|
|
|
|
Continue To Be In The Same Room Its Probably Best We Avoid Bringing
|
|
|
|
|
Attention To The Reasons That It So Rarely Happens</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: aw cmon politics should never get between
|
|
|
|
|
friends</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UH, EASY FOR YOU TO FUCKING SAY.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jade interjects, tiredly.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: karkat... lets not ok?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i mean, not now?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT WHAT?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIANT FUCKING
|
|
|
|
|
TRUMPET BEAST IN THE ROOM?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW KANAYA, TEREZI
|
|
|
|
|
AND I WORKED JUST AS HARD TO CREATE THIS WORLD AS ANY OF YOU, BUT
|
|
|
|
|
OUR PEOPLE DON’T EVEN GET A SAY IN HOW THEY GOVERN THEMSELVES?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW THE CRIMES OF
|
|
|
|
|
ALTERNIA ARE HELD UP TO UNFAIR SCRUTINY ANY TIME A TROLL WANTS TO
|
|
|
|
|
FUCKING DO OR SAY SOMETHING ON THE NEWS, BUT WE’RE NOT ALLOWED TO
|
|
|
|
|
GENERALIZE HUMANS BASED ON THE WORST THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN YOUR
|
|
|
|
|
HISTORY?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HOW ALTERNIA WAS
|
|
|
|
|
BASICALLY THE SACRIFICIAL FUCKING MILKBEAST UPON THE ALTAR THAT
|
|
|
|
|
THIS UNIVERSE WAS BUILT ON, BUT YOU ALL ACT LIKE WE’RE SO LUCKY YOU
|
|
|
|
|
DEIGNED TO ALLOW US TO EXIST ALONGSIDE YOU INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING
|
|
|
|
|
US FUCKING DIE OUT THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: um excuse you karkat but no one acts like
|
|
|
|
|
that</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: OH? NO ONE???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Karkat pushes off from the wall, furious,
|
|
|
|
|
practically spitting flames. He points at Jane, his whole arm
|
|
|
|
|
quivering.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I LISTEN TO THE FUCKING NEWS, YOU KNOW.
|
|
|
|
|
I’VE HEARD ALL THE ARGUMENTS, THE ONES BASED ON THE POLICY ADVICE
|
|
|
|
|
YOUR CORPORATE THINK TANK FEEDS THE PRESIDENT.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU THINK THAT IT’S BEING BROADCAST AT
|
|
|
|
|
A FREQUENCY ONLY HUMANS CAN HEAR OR SOMETHING? DO YOU THINK WE’RE
|
|
|
|
|
THAT STUPID?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: EVEN I CAN TELL THAT THE ATMOSPHERE IN
|
|
|
|
|
THE TROLL KINGDOM IS CHANGING, AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE WILLINGLY HAD
|
|
|
|
|
A CONVERSATION WITH MY NEIGHBORS. EVERYONE’S STARTING TO GET
|
|
|
|
|
SCARED.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: MORE THAN THAT, THEY’RE STARTING TO GET
|
|
|
|
|
PISSED.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane folds her hands in her lap. Her voice is
|
|
|
|
|
ice-cold, and varnished to a shine.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Is this meant to be a threat of future
|
|
|
|
|
violence, Mr. Vantas?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I’m not sure menacing me is making the most
|
|
|
|
|
compelling case for your political claims.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU ALL FUCKING HEARING THIS?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, Karkat, we are all most definitely
|
|
|
|
|
hearing this. It’s somewhat unavoidable with you shouting it all at
|
|
|
|
|
the top of your lungs.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE KIND OF
|
|
|
|
|
DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO HEAR ME, WHAT WITH YOUR HEAD SHOVED ALL THE
|
|
|
|
|
WAY UP YOUR *BIG*, **FAT**, ***ASS***!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah damn</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Gamzee steps out from behind Jane, putting
|
|
|
|
|
himself between her and Karkat. He raises his hands in a calming
|
|
|
|
|
gesture</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hEy BrOtHeR cHiLl OuT</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK OFF GAMZEE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: wOaH wOaH, kArKaT mY DUDE wHy ArE yOu AlL
|
|
|
|
|
lAsHiNg OuT aNd ShIt?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: i ThOuGhT wE wErE mOtHeRfUcKiNg GoOd.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, WE ARE NOT “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD.”</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE WILL NEVER BE “MOTHERFUCKING
|
|
|
|
|
GOOD.”</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: yO c’MoN mAn I mOtHeRfUcKiNg ApOlOgIzEd
|
|
|
|
|
AbOuT gOiNg AlL oVeRbOaRd WiTh ThE mAlIcE aNd MuRdEr AnD sHiT.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: a MoThErFuCkEr ReDeEmEd HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN
|
|
|
|
|
sElF!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: Y’aLl CaN’t GeT sAlTy WiTh YoUr HoMiE nO
|
|
|
|
|
mOrE. tHaT bE aLl ThE rUlE oF rEdEmPtIoN, mY bRoThErLy BiTcH.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY THE “RULES”
|
|
|
|
|
ARE, DUDE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T CARE IF YOU PROSTRATE YOURSELF AT
|
|
|
|
|
MY FEET AND LICK THE FUCKING DIRT OUT FROM UNDER MY TOENAILS.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: DON’T FUCKING TRY TO DO THAT BY THE WAY.
|
|
|
|
|
I’M OBVIOUSLY BEING FACETIOUS. IF YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO TOUCH MY
|
|
|
|
|
FEET WITH YOUR DISGUSTING, ROTTEN SMELLING TONGUE I WOULD PROBABLY
|
|
|
|
|
BE FORCED TO REACH DOWN MY THROAT AND PULL OUT MY OWN PUMP
|
|
|
|
|
BISCUIT.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WAS ALSO ME BEING FACETIOUS. MY
|
|
|
|
|
POINT IS, DON’T TOUCH ME, DON’T SMILE AT ME, DON’T WINK AT ME,
|
|
|
|
|
DON’T HONK AT ME, DON’T DO *ANYTHING* IN MY DIRECTION, GOT
|
|
|
|
|
THAT?!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE ARE *****NOTHING***** TO EACH OTHER,
|
|
|
|
|
DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, “““““BROTHER”””””?????</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Gamzee gets up from where he had been crawling
|
|
|
|
|
across the floor in preparation for some righteous attritional toe
|
|
|
|
|
sucking. He looks positively crestfallen.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: kArKaT... yO tHeRe’S gOtTa Be SoMeThInG i
|
|
|
|
|
CaN dO.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NO.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NEVER IN THE WILDEST DREAMS OF YOUR SOPOR
|
|
|
|
|
SOAKED PEABRAIN WILL WE BE “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD,” GAMZEE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH THE GODDAMN
|
|
|
|
|
ENEMY.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BECAUSE I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT
|
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU DID.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE
|
|
|
|
|
FUCK YOU EVEN DID WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about
|
|
|
|
|
politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, can’t you see that he’s sincerely trying
|
|
|
|
|
to have a redemption arc?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: i get if u dont wanna forgive him that totes
|
|
|
|
|
your business</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: but you gotta at least admit that hes makin
|
|
|
|
|
an effort here</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOnK.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IT!!!!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Karkat points at Jane again, then at Roxy, and
|
|
|
|
|
then at Gamzee.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK YOU, AND YOU, AND ESPECIALLY
|
|
|
|
|
YOU.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IN FACT, FUCK ALL OF YOU. I’M
|
|
|
|
|
LEAVING!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Karkat whirls around to leave, but Dave tries
|
|
|
|
|
to stop him, hands on his shoulders. Karkat wrestles out from his
|
|
|
|
|
under his gentle grip, hissing. He jabs Dave hard in the clavicle,
|
|
|
|
|
hard enough that Dave is forced to take a shocked half-step
|
|
|
|
|
backwards.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: dude</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT PART OF “ALL OF YOU” DO YOU NOT
|
|
|
|
|
UNDERSTAND, STRIDER?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU AS DEAF AS YOU ARE STUPID?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Dave folds out of the way, stunned and
|
|
|
|
|
compliant. Jade gapes at her stunned boyfriend, and the empty space
|
|
|
|
|
in the doorway left by her other boyfriend.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him
|
|
|
|
|
downstairs?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: uh</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: nothing?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: tbh i think hes been holding all that in for
|
|
|
|
|
a while</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Karkat leaves a stunned silence in his wake.
|
|
|
|
|
Jane fuming silently to herself, Kanaya and Rose exchanging a
|
|
|
|
|
knowing look about World Politics, John chewing his lip and mulling
|
|
|
|
|
about how Karkat is probably right, and how if he were braver, he
|
|
|
|
|
would have backed him up.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>This unpleasant spell of poorly attuned togetherness is
|
|
|
|
|
interrupted by Jake looking all toothsome and fatherly with Tavros
|
|
|
|
|
asleep in his arms, and a placated Vriska riding his broad
|
|
|
|
|
shoulders.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: By jove chaps what was all that
|
|
|
|
|
commotion?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It was nothing, Jake. Go back to the
|
|
|
|
|
playroom.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: no wait</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: jake were havin another funeral</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: we dont got much time so im appointing you
|
|
|
|
|
officially third in charge of the planning committee</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: after me and callie obvs</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh my god, roxy, are you really serious about
|
|
|
|
|
this funeral idea?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yeah why wouldnt i be?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: christ.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m all for like, honoring the memory of this
|
|
|
|
|
departed version of teen jade we barely know, but...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re SO pregnant!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yea im pregnant as shit but i dont see
|
|
|
|
|
anybody else steppin up to the plate</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: Roxy, I understand the sentiment, but are you
|
|
|
|
|
really sure it’s...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: Appropriate?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: yup</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: its even more appropriate now</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: after all the bullshit thats happened we need
|
|
|
|
|
a good bash for the sake of team unity</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Admit To Still Being Ignorant Regarding
|
|
|
|
|
Many Aspects Of Human Culture</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: But A Funeral Is Not What I Would
|
|
|
|
|
Call</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: “A Bash”</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: lmao thats cuz youve got no imagination
|
|
|
|
|
kanaya</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: well make sure its lit AF right jake</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: Golly i do love me a good soiree no matter
|
|
|
|
|
the circumstance.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: Id be chuffed to the nines to be your third
|
|
|
|
|
man on this one rox.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: then its official</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like
|
|
|
|
|
its the end of the world!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: er</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: again!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: ...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="rose">ROSE: ...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: ...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: ...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane pushes up her spectacles so that she can
|
|
|
|
|
pinch the bridge of her nose.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: How is it that no matter how hard I try to
|
|
|
|
|
keep the foolishness in my life confined exclusively to my romantic
|
|
|
|
|
partners...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I invariably find myself surrounded by clowns
|
|
|
|
|
regardless?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: hOnK.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
</body>
|
|
|
|
|
</html>
|