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268 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat - Chapter 22</title>
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<div id='s22'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 22</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">Y</span>ou’ve been
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drifting so long that you’ve lost the ability to objectively judge
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time or depth or distance. It’s getting hard to think about
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yourself as an objectively limited being. The boundaries of your
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skin begins to thin and disappear. What is it that makes an
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individual an individual? Is it the physical space we occupy? The
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electric sparks that sizzle through our brain flesh? If your
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perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you
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really an <em>individual</em> anymore? Why shouldn’t we become
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gods? Why shouldn’t we become <em>one God</em>.</p>
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<p class="dirk">You scrunch up your nerdy face and furrow an
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eyebrow. It seems you aren’t enjoying this train of thought.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: why am i even THINKING about this
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bullshit??</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Sorry, dude. That’s what’s on my mind
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right now. I’m having a phenomenological debate in my third ear
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that’s way more popping than your little hero’s journey into the
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belly of a quarter-life crisis.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: argh!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">It turns out you don’t have time to worry
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about the voice inside your head, because you hear one outside of
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it. At first you don’t think it’s real. You think it must be an
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aural mirage. Then it calls you the fuck out.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: yo blue guy</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: get the shell down here</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Your whirl around, upside down. You look
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up, then down. There she is.</p>
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<p class="dirk">She’s clinging to a random server beacon, looking a
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little the worse for wear but still grinning. You float on down to
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greet her.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: thank god. i was beginning to think that no
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one else was alive.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: im not alive</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: oh right. sorry.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i’m glad to see you, is what i meant to
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say.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: same</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: i fuckin guess</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">She narrows her blank eyes. Her mouth
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twists into a frown. Not quite a concerned one, but close enough.
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You’ll take it.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: i gotta say</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: damn buoy ya look like S)-(IT</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i know.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i suffered a mortal wound, and then i threw
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up on myself.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: other than that, i’m ok though.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: waterboat lord english</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: he bite the bullet or what</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah he’s...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: he’s pretty fucking dead.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: whale</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: theres that at least</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">There is definitely that, at least. You
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both stare at each other for a pretty long time, and let it sink
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in. It’s a hell of a fact, no doubt. But aside from reaching verbal
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agreement on certain basic points of fact, you both realize you’re
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pretty much out of material. You were kind of hoping you’d discover
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a survivor you could have an actual conversation with. Not that you
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aren’t glad to see Meenah, but you don’t <em>know</em> her, and
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she’s not who you were really looking for.</p>
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<p class="dirk">That reminds you.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: hey, uh...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: mee...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: fish?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: (christ.)</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: meefish?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no, i know that’s not your name.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: jesus christ. i’m sorry.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: its meenah</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: right. meenah.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: um.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: have you by any chance seen jade around?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: who da fuck is jade</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">This is without a doubt one of the worst
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conversations you’ve had in many, many years. And you aren’t just
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thinking that because I’m telling you you are.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: well...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: she’s...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i dunno.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, REALLY?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: you don’t know jade?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: why the fuck you suppose im tight with
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some random ass ho</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: jade’s like, a big deal?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i thought you were kind of important too?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: you didnt even know my name dog</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: ugh.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">You’ve never been accused of having
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stellar people-reading skills. But even you can tell the look on
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her face says it all right now.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: wait a minute.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: do you even know MY name?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: uhhh</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: this is a two way street you know.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: nah</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: nah, what?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: so you don’t know it?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: like</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: joke?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: joke somefin</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: it’s john.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: joke is my biological father.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean JAKE!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: jake is his name.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: dammit.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Halfway through this exchange, Meenah
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pulls out a small, clamshell-shaped accessory kit, and begins to
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file her nails. She almost dislocates her jaw by yawning the moment
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you mention Jake.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: alright, we’re veering off course.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: jade is my sister.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i think she’s still out here, somewhere.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: have you seen her?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: na man</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Your entire body deflates. This is going
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nowhere. Turns out Meefish is fucking useless. You decide to do
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her, as well as yourself, the favor of completely ruling out the
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possibility of eliciting any valuable information from this
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person.</p>
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<p class="dirk">You exhale, and just let some stuff off your
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chest.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: man i...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i just didn’t expect everything to go to shit
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so fast.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: thats how the shit alwaves goes</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i guess.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: so... never mind jade. have you seen...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: any OTHER survivors? like, anyone at all?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: nope</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: i aint moved from this floatin hunger
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trunk lookin piece of shit since i got my bass kicked</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: well, you’re the first i’ve seen too.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: oh</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">There’s another awkward silence. You
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spend most of it looking at your feet, until something occurs to
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you.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: so what’s your plan now?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: plan</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: you just gonna hang around here, in the
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middle of nowhere, doing nothing forever?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: thats what ghosts is most good at aint
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they</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: you don’t have to stay here.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i can take you back with me, to my
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planet.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, after we’re done looking for more
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survivors.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Meenah stares at you for an uncomfortably
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long time. She looks you up and down, like she’s making certain
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calculations. On the one hand, spending infinity clinging to a
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fridge-like space computer circling a black hole sounds like a
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drag. On the other hand, will her coolness and street cred be able
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to survive any prolonged association with this dumb blue nerd?
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That’s what she <em>could</em> be thinking, you think. You hope not
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though, because if true, it would hurt your self-esteem.</p>
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<p class="dirk">She finally appears to make up her mind.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: naaah</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: why not?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: ok for one thing genius</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: im dead</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: i wont even last on your planet ill just
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like</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: fade away or some shit</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: i dont know what happens to ghosts in
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real places actually but ima guess it goes somefin like that</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: oh yeah.</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: whoops, i forgot.</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: anyway while you was floatin there i came
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up with my own plan</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: what is it?</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: cmere</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: gonna whisper it to you</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: uh, ok.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">You lean in rather credulously, and bring
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your ear toward her cupped hand.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: (nerd)</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">You pull back, unamused by the prank.
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What is this, you think. Fucking amateur hour?</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: reel cute you wanna be my savior blue
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boy</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: but the fact is you already helped me
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out</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: got everyfin i need from you</p>
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<p class="feferi">MEENAH: sea ya round sucker! 38)</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">She’s laughing her ass off. Before you
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can react, she jams the button down on the beacon and opens the
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server. She jumps into the hatch and the door snaps closed behind
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her.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Oh, shit. I think I know what just happened. You
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might want to check your pockets.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: wait a...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: minute...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">You fruitlessly fumble around in your
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front hoodie pocket.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: wait a fucking MINUTE!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Sure enough, it’s missing. The Ring of
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Life you stole back from Aranea has been re-stolen. Bitch just
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picked your pocket. You got played, man.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="john">JOHN: <em>fuck!</em></p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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</body>
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