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135 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat - Chapter 23</title>
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<div id='s23'></div>
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<div>
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<h1>Chapter 23</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: What Is Going On</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Why would you think something was going
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on?</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: By which I mean, why would you automatically
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assume that what’s going on has a sinister overtone.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Did I Say That I Suspected Something
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Sinister Was Going On</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Not with your words, no.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: But in the grand scheme of things, isn’t
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something always “going on”? Why would you even ask “what is going
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on” if you didn’t assume that the thing going on was both abnormal
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and untoward.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Well Now I Definitely Think That
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Something Sinister Is Going On Because You Are Obviously Trying To
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Distract Me With Semantics</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: A tactic I’m sure you’re familiar with.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Excuse Me</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: I’m just making an observation. You know your
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wife pretty well.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: ...</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: You know all of her tricks, all her little
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personality quirks. You’re confident that you know everything about
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her.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: But for some reason, you have no idea where
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she is right now.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: What Are You Getting At</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Nothing. Just making sure we both have a
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clear view of the situation.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Laying out the playing field, as it were.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Okay</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Am Going To Give You Another Chance</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Why Dont We Start This Conversation Over
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Again And You Can Say The Correct Thing This Time</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Sure.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Hello</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Excuse Me But I Would Like To Speak With
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My Wife Rose</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Whose Phone I Do Believe I Am Calling</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: As Even These Primitive Human Smartphones
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Have Acceptably Accurate Caller ID Technology</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Sorry, Rose can’t come to the phone right
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now.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: She is otherwise... <em>occupied</em>.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Where Is She</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: She’s at my place.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Im Sorry What</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Rose Is Extremely Ill And Should Not Be
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Leaving The House Alone</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: What Is She Doing At Your Place</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Chillaxing, whilst we discuss the inevitable
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heat death of the universe and the unknowable, solitary nature of
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human consciousness.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I See</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: If She Is Capable Of Such Abstract
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Polemics Why Is It That She Cannot Speak With Me</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: That’s a damned good question.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: One that will undoubtedly benefit from
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further exploration over the course of the next abstract polemic I
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have with her.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Yes, I admit. I’m just fucking with her
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at this point. But can you blame me, when she’s making it so
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easy?</p>
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<p class="dirk">Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t
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enough. Sometimes what you need is <em>understanding.</em></p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: You Are Testing My Patience Sorely
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Dirk</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at that.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Just ask my fans.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Am Not Making A Joke</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Me neither.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: I don’t really “do” jokes?</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Neither Do I</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: I do often make statements which hold varying
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degrees of irony, acerbic wit, or dry expressions of amusement.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Yes That Roughly Describes Many Of The
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Remarks I Make As Well</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: I knew you’d understand.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: However My Commiseration On This Matter
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Should Not Be Mistaken For A Gesture Of Friendship Or Camaraderie
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At This Moment</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Then it seems we’re at an impasse.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: It Wont Be An Impasse For Very Long</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Im Coming Over Immediately</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: To Retrieve My Wife</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: If that’s what you want.</p>
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<p class="kanaya">KANAYA: Tell Her That Im On My Way</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Sure. I’ll get right on that.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">I hang up on her.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Rose looks up from where she’s suffering on the
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floor. The shadows around her are growing. She stares at me with
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glassy eyes.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="rose">ROSE: Is everything okay?</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Yeah. Just a telemarketer.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: You know how those carapacians can be when
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they want to sell you some chess shit.</p>
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<p class="dirk">DIRK: Impossible to get ’em off the phone.</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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</body>
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