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625 lines
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat - Chapter 38</title>
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<h1>Chapter 38</h1>
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<p class="no-indent dirk"><span class="opener type-hs-opener-rg type-hs-opener-sm">B</span>ut before
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we get completely out of dodge, there’s one more trifling matter
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I’d better take care of.</p>
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<p class="dirk">It’s a big day, but not one my dear brotherson and
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his irascible boywife seem to be relishing. Dave and Karkat are
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both squatting in their shameful bunker of defeat, all the curtains
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drawn shut so that the sunlight cannot disturb an atmosphere that
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was carefully cultivated to facilitate their sourpuss moping.</p>
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<p class="dirk">The only illumination is emanating from their
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television screen, which broadcasts the bright and sunny scene of
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Jane’s inauguration. She stands at a podium in front of a crowd of
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thousands of her adoring fans and subjects, belting out one killer
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speech. I wrote it, so you know it’s good.</p>
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<p class="dirk">But the mood in here is heavy. I think they’ve been
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coasting on denial for a while, but today is the day they have to
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finally accept that there are no take-backs, no do-overs: Jane is
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the president, and that’s that.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Karkat’s all balled up on the couch as he stares
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hatefully at the televised production. He doesn’t look up when Dave
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walks back into the room, carrying two massive bottles of
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liquor.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: hey</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: want to get drunk</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Huh.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: HUH?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i went and got all this fucking booze</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU *GOT* BOOZE?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah check it</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU ACTUALLY WENT AND *GOT* IT.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE, YOU LITERALLY LEFT THE HOUSE AND
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EXCHANGED CURRENCY WITH A REAL, LIVE PERSON TO OBTAIN ALCOHOL.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah i walked into the boozery all pigeon
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toed and embarrassed</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: like some fuckin hooch noob</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: was all like yo whats the most pathetic thing
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you got to drink yourself to death with</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THE BOOZERY???</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: passed right by the box wine</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: the bagged wine</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: the shots they put in those little blister
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packs by the register</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: the wine in the little sippy cups with the
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disposable plastic straws like juice for fucking babies</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i made that last one up i dont actually know
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anything about alcohol</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: anyway two plastic soda bottles of vodka
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cooler seems to be about where were at right now</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i think thats what this is anyway</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i dont really care long as it gets the job
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done</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i decided that im an alcoholic now</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">I’ve always found inebriation to be
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distasteful, really. Never understood the personal appeal of it,
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and after seeing how indelicately its effects have touched the
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other members of our family, I can’t help but feel like it’s a
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waste of everybody’s fucking time. I’d have half a mind to tell him
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to dump it all in the sink, if I weren’t cutting it down to the
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wire as it is.</p>
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<p class="dirk">But you know what? Go the fuck ahead, bro. Might
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help him ease those ridiculous inhibitions for once in his life.
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Slide the stick out of his ass. Maybe slide something else up there
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instead, if you catch my drift. But I don’t want to get ahead of
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myself here. At this stage, anything could happen.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Dave sits beside Karkat on the couch, and sets the
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alcohol down on the table in front of him. He sinks heavily into
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the cushioning with a sigh.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: HAVE YOU NOW.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: its never too late to develop a substance
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abuse problem</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: ive been thinking about it for a while and it
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seems like its time for me to finally get on the wagon of not being
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on the wagon</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S REALLY GREAT, DAVE.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: thanks</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: anyway hows the inauguration</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you having a good time dwelling on every tiny
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little factor that cumulatively led to our electoral defeat</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: and how if just one thing had been different
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it would have been us up there</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW NOTHING MATTERED IN
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THAT CAMPAIGN BUT JAKE’S FUCKING SPEECH.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i mean, like</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened
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if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation
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had been stopped at any point</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his
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endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some
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rigorous counter campaigning</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him
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off before hed even said anything</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on
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the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off
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fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum
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me</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch
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with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of
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time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his
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pants</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out
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by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what
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had happened</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the
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audience in the front rows started throwing up</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped
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that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing
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that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3
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kids</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: like what was the LINE</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IT WASN’T... *THAT* BAD.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you think</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Karkat falls into a vacant, thousand-yard
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stare.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah see thats why im an alcoholic now</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: want a drink</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">I have sympathy, I really do. It’s tough
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to devote so much time and effort to something, come so close to
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tasting victory, just to have it snatched out of your grasp at the
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final instant. I might even feel bad about it in any other
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circumstance.</p>
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<p class="dirk">But this was how things had to be. It’s better this
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way. They know that. At least, Karkat certainly does.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IF I’M BEING PERFECTLY FUCKING HONEST</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M GLAD I LOST. I NEVER WANTED TO
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FUCKING WIN IN THE FIRST PLACE.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: dude come on</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, I’M BEING SERIOUS.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M NOT EVEN DOING SOME SOUR GRAPES “I
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NEVER WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I’M A SORE LOSER TRYING
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TO DELUDE MYSELF INTO THINKING I DON’T CARE” SORT OF THING.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING CARE SINCE NOW THE
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PLANET IS GOING TO BE COMPLETELY RUINED BY THIS JUMPED-UP FASCIST
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DICTATOR WHO HAS EVERY INTENTION OF GRADUALLY GENOCIDING MY SPECIES
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INTO NONEXISTENCE BEFORE MY VERY EYES.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT I CANNOT FUCKING THINK OF A SINGLE
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THING IN THE UNIVERSE I WANTED TO DO LESS THAN BE THE STUPID
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FUCKING PRESIDENT.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THANK HUMAN OBAMA.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: wait was there a troll obama</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M THE FUCKING TROLL OBAMA,
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REMEMBER?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: karkat</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you wouldve been so much more than obama</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">God damn if that isn’t the most romantic
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fucking thing I’ve ever heard.</p>
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<p class="dirk">If Karkat had anything resembling a spine, he’d
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turn to Dave with those big, sparkling shoujo eyes and finally open
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his tsundere heart to consummating their painfully obvious and
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mutually reciprocated passion. But he doesn’t, so he gives a
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noncommittal little sniff and turns back to the inauguration
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instead.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Obviously, I’ve got an agenda here. It’s pretty
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clear to me what these guys want out of this relationship, despite
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the fact that both of them being bottoms evidently makes it
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impossible for them to pass whatever last ludicrous psychological
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obstacle stands between them and nonstop, animalistic fucking. I’ve
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let it go on like this for long enough. These stooges clearly need
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some help.</p>
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<p class="dirk">I could insist that they just fucking go for it
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already, using the methods available to me. I’d rather not. There
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are certain boundaries I’m not inclined to cross, primarily in
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service to the emotional integrity of my friends’ respective
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personal arcs. The little moments like these don’t mean anything if
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they’re coming from me, do they?</p>
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<p class="dirk">As such, insistence isn’t the tool I’d prefer.
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Persuasion is the one I reach for. And in a case like this, I can’t
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imagine it’s going to take that much.</p>
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<p class="dirk">They fall into another silence that’s more
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comfortable than it has any right to be. The crowd is really going
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nuts for Jane now, since she’s hit one of the best parts of my
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speech. She’s just blasting the fuck off about how good the
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economy’s going to get. I can feel Dave’s teeth grinding all the
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way down to the narrative fabric of reality.</p>
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<p class="dirk">Dave reaches out for the booze. It’s past time to
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get wasted, he thinks.</p>
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<p class="dirk">But Karkat is starting to realize how much all of
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Dave’s efforts mean to him. It’s really welling up inside him now.
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He’s so emotional about it that he can’t help but say
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something.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: HEY.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Dave stops with his arm outstretched. His
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gaze turns to meet Karkat’s, but Karkat can’t bear to hold the eye
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contact for long. Looking at Dave is like staring straight at the
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sun. He is awfully handsome, isn’t he? Then again, crawling out of
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a primo gene pool does have its benefits.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah buddy whats up</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST...</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: hey dont worry about it</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you dont have to explain yourself to me</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: i get it</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: it makes sense. id always felt the same way
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kind of</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: like about all my shit with sburb and
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whatever. the reluctant heros journey</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: that feeling where youre being dragged along
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to being a kind of guy everyone is saying you have to be but youve
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never felt like theres any way you can really BECOME</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: where every second you feel so sick with your
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own self doubt and fear that you cant bear to even imagine the
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future</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: and you think</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: why me</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: even though you know it cant be anyone but
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you</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: and thats why you do it</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: lol</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I WASN’T TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF,
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THOUGH.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU.</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: huh</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: for what</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent dirk">Karkat’s eyes drift from the TV to the
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floor. The slightest of smiles tugs at the corners of his mouth. He
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feels something warm inside of his chest. It feels right. It’s
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||
something he needs to say.</p>
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FOR... EVERYTHING.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE
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TRIED.</p>
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<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M GLAD WE WENT THROUGH THIS
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TOGETHER.</p>
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||
<p class="dave">DAVE: me too</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: MORE THAN ANYTHING, I... YOU...</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN A WAY NOBODY EVER
|
||
HAS BEFORE.</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: MORE THAN I’VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BELIEVE
|
||
IN MYSELF.</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: AND I’VE NEVER REALLY...</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE.</p>
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||
<p class="dave">DAVE: felt like what</p>
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||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN, LIKE</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU KNOW.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE NEVER HAD FRIENDS
|
||
BEFORE. PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME THEY CARE ABOUT
|
||
ME, ON SOME LEVEL IT’S HARD FOR ME TO REALLY BUY IT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THEY CAN LIST WHATEVER JUSTIFICATIONS
|
||
THEY HAVE FOR LIKING ME AND IT ALL FEELS LIKE BULLSHIT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S LIKE, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
|
||
YOU CAN’T REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THIS
|
||
ABOUT ME.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THERE’S NO WAY YOU ACTUALLY SEE ME THAT
|
||
WAY.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU JUST FEEL BAD FOR ME. YOU’RE TALKING
|
||
DOWN TO ME LIKE I’M SOME SORT OF PATHETIC WIGGLER WHO NEEDS TO BE
|
||
CODDLED.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: OR YOU’RE JUST IMAGINING I’M WHATEVER WAY
|
||
YOU WISH I WOULD BE, SOME PERSON WHO’S BETTER AND SMARTER AND
|
||
STRONGER AND KINDER AND MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PERSON I REALLY
|
||
AM.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE I CARE
|
||
ABOUT WOULD EVER WASTE THEIR FUCKING TIME ON ME.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT WITH YOU...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Karkat draws a breath and curls up on
|
||
himself. His instinct is to pull back, but he’s fighting it now. He
|
||
needs to see this one through to the end.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT WITH YOU, IT MAKES SENSE. I
|
||
GUESS.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE TO ME, I’M
|
||
LIKE... YEAH? OK?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S COMPREHENSIBLE? I SEE HOW YOU GOT
|
||
FROM POINT A TO POINT B.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN KNOW YOU THE WAY I DO AND THINK
|
||
ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’D WANT SOMEONE LIKE
|
||
ME BESIDE YOU.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE TO WONDER WHAT’S
|
||
MISSING.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU’RE ON MY LEVEL. AND I’M ON YOURS.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I BELIEVE THAT YOU SEE ME IN FRONT OF YOU
|
||
THE WAY I ACTUALLY AM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND STILL LIKE ME
|
||
ANYWAY.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: SO EVEN THOUGH IT’S STILL HARD FOR ME TO
|
||
BELIEVE IN MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME,</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO I DON’T NEED TO.</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who
|
||
believes in you</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Dave. Please.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i know</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: SO, YEAH.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT
|
||
BEFORE.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE...</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Come on. You’re so close.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Oh, for the love of god.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">This is practically slapstick at this point. “My
|
||
friend”????? That was the most excruciatingly overblown and
|
||
socially maladapted love confession I’ve ever had the displeasure
|
||
of witnessing, including my own, and he still managed to fumble it
|
||
into obscurity at the last moment. The guy was barreling in for an
|
||
unimpeded touchdown and took a hard left straight into the friend
|
||
zone.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">It’s not like Dave is stupid. He’s picking up on
|
||
the subtext. It’s just Karkat’s cop-out that’s filling him with
|
||
doubt. It was a little <em>too</em> obviously sentimental. So
|
||
obvious that maybe the “friend” thing was a deliberate warning.
|
||
Maybe relationships aren’t a thing Karkat can really “do.” Maybe if
|
||
Dave crosses the line he’ll ruin everything. Better this
|
||
excruciating liminal space, something more than friendship but not
|
||
quite love, than nothing at all.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to
|
||
cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it,
|
||
my man. It’s now or never.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: same</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">I feel every brain cell in my immortal
|
||
body begin to perish in real time. Dave, you cannot actually be
|
||
that bad at this. How the hell are you walking around with my genes
|
||
and still acting like this?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: so...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Look. Even you can manage to top this
|
||
guy. You’ve got it easy, dude. He’s gonna open up for you like you
|
||
just rolled up on a Denny’s at 3 a.m. with all the boys and a
|
||
Groupon. You can do it right here on the couch if you want.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Dave scrunches up his face a little like he’s
|
||
constipated. Okay, maybe I’m getting a bit worked up. I need to
|
||
dial it back.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: IS SOMETHING WRONG?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: huh</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: no</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: sorry i just had an absolutely insane train
|
||
of thought that kind of sent me for a loop</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: UHH... WHAT?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: no its extremely better that i dont tell
|
||
you</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i kind of forgot what we were talking about
|
||
because it was so awful</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">You were talking about Karkat’s feelings?
|
||
He just dropped some touching-ass bomb about believing in you
|
||
believing in him or whatever. You should really get to the root of
|
||
where this is all coming from.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh right</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: all that shit you said about us being friends
|
||
and on the same level or whatever</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah i feel the same way basically</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: or like</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: well</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: im not sure that i like...</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: hm.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Go on.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: im kind of getting the feeling that...
|
||
maybe...</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: theres a level to what were thinking that
|
||
isnt entirely coming across in words</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: and since we dont have the right words we
|
||
arent getting to the right actions either</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain
|
||
things</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: but what were saying and what were
|
||
feeling</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: and maybe... we should...</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WE SHOULD WHAT?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: maybe its time to</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: talk</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: about... that</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Well, I guess this is progress?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT???</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah, like</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: how... when you say were friends</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: what... does that mean</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WE’RE FRIENDS?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: yeah but</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: is that it?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: just friends</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Karkat looks like a deer caught in the
|
||
headlights.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: B......</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ......EST FRIEND.</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i see</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">I’ve literally been decapitated and that
|
||
was less unbearable than this. I don’t understand it. I just want
|
||
you to be happy, man. Why can’t you make anything easy for
|
||
yourself?</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: well</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: ok then</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Whatever. I kind of don’t have time for
|
||
this shit. The gloves are coming off. The anime ninja training
|
||
weights are history. It’s time to get down to business.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">You look into Karkat’s eyes. You see that twinkle?
|
||
That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.
|
||
It’s sparkling like a visit from your fairy fuckin’ godmother. That
|
||
shit is pure and true. A supernova of all your hopes and dreams
|
||
swirling together like a radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more
|
||
hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: D... DAVE?</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">But you aren’t imagining any peckers
|
||
other than the one right in front of you. Karkat’s probably quite
|
||
modest and feminine alien penis is the only one you’ve thought
|
||
about in years. Suddenly, you can’t even comprehend how it is
|
||
you’ve gone so long without kissing him. You want to so badly. It
|
||
would be so easy, and you know he wouldn’t turn you away.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: karkat</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">You lift a trembling hand and slowly
|
||
close the scant distance between you to brush your thumb against
|
||
Karkat’s cheek. He freezes in place, terrified.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i think i</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Karkat’s lips part, his breath held. His
|
||
eyes are wide with anticipation. He looks beautiful like this, you
|
||
think. All you have to do is press your mouth to his, and he’ll
|
||
finally know he’s yours.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">You start to lean in. Karkat closes his eyes and
|
||
relaxes into your hand. He’s ready. It’s happening. It’s FUCKING
|
||
happening!!!</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: wait</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: fuck</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">What? What are you doing? Oh my god. I’m
|
||
throwing my hands up in the air in the middle of the other shit I’m
|
||
doing because this sucks just that much.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: no</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i just cant</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: shit</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: it just feels like</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry
|
||
about it.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck is going on</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: this feels really off</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: ????</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: idk</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never
|
||
think</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Oh, come the fuck on.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">I’m going to have an aneurysm. He’s hearing me but
|
||
not listening to me. This dude has such a titanium grasp on his own
|
||
born-again virginity that not even the literal hand of God can
|
||
compel him to kiss his own goddamn boyfriend.</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: i have no idea</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: im sorry</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">Dave pulls away. Karkat looks like he’s
|
||
about to throw up. <em>I’m</em> about to throw up, if I’m being
|
||
perfectly honest.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">I don’t know what to do at this point. He doesn’t
|
||
know it’s me, but he’s fighting my influence with every ounce of
|
||
strength he’s got. If I push any further, things could get messy,
|
||
epistemologically speaking. I could try more of a backdoor approach
|
||
and nudge them towards the sauce, but I don’t know if even that
|
||
would help at this stage. And my timetable for direct physical
|
||
intervention is fairly limited.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">I take a deep breath and get myself under control.
|
||
My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse.
|
||
Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing
|
||
their hand would be a mistake.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">If Dave passes that threshold not of his own will,
|
||
it’d be a hollow victory anyway. There’s nothing I can do but
|
||
settle down, step it back, and trust my boy to bring it home.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">The gears are turning in Dave’s head. He knows he
|
||
stands at a precipice, and what he decides here could mean
|
||
everything. Maybe that forced kiss seemed wrong, but he knows what
|
||
he feels doesn’t. He can’t deny that. And he can’t just forget the
|
||
fact that when he went for it, Karkat wasn’t pulling away.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">At the end of the day, he knows what the truth is.
|
||
Really, he always has.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">So what are you going to do about it, Dave? This
|
||
time, it’s really up to you.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Dave meets Karkat’s eyes in a rare moment of
|
||
clarity. It’s then, I think, that they both finally realize what’s
|
||
been obvious to everyone else all along. With a measured motion,
|
||
Dave pulls his shades off of his face.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">If Karkat was stunned before, he’s even more
|
||
stunned now. The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the
|
||
most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his
|
||
life. For once, neither of them have anything stupid to say. All
|
||
they have is an electric connection that is no longer possible to
|
||
ignore.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Dave brings his hand back up to Karkat’s cheek in a
|
||
gesture much more confident than the last. He’s not rushing
|
||
anything this time. He’s only doing what feels right, taking it
|
||
each second at a time.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Karkat’s tension begins to dissipate from his body
|
||
in stages. His stiff shoulders drop. His guarded expression
|
||
relaxes. And when he covers Dave’s hand with his own, he’s not
|
||
shaking at all.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Karkat helps Dave slip his hand from the side of
|
||
his face around to cup the nape of his neck. It’s a tender,
|
||
steadying touch. Dave applies only the slightest of pressure to
|
||
draw him forward, and Karkat follows his lead.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">They’re so close that Dave can feel Karkat’s
|
||
shallow breath ghosting over his skin. Karkat’s eyes are shimmering
|
||
and wet as they flutter closed, moisture beading in his thick
|
||
eyelashes. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. All that’s left is
|
||
just one more step. Just one final inch, and it’s over.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">They both move to close the distance at the same
|
||
time.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">There’s a second where both of them freeze like
|
||
that, still in the intimate contact. Nothing but the warmth of each
|
||
other’s bodies and the dawning realization of a significant
|
||
boundary crossed. Dave draws in a sharp breath, lets his lips part
|
||
and... just... a little more. That’s it. Yes! Wait. Dave, don’t
|
||
linger. Some lines of stress appear on his face. He’s struggling
|
||
with something. No. Dave, don’t fucking do this. He’s grinding his
|
||
teeth, and putting both hands up to his temples. Beads of sweat dot
|
||
his brow. This is so fucking unreal. Holy shit, Dave, if you so
|
||
much as—</p>
|
||
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME
|
||
DO THIS MYSELF!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="karkat">KARKAT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: dude</p>
|
||
<p class="dave">DAVE: come here...</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
<p class="no-indent dirk">He... oh my god. He.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">He fucking just... wow. Dave lunges forward and
|
||
kisses Karkat directly on the mouth. It’s like a dam has burst.
|
||
Neither of them could hold anything back now even if they wanted
|
||
to. It’s like...</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">God damn. I’m sorry. I’m blowing the description
|
||
here, and missing a lot of good shit. It just caught me so off
|
||
guard. Dave, my dude. I’m so proud of you. Okay, I can do this. I
|
||
fucking NEED to do this justice. *Cracks the mother
|
||
<em>fucking</em> knuckles of a yaoi poet and gets down to
|
||
business.*</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">...</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">...</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Eh...</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">You know what? Nah.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">I’m not going to intercede with a single word
|
||
further, and I won’t let you, either. I won’t cheapen this
|
||
beautiful moment with my base editorialization just to satisfy your
|
||
voyeuristic curiousity. Frankly, I’m offended you’d even expect me
|
||
to. What they’re getting up to here is nobody’s business but
|
||
theirs.</p>
|
||
<p class="dirk">Davekat is canon, and that’s really all there is to
|
||
say on the matter. Let’s give these crazy lovebirds some privacy
|
||
and move on.</p>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</div>
|
||
</body>
|
||
</html> |