2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<title>The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy - Chapter 23</title>
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<div id='s23'></div>
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<h1>Chapter 23</h1>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="o-story_text o_epilogue type-rg type-sm line-caption line-copy pad-x-0 pad-x-lg pad-b-lg">
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: honey u ready to go?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, sweetheart... give me a second!</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John finishes fixing his tie in the bedroom
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mirror, taking a moment to check the hallway door in the
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reflection. Roxy hasn’t come looking for him, which is good because
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he’s still got a few things to prepare and he’d rather she didn’t
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see the items he’s about to pull out of their closet.</p>
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<p>He hasn’t told his wife what he’s planning, because he doesn’t
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want to be talked out of it. Typically he rankles at the prospect
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of spending time with Jane and her family. So Roxy was surprised
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when he agreed to hold Harry Anderson’s fifth birthday party at
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Jane’s mansion. But she didn’t question him about it. In fact, all
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she did was tip her head at him and blink a few times, her long
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eyelashes catching the light, making her eyes look like mirrors. It
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was disconcerting for reasons that he couldn’t put his finger on.
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It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just
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seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more
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contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.</p>
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<p>Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little
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off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,”
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too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time.
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But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become
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just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward
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life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost
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thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly
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turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the
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puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is
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being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though
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he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind
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Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.
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John’s been frustrated with it in a quiet, guilty way, because he
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loves his wife. And even more than that, he loves their son. When
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he doesn’t think too hard about all this stuff, it seems
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perfect.</p>
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<p>But sometimes John can’t help but lie awake at night, staring at
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the dark ceiling until he loses the grip on his “perfect life”
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entirely. He starts to fear that if he closes his eyes, he might
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reopen them to discover it was all an illusion: Harry Anderson,
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Earth C, Lord English’s alleged “defeat”... or maybe, stretching
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even further back than that. The trolls, the game, everything
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important and exciting that’s ever happened to him. Was it all a
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lie? Like some big prank?</p>
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<p>No... at least some of it had to be real. Dave, Jade, and Rose
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are real. Their friendship is real. At least, it used to feel that
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way. He needs to believe it still is. And what about Terezi? She’s
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real too, and John’s got that picture to prove it, burning a hole
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in his wallet. Yet he keeps it there, because at least that feels
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like something. It’s the same feeling that makes him do subtle
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things to push against his wife’s placid demeanor. He never quite
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tries to start a fight. But at this point, he wouldn’t mind having
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one either. At least it might help reassure him that she’s real
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too.</p>
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<p>If she doesn’t get upset after what he’s about to pull today,
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then...</p>
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<p>John doesn’t know what he’ll do.</p>
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<p>He goes to the closet and unhinges the bottom of the drawer
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where he keeps all of his identical blue ties. In this secret
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compartment are some tools: graphene wire, a multi-tool
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screwdriver, molding plaster... John’s so focused on finding places
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in his coat to hide all these things that he doesn’t hear footsteps
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behind him.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: dad... what are you doing?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John spins around, startled. It’s just his
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kid, though, already looking uncomfortable in his tweed jacket and
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knee socks. John kicks the closet door closed. He already has
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everything he needs anyway.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="john">JOHN: just getting your gifts, harry anderson! it’s
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your birthday after all.</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: ...but i already opened all the
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gifts from you and mom.</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: dad... are you telling a fib?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: ummm...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">John ruffles his son’s hair and shoots him one
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of his patented Egbertian winks. He decides then and there that a
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good father wouldn’t need to keep any secrets from his son. No, a
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good dad will always let his son in on the joke, no matter how much
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trouble he might be about to get himself in.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="john">JOHN: harry anderson, don’t tell your mother
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but...</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: we’re getting a new addition to the family
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today!</p>
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</div>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small weight-bold">—</div>
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="no-indent">It’s little Tavros Crocker who opens the door
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to Jane’s opulent mansion. He’s still so short that he has to stand
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up on his toes to reach the knob. He stares up at his visitors with
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a serious expression, the prescription on his spectacles distorting
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the size of his pupils so that they look like big, wet, depressing
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sinkholes. John’s heart wrenches at the sight of him. He’s so
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young, but he always looks so somber and sad.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Oh,,, hallo folks,</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: You’re a mite early don’t you think?</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: um, nope!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: actually</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Dave and Jade materialize behind everyone, he
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in a pressed red suit, she in a glittering Space dress. They’re
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both holding gifts wrapped in spare printer paper. Dave adjusts his
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sunglasses and smirks at Harry Anderson.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="dave">DAVE: you were exactly thirty seconds and like
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sixty eight nanoseconds early</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: oh eff off dave</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: ur gettin even cornier than john and youre
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not even a dad</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: idk my guy harry over there seems to be
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enjoying my material</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: heh heh it’s like you’re a living
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atomic clock!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: man i love this kid</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what kind of five year old is into atomic
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clocks</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: damn every time i see him i just wanna pinch
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his cheeks and tell him about what things were like when i was his
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age and shit</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: heheheh if you like kids so much dave why
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dont you just BUY one?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: uh jade i know that what you think you were
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doing there was like</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: smoothly inserting the idea of us one day
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adopting kids into the conversation</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: but what you actually just described is
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literal slavery</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: which is both illegal and bad</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: sigh......</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: maybe YOURE the one whos illegal and bad</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: ever think of that???</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: nope never once crossed my mind</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: anyway john roxy you heard the lady can we
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buy your kid</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: no! he’s not for sale.</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Um,,, do you all want to come in or
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not,,,?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Tavros has been waiting patiently for the
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adults to finish talking the whole time, like he always does. He
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leads everyone inside with a stoic countenance more befitting of a
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footman than the firstborn son of the planet’s wealthiest
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family.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: sooo</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: wheres ur mom and dad</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: They’re still in,,, uh,,, auspistice
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counselling,,,</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: W, with,,, uncle gamzee,,,</p>
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<p class="jade">JADE: oh woof</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: woof is right</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: hey tavros! is vriska here?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Er,,,</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: unfortunately, harry anderson, rose and
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kanaya aren’t on speaking terms with your aunt jane and uncle jake
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anymore.</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: why not?</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Roxy sighs loudly through her nose. She hates
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talking about this shit.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: cuz of the political situation</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what’s... a political
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situation?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Mother has been advising the human
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government that they should do their best to,,, uh,,, exclude
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trolls from the seats of power in all branches of public service
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and,,, uh,,, aunts rose and kanaya don’t like it because some of
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the legislation in the works could,,, erm,,, delegitimize their
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marriage,,,,,,,</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: um... i have no idea what any of
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that means, ha ha.</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">The adults exchange confused looks. It’s more
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than a little jarring that this five-year-old kid seems so well
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educated on the intricacies of xenophobic political policy. But
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then again, this is Jane’s son, they remind themselves.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Anyway,,, wh, why would you WANT vriska
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to be here,,,?</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Why ruin a nice birthday party?</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: um duh... cause she’s super
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fun!</p>
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<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: She’s not fun,,, she’s mean,,,,</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, to you, cause you’re a
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wuss.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: harry anderson egbert!</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: don’t call other kids wusses!</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: hey whats even wrong with being a wuss</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: harry my dude you need to unplug from toxic
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masculinity</p>
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<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: from... what?</p>
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<p class="dave">DAVE: what have you been teaching this kid</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: dave, sometimes i really can’t believe this
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is the adult you chose to become.</p>
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<p class="roxy">ROXY: its actually great isnt it</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah, i guess so...</p>
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</div>
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<p class="no-indent">Dave ruffles Harry Anderson’s hair. It’s nice
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that Dave is so woke and great with kids, but that really does
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invite the question of why he and Jade don’t have any yet. There’s
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still something sad and wistful about Dave at the moment, as he
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pointedly avoids letting Jade take his hand while they’re led into
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the game room. Jade and Dave still laugh and trade barbs with each
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other like old friends, but there’s something disconcertingly
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sterile about it. John can’t help but think about the last time
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they were all together like this in Jane’s mansion, and the look on
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Karkat’s face when he stormed out of the foyer.</p>
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|
<p>Everyone settles down in the game room except Tavros, who stands
|
|
|
|
|
by the door with his arms folded behind his back as if waiting to
|
|
|
|
|
be ordered around. Harry Anderson is opening his gifts from Jade
|
|
|
|
|
and Dave when a door upstairs slams open so hard it rattles all the
|
|
|
|
|
crystal glasses arranged on the nearby table.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: You are such an unbelievable dunce, Jake
|
|
|
|
|
English!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I can’t believe that I work so hard and have
|
|
|
|
|
to come home to your feckless tomfoolery every day!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: My goodness...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: What gives you the right to talk to me that
|
|
|
|
|
way?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jake’s side of the conversation is too far
|
|
|
|
|
away to hear, but Gamzee’s unmistakable mush-mouthed voice floats
|
|
|
|
|
down the hallway between the sharp edges of Jane’s shrieks.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: And you’re not even... you’re not even
|
|
|
|
|
proficient in bed anymore!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: What is even the POINT of you if...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: HeY hEy.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">GAMZEE: cAlM yOuR tItS bAbY.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: SILENCE, CLOWN.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros stares at his feet, wearing a strained
|
|
|
|
|
expression.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses
|
|
|
|
|
after all,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane storms downstairs. Her guests are
|
|
|
|
|
completely silent as the sound of her heels echoes down the hall.
|
|
|
|
|
She steps into the room, her face still twisted in rage and
|
|
|
|
|
disgust. The moment her eyes fall over her gathered friends,
|
|
|
|
|
however, her expression changes like someone flipping a switch. She
|
|
|
|
|
smiles, looking cordial and perfectly pleasant, fluttering her
|
|
|
|
|
lashes like there’s nothing in the world more important to her than
|
|
|
|
|
being an excellent host.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh. Hello everyone.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I’m sorry that I was not able to greet you at
|
|
|
|
|
the door. I had some pre-appointed business to attend to.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I trust that Tavros led you all inside
|
|
|
|
|
without trouble?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Yes ma’am,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Good boy.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane pats him on the head as she goes by,
|
|
|
|
|
patronizingly, like you’d pet a dog. Or Gamzee.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Harry Anderson, my dear!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: auntie jane!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane stoops down to her knees and throws her
|
|
|
|
|
arms open. Harry Anderson bolts across the room and throws himself
|
|
|
|
|
into her ample chest, nuzzling into her cheek as she laughs and
|
|
|
|
|
ruffles his hair fondly. John turns his head aside so that no one
|
|
|
|
|
sees the queasy face he’s making. Jane is, unfortunately, Harry
|
|
|
|
|
Anderson’s favorite aunt. She gained his affection the same way she
|
|
|
|
|
gains everyone’s affection: she fucking bought it.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Look at you! You’ve gotten so big and strong
|
|
|
|
|
since I last saw you!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i grew a whole three inches!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Yes, I can see that. You’re going to be quite
|
|
|
|
|
the strapping young man before we know it.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Since it’s your first milestone birthday,
|
|
|
|
|
I’ve instructed my staff that you are to be spoiled like a little
|
|
|
|
|
prince today!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Right now they’re finishing off your cake.
|
|
|
|
|
It’s a recipe I invented just for you!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: gosh!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: And I’ve got your present all wrapped up
|
|
|
|
|
too!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: It’s too big to keep in the house, however,
|
|
|
|
|
so after cake and tea we’ll go see it in the backyard.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: you’re the best, auntie jane!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh no...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: jane. please don’t tell me you commissioned
|
|
|
|
|
one of those drone thingies for my son.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane rises to her feet, huffing.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: And if I did, John, what would be the problem
|
|
|
|
|
with that?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: um...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Are you saying that you don’t want to assure
|
|
|
|
|
your son’s safety? In troubled times such as these, one can never
|
|
|
|
|
be too careful.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: roxy, back me up here honey.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: there’s no way you’d be ok with that,
|
|
|
|
|
right?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Roxy fiddles with one of her earrings and
|
|
|
|
|
casts her gaze around the room, looking at every and any thing but
|
|
|
|
|
her husband. Dave and Jade have also developed a profound interest
|
|
|
|
|
in the patterns woven into the expensive carpet under their
|
|
|
|
|
feet.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: er</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: well i cant say im comfy with it but</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: but???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: janey means well john and itd be rude to just
|
|
|
|
|
refuse a gift from my bestie like that</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: besides ur just ASSUMIN she got harry
|
|
|
|
|
anderson an imperial drone</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: she never said that was what it was</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: did u jane</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: ...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jane’s tight-jawed silence confirms that she
|
|
|
|
|
did, indeed, have a literal instrument of government oppression
|
|
|
|
|
crafted for their son on the momentous occasion of his fifth
|
|
|
|
|
birthday. John has to pinch his nose and practice controlled
|
|
|
|
|
breathing to keep himself from getting mad for real. Getting in an
|
|
|
|
|
argument right now would totally fuck up all his plans.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: ok. fine. you know what?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t care.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: rly</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah! it’s... it’s whatever. i get it. jane’s
|
|
|
|
|
just trying to show that she cares.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: You know I do adore little Harry
|
|
|
|
|
Anderson.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: what i DO care about, however, is that
|
|
|
|
|
cake.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and not eating it, i mean.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: nothing personal, jane, it’s just that i’m
|
|
|
|
|
not the biggest fan of cakes.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: instead, i was wondering if maybe i could go
|
|
|
|
|
visit the trophy room? you know, the one where jake keeps all the
|
|
|
|
|
memorabilia from that dumb show he used to be on?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: You mean “Poppin n’ Hoppin’ Pistol Lockin’
|
|
|
|
|
With Jake English”?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: no.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: or do u mean “doing the charleston with
|
|
|
|
|
notable social figureheads: stars versus enemies of the state with
|
|
|
|
|
your host jake english”</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: that ones still running isnt it</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Unfortunately, yes.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: um, yeah... that’s DEFINITELY not the one i
|
|
|
|
|
was talking about.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: oh! you probably mean “afternoon gilly gaffy
|
|
|
|
|
amongst the common folk with your host j. gishy gun mcgee”</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: no, god! these all sound so bad.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean the one with dirk!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: dude</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: You mean the classic prime time program,
|
|
|
|
|
“Rumble in da Pumpkin Patch”?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah! that one!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: ew... why do you wanna go look at stuff from
|
|
|
|
|
rumble in da pumpkin patch???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: why not?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i dunno, it just seems kind of morbid with
|
|
|
|
|
dirk dead and all, dont you think?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: also that show was REALLY gross</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i support jake in whatever he does but it was
|
|
|
|
|
so... so.....</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: sweaty</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: yeah!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i dunno. i just feel like it was an important
|
|
|
|
|
cultural milestone, and i missed it all by being mopey and
|
|
|
|
|
depressed for like five years straight.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: so what do you think, tavros? wanna show me
|
|
|
|
|
all about your dad’s glory days?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros blinks up at John in surprise.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, I can take you there, John.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: NO!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean... no, that’s fine.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i’d like some time to get to know my
|
|
|
|
|
nephew.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: or, uh... cousin?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: ecto brother?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: omg dave i just realized that when we get
|
|
|
|
|
married thatll make john and rose siblings in law</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: which is funny since i guess john is
|
|
|
|
|
technically already your father in law</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: yup thats totally what our friendgroup
|
|
|
|
|
needs</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: to be even more incestuous</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: what does incestuous mean?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: it means that everyones rly good friends
|
|
|
|
|
harry anderson</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: just a dumb fancy word for bffs</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: its a big hard word for grownups tho so feel
|
|
|
|
|
free to unknow it now sweetie</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: thats totally it</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Um,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: hey tavros.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: let’s go, buddy!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John sets a hand on Tavros’s back and pushes
|
|
|
|
|
him out of the room. When they’re upstairs together, far enough
|
|
|
|
|
away from the party, Tavros wrenches his hands together and
|
|
|
|
|
asks:</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Uncle john,,, what’s the real reason
|
|
|
|
|
we’re up here,,,?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh. i could see that you were getting
|
|
|
|
|
uncomfortable.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you don’t like being around big crowds like
|
|
|
|
|
that, do you?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: ,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: but you don’t like to be alone, either?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: ,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: well, not in this house at least. i wouldn’t
|
|
|
|
|
want to be alone here either. it’s not a very nice place to live,
|
|
|
|
|
is it?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I’m,,,, uh,,,, not sure i understand your
|
|
|
|
|
meaning, uncle john.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: here, come with me.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John grabs Tavros by his chubby wrist and
|
|
|
|
|
begins dragging him around a corner, from one featureless white
|
|
|
|
|
hallway into another.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: This isn’t the right way,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i know. hey tavros, why don’t we just go to
|
|
|
|
|
your room for a minute?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Oh,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros tugs on John’s hand and leads him back
|
|
|
|
|
a few steps. With his free hand, he pushes a door open, revealing a
|
|
|
|
|
large, tidy bedroom. Four-poster bed, perfectly arranged bookshelf,
|
|
|
|
|
not a single toy out of place or on the floor; the room obviously
|
|
|
|
|
belongs to a five-year-old judging by the colorful wallpaper and
|
|
|
|
|
irreverent, clown-themed bedsheets, but there’s nothing in it to
|
|
|
|
|
suggest individualized expression of a developing personality.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Tavros sighs, his facial expression unchanging. He looks
|
|
|
|
|
resigned. To life in general, as well as whatever it is he’s
|
|
|
|
|
expecting from this particular situation. Wait... what <em>is</em>
|
|
|
|
|
he expecting from this situation, having been led away to a
|
|
|
|
|
secluded part of the house by an adult? What has he been taught to
|
|
|
|
|
expect?</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tavros...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: is everything ok?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: ,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Yes, uncle john,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Why do you ask?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you just seem...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t know.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: sad?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I feel okay,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: It is a happy day, after all,,, it’s
|
|
|
|
|
harry anderson’s birthday,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: There is good reason to be happy,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: but what about YOU.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: are you ACTUALLY happy about it?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: about... everything going on here?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I suppose,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: My mother tends to get displeased when
|
|
|
|
|
i’m unhappy, so,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: sigh.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John walks a little further into the room,
|
|
|
|
|
inspecting the surroundings. He can hardly find a single fault. Not
|
|
|
|
|
a wrinkle in the sheets, nor a... John looks down. He takes a step
|
|
|
|
|
back to set his foot on the part of the floor he just stepped on.
|
|
|
|
|
He lifts it again, with some tacky resistance tugging at the sole
|
|
|
|
|
of his shoe. The floor is sticky here, like the floor of a movie
|
|
|
|
|
theater. He bends down to touch it, and give it a sniff. Just as he
|
|
|
|
|
thought. Faygo.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tavros... does gamzee ever come into your
|
|
|
|
|
room?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Possibly,,,?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: He so often is found to be in,,, so many
|
|
|
|
|
places,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John glances under the bed, then sees it. A
|
|
|
|
|
half-finished bottle of Faygo.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: isn’t that his faygo there??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Oh,,, my, no,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Please, uncle john,,, don’t tell my
|
|
|
|
|
mother,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tell her what??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: The faygo is mine,,, my uncle gives it to
|
|
|
|
|
me sometimes,,, my mother strictly forbids it, of course,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John nervously ponders this response, and
|
|
|
|
|
everything about the boy’s life it could be implying. He takes a
|
|
|
|
|
deep breath, and becomes very serious. He places a hand on Tavros’
|
|
|
|
|
shoulder, and looks him directly in the eye.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tavros, listen to me.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: are you... getting... bad touched by your
|
|
|
|
|
uncle gamzee?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros seems taken aback by the question. Then
|
|
|
|
|
appears thoughtful.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Oh,,, uh,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: No??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: But, yes,,, i can gather how you might
|
|
|
|
|
draw that conclusion,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you can?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: why?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: It just seems like a thing that would
|
|
|
|
|
eventually happen to me, does it not?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">A look of sadness washes over John’s face. A
|
|
|
|
|
sadness deeper than either kind he could summon for the previous
|
|
|
|
|
two funerals he’s attended.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: what would make you say that?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Well, i think,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: For the same reason that led you yourself
|
|
|
|
|
to wonder, uncle john?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: He is a very,,, very bad clown uncle,,,
|
|
|
|
|
but i think i am not allowed to say or think such a thing,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: why not?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Because,,, uncle gamzee has undertaken
|
|
|
|
|
his redemption arc,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: With a spirit of great sincerity, i’ve
|
|
|
|
|
been told,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: So,,,,, the truth is, no matter how i may
|
|
|
|
|
feel about him,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Mother tells me that he is not actually
|
|
|
|
|
bad,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: And therefore,,, anything he does cannot
|
|
|
|
|
truly be considered bad either,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Otherwise, we are not respecting his
|
|
|
|
|
repentance,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Or the others he has saved,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros sighs again. John makes no effort to
|
|
|
|
|
disguise his look of grave disapproval and sorrow.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I don’t want you to worry,,, too much,
|
|
|
|
|
though,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: His occasional sojourns in my room are
|
|
|
|
|
not of any especially ill intent,,, i don’t think,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: He has told me in confidence that his
|
|
|
|
|
intention is to train me,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: TRAIN you???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Yes,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: In matters of combat,,, philosophy,,,
|
|
|
|
|
life,,, love,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I suppose to behave the way a mentor
|
|
|
|
|
does, as he sees it,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Anger wells up in John anew. He gets to his
|
|
|
|
|
feet in a flurry—a literal one. A gust of wind whisks through the
|
|
|
|
|
room, clattering open the closet door and rustling a perfectly
|
|
|
|
|
arranged stack of papers off the desk. They flutter through the
|
|
|
|
|
room like dead leaves caught in an autumn storm. Soon the room is
|
|
|
|
|
howling with his sustained winds.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s IT!!!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tavros, start packing right now.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Packing,,,?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah. one bag with some of your clothes, your
|
|
|
|
|
favorite toys and books, that kind of thing.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I don’t understand,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tavros. i have to get you out of here.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: *NOW*.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Uh,,, what?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m going to take you away so that you can
|
|
|
|
|
live with me, harry anderson, and your aunt roxy.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you wouldn’t have to live here anymore. no
|
|
|
|
|
more being alone all the time.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: no more weird troll maids, or listening to
|
|
|
|
|
your parents fight...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and no more “uncle” fucking GAMZEE.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: That does sound jolly good uncle
|
|
|
|
|
john,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: then what are you waiting for? start
|
|
|
|
|
packing!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Well,,, i would, except that we can’t go
|
|
|
|
|
out without tripping the security,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Mother has taken great precautions to
|
|
|
|
|
make sure i never,,,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: don’t worry, kid. i came prepared.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John produces his screwdriver and a length of
|
|
|
|
|
wire from the inside pocket of his suit jacket.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: we’re leaving through that window, one way or
|
|
|
|
|
another.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Tavros takes in a sharp breath before spinning
|
|
|
|
|
on his heel and stumbling toward his closet. John catches the ghost
|
|
|
|
|
of a smile on his face before he turns and that’s all it takes to
|
|
|
|
|
turn the pounding of his heart from terrified to thrilled. Yes,
|
|
|
|
|
what he’s about to do will probably send shock waves through their
|
|
|
|
|
already fragmented friend group. But Jane’s the one who started it.
|
|
|
|
|
She brought this on herself.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>John starts opening the window, using all the tricks he’s
|
|
|
|
|
memorized from tutorials on the deep web to bypass the security
|
|
|
|
|
bolt. He whistles to himself, thinking about how happy Tavros is
|
|
|
|
|
going to be with him, Roxy, and Harry Anderson. Jane barely even
|
|
|
|
|
seems to like the kid. But Jake does. Jake loves him, even though
|
|
|
|
|
he was totally trapped into this unhappy relationship because of
|
|
|
|
|
the pregnancy. So it seems to John the only way to save Jake from
|
|
|
|
|
this unspeakable prison is to subtract the only thing he cares
|
|
|
|
|
about.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Roxy will be mad at first, but John is certain that she’ll...
|
|
|
|
|
she’ll what? Acquiesce? Is that really what he wants? He considers
|
|
|
|
|
with a sense of guilt how exhilarating it would it be if she
|
|
|
|
|
finally fought him on something. John starts laughing to himself
|
|
|
|
|
when the window pops open suddenly. No alarm goes off. The deep web
|
|
|
|
|
was right.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>Fresh summer air rushes in and fills John’s lungs. His head
|
|
|
|
|
swims with the giddy, high feeling of being on the verge of getting
|
|
|
|
|
away with some shit. Wow, is this why people commit crimes? It
|
|
|
|
|
feels so good. He can’t wait to tell Terezi that he’s done
|
|
|
|
|
something so BOLD and 1LL3G4L. He starts laughing louder. Tavros is
|
|
|
|
|
laughing too, quiet and cautious at first, but picking up steam as
|
|
|
|
|
he begins to taste the sort of freedom he never allowed himself to
|
|
|
|
|
imagine.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>John turns, shocked to see Jade standing in the bedroom doorway.
|
|
|
|
|
She looks like a shadow with her dark hair hiding her face. John
|
|
|
|
|
can’t tell what kind of expression she’s making under there. She
|
|
|
|
|
speaks softly.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: john...... what are you doing?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: um...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: nothing!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: just, uh... fixing this damn broken window,
|
|
|
|
|
is all.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">She twitches her dog-ears and raises her face.
|
|
|
|
|
Her mouth is a neutral line, but her eyes are burning
|
|
|
|
|
furiously.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i heard everything</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">The two of them stare at each other for a long
|
|
|
|
|
time. John isn’t sure how he’s supposed to read this moment. He
|
|
|
|
|
used to know Jade better than he knew anyone, but in recent years
|
|
|
|
|
she’s passed him by, just like the rest of the world. Tavros is
|
|
|
|
|
cowering in his closet, fiddling with the strap on his
|
|
|
|
|
backpack.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: so, what are you going to do?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: tell jane?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jade flinches like she’s been hit. She flicks
|
|
|
|
|
her tail, breaks eye contact.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: john...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i wouldnt do that to you</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: youd probably end up on jakes stupid
|
|
|
|
|
execution dance off show</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: then are you gonna help me?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">She shakes her head.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i cant do that either</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: you know that this is just going to make
|
|
|
|
|
everything worse right???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: jade, i don’t know where you’ve been these
|
|
|
|
|
past few years, but i don’t think things CAN get any worse!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, even today, jane was up here
|
|
|
|
|
hollering at jake about how his dick doesn’t work right when she
|
|
|
|
|
KNEW we were all waiting for them downstairs!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i know...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: but all youre going to do by kidnapping him
|
|
|
|
|
is piss everyone off</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Excuse me dearest aunt but,,, is it
|
|
|
|
|
kidnapping if i badly would like to go?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: see!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: siiiiiigh</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i understand where youre coming from but i
|
|
|
|
|
dont think youve actually thought this through</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yes i have, because i’ve been planning it for
|
|
|
|
|
years.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i know that i’ve been pretty, um... flakey in
|
|
|
|
|
the past?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: but this is really important. i know what i’m
|
|
|
|
|
doing.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Jade sighs in frustration and pushes back her
|
|
|
|
|
bangs.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: john, jane is one of the most POWERFUL people
|
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|
on the ENTIRE PLANET!!!</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: do you REALLY think that you can keep him
|
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|
away from her if she wants to get him back???</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: im sorry but you just dont know them like i
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|
do</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: if you know them so well, jade...</p>
|
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<p class="john">JOHN: then you know why i have to do this.</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: im on your side here! i know that jane hasnt
|
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|
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|
been the best parent...</p>
|
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<p class="jade">JADE: but stealing somebodys child???</p>
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: there has to be another way :/</p>
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|
</div>
|
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|
|
<p class="no-indent">A gust of wind blasts in through the window
|
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|
|
|
and blows back Jade’s hair, leaving it all mussed over her
|
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shoulders. John points at her.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: if there was another way we would have found
|
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|
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|
it by now!!!</p>
|
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|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been
|
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|
all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over
|
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|
|
|
the last few years that made things be this way!</p>
|
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other
|
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|
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|
all the time!</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: john...</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize
|
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|
|
|
that something...</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: that something’s WRONG!</p>
|
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|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: I would really be chuffed if the two of
|
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you,,,</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: even you, jade!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re not listening to me right now!</p>
|
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|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: ,,,would stop quarreling and listen to me
|
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for a spell,,,</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s why karkat left!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: because you didn’t listen to him!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: just like you don’t listen to dave!</p>
|
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: what the fuck, john?!</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: this isnt about me and dave</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: yes it is!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: i mean, not directly, but cosmically, yeah it
|
|
|
|
|
is!</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: cosmically?????</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: you KNEW that dave and karkat were in love
|
|
|
|
|
with each other, but you went ahead and totally messed with their
|
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|
|
relationship anyway!</p>
|
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|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: wh... what!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: jade, don’t pretend you have no idea what
|
|
|
|
|
happened.</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: i.... i cant believe.....</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: john thats such a low blow!</p>
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: you dont know the first thing about me and
|
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|
daves relationship!!!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: i know more than you think i do!</p>
|
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|
<p class="john">JOHN: i know that you pressured them into that
|
|
|
|
|
whole relationship.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i know that they both hated it, and only went
|
|
|
|
|
along with it because they care about you and felt obligated!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and jade, i love you, but honestly, how does
|
|
|
|
|
that make you any different than jane?</p>
|
|
|
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|
<p class="jade">JADE: im nothing like her!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: well, you’re nothing like the jade i used to
|
|
|
|
|
know either!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">The wind in the room picks up. It skates
|
|
|
|
|
against the walls, dislodges books from the shelf, gets under the
|
|
|
|
|
bedsheets and balloons them off the mattress.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: the jade i used to know was caring and
|
|
|
|
|
selfless! all you ever wanted was for your friends to be safe!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you weren’t this... this SELFISH!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: oh? is that what this is about john??</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: you dont like it now that im not some
|
|
|
|
|
helpless princess in a tower anymore???</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: you dont like that im doing things for MYSELF
|
|
|
|
|
now?????</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: what the hell are you talking about?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: seriously, jade... i don’t even know who you
|
|
|
|
|
are anymore!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: well!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: i can certainly say the same for you right
|
|
|
|
|
now!!!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Aunt jade,,, uncle john,,, you should
|
|
|
|
|
really, uh,,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John and Jade stop. There is another shadow
|
|
|
|
|
cast in the doorway. A much darker one.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">She says in a sugar-sweet voice.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: But what the FUCK is going on in here?!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="gamzee">TAVROS: Oh,,, no,,,,,</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: jane!! haha!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: we were just</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Hollering at each other so loudly that
|
|
|
|
|
everyone in the darned house can hear you?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh, like you’re one to talk.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: John, I know that we have not been as close
|
|
|
|
|
in recent years as we were in the past, but I would like to think
|
|
|
|
|
that at the very least our familial relationship would make it so
|
|
|
|
|
that you felt you could talk to me face to face if you think that
|
|
|
|
|
my method of parenting is insufficient.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: are you sure?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: do you really want to know what i think?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jade">JADE: oh no........</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Please, John. Illuminate me.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">A lash of wind whips from window to door and
|
|
|
|
|
down the hall in time to meet the rest of the partygoers, now
|
|
|
|
|
including Jake Crocker himself. They’ve all come upstairs to
|
|
|
|
|
investigate the noise. Tavros flinches when a book slams against
|
|
|
|
|
the closet door, two inches from his face.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: wats going on</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh shit</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t know, jane. i feel like if i really
|
|
|
|
|
speak my mind here, it might be dangerous.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: how do i know you won’t have the secret
|
|
|
|
|
police come and arrest me in the night?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Excuse me?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s where this is all going, right?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: your whole... thing with the trolls?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: If you have something to say, then say it
|
|
|
|
|
plainly, John.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: fine.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i don’t think that you had bad intentions to
|
|
|
|
|
start out with, jane.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: in fact, i think that you probably honestly
|
|
|
|
|
thought that you were doing what was best for the world.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you’ve always been a perfectionist, right?
|
|
|
|
|
but over the last few years you’ve morphed into a complete control
|
|
|
|
|
freak!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and it all started with your relationship
|
|
|
|
|
with jake.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you forced him into a relationship when
|
|
|
|
|
dirk’s corpse wasn’t even cold!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: (Er i would like to point out... )</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I’m sorry, but you’re calling me a control
|
|
|
|
|
freak? Dirk was the control freak.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: After he died, I distinctly remember
|
|
|
|
|
loosening up, in fact!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: I let go! I was actually RELIEVED to hear he
|
|
|
|
|
died!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: uhh</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="roxy">ROXY: janey wut</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Okay, that was a misleading statement. What I
|
|
|
|
|
really meant was—</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: jane, you’re missing the point!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: (...that jane and i were involved in a
|
|
|
|
|
romantic dalliance at the time of his death...)</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: dirk is dead. this isn’t about him
|
|
|
|
|
anymore.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re the one cheering the government along
|
|
|
|
|
as it marches toward genocide!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: John, I hardly think you’re qualified to
|
|
|
|
|
opine on the nuances of the current political situation, thank you
|
|
|
|
|
very much.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: ha! is that how you talk to your husband
|
|
|
|
|
too?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: He’s actually, at the moment, my kismesis.
|
|
|
|
|
And if Jake didn’t want any of this, he shouldn’t have knocked me
|
|
|
|
|
up.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jake">JAKE: Hello chaps i am right here.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: oh yeah, like that was suuuch an
|
|
|
|
|
accident.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: can you honestly say that he wanted any of
|
|
|
|
|
this!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">The wind rises with the pitch of John’s
|
|
|
|
|
yelling, turning Tavros’s bedroom into a miniature tempest. The
|
|
|
|
|
gale upends the bookshelf, snaps open the toy box, and sends all
|
|
|
|
|
the debris spinning in every direction, smashing against the walls
|
|
|
|
|
and bedposts. John doesn’t seem to notice, encased in his own
|
|
|
|
|
cyclonic armor.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: oh my god i am so sick of all this domestic
|
|
|
|
|
relationship shit every fucking day</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: can we talk about something else for once</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: yeah dave, i’m sick of it too!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: that’s my point!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: ok</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: then john can you just</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="dave">DAVE: stop all this windy shit at least</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: no! i can’t!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i can’t stop, because i’m not the
|
|
|
|
|
problem!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Are you saying that I’m the problem? That’s
|
|
|
|
|
extremely reductive.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: ok, yeah, there are lots of problems!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: but i’ve got to say, jane, you kind of ARE
|
|
|
|
|
the problem?</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: a lot of this awful garbage revolves around
|
|
|
|
|
you!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you’re the one always selling everybody on
|
|
|
|
|
gamzee’s “redemption arc,” which is TOTAL BULLSHIT!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: putting him on billboards, organizing
|
|
|
|
|
“redemption rallies,” and, and...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: John, the people need something to believe
|
|
|
|
|
in, if we are to live in an organized society. You simply wouldn’t
|
|
|
|
|
understand.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and letting him... letting him sleep in your
|
|
|
|
|
and jake’s bed!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: and feeding him that... that weird MILK all
|
|
|
|
|
the time!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: UGH!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: Hey! My relationship with my loyal auspistice
|
|
|
|
|
is none of your business, let alone who it is I decide to share a
|
|
|
|
|
bed with.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: isn’t it?!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: you sure go out of your way to shove it in
|
|
|
|
|
everyone’s face!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: John, that is just uncalled for.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s bullshit, jane!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: it’s!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: all!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: BULLSHIT!!!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">The wind surges again. The window bangs open
|
|
|
|
|
so hard that it smashes against the pane, sending shards of glass
|
|
|
|
|
whipping through the storm. Everyone cowers from the rain of sharp
|
|
|
|
|
projectiles. John catches what he’s doing when he sees how
|
|
|
|
|
terrified the kids look. He shuts his eyes and digs his fingernails
|
|
|
|
|
into his palms, doing everything in his power to calm himself
|
|
|
|
|
down.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p>When he opens his eyes again, the room is completely destroyed.
|
|
|
|
|
Tavros is all the way in his closet, clinging white-knuckled to the
|
|
|
|
|
edge of the door. Everyone else is clustered around the doorway.
|
|
|
|
|
Jade stares at John with a dark expression. After a beat of
|
|
|
|
|
silence, Harry Anderson starts crying.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-10-28 03:27:28 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i... i...</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">Roxy won’t meet his eyes. Dave won’t either.
|
|
|
|
|
John turns to Tavros, opens his mouth to apologize, but the kid
|
|
|
|
|
just ducks deeper into the closet, trembling.</p>
|
2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
|
2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
|
|
|
|
<p class="john">JOHN: i’m sor—</p>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="jane">JANE: No one wants to hear it, John.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
<p class="no-indent">John staggers back a few steps, toward the
|
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broken window. His vision is blurring beneath a pool of angry tears
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that he can’t hold back anymore. He wipes his face with both hands,
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all sloppy and clumsy, the way he used to cry when he was a kid. He
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doesn’t open his eyes again until he’s jumped through the open
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window. The sky outside is dark.</p>
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<p>He flies higher and higher, high enough that the air starts to
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get thin and chilly. Up here, the Human Kingdom looks so small. He
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can see the sun setting over the curvature of the Earth, a
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brilliant arc of orange and red. It’s like looking down at a little
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toy city, a ship in a bottle. That’s what the world feels like now:
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a tiny, fake model planet living inside a bubble. Look too hard,
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and the illusion cracks around the edges. Like the black hole in
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John’s anime dreams. There’s a trembling in his hands that he
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hasn’t felt in years. He looks up at the glimmering stratosphere
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and imagines piercing through it. Would that pop the bubble, he
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wonders? Or would he go hurtling through space, forever?</p>
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<p>He’s contemplating that—just flying up as far as he can, until
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he flies into the sun or stops existing or whatever—until he
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realizes that his phone is buzzing in his pocket. He takes it out,
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almost drops it because of how cold his hands are. His breath is
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frosting in the air as he looks at the screen. The color of the
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text sends a jolt through his blood. With shaking fingers, he
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answers the text.</p>
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2020-03-29 12:23:21 -05:00
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<div class="chat type-rg type-hs-small">
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2019-09-28 00:26:39 -05:00
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: JOHN</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 4R3 YOU TH3R3</p>
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<p class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 R34LLY N33D TO T4LK TO SOM3ON3 R1GHT
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NOW</p>
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<p class="john">JOHN: yeah. me too.</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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</body>
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